I was at the door when she said, as if only pa.s.sing the time of day: "You"re breaking that young woman"s heart."
"I know," I said, and left.
2.
Mercedes Street. Late May.
"Welder, are you?"
I was standing on the porch of 2706 with the landlord, a fine American named Mr. Jay Baker. He was stocky, with a huge gut he called the house that Shiner built. We had just finished a quick tour of the premises, which Baker had explained to me was "Prime to the bus stop," as if that made up for the sagging ceilings, water-stained walls, cracked toilet tank, and general air of decrepitude.
"Night watchman," I said.
"Yeah? That"s a good job. Plenty of time to f.u.c.k the dog on a job like that."
This seemed to require no response.
"No wife or kiddies?"
"Divorced. They"re back East."
"Pay h.e.l.limony, do you?"
I shrugged.
He let it go. "So do you want the place, Amberson?"
"I guess so," I said, and sighed.
He took a long rent-book with a floppy leather cover out of his back pocket. "First month, last month, damage deposit."
"Damage deposit? You have to be kidding."
Baker went on as if he hadn"t heard me. "Rent"s due on the last Friday of the month. Come up short or late and you"re on the street, courtesy of Fort Worth PD. Me"n them get along real good."
He took the charred cigar stub from his breast pocket, stuck the chewed end in his gob, and popped a wooden match alight with his thumbnail. It was hot on the porch. I had an idea it was going to be a long, hot summer.
I sighed again. Then-with a show of reluctance-I took out my wallet and began to remove twenty-dollar bills. "In G.o.d we trust," I said. "All others pay cash."
He laughed, puffing out clouds of acrid blue smoke as he did so. "That"s good, I"ll remember that. Especially on the last Friday of the month."
I couldn"t believe I was going to live in this desperate shack and on this desperate street, after my nice house south of here-where I"d taken pride in keeping an actual lawn mowed. Although I hadn"t even left Jodie yet, I felt a wave of homesickness.
"Give me a receipt, please," I said.
That much I got for free.
3.
It was the last day of school. The cla.s.srooms and hallways were empty. The overhead fans paddled air that was already hot, although it was only the eighth of June. The Oswald family had left Russia; in another five days, according to Al Templeton"s notes, the SS Maasdam would dock in Hoboken, where they would walk down the gangplank and onto United States soil.
The teachers" room was empty except for Danny Laverty. "Hey, champ. Understand you"re going off to Dallas to finish that book of yours."
"That"s the plan." Fort Worth was actually the plan, at least to begin with. I began cleaning out my pigeonhole, which was stuffed with end-of-school communiques.
"If I was footloose and fancy-free instead of tied down to a wife, three rugrats, and a mortgage, I might try a book myself," Danny said. "I was in the war, you know."
I knew. Everyone knew, usually within ten minutes of meeting him.
"Got enough to live on?"
"I"ll be okay."
I had more than enough to take me through to next April, when I expected to conclude my business with Lee Oswald. I wouldn"t need to make any more expeditions to Faith Financial on Greenville Avenue. Going there even once had been incredibly stupid. If I wanted, I could try to tell myself that what had happened to my place in Florida had just been the result of a prank gone bad, but I"d also tried to tell myself that Sadie and I were doing fine, and look how that had turned out.
I tossed the wad of paperwork from my pigeonhole into the trash . . . and saw a small sealed envelope I had somehow missed. I knew who used envelopes like that. There was no salutation on the sheet of notepaper inside, and no signature except for the faint (perhaps even illusory) scent of her perfume. The message was brief.
Thank you for showing me how good things can be. Please don"t say goodbye.
I held it for a minute, thinking, then stuck it in my back pocket and walked rapidly down to the library. I don"t know what I planned to do or what I meant to tell her, but none of it mattered because the library was dark and the chairs were up on the tables. I tried the k.n.o.b anyway, but the door was locked.
4.
The only two cars left at the faculty end of the parking lot were Danny Laverty"s Plymouth sedan and my Ford, the ragtop now looking rather raggedy. I could sympathize; I felt a bit raggedy myself.
"Mr. A! Wait up, Mr. A!"
It was Mike and Bobbi Jill, hurrying across the hot parking lot toward me. Mike was carrying a small wrapped present, which he held out to me. "Bobbi n me got you something."
"Bobbi and I. And you shouldn"t have, Mike."
"We had to, man."
I was moved to see that Bobbi Jill was crying, and pleased to see that the thick coating of Max Factor had disappeared from her face. Now that she knew the disfiguring scar"s days were numbered, she had stopped trying to conceal it. She kissed me on the cheek.
"Thank you so, so, so much, Mr. Amberson. I"ll never forget you." She looked at Mike. "We"ll never forget you."
And they probably wouldn"t. That was a good thing. It didn"t make up for the locked and dark library, but yes-it was a very good thing.
"Open it," Mike said. "We hope you like it. It"s for your book."
I opened the package. Inside was a wooden box about eight inches long and two inches wide. Inside the box, cradled in silk, was a Waterman fountain pen with the initials GA engraved on the clip.
"Oh, Mike," I said. "This is too much."
"It wouldn"t be enough if it was solid gold," he said. "You changed my life." He looked at Bobbi. "Both our lives."
"Mike," I said, "it was my pleasure."
He hugged me, and in 1962, that is not a cheap gesture between men. I was glad to hug him back.
"You stay in touch," Bobbi Jill said. "Dallas ain"t far." She paused. "Isn"t."
"I will," I said, but I wouldn"t, and they probably wouldn"t, either. They were going off into their lives, and if they were lucky, their lives would shine.
They started away, then Bobbi turned back. "It"s a shame you two broke up. It makes me feel real bad."
"It makes me feel bad, too," I said, "but it"s probably for the best."
I headed home to pack up my typewriter and my other belongings, which I reckoned were still few enough to fit into no more than a suitcase and a few cardboard boxes. At the one stoplight on Main Street, I opened the little box and looked at the pen. It was a beautiful thing, and I was very touched that they had given it to me. I was even more touched that they had waited to say goodbye. The light turned green. I snapped the lid of the box closed and drove on. There was a lump in my throat, but my eyes were dry.
5.
Living on Mercedes Street was not an uplifting experience.
Days weren"t so bad. They resounded with the shouts of children recently released from school, all dressed in too-big hand-me-downs; housewives kvetching at mailboxes or backyard clotheslines; teenagers driving rusty beaters with gla.s.s.p.a.ck m.u.f.flers and radios blaring K-Life. The hours between 2:00 and 6:00 A.M. weren"t so bad, either. Then a kind of stunned silence fell over the street as colicky babies finally slept in their cribs (or dresser drawers) and their daddies snored toward another day of hourly wages in the shops, factories, or outlying farms.
Between four and six in the afternoon, however, the street was a jangle of mommas screaming at kids to get the h.e.l.l in and do their ch.o.r.es and poppas arriving home to scream at their wives, probably because they had no one else to scream at. Many of the wives gave back as good as they got. The drunkadaddies started to roll in around eight, and things really got noisy around eleven, when either the bars closed or the money ran out. Then I heard slamming doors, breaking gla.s.s, and screams of pain as some loaded drunkadaddy tuned up on the wife, the kiddies, or both. Often red lights would strobe in through my drawn curtains as the cops arrived. A couple of times there were gunshots, maybe fired at the sky, maybe not. And one early morning, when I went out to get the paper, I saw a woman with dried blood crusting the lower half of her face. She was sitting on the curb in front of a house four down from mine, drinking a can of Lone Star. I almost went down to check on her, even though I knew how unwise it would be to get involved with the life of this low-bottom working neighborhood. Then she saw me looking at her and hoisted her middle finger. I went back inside.
There was no Welcome Wagon, and no women named m.u.f.fy or Buffy trotting off to Junior League meetings. What there was on Mercedes Street was plenty of time to think. Time to miss my friends in Jodie. Time to miss the work that had kept my mind off what I had come here to do. Time to realize the teaching had done a lot more than pa.s.s the time; it had satisfied my mind the way work does when you care about it, when you feel like you might actually be making a difference.
There was even time to feel bad about my formerly spiffy convertible. Besides the nonfunctional radio and the wheezy valves, it now blatted and backfired through a rusty tailpipe and there was a crack in the windshield caused by a rock that had bounced off the back of a lumbering asphalt truck. I"d stopped washing it, and now-sad to say-it fit in perfectly with the other busted-up transpo on Mercedes Street.
Mostly there was time to think about Sadie.
You"re breaking that young woman"s heart, Ellie Dockerty had said, and mine wasn"t doing so well, either. The idea of spilling everything to Sadie came to me one night as I lay awake listening to a drunken argument next door: you did, I didn"t, you did, I didn"t, f.u.c.k you. I rejected the idea, but it came back the following night, rejuvenated. I could see myself sitting with her at her kitchen table, drinking coffee in the strong afternoon sunlight that slanted through the window over the sink. Speaking calmly. Telling her my real name was Jacob Epping, I wouldn"t actually be born for another fourteen years, I had come from the year 2011 via a fissure in time that my late friend Al Templeton called the rabbit-hole.
How would I convince her of such a thing? By telling her that a certain American defector who had changed his mind about Russia was shortly going to move in across the street from where I now lived, along with his Russian wife and their baby girl? By telling her that the Dallas Texans-not yet the Cowboys, not yet America"s Team-were going to beat the Houston Oilers 2017 this fall, in double overtime? Ridiculous. But what else did I know about the immediate future? Not much, because I"d had no time to study up. I knew a fair amount about Oswald, but that was all.
She"d think I was crazy. I could sing her lyrics from another dozen pop songs that hadn"t been recorded yet, and she"d still think I was crazy. She"d accuse me of making them up myself-wasn"t I a writer, after all? And suppose she did believe it? Did I want to drag her into the shark"s mouth with me? Wasn"t it bad enough that she"d be coming back to Jodie in August, and that if John Clayton was an echo of Frank Dunning, he might come looking for her?
"All right, get out then!" a woman screamed from the street, and a car accelerated away in the direction of Winscott Road. A wedge of light probed briefly through a crack in my drawn curtains and flashed across the ceiling.
"c.o.c.kSUCKER!" she yelled after it, to which a male voice, a little more distant, yelled back: "You can suck mine, lady, maybe it"ll calm you down."
That was life on Mercedes Street in the summer of "62.
Leave her out of it. That was the voice of reason. It"s just too dangerous. Maybe at some point she can be a part of your life again-a life in Jodie, even-but not now.
Only there was never going to be a life for me in Jodie. Given what Ellen now knew about my past, teaching at the high school was a fool"s dream. And what else was I going to do? Pour concrete?
One morning I put on the coffeepot and went for the paper on the stoop. When I opened the front door, I saw that both of the Sunliner"s rear tires were flat. Some bored out-too-late kid had slashed them with a knife. That was also life on Mercedes Street in the summer of "62.
6.
On Thursday, the fourteenth of June, I dressed in jeans, a blue workshirt, and an old leather vest I"d picked up at a secondhand store on Camp Bowie Road. Then I spent the morning pacing through my house. I had no television, but I listened to the radio. According to the news, President Kennedy was planning a state trip to Mexico later in the month. The weather report called for fair skies and warm temperatures. The DJ yammered awhile, then played "Palisades Park." The screams and roller-coaster sound effects on the record clawed at my head.
At last I could stand it no longer. I was going to be early, but I didn"t care. I got into the Sunliner-which now sported two retread blackwalls to go with the whitewalls on the front-and drove the forty-odd miles to Love Field in northwest Dallas. There was no short-term or long-term parking, just parking. It cost seventy-five cents a day. I clapped my old summer straw on my head and trudged approximately half a mile to the terminal building. A couple of Dallas cops stood at the curb drinking coffee, but there were no security guards inside and no metal detectors to walk through. Pa.s.sengers simply showed their tickets to a guy standing by the door, then walked across the hot tarmac to planes belonging to one of five carriers: American, Delta, TWA, Frontier, and Texas Airways.
I checked the chalkboard mounted on the wall behind the Delta counter. It said that Flight 194 was on time. When I asked the clerk to make sure, she smiled and told me it had just left Atlanta. "But you"re awfully early."
"I can"t help it," I said. "I"ll probably be early to my own funeral."
She laughed and wished me a nice day. I bought a Time and walked across to the restaurant, where I ordered the Cloud 9 Chef"s Salad. It was huge and I was too nervous to be hungry-it"s not every day that a man gets to see the person who"s going to change world history-but it gave me something to pick at while I waited for the plane carrying the Oswald family to arrive.
I was in a booth with a good view of the main terminal. It wasn"t very crowded, and a young woman in a dark blue traveling suit caught my eye. Her hair was twisted into a neat bun. She had a suitcase in each hand. A Negro porter approached her. She shook her head, smiling, then banged her arm on the side of the Traveler"s Aid booth as she pa.s.sed it. She dropped one of her suitcases, rubbed her elbow, then picked up the case again and forged onward.
Sadie leaving to start her six-week residency in Reno.