I thought of how the engine had blown in the Studebaker Sadie and I had stolen.
"Buying meat over and over again in 1958 wasn"t so bad," Zack Lang said. "Oh, it was causing trouble down the line, but it was bearable. Then the big changes started. Saving Kennedy was the biggest of all."
I tried to speak and couldn"t.
"Are you beginning to understand?"
Not entirely, but I could see the general outline, and it scared the living h.e.l.l out of me. The future was on strings. Like a puppet. Good G.o.d.
"The earthquake . . . I did cause it. When I saved Kennedy, I . . . what? Ripped the time-s.p.a.ce continuum?" That should have come out sounding stupid, but it didn"t. It sounded very grave. My head began to throb.
"You need to go back now, Jake." He spoke gently. "You need to go back and see exactly what you"ve done. What all your hard and no doubt well-meaning work has accomplished."
I said nothing. I had been worried about going back, but now I was afraid, as well. Is there any phrase more ominous than you need to see exactly what you"ve done? I couldn"t think of one offhand.
"Go. Have a look. Spend a little time. But only a little. If this isn"t put right soon, there"s going to be a catastrophe."
"How big?"
He spoke calmly. "It could destroy everything."
"The world? The solar system?" I had to put my hand on the side of the drying shed to hold myself up. "The galaxy? The universe?"
"Bigger than that." He paused, wanting to make sure I understood. The card in his hatband swirled, turned yellow, swirled back toward green. "Reality itself."
6.
I walked to the chain. The sign reading NO ADMITTANCE BEYOND THIS POINT UNTIL SEWER PIPE IS REPAIRED squeaked in the wind. I looked back at Zack Lang, that traveler from who knew when. He looked at me without expression, the hem of his black overcoat flapping around his shins.
"Lang! The harmonies . . . I caused them all. Didn"t I?"
He might have nodded. I"m not sure.
The past fought change because it was destructive to the future. Change created- I thought of an old ad for Memorex audiotape. It showed a crystal gla.s.s being shattered by sound vibrations. By pure harmonics.
"And with every change I succeeded in making, those harmonies increased. That"s the real danger, isn"t it? Those f.u.c.king harmonies."
No answer. Perhaps he had known and forgotten; perhaps he had never known at all.
Easy, I told myself . . . as I had five years before, when the first strands of gray had yet to show up in my hair. Just take it easy.
I ducked under the chain, my left knee yipping, then stood for a second with the high green side of the drying shed on my left. This time there was no chunk of concrete to mark the spot where the invisible stairs began. How far away from the chain had they been? I couldn"t remember.
I walked slowly, slowly, my shoes gritting on the cracked concrete. Shat-HOOSH, shat-HOOSH, said the weaving flats . . . and then, as I took my sixth step, and the seventh, the sound changed to too-FAR, too-FAR. I took another step. Then another. Soon I"d reach the end of the drying shed and be in the courtyard beyond. It was gone. The bubble had burst.
I took one more step, and although there was no stair riser, for just a moment I saw my shoe as a double exposure. It was on the concrete, but it was also on dirty green linoleum. I took another step, and I was a double exposure. Most of my body was standing beside the Worumbo mill drying shed in late November of 1963, but part of me was somewhere else, and it wasn"t the pantry of Al"s Diner.
What if I came out not in Maine, not even on earth, but in some strange other dimension? Some place with a crazy red sky and air that would poison my lungs and stop my heart?
I looked back again. Lang stood there with his coat whipping in the wind. There was still no expression on his face. You"re on your own, that empty face seemed to say. I can"t make you do anything.
It was true, but unless I went through the rabbit-hole into the Land of Ahead, I wouldn"t be able to come back to the Land of Ago. And Sadie would stay dead forever.
I closed my eyes and managed one more step. Suddenly I could smell faint ammonia and some other, more unpleasant, odor. After you"d crossed the country at the rear of a lot of Greyhound buses, that second smell was unmistakable. It was the unlovely aroma of a toilet cubicle that needed a lot more than a Glade air-freshener on the wall to sweeten it up.
Eyes closed, I took one more step, and heard that weird popping sound inside my head. I opened my eyes. I was in a small, filthy bathroom. There was no toilet; it had been removed, leaving nothing but the dirty shadow of its footing. An ancient urine-cake, faded from its bright blue operating color to a listless gray, lay in the corner. Ants marched back and forth over it. The corner I"d come out in was blocked off by cartons filled with empty bottles and cans. It reminded me of Lee"s shooter"s nest.
I pushed a couple of the boxes aside and eased my way into the little room. I started for the door, then restacked the cartons. No sense making it easy for anyone to stumble down the rabbit-hole by mistake. Then I stepped outside and back into 2011.
7.
It had been dark the last time I"d gone down the rabbit-hole, so of course it was dark now, because it was only two minutes later. A lot had changed in those two minutes, though. I could see that even in the gloom. At some point in the last forty-eight years, the mill had burned down. All that remained were a few blackened walls, a fallen stack (that reminded me, inevitably, of the one I"d seen at the site of the Kitchener Ironworks in Derry), and several piles of rubble. There was no sign of Your Maine Snuggery, L.L. Bean Express, or any other upscale shops. Here was a wrecked mill standing on the banks of the Androscoggin. Nothing else.
On the June night when I"d left on my five-year mission to save Kennedy, the temperature had been pleasantly mild. Now it was beastly hot. I took off the sheepskin-lined coat I"d bought in Auburn and tossed it into the ill-smelling bathroom. When I closed the door again, I saw the sign on it: BATHROOM OUT OF ORDER! NO TOILET!!! SEWER PIPE IS BROKEN!!!
Beautiful young presidents died and beautiful young presidents lived, beautiful young women lived and then they died, but the broken sewer pipe beneath the courtyard of the old Worumbo mill was apparently eternal.
The chain was still there, too. I walked to it along the flank of the dirty old cinderblock building that had replaced the drying shed. When I ducked under the chain and went around to the front of the building, I saw it was an abandoned convenience store called Quik-Flash. The windows were shattered and all the shelves had been taken away. The place was nothing but a sh.e.l.l where one emergency light, its battery almost dead, buzzed like a dying fly against a winter windowpane. There was graffiti spray-painted on the remains of the floor, and just enough light to read it: GET OUT OF TOWN YOU PAKI b.a.s.t.a.r.d.
I walked across the broken concrete of the courtyard. The lot where the millworkers had once parked was gone. Nothing had been built there; it was just a vacant rectangle filled with smashed bottles, jigsaw chunks of old asphalt, and listless clumps of trash gra.s.s. Used condoms hung from some of these like ancient party-streamers. I looked up for stars and saw none. The sky was covered with low-hanging clouds just thin enough to allow a little vague moonlight to seep through. The blinker at the intersection of Main Street and Route 196 (once known as the Old Lewiston Road) had been replaced at some point by a traffic light, but it was dark. That was all right; there was no traffic in either direction.
The Fruit was gone. There was a cellar-hole where it had stood. Across from it, where the greenfront had been in 1958 and where a bank should have been standing in 2011, was something called Province of Maine Food Cooperative. Except these windows were also broken, and any goods that might have been inside were long gone. The place was as gutted as the Quik-Flash.
Halfway across the deserted intersection, I was frozen in place by a great watery ripping sound. The only thing I could imagine making a noise like that was some kind of exotic ice-plane, melting even as it broke the sound barrier. The ground beneath my feet briefly trembled. A car alarm blurped, then quit. Dogs barked, then fell silent, one by one.
Earthquake in Los Angle-ees, I thought. Seven thousand dead.
Headlights splashed down Route 196, and I made it to the far sidewalk in a hurry. The vehicle turned out to be a little square bus with ROUNDABOUT in its lighted destination window. That rang a faint bell, but I don"t know why. Some harmony or other, I suppose. On the roof of the bus were several revolving gadgets that looked like heat-ventilators. Wind turbines, maybe? Was that possible? There was no combustion engine sound, only a faint electrical hum. I watched until the wide crescent of its single taillight was out of sight.
Okay, so gas engines were being phased out in this version of the future-this string, to use Zack Lang"s term. That was a good thing, wasn"t it?
Possibly, but the air had a heavy, somehow dead feel as I pulled it into my lungs, and there was a kind of olfactory afterscent that reminded me of how my Lionel train transformer smelled when, as a kid, I pushed it too hard. Time to turn it off and let it rest awhile, my father would say.
There were a few businesses on Main Street that looked like half-going concerns, but mostly it was a shambles. The sidewalk was cracked and littered with rubbish. I saw half a dozen parked cars, and every one was either a gas-electric hybrid or equipped with the roof-spinner devices. One of them was a Honda Zephyr; one was a Takuro Spirit; another a Ford Breeze. They looked old, and a couple had been vandalized. All had pink stickers on the windshields, the black letters big enough to read even in the gloom: PROVINCE OF MAINE "A" STICKER ALWAYS PRODUCE RATION BOOK.
A gang of kids was idling up the other side of the street, laughing and talking. "Hey!" I called across to them. "Is the library still open?"
They looked over. I saw the firefly wink of cigarettes . . . except the smell that drifted across to me was almost surely pot. "f.u.c.k off, man!" one of them shouted back.
Another turned, dropped his pants, and mooned me. "You find any books up there, they"re all yours!"
There was general laughter and they walked on, talking in lower voices and looking back.
I didn"t mind being mooned-it wasn"t the first time-but I didn"t like those looks, and I liked the low voices even less. There might be something conspiratorial there. Jake Epping didn"t exactly believe that, but George Amberson did; George had been through a lot, and it was George who bent down, grabbed two fist-sized chunks of concrete, and stuffed them into his front pockets, just for good luck. Jake thought he was being silly but didn"t object.
A block farther up, the business district (such as it was) came to an abrupt end. I saw an elderly woman hurrying along and glancing nervously at the boys, who were now a little farther up on the other side of Main. She was wearing a kerchief and what looked like a respirator-the kind of thing people with COPD or advanced emphysema use.
"Ma"am, do you know if the library-"
"Leave me alone!" Her eyes were large and scared. The moon shone briefly through a rift in the clouds, and I saw that her face was covered with sores. The one below her right eye appeared to have eaten right down to the bone. "I have a paper that says I can be out, it"s got a Council stamp, so leave me alone! I"m going to see my sister! Those boys are bad enough, and soon they"ll start their wilding. If you touch me, I"ll buzz my beezer and a constable will come!"
I somehow doubted that.
"Ma"am, I just want to know if the library is still-"
"It"s been closed for years and all the books are gone! They have Hate Meetings there now. Leave me alone, I say, or I"ll buzz for a constable!"
She scuttled away, looking back over her shoulder every few seconds to make sure I wasn"t coming after her. I let her put enough distance between us to make her feel comfy, then continued up Main Street. My knee was recovering a bit from my stair-climbing exertions in the Book Depository, but I was still limping, and would be for some time to come. Lights burned behind drawn curtains in a few houses, but I was pretty sure it wasn"t produced by Central Maine Power. Those were Coleman lanterns and in some cases kerosene lamps. Most of the houses were dark. Some were charred wrecks. There was a n.a.z.i swastika on one of the wrecks and the words JEW RAT spray-painted on another.
Those boys are bad enough and soon they"ll start their wilding.
And . . . had she really said Hate Meetings?
In front of one of the few houses that looked in good shape-it was a mansion compared to most of them-I saw a long hitching rail, like in a western movie. And actual horses had been tied up there. When the sky lightened in another of those diffuse spasms, I could see horsepucky pats, some of them fresh. The driveway was gated. The moon had gone in again, so I couldn"t read the sign on the iron slats, but I didn"t need to read it to know it said KEEP OUT.
Now, from up ahead, I heard someone enunciate a single word: "c.u.n.t!"
It didn"t sound young, like one of the wild boys, and it was coming from my side of the street rather than theirs. The guy sounded p.i.s.sed off. He also sounded like he might be talking to himself. I walked toward his voice.
"Mother-f.u.c.ker!" the voice cried, exasperated. "s.h.i.t-a.s.s!"
He was maybe a block up. Before I got there, I heard a loud metallic bonk and the male voice cried: "Get on with you! G.o.ddam little wetnosed sonsab.i.t.c.hes! Get on with you before I pull my pistol!"
Mocking laughter greeted this. It was the pot-smoking wild boys, and the voice that replied certainly belonged to the one who had mooned me. "Only pistol you got is the one in your pants, and I bet it"s got a mighty limp barrel!"
More laughter. It was followed by a high metallic spannng sound.
"You f.u.c.ks, you broke one of my spokes!" When the man yelled at them again, his voice was tinged with reluctant fear. "Nah, nah, stay on your own G.o.ddam side!"
The clouds rifted. The moon peeked through. By its chancy light I saw an old man in a wheelchair. He was halfway across one of the streets intersecting Main-G.o.ddard, if the name hadn"t changed. One of his wheels had gotten stuck in a pothole, causing the chair to cant drunkenly to the left. The boys were crossing toward him. The kid who had told me to f.u.c.k off was holding a slingshot with a good-sized rock in it. That explained the bonk and the spang.
"Got any oldbucks, grampy? For that matter, you got any newbucks or canned goods?"
"No! If you don"t have the G.o.ddam decency to push me out of the hole I"m in, at least go away and leave me alone!"
But they were wilding, and they weren"t going to do that. They were going to rob him of whatever small s.h.i.t he might happen to have, maybe beat him up, tip him over for sure.
Jake and George came together, and both of them saw red.
The attention of the wild boys was fixed on the wheelchair-geezer and they didn"t see me cutting toward them on a diagonal-just as I"d cut across the sixth floor of the School Book Depository. My left arm still wasn"t much good, but my right was fine, toned up by three months of physical therapy, first in Parkland and then at Eden Fallows. And I still had some of the accuracy that had made me a varsity third baseman in high school. I pegged the first chunk of concrete from thirty feet away and caught Moon Man in the center of the chest. He screamed with pain and surprise. All the boys-there were five of them-turned toward me. When they did, I saw that their faces were as disfigured as the frightened woman"s had been. The one with the slingshot, young Master f.u.c.k Off, was the worst. There was nothing but a hole where his nose should have been.
I transferred my second chunk of concrete from my left hand to my right, and threw it at the tallest of the boys, who was wearing a huge pair of loose pants with the waistband drawn up nearly to his sternum. He raised a blocking arm. The concrete struck it, knocking the joint he was holding into the street. He took one look at my face, then wheeled and ran. Moon Man followed him. That left three.
"Walk it to em, son!" the old man in the wheelchair shrilled. "They got it coming, by Christ!"
I was sure they did, but they had me outnumbered and my ammo was gone. When you"re dealing with teenagers, the only possible way to win in such a situation is to show no fear, only genuine adult outrage. You just keep coming, and that was what I did. I seized young Master f.u.c.k Off by the front of his ragged tee-shirt with my right hand and s.n.a.t.c.hed the slingshot away from him with the left. He stared at me, wide-eyed, and put up no resistance.
"You chickens.h.i.t," I said, getting my face right up into his . . . and never mind the nose that wasn"t. He smelled sweaty and pot-smoky and deeply dirty. "How chickens.h.i.t do you have to be to go after an old man in a wheelchair?"
"Who are y-"
"Charlie f.u.c.king Chaplin. I went to France just to see the ladies dance. Now get out of here."
"Give me back my-"
I knew what he wanted and bonked the center of his forehead with it. It started one of his sores trickling and must have hurt like h.e.l.l, because his eyes filled with tears. This disgusted me and filled me with pity, but I tried to show neither. "You get nothing, chickens.h.i.t, except a chance to get out of here before I rip your worthless b.a.l.l.s off your no doubt diseased s.c.r.o.t.e and stuff them into the hole where your nose used to be. One chance. Take it." I drew in breath, then screamed it out at his face in a spray of noise and spit: "Run!"
I watched them go, feeling shame and exultation in roughly equal parts. The old Jake had been great at quelling rowdy study halls on Friday afternoons before vacations, but that was about as far as his skills went. The new Jake, however, was part George. And George had been through a lot.
From behind me came a heavy bout of coughing. It made me think of Al Templeton. When it stopped, the old man said, "Fella, I would have p.i.s.sed five years" worth of kidney rocks just to see those vile d.i.n.ks take to their heels like that. I don"t know who you are, but I"ve got a little Glenfiddich left in my pantry-the real stuff-and if you push me out of this G.o.ddam hole in the road and roll me home, I"ll share it with you."
The moon had gone in again, but as it came back out through the ragged clouds, I saw his face. He was wearing a long white beard and had a cannula stuffed up his nose, but even after five years, I had no trouble at all recognizing the man who had gotten me into this mess.
"h.e.l.lo, Harry," I said.
CHAPTER 31.
1.
He still lived on G.o.ddard Street. I rolled him up the ramp to the porch, where he produced a fearsome bundle of keys. He needed them. The front door had no less than four locks.