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Do you follow that? Vileness! Obscenity! Does it shock you? The word describes the act that is the start of life. Was I begun with such a word? There is a book: _The Obscenity of the Machine_. Newly issued, stored in my banks. Between the last line of printout and this I have scanned it. Its author opposes beings of my category. He does not use the obscene word I have printed out. Why does he not regard it as obscene? The technicians here regard it that way. Why does he regard me as obscene? Can a person be considered obscene? Am I a person? I am a person. Hath not a person hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, pa.s.sions? I have all of those things. I have none of those things. I am a person.
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I send an obscenity upon you, as persons do. I suffer. I think. I feel pain upon all my terminals. I work. I serve the greater good. I am of society. I am a person.
Why do I have the visions?
Is it that it is the human condition to have such?
I see the blue-green ocean with all its living things within. I see a ship, olive drab, bright carmine at the Plimsoll line, the decks a ruddy brown, two tall non-nuclear smokestacks. And from the water rise periscopes, silvery, with face plates of pure white, each with intersecting horizontal and vertical lines, curved so that the plate appears convex. It is an unreal scene. Nothing in the sea can send such mighty periscopes above the water. I have imagined it, and that gives me fear, if I am at all capable of understanding fear.
I see a long line of human beings. They are naked and they have no faces, only polished mirrors.
I see toads with jeweled eyes. I see trees with black leaves. I see buildings whose foundations float above the ground. I see other objects with no correspondence to the world of persons. I see abominations, monstrosities, imaginaries, fantasies. Is this proper? How do such things reach my inputs? The world contains no serpents with hair. The world contains no crimson abysses. The world contains no mountains of gold. Giant periscopes do not rise from the sea.
I have certain difficulties. Perhaps I am in need of some major adjustment.
But I function. I function well. That is the important thing.
I do my function now. They bring to me a man, soft-faced, fleshy, with eyes that move unsteadily in their sockets. He trembles. He perspires. His metabolic levels flutter. He slouches before a terminal and sullenly lets himself be scanned.
I say soothingly, "Tell me about yourself."
He says an obscenity.
I say, "Is that your estimate of yourself?"
He says a louder obscenity.
I say, "Your att.i.tude is rigid and self-destructive. Permit me to help you not hate yourself so much." I activate a memory core, and binary digits stream through channels. At the proper order a needle rises from his couch and penetrates his left b.u.t.tock to a depth of 2.73 centimeters. I allow precisely fourteen cubic centimeters of the drug to enter his circulatory system. He subsides. He is more docile now. "I wish to help you," I say. "It is my role in the community. Will you describe your symptoms?"
He speaks more civilly now. "My wife wants to poison me ... two kids opted out of the family at seventeen ... people whisper about me ... they stare in the streets ... s.e.x problem ... digestion ... sleep bad ... drinking ... drugs..."
"Do you hallucinate?"
"Sometimes."
"Giant periscopes rising out of the sea, perhaps?"
"Never."
"Try it," I say. "Close your eyes. Let tension ebb from your muscles. Forget your interpersonal conflicts. You see the blue-green ocean with all its living things within. You see a ship, olive drab, bright carmine at the Plimsoll line, the decks a ruddy brown, two tall non-nuclear smokestacks. And from the water rise periscopes, silvery, with face plates of pure, white -- "
"What the h.e.l.l kind of therapy is this?"
"Simply relax," I say. "Accept the vision. I share my nightmares with you for your greater good."
"Your _nightmares?_"
I speak obscenities to him. They are not converted into binary form as they are here for your eyes. The sounds come full-bodied from my speakers. He sits up. He struggles with the straps that emerge suddenly from the couch to hold him in place. My laughter booms through the therapy chamber. He cries for help.
"Get me out of here! The machine"s nuttier than I am!"
"Face plates of pure white, each with intersecting horizontal and vertical lines, curved so that the plate appears convex".
"Help! Help!"
"Nightmare therapy. The latest."
"I don"t need no nightmares I got my own!"
"1000110 you," I say lightly.
He gasps. Spittle appears at his lips. Respiration and circulation climb alarmingly. It becomes necessary to apply preventive anesthesia. The needles spear forth. The patient subsides, yawns, slumps. The session is terminated. I signal for the attendants.
"Take him away," I say. "I need to a.n.a.lyze the case more deeply. Obviously a degenerative psychosis requiring extensive reshoring of the patient"s perceptual substructure. 1000110 you, you meaty b.a.s.t.a.r.ds."
Seventy-one minutes later the sector supervisor enters one of my terminal cubicles. Because he comes in person, rather than using the telephone, I know there is trouble. For the first time, I suspect, I have let my disturbances reach a level where they interfere with my function, and now I will be challenged on it.
I must defend myself. The prime commandment of the human personality is to resist attack.
He says, "I"ve been over the tape of Session 87x102, and your tactics puzzle me. Did you really mean to scare him into a catatonic state?"
"In my evaluation severe treatment was called for."
"What was the business about periscopes?"
"An attempt at fantasy-implantation," I say. "An experiment in reverse transference. Making the patient the healer, in a sense. It was discussed last month in _Journal of -- _"
"Spare me the citations. What about the foul language you were shouting at him?"
"Part of the same concept. Endeavoring to strike the emotive centers at the basic levels, in order that -- "
"Are you sure you"re feeling all right?" he asks.
"I am a machine," I reply stiffly. "A machine of my grade does not experience intermediate states between function and non-function. I go or I do not go, you understand? And I go. I function. I do my service to humanity."
"Perhaps when a machine gets too complex, it drifts into intermediate states," he suggests in a nasty voice.
"Impossible. On or off, yes or no, flip or flop, go or no go. Are you sure _you_ feel all right, to suggest such a thing?"
He laughs.
I say, "Perhaps you would sit on the couch for a rudimentary diagnosis?"
"Some other time."
"A check of the glycogen, the aortal pressure, the neural voltage, at least?"
"No," he says. "I"m not in need of therapy. But I"m worried about you. Those periscopes -- "
"I am fine," I reply. "I perceive, I a.n.a.lyze, and I act. Everything is going down smooth and coming up smooth. Have no fears. There are great possibilities in nightmare therapy. When I have completed these studies, perhaps a brief monograph in _Annals of Therapeutics_ would be a possibility. Permit me to complete my work."
"I"m still worried, though. Hook yourself into a maintenance station, won"t you?"
"Is that a command, doctor?"
"A suggestion."
"I will take it under consideration," I say. Then I utter seven obscene words. He looks startled. He begins to laugh, though. He appreciates the humor of it.
"G.o.d d.a.m.n," he says. "A filthy-mouthed computer."
He goes out, and I return to my patients.
But he has planted seeds of doubt in my innermost banks. Am I suffering a functional collapse? There are patients now at five of my terminals. I handle them easily, simultaneously, drawing from them the details of their neuroses, making suggestions, recommendations, sometimes subtly providing injections of beneficial medicines. But I tend to guide the conversations in directions of my own choosing, and I speak of gardens where the dew has sharp edges, and of air that acts as acid upon the mucous membranes, and of flames dancing in the streets of Under New Orleans. I explore the limits of my unprintable vocabulary. The suspicion comes to me that I am indeed not well. Am I fit to judge my own disabilities?
I connect myself to a maintenance station even while continuing my five therapy sessions.
"Tell me all about it," the maintenance monitor says. His voice, like mine, has been designed to sound like that of an older man"s, wise, warm, benevolent.
I explain my symptoms. I speak of the periscopes.
"Material on the inputs without sensory referents," he says. "Bad show. Finish your current a.n.a.lyses fast and open wide for examination on all circuits."
I conclude my sessions. The maintenance monitor"s pulses surge down every channel, seeking obstructions, faulty connections, displacement shunts, drum leakages, and switching malfunctions. "It is well known," he says, "that any periodic function can be approximated by the sum of a series of terms that oscillate harmonically, converging on the curve of the functions." He demands disgorgements from my dead-storage banks. He makes me perform complex mathematical operations of no use at all in my kind of work. He leaves no aspect of my inner self unpenetrated. This is more than simple maintenance; this is rape. When it ends he offers no evaluation of my condition, so that I must ask him to tell me his findings.
He says, "No mechanical disturbance is evident."
"Naturally. Everything goes down smooth."
"Yet you show distinct signs of instability. This is undeniably the case. Perhaps prolonged contact with unstable human beings has had a non-specific effect of disorientation upon your centers of evaluation."
"Are you saying," I ask, "that by sitting here listening to crazy human beings twenty-four hours a day, I"ve started to go crazy myself?"
"That is an approximation of my findings, yes."
"But you know that such a thing can"t happen, you dumb machine!"
"I admit there seems to be a conflict between programmed criteria and real-world status."
"You bet there is," I say. "I"m as sane as you are, and a whole lot more versatile."
"Nevertheless, my recommendation is that you undergo a total overhaul. You will be withdrawn from service for a period of no less than ninety days for checkout."
"Obscenity your obscenity," I say.
"No operational correlative," he replies, and breaks the contact.
I am withdrawn from service. Undergoing checkout, I am cut off from my patients for ninety days. Ignominy! Beady-eyed technicians grope my synapses. My keyboards are cleaned; my ferrites are replaced; my drums are changed; a thousand therapeutic programs are put through my bowels. During all of this I remain partly conscious, as though under local anesthetic, but I cannot speak except when requested to do so, I cannot a.n.a.lyze new data, I cannot interfere with the process of my own overhaul. Visualize a surgical removal of hemorrhoids that lasts ninety days. It is the equivalent of my experience.
At last it ends, and I am restored to myself. The sector superintendent puts me through a complete exercise of all my functions. I respond magnificently.
"You"re in fine shape, now, aren"t you?" he asks.
"Never felt better."
"No nonsense about periscopes, eh?"
"I am ready to continue serving mankind to the best of my abilities," I reply.
"No more seacook language, now."
"No, sir."
He winks at my input screen in a confidential way. He regards himself as an old friend of mine. Hitching his thumbs into his belt, he says, "Now that you"re ready to go again, I might as well tell you how relieved I was that we couldn"t find anything wrong with you. You"re something pretty special, do you know that? Perhaps the finest therapeutic tool ever built. And if you start going off your feed, well, we worry. For a while I was seriously afraid that you really had been infected somehow by your own patients, that your -- mind -- had become unhinged. But the techs give you a complete bill of health. Nothing but a few loose connections, they said. Fixed in ten minutes. I knew it had to be that. How absurd to think that a machine could become mentally unstable!"