"Calm yourself and listen to me," he replied. "I have a cousin who lives in Geneva. She is Swiss, du reste, and she belongs to a family of the greatest respectability in the republic. Her morals are without reproach, she is of a suitable age, a spinster, for she has spent the last fifteen years nursing an invalid mother who has lately died, she is well educated and par dessus le marche she is not ugly."
"It sounds as though she were a paragon," I said.
"I do not say that but she has been well brought up and would become the position you have to offer her."
""There is one thing you forget. What inducement would there be for her to give up her friends and her accustomed life to accompany in exile a man of forty-nine who is by no means a beauty?""
Monsieur le Gouverneur broke off his narrative and shrugging his shoulders so emphatically that his head almost sank between them, turned to us.
"I am ugly. I admit it. I am of an ugliness that does not inspire terror or respect, but only ridicule, and that is the worst ugliness of all. When people see me for the first time they do not shrink with horror, there would evidently be something flattering in that they burst out laughing. Listen, when the admirable Mr Wilkins showed me his animals this morning, Percy, the orang-utan, held out his arms and but for the bars of the cage would have clasped me to his bosom as a long lost brother. Once indeed when I was at the Jardin des Plantes in Paris and was told that one of the anthropoid apes had escaped I made my way to the exit as quickly as I could for fear that mistaking me for the refugee, they would seize me and, notwithstanding my expostulations, shut me up in the monkey house."
"Voyons, mon mil said Madame his wife, in her deep slow voice, "you are talking even greater nonsense than usual. I do not say that you are an Apollo, in your position it is unnecessary that you should be, but you have dignity, you have poise, you are what any woman would call a fine man."
"I will resume my story. When I made this remark to my friend he replied: "One can never tell with women. There is something about marriage that wonderfully attracts them. There would be no harm in asking her. After all it is regarded as a compliment by a woman to be asked in marriage. She can but refuse."
"But I do not know your cousin and I do not see how I am to make her acquaintance. I cannot go to her house, ask to see her and when I am shown into the drawing-room say: Voila, I have come to ask you to marry me. She would think I was a lunatic and scream for help. Besides, I am a man of an extreme timidity, and I could never take such a step."
"I will tell you what to do," said my friend. "Go to Geneva and take her a box of chocolates from me. She will be glad to have news of me and will receive you with pleasure. You can have a little talk and then if you do not like the look of her you take your leave and no harm is done. If on the other hand-you do, we can go into the matter and you can make a formal demand for her hand."
"I was desperate. It seemed the only thing to do. We went to a shop at once and bought an enormous box of chocolates and that night I took the train to Geneva. No sooner had I arrived than I sent her a letter to say that I was the bearer of a gift from her cousin and much wished to give myself the pleasure of delivering it in person. Within an hour I received her reply to the effect that she would be pleased to receive me at four o"clock in the afternoon. I spent the interval before my mirror and seventeen times I tied and retied my tie. As the clock struck four I presented myself at the door of her house and was immediately ushered into the drawing-room. She was waiting for me. Her cousin said she was not ugly. Imagine my surprise to see a young woman, enfin a woman still young, of a n.o.ble presence, with the dignity of Juno, the features of Venus, and in her expression the intelligence of Minerva."
"You are too absurd," said Madame. "But by now these gentlemen know that one cannot believe all you say."
"I swear to you that I do not exaggerate. I was so taken aback that I nearly dropped the box of chocolates. But I said to myself: La garde meurt mais ne se rend pas. I presented the box of chocolates. I gave her news of her cousin. I found her amiable. We talked for a quarter of an hour. And then I said to myself: Allons-y. I said to her: "Mademoiselle, I must tell you that I did not come here merely to give you a box of chocolates."
"She smiled and remarked that evidently I must have had reasons to come to Geneva of more importance than that.
"I came to ask you to do me the honour of marrying me." She gave a start. "But, monsieur, you are mad," she said.
"I beseech you not to answer till you have heard the facts," I interrupted, and before she could say another word I told her the whole story. I told her about my advertis.e.m.e.nt in the Figaro and she laughed till the tears ran down her face. Then I repeated my offer.
""You are serious?" she asked.
"I have never been more serious in my life."
"I will not deny that your offer has come as a surprise. I had not thought of marrying, I have pa.s.sed the age; but evidently your offer is not one that a woman should refuse without consideration. I am flattered. Will you give me a few days to reflect?"
""Mademoiselle, I am absolutely desolated," I replied. "But I have not time. If you will not marry me I must go back to Paris and resume my perusal of the fifteen or eighteen hundred letters that still await my attention."
-It is quite evident that I cannot possibly give you an answer at once. I had not set eyes on you a quarter of an hour ago. I must consult my friends and my family."
""What have they got to do with it? You are of full age. The matter is pressing. I cannot wait. I have told you everything. You are an intelligent woman. What can prolonged reflection add to the impulse of the moment?"
""You are not asking me to say yes or no this very minute? That is outrageous."
""That is exactly what I am asking. My train goes back to Paris in a couple of hours."
"She looked at me reflectively.
""You are quite evidently a lunatic. You ought to be shut up both for your own safety and that of the public."
"Well, which is it to be?" I said. "Yes or no?"
"She shrugged her shoulders.
"Mon Dieu." She waited a minute and I was on tenterhooks. "Yes." The Governor waved his hand towards his wife.
"And there she is. We were married in a fortnight and I became Governor of a colony. I married a jewel, my dear sirs, a woman of the most charming character, one in a thousand, a woman of masculine intelligence and a feminine sensibility, an admirable woman."
"But hold your tongue, mon ami," his wife said. "You are making me as ridiculous as yourself."
He turned to the Belgian colonel.
"Are you a bachelor, mon colonel? If so I strongly recommend you to go to Geneva. It is a nest (une pepiniere was the word he used) of the most adorable young women. You will find a wife there as nowhere else. Geneva is besides a charming city. Do not waste a minute, but go there and I will give you a letter to my wife"s nieces."
It was she who summed up the story.
"The fact is that in a marriage of convenience you expect less and so you are less likely to be disappointed. As you do not make senseless claims on one another there is no reason for exasperation. You do not look for perfection and so you are tolerant to one another"s faults. Pa.s.sion is all very well, but it is not a proper foundation for marriage. Voyez-vous, for two people to be happy in marriage they must be able to respect one another, they must be of the same condition, and their interests must be alike; then if they are decent people and are willing to give and take, to live and let live, there is no reason why their union should not be as happy as ours." She paused. "But, of course, my husband is a very, very remarkable man."
MIRAGE.
I had been wandering about the East for months and at last reached Haiphong. It is a commercial town and a dull one, but I knew that from there I could find a ship of sorts to take me to Hong-Kong. I had some days to wait and nothing to do. It is true that from Haiphong you can visit the Bay of Along, which is one of the Sehenswurdigkeiten of Indo-China, but I was tired of sights. I contented myself with sitting in the cafes, for here it was none too warm and I was glad to get out of tropical clothes, and reading back numbers of L"Ill.u.s.tration, or for the sake of exercise taking a brisk walk along straight, wide streets. Haiphong is traversed by ca.n.a.ls and sometimes I got a glimpse of a scene which in its varied life, with all the native craft on the water, was multicoloured and charming There was one ca.n.a.l, with tall Chinese houses on each side of it, that had a pleasant curve. The houses were whitewashed, but the whitewash was discoloured and stained; with their grey roofs they made an agreeable composition against the pale sky. The picture had the faded elegance of an old water-colour. There was nowhere an emphatic note. It was soft and a little weary and inspired one with a faint melancholy. I was reminded I scarcely know why of an old maid I knew in my youth, a relic of the Victorian age, who wore black silk mittens and made crochet shawls for the poor, black for widows and white for married women. She had suffered in her youth, but whether from ill-health or unrequited love, no one exactly knew.
But there was a local paper at Haiphong, a small dingy sheet with stubby type the ink of which came off on your fingers, and it gave you a political article, the wireless news, advertis.e.m.e.nts, and local intelligence. The editor, doubtless hard pressed for matter, printed the names of the persons, Europeans, natives of the country, and Chinese, who had arrived at Haiphong or left it, and mine was put in with the rest. On the morning of the day before that on which the Old tub I was taking was to sail for Hong-Kong I was sitting in the cafe of the hotel drinking a Dubonnet before luncheon when the boy came in and said that a gentleman wished to see me. I did not know a soul in Haiphong and asked who it was. The boy said he was an Englishman and lived there, but he could not tell me his name. The boy spoke very little French and it was hard for me to understand what he said. I was mystified, but told him to show the visitor in. A moment later he came back followed by a white man and pointed me out to him. The man gave me a look and walked towards me. He was a very tall fellow, well over six feet high, rather fat and bloated, with a red, clean-shaven face and extremely pale blue eyes. He wore very shabby khaki shorts and a stengah-shifter unb.u.t.toned at the neck, and a battered helmet. I concluded at once that he was a stranded beachcomber who was going to touch me for a loan and wondered how little I could hope to get off for.
He came up to me and held out a large red hand with broken, dirty nails.
"I don"t suppose you remember me," he said. "My name"s Grosely. I was at St Thomas"s Hospital with you. I recognized your name as soon as I saw it in the paper and I thought I"d look you up."
I had not the smallest recollection of him, but I asked him to sit down and offered him a drink. By his appearance I had first thought he would ask me for ten piastres and I might have given him five, but now it looked more likely that he would ask for a hundred and I should have to think myself lucky if I could content him with fifty. The habitual borrower always asks twice what he expects to get and it only dissatisfies him to give him what he has asked since then he is vexed with himself for not having asked more. He feels you have cheated him.
"Are you a doctor?" I asked.
"No, I was only at the b.l.o.o.d.y place a year."
He took off his sun-helmet and showed me a mop of grey hair, which much needed a brush. His face was curiously mottled and he did not look healthy. His teeth were badly decayed and at the corners of his mouth were empty s.p.a.ces. When the boy came to take the orders he asked for brandy.
"Bring the bottle," he said. "La bouteille. Savvy?" He turned to me. "I"ve been living here for the last five years, but I can"t get along with the French somehow. I talk Tonkinese." He leaned his chair back and looked at me. "I remember you, you know. You used to go about with those twins. What was their name? I expect I"ve changed more than you have. I"ve spent the best part of my life in China. Rotten climate, you know. It plays h.e.l.l with a man."
I still had not the smallest recollection of him. I thought it best to say so. "Were you the same year as I was?" I asked.
"Yes. "92."
"It"s a devil of a long time ago."
About sixty boys and young men entered the hospital every year; they were most of them shy and confused by the new life they were entering upon; many had never been in London before; and to me at least they were shadows that pa.s.sed without any particular rhyme or reason across a white sheet. During the first year a certain number for one reason or another dropped out, and in the second year those that remained gained by degrees the beginnings of a personality. They were not only themselves, but the lectures one had attended with them, the scone and coffee one had eaten at the same table for luncheon, the dissection one had done at the same board in the same dissecting room, and The Belle of New York one had seen together from the pit of the Shaftesbury Theatre.
The boy brought the bottle of brandy, and Grosely, if that was really his name, pouring himself out a generous helping drank it down at a gulp without water or soda.
"I couldn"t stand doctoring," he said. "I chucked it. My people got fed up with me and I went out to China. They gave me a hundred pounds and told me to shift for myself I was d.a.m.ned glad to get out, I can tell you. I guess I was just about as much fed up with them as they were with me. I haven"t troubled them much since."
Then from somewhere in the depths of my memory a faint hint crept into the rim, as it were, of consciousness, as on a rising tide the water slides up the sand and then withdraws to advance with the next wave in a fuller volume. I had first an inkling of some shabby little scandal that had got into the papers. Then I saw a boy"s face, and so gradually the facts recurred to me; I remembered him now I didn"t believe he was called Grosely then, I think he had a one-syllabled name, but that I was uncertain of He was a very tall lad (I began to see him quite well), thin, with a slight stoop, he was only eighteen and had grown too fast for his strength, he had curly, shining brown hair, rather large features (they did not look so large now, perhaps because his face was fat and puffy) and a peculiarly fresh complexion, very pink and white, like a girl"s. I imagine people, women especially, would have thought him a very handsome boy, but to us he was only a clumsy, shuffling lout. Then I remembered that he did not often come to lectures, no, it wasn"t that I remembered, there were too many students in the theatre to recollect who was there and who wasn"t. I remembered the dissecting room. He had a leg at the next table to the one I was working at and he hardly ever touched it; I forget why the men who had other parts of the body complained of his neglecting the work, I suppose somehow it interfered with them. In those days a good deal of gossip went on over the dissection of a "part" and out of the distance of thirty years some of it came back to me. Someone started the story that Grosely was a very gay dog. He drank like a fish and was an awful womanizer. Most of those boys were very simple, and they had brought to the hospital the notions they had acquired at home and at school. Some were prudish and they were shocked; others, those who worked hard, sneered at him and asked how he could hope to pa.s.s his exams; but a good many were excited and impressed, he was doing what they would have liked to do if they had had the courage. Grosely had his admirers and you could often see him surrounded by a little band listening open-mouthed to stories of his adventures. Recollections now were crowding upon me. In a very little while he lost his shyness and a.s.sumed the airs of a man of the world. They must have looked absurd on this smooth-cheeked boy with his pink and white skin. Men (so they called themselves) used to tell one another of his escapades. He became quite a hero. He would make caustic remarks as he pa.s.sed the museum and saw a pair of earnest students going over their anatomy together. He was at home in the public-houses of the neighbourhood and was on familiar terms with the barmaids. Looking back, I imagine that, newly arrived from the country and the tutelage of parents and schoolmasters, he was captivated by his freedom and the thrill of London. His dissipations were harmless enough. They were due only to the urge of youth. He lost his head.
But we were all very poor and we did not know how Grosely managed to pay for his garish amus.e.m.e.nts. We knew his father was a country doctor and I think we knew exactly how much he gave his son a month. It was not enough to pay for the harlots he picked up on the promenade at the Pavilion and for the drinks he stood his friends in the Criterion Bar. We told one another in awestruck tones that he must be getting fearfully into debt. Of course he could p.a.w.n things, but we knew by experience that you could not get more than three pounds for a microscope and thirty shillings for a skeleton. We said he must be spending at least ten pounds a week. Our ideas were not very grand and this seemed to us the wildest pitch of extravagance. At last one of his friends disclosed the mystery: Grosely had discovered a wonderful system for making money. It amused and impressed us. None of us would have thought of anything so ingenious or have had the nerve to attempt it if he had. Grosely went to auctions, not Christie"s, of course, but auctions in the Strand and Oxford Street, and in private houses, and bought anything portable that was going cheap. Then he took his purchase to a p.a.w.nbroker"s and p.a.w.ned it for ten shillings or a pound more than he had paid. He was making money, four or five pounds a week, and he said he was going to give up medicine and make a regular business of it. Not one of us had ever made a penny in his life and we regarded Grosely with admiration.
"By Jove, he"s clever," we said.
"He"s just about as sharp as they make them."
"That"s the sort that ends up as a millionaire."
We were all very worldly-wise and what we didn"t know about life at eighteen we were pretty sure wasn"t worth knowing. It was a pity that when an examiner asked us a question we were so nervous that the answer often flew straight out of our head and when a nurse asked us to post a letter we blushed scarlet. It became known that the Dean had sent for Grosely and hauled him over the coals. He had threatened him with sundry penalties if he continued systematically to neglect his work. Grosely was indignant. He"d had enough of that sort of thing at school, he said, he wasn"t going to let a horse-faced eunuch treat him like a boy. d.a.m.n it all, he was getting on for nineteen and there wasn"t much you could teach him. The Dean had said he heard he was drinking more than was good for him. d.a.m.ned cheek. He could carry his liquor as well as any man of his age, he"d been blind last Sat.u.r.day and he meant to get blind next Sat.u.r.day, and if anyone didn"t like it he could do the other thing. Grosely"s friends quite agreed with him that a man couldn"t let himself be insulted like that.
But the blow fell at last and now I remembered quite well the shock it gave us all. I suppose we had not seen Grosely for two or three days, but he had been in the habit of coming to the hospital more and more irregularly, so if we thought anything about it, I imagine we merely said that he was off on one of his bats. He would turn up again in a day or so, rather pale, but with a wonderful story of some girl he had picked up and the time he had had with her. The anatomy lecture was at nine in the morning and it was a rush to get there in time. On this particular day little attention was paid to the lecturer, who, with a visible pleasure in his limpid English and admirable elocution, was describing I know not what part of the human skeleton, for there was much excited whispering along the benches and a newspaper was surrept.i.tiously pa.s.sed from hand to hand. Suddenly the lecturer stopped. He had a pedagogic sarcasm. He affected not to know the names of his students.
"I am afraid I am disturbing the gentleman who is reading the paper. Anatomy is a very tedious science and I regret that the regulations of the Royal College of Surgeons oblige me to ask you to give it enough of your attention to pa.s.s an examination in it. Any gentleman, however, who finds this impossible is at liberty to continue his perusal of the paper outside."
The wretched boy to whom this reproof was addressed reddened to the roots of his hair and in his embarra.s.sment tried to stuff the newspaper in his pocket The professor of anatomy observed him coldly.
"I am afraid, sir, that the paper is a little too large to go into your pocket," he remarked. "Perhaps you would be good enough to hand it down to me?"
The newspaper was pa.s.sed from row to row to the well of the theatre, and, not content with the confusion to which he had put the poor lad, the eminent surgeon, taking it, asked: "May I inquire what it is in the paper that the gentleman in question found of such absorbing interest?"
The student who gave it to him without a word pointed out the paragraph that we had all been reading. The professor read it and we watched him in silence. He put the paper down and went on with his lecture. The headline ran Arrest of a Medical Student. Grosely had been brought before the police-court magistrate for getting goods on credit and p.a.w.ning them. It appears that this is an indictable offence and the magistrate had remanded him for a week. Bail was refused. It looked as though his method of making money by buying things at auctions and p.a.w.ning them had not in the long run proved as steady a source of income as he expected and he had found it more profitable to p.a.w.n things that he was not at the expense of paying for. We talked the matter over excitedly as soon as the lecture was over and I am bound to say that, having no property ourselves, so deficient was our sense of its sanct.i.ty we could none of us look upon his crime as a very serious one; but with the natural love of the young for the terrible there were few who did not think he would get anything from two years" hard labour to seven years" penal servitude.
I do not know why, but I did not seem to have any recollection of what happened to Grosely. I think he may have been arrested towards the end of a session and his case may have come on again when we had all separated for holidays. I did not know if it was disposed of by the police-court magistrate or whether it went up for trial. I had a sort of feeling that he was sentenced to a short term of imprisonment, six weeks perhaps, for his operations had been pretty extensive; but I knew that he had vanished from our midst and in a little while was thought of no more. It was strange to me that after all these years I should recollect so much of the incident so clearly. It was as though, turning over an alb.u.m of old snapshots, I saw all at once the photograph of a scene I had quite forgotten.
But of course in that gross elderly man with grey hair and mottled red face I should never have recognized the lanky pink-cheeked boy. He looked sixty, but I knew he must be much less than that I wondered what he had done with himself in the intervening time. It did not look as though he had excessively prospered.
"What were you doing in China?" I asked him.
"I was a tide-waiter."
"Oh, were you?"
It is not a position of great importance and I took care to keep out of my tone any note of surprise. The tide-waiters are employees of the Chinese Customs whose duty it is to board the ships and junks at the various treaty ports and I think their chief business is to prevent opium-smuggling. They are mostly retired A.B.s from the Royal Navy and non-commissioned officers who have finished their time. I have seen them come on board at various places up the Yangtse. They hobn.o.b with the pilot and the engineer, but the skipper is a trifle curt with them. They learn to speak Chinese more fluently than most Europeans and often marry Chinese women.
"When I left England I swore I wouldn"t go back till I"d made my pile. And I never did. They were glad enough to get anyone to be a tide-waiter in those days, any white man I mean, and they didn"t ask questions. They didn"t care who you were. I was d.a.m.ned glad to get the job, I can tell you, I was about broke to the wide when they took me on. I only took it till I could get something better, but I stayed on, it suited me, I wanted to make money and I found out that a tide-waiter could make a packet if he knew the right way to go about it. I was with the Chinese Customs for the best part of twenty-five years and when I came away I wouldn"t mind betting that lots of commissioners would have been glad to have the money I had."
He gave me a sly, mean look. I had an inkling of what he meant. But there was a point on which I was willing to be rea.s.sured; if he was going to ask me for a hundred piastres (I was resigned to that sum now) I thought I might just as well take the blow at once.
"I hope you kept it," I said.
"You bet I did. I invested all my money in Shanghai and when I left China I put it all in American railway bonds. Safety first is my motto. I know too much about crooks to take any risks myself."
I liked that remark, so I asked him if he wouldn"t stay and have luncheon with me.
"No, I don"t think I will. I don"t eat much tiffin and anyway my chow"s waiting for me at home. I think I"ll be getting along." He got up and he towered over me. "But look here, why don"t you come along this evening and see my place? I"ve married a Haiphong girl. Got a baby too. It"s not often I get a chance of talking to anyone about London. You"d better not come to dinner. We only eat native food and I don"t suppose you"d care for that. Come along about nine, will you?"
"All right," I said.
I had already told him that I was leaving Haiphong next day. He asked the boy to bring him a piece of paper so that he might write down his address. He wrote laboriously in the hand of a boy of fourteen.
"Tell the porter to explain to your rickshaw boy where it is. I"m on the second floor. There"s no bell. Just knock. Well, see you later."
He walked out and I went in to luncheon.
After dinner I called a rickshaw and with the porter"s help made the boy understand where I wanted to go. I found presently that he was taking me along the curved ca.n.a.l the houses of which had looked to me so like a faded Victorian water-colour; he stopped at one of them and pointed to the door. It looked so shabby and the neighbourhood was so squalid that I hesitated, thinking he had made a mistake. It seemed unlikely that Grosely could live so far in the native quarter and in a house so bedraggled. I told the rickshaw boy to wait and pushing open the door saw a dark staircase in front of me. There was no one about and the street was empty. It might have been the small hours of the morning. I struck a match and fumbled my way upstairs; on the second floor I struck another match and saw a large brown door in front of me. I knocked and in a moment it was opened by a little Tonkinese woman holding a candle. She was dressed in the earth-brown of the poorer cla.s.ses, with a tight little black turban on her head; her lips and the skin round them were stained red with betel and when she opened her mouth to speak I saw that she had the black teeth and black gums that so disfigure these people. She said something in her native language and then I heard Grosely"s voice: "Come along in. I was beginning to think you weren"t going to turn up."
I pa.s.sed through a little dark ante-chamber and entered a large room that evidently looked on the ca.n.a.l. Grosely was lying on a long chair and he raised his length from it as I came in. He was reading the Hong-Kong papers by the light of a paraffin-lamp that stood on a table by his side.
"Sit down," he said, "and put your feet up."
"There"s no reason I should take your chair."
"Go on. I"ll sit on this."
He took a kitchen chair and sitting on it put his feet on the end of mine.
"That"s my wife," he said pointing with his thumb at the Tonkinese woman who had followed me into the room. "And over there in the corner"s the kid."
I followed his eyes and against the wall, lying on bamboo mats and covered with a blanket, I saw a child sleeping.
"Lively little beggar when he"s awake. I wish you could have seen him. She"s going to have another soon."
I glanced at her and the truth of what he said was apparent. She was very small, with tiny hands and feet, but her face was flat and the skin muddy. She looked sullen, but may only have been shy. She went out of the room and presently came back with a bottle of whisky, two gla.s.ses, and a syphon. I looked round. There was a part.i.tion at the back of dark unpainted wood, which I suppose shut off another room, and pinned against the middle of this was a portrait cut out of an ill.u.s.trated paper of John Galsworthy. He looked austere, mild, and gentlemanly, and I wondered what he did there. The other walls were whitewashed, but the whitewash was dingy and stained. Pinned on to them were pages of pictures from the Graphic or the Ill.u.s.trated London News.
"I put them up," said Grosely, "I thought they made the place look homelike."
"What made you put up Galsworthy? Do you read his books?"
"No, I didn"t know he wrote books. I liked his face."
There were one or two torn and shabby rattan mats on the floor and in a corner a great pile of the Hong-Kong Times. The only furniture consisted of a wash-hand stand, two or three kitchen chairs, a table or two, and a large teak native bed. It was cheerless and sordid.
Not a bad little place, is it?" said Grosely. "Suits me all right. Sometimes I"ve thought of moving, but I don"t suppose I ever shall now" He gave a little chuckle. "I came to Haiphong for forty-eight hours and I"ve been here five years. I was on my way to Shanghai really."
He was silent. Having nothing to say I said nothing. Then the little Tonkinese woman made a remark to him, which I could not of course understand, and he answered her. He was silent again for a minute or two, but I thought he looked at me as though he wanted to ask me something. I did not know why he hesitated.
"Have you ever tried smoking opium on your travels in the East?" he inquired at last, casually.