"But I don"t want a good time," said Victoria, suddenly inspired. "I want to feel I"m alive, do something."
"Do what?" said Cora.
"Live, see things, travel."
"Oh, we don"t get a chance, of course," said Cora. "I"ll tell you how it is, Vic, you want too much. If you want anything in life you"ve got to want nothing, then whatever you get good seems jolly good."
"You"re a pessimist, Cora," said Victoria smiling.
"Meaning I see the sad side? Don"t you believe it. Every cloud has a silver lining, you know."
"And every silver lining has a cloud," said Victoria, sadly.
"Now, Vic," answered Cora crossly, "don"t you go on like that. You"ll only mope and mope. And what"s the good of that, I"d like to know."
"Oh, I don"t know," said Victoria, "I like thinking of things. Sometimes I wish I could make an end of it. Don"t you?"
"Lord, no," said Cora, "I make the best of it. You take my tip and don"t think too much."
Victoria bent down in her chair, her chin upon her open palm. Cora slapped her on the back.
"Cheer up," she said, "we"ll soon be dead."
Victoria had also attempted Gladys, but had discovered without surprise that her a.s.sociation with Cora had equalised their minds as well as the copper of their hair. Lottie never said much when attacked on a general subject, while Bella never said anything at all. Since the day when Victoria had attempted to draw her out on the fateful question "What"s the good of anything?" Bella Prodgitt had looked upon Victoria as a dangerous revolutionary. At times she would follow the firebrand round the shop with frightened and admiring eyes. For her Victoria was something like the brilliant relation of whom the family is proud without daring to acknowledge him.
It fell to Gertie"s lot to enlighten Victoria further on the current outlook of life. It came about in this way. One Sat.u.r.day afternoon Victoria and Bella were alone on duty upstairs, for the serving of lunch is then at a low ebb; the City makes a desperate effort to reach the edge of the world to lunch peacefully and cheaply in its homes and lodgings. Lottie and Gertie were taking the smoking room below.
It was nearly three o"clock. At one of the larger tables sat two men, both almost through with their lunch. The elder of the two, a stout, cheery-looking man, pushed away his cup, slipped two pennies under the saucer and, taking up his bill, which Victoria had made out when she gave him his coffee, went up to the cash desk. The other man, a pale-faced youth in a blue suit, sat before his half emptied cup. His hand pa.s.sed nervously round his chin as he surveyed the room; his was rather the face of a ferret, with a long upper lip, watery blue eyes, and a weak chin. His forehead sloped a little and was decorated with many pimples.
Victoria pa.s.sed him quickly, caught up the stout man, entered the cash desk and took his bill. He turned in the doorway.
"Well, Vic," he said, "when are we going to be married?"
"29th of February, if it"s not a leap year," she laughed.
"Too bad, too bad," said the stout man, looking back from the open door out of which he had already pa.s.sed, "you"re the third girl who"s said that to me in a fortnight."
"Serve you right," said Victoria, looking into the mirror opposite, "you"re as bad as Henry the . . . ."
The door closed. Victoria did not finish her sentence. Her eyes were glued to the mirror. In it she could only see a young man with a thin face, decorated with many pimples, hurriedly gulping down the remains of his cup of coffee. But a second before then she had seen something which made her fetch a quick breath. The young man had looked round, marked that her head was turned away; he had thrown a quick glance to the right and the left, to the counter which Bella had left for a moment to go into the kitchen; then his hand had shot out and, with a quick movement, he had seized the stout man"s pennies and slipped them under his own saucer.
The young man got up. Victoria came up to him and made out his bill. He took it without a word and paid it at the desk, Victoria taking his money.
"Well, he didn"t steal it, did he?" said Gertie, when Victoria told her of the incident.
"No, not exactly. Unless he stole it from the first man."
""Ow could he steal it if he didn"t take it?" snapped Gertie.
"Well, he made believe to tip me when he didn"t, and he made believe that the first man was mean when it was he who was," said Victoria. "So he stole it from the first man to give it me."
"Lord, I don"t see what yer after," said Gertie. "You ain"t lost nothing. And the first fellow he ain"t lost nothing either. He"d _left_ his money."
Victoria struggled for a few sentences. The little c.o.c.kney brain could not take in her view. Gertie could only see that Victoria had had twopence from somebody instead of from somebody else, so what was her trouble?
"Tell yer wot," said Gertie summing up the case, "seems ter me the fellow knew wot he was after. Dodgy sort of thing to do. Oughter "ave thought of the looking-gla.s.s though."
Victoria turned away from Gertie"s crafty little smile. There was something in the girl that she could not understand; nor could Gertie understand her scruple. Gertie helped her a little though to solve the problem of waste; this girl could hardly be wasted, thought Victoria, for of what use could she be? She had neither the fine physique that enables a woman to bear big stupid sons, nor the intelligence which breeds a cleverer generation; she was sunk in the worship of easy pleasure, and ever bade the fleeting joy to tarry yet awhile.
"She isn"t alive at all," said Victoria to Lottie. "She merely grows older."
"Well, so do we," replied Lottie in matter of fact tones.
Victoria was compelled to admit the truth of this, but she did not see her point clearly enough to state it. Lottie, besides, did nothing to draw her out. In some ways she was Victoria"s oasis in the desert, for she was simple and gentle, but her status lymphaticus was permanent. She did not even dream.
Victoria"s psychological enquiries did not tend to make her popular. The verdict of the "Rosebud" was that she was a "rum one," perhaps a "deep one." The staff were confirmed in their suspicions that she was a "deep one" by the obvious attentions that Mr Burton paid her. They were not prudish, except Bella, who objected to "goings on"; to be distinguished by b.u.t.ty was rather disgusting, but it was flattering too.
"He could have anybody he liked, the dirty old tyke," remarked Cora. "Of course I"m not taking any," she added in response to a black look from Bella Prodgitt.
Victoria was not "taking any" either, but she every day found greater difficulty in repelling him. Burton would stand behind the counter near the kitchen door during the lunch hour, and whenever Victoria had to come up to it, he would draw closer, so close that she could see over the whites of his little eyes a fine web of blood vessels. Every time she came and went her skirts brushed against his legs; on her neck sometimes she felt the rush of his bitter scented breath.
One afternoon, in the change room, as she was dressing alone to leave at four, the door opened. She had taken off her blouse and turned with a little cry. Burton had come in suddenly. He walked straight up to her, his eyes not fixed on hers but on her bare arms. A faintness came over her. She hardly had the strength to repel him, as without a word he threw one arm round her waist, seizing her above the elbow with his other hand. As he tried to draw her towards him she saw a few inches from her face, just the man"s mouth, red and wet, like the sucker of a leech, the lips parted over the yellow teeth.
"Let me go!" she hissed, throwing her head back.
Burton ground her against him, craning his neck to touch her lips with his.
"Don"t be silly," he whispered, "I love you. You be my little girl."
"Let me go." Victoria shook him savagely.
"None of that." Burton"s eyes were glittering. The corners had pulled upwards with rage.
"Let me go, I say."
Burton did not answer. For a minute they wrestled. Victoria thrust him back against the wall. She almost turned sick as his hand, slipping round her, flattened itself on her bare shoulder. In that moment of weakness Burton won, and, bending her over, kissed her on the mouth. She struggled, but Burton had gripped her behind the neck. Three times he kissed her on the lips. A convulsion of disgust and she lay motionless in his embrace. There was a step on the stairs. A few seconds later Burton had slipped out by the side door.
"What"s up?" said Gladys suspiciously.
Victoria had sunk upon a chair, breathless, dishevelled, her face in her hands.
"Nothing . . . I . . . I feel sick," she faltered. Then she savagely wiped her mouth with her feather boa.
Victoria was getting a grip of things. The brute, the currish brute. The words rang in her head like a chorus. For days, the memory of the affray did not leave her. She guarded, too, against any recurrence of the scene.
Her hatred for Burton seemed to increase the fascination of Neville. She did not think of them together, but it always seemed to happen that, immediately after thrusting away the toad-like picture of the chairman, she thought of the blue-eyed boy. Yet her relations with Neville were ill-fated. Some days after the foul incident in the change room, Neville took her for one of his little "busts." As it was one of her late nights he called for her at a quarter past nine. They walked towards the west and, on the stroke of ten, Neville escorted her into one of the enormous restaurants that the Refreshment Rendezvous, known to London as the Ah-Ah, runs as anonymously as it may.
Victoria was amused. The R. R. was the owner of a palace, built, if not for the cla.s.ses, certainly not for the ma.s.ses. Its facing was of tortured Portland stone, where Greek columns, Italian, Louis XIV and Tudor mouldings blended with rich Byzantine gildings and pre-Raphaelite frescoes. Inside too, it was all plush, mainly red; gold again; palms, fountains, with goldfish and tin ducks. The restaurant was quite a fair imitation of the Carlton, but a table d"hote supper was provided for eighteen pence, including finger bowls in which floated a rose petal.