Edward was shaken by her pa.s.sion.
"You"ll never be free," he faltered, "you"re an outcast."
"An outcast from what?" sneered Victoria. "From society? What has society done for me? It"s kicked me, it"s bled me. It"s made me work ten hours a day for eight bob a week. It"d have sucked me dry and offered me the workhouse, or the Thames at the end. It made me almost a cripple."
Edward stared.
"Yes," said Victoria savagely. "That makes you squirm, sentimentalist.
Look at that!"
She put her foot on a chair, tucked up her skirt, tore down the stocking. Purplish still, the veins stood out on the firm white flesh.
Edward clenched both his hands and looked away. A look of pain was in his eyes.
"Yes, look at that," raged Victoria. "That"s what your society"s done for me. It"s chucked me into the water to teach me to swim, and it"s gloated over every choke. It"s fine talking about chivalry, isn"t it, when you see what honest labour"s done for me, isn"t it? It"s fine talking about purity when you see the price your society pays me for being what I am, isn"t it? Look at me. Look at my lace, look at my diamonds, look at my house . . . and think of the other side: eight bob a week, ten hours work a day, a room with no fire, and a bed with no sheets. But I know your society now, and as I can"t kill it I"ll cheat it. I"ve served it and it"s got two years of my life; but I"m going to get enough out of it to make it crawl."
She strode towards Edward.
"So don"t you come preaching to me," she hissed.
Edward"s head bent down. Slowly he walked towards the door.
"Yes," she said, "go. I"ve no use for you. I"m out for stronger meat."
He opened the door, then, without looking up,
"Good-bye," he said.
The door closed behind him. Victoria looked about her for some seconds, then sat down in the carving chair, her arms outstretched on the table.
Her teeth were clenched now, her jaw set; with indomitable purpose she looked out into the darkening room where she saw the battle and victory of life.
CHAPTER IV
VICTORIA had never loved adventure for its own sake. The change from drudgery to leisure was grateful as was all it brought in the shape of pretty clothes, jewels and savoury dishes; but she realised every day better that, taking it as a profession, her career was no great success.
It afforded her a fair livelihood, but the wasting a.s.set of her beauty could not be replaced; thus it behoved her to amortize its value at a rapid rate. She felt much better in health; her varicose veins had gone down a good deal, but she still preserved a dark mystery about them; after six months of intimate a.s.sociation, Cairns did not yet know why he had never seen Victoria without her stockings. Being man of the world enough to know that discretion is happiness, he had never pressed the point; a younger or more sensitive man would have torn away the veil, so as to achieve total intimacy at the risk of wrecking it. He was not of these, and vaguely Victoria did not thank him for a sentiment half discreet, half indifferent; such an att.i.tude for a lover suggested disregard for essentials. As she grew stronger and healthier her brain worked more clearly, and she began to realise that even ten years of a.s.sociation with this man would yield no more than a pittance. And it would be difficult to hold him for ten years.
Victoria certainly went ably to work to preserve for Cairns the feeling of novelty and adventure. It was practically in deference to her suggestions that he retained his chambers; he soon realised her wisdom and entered into the spirit of their life. He still understood very well the pleasure of being her guest. Victoria found no decline in his desire; perhaps it was less fiery, but it was as coa.r.s.e and as constant.
Certainly she was woman for him rather than merely a woman; moreover she was a habit. Victoria saw this clearly enough and resolved to make the most of it.
In accordance with her principles she kept her expenses down. She would not even allow herself the luxury of a maid; she found it cheaper to pay Mary higher wages. When Cairns was not expected her lunch was of the simplest, and Charlotte discovered with amazement that her rakish mistress could check a grocer"s book. Victoria was not even above cheating the Water Board by omitting to register her garden tap. All these, however, were petty economies; they would result in a saving of perhaps three hundred a year, a beggarly sum when pitted against the uncertainties of her profession.
She realised all this within three or four months of her new departure, and promptly decided that Cairns must be made to yield a higher revenue.
She felt that she could not very well tell him that a thousand a year was not enough; on the face of it it was ample. It was necessary therefore to launch out a little. The first step was to increase her visible supply of clothes, and this was easily done by buying the cheap and effective instead of the expensive and good. Cairns knew enough about women"s clothes to detect this now and then, but the changes bewildered him a little and he had some difficulty in seeing the difference between the latest thing and the cheapest. Whenever she was with him she affected the manners of a spendthrift; she would call cabs to carry her a hundred yards, give a beggar a shilling, or throw a pair of gloves out of the window because they had been worn once.
Cairns smiled tolerantly. She might as well have her fling, he thought, and a lack of discipline was as charming in a mistress as it was deplorable in a wife. He was therefore not surprised when, one morning, he found Victoria apparently nervous and worried. She owned that she was short of cash. In fact the manager of her bank had written to point out that her account was overdrawn.
"Dear me," said Cairns with mock gravity, "you"ve been going it, old girl! What"s all this? "Self," "Self," why all these cheques are to "Self." You"ll go broke."
"I suppose I shall," said Victoria wearily. "I don"t know how I do it, Tom. I"m no good at accounts. And I hate asking you for more money . . .
but what am I to do?"
She crossed her hands over her knees and looked up at him with a pretty expression of appeal. Cairns laughed.
"Don"t worry," he said, curling a lock of her hair round a fat forefinger. "I"ll see you through."
Victoria received that afternoon a cheque for two hundred and fifty pounds which she paid into her account. She did not, however, inform Cairns that the proceeds of the "Self" cheques had been paid into a separate account which she had opened with another bank. By this means, she was always able to exhibit a gloomy pa.s.s book whenever it was required.
Having discovered that Cairns was squeezable Victoria felt more hopeful as to the future. She was his only luxury and made the most of his liking for jewellery and furs. She even hit upon the more ingenious experiment of interesting Barbezan Soeurs in her little speculations.
The device was not novel: for a consideration of ten per cent these bustling dressmakers were ready to provide fict.i.tious bills and even solicitor"s letters couched in frigidly menacing terms. Cairns laughed and paid solidly. He had apparently far more money than he needed.
Victoria was almost an economy; without her he would have lost a fortune at bridge, kept a yacht perhaps and certainly a motor. As it was he was quite content with his poky chambers in St James", a couple of clubs which he never thought of entering, the house in Elm Tree Place and a stock of good cigars.
Cairns was happy, and Victoria labouring lightly for large profits, was contented too. Theirs were lazy lives, for Cairns was a man who could loaf. He loafed so successfully that he did not even think of interfering with Victoria"s reading. She now read steadily and voraciously; she eschewed novels, fearing the influence of sentiment.
"It will be time for sentiment by and by," she sometimes told herself.
Meanwhile she armoured her heart and sharpened her wits. The earlier political opinions which had formed in her mind under the pressure of toil remained unchanged but did not develop. She recognised herself as a parasite and almost gloried in it. She evolved as a system of philosophy that one"s conduct in life is a matter of alternatives. Nothing was good and nothing was evil; things were better than others or worse and there was an end of her morality. Victoria had no patience with theories. One day, much to Cairns surprise, she violently flung Ingersoll"s essays into the fender.
"Steady on," said Cairns, "steady on, old girl."
"Such rot," she snarled.
"Hear, hear," said Cairns, picking up the book and looking at its t.i.tle.
"Serve you right for reading that sort of stuff. I can"t make you out, Vic."
Victoria looked at him with a faint smile, but refused to a.s.sign a cause for her anger. In fact she had suddenly been irritated by Ingersoll"s definition of morality. "Perceived obligation," she thought. "And I don"t perceive any obligation!" She consoled herself suddenly with the thought that her amorality was a characteristic of the superman.
The superman preoccupied her now and then. He was a good subject for speculation because imponderable and inexistent. The nearest approach she could think of was a cross between an efficient colonial governor and a latter-day prophet. She believed quite sincerely that the day must come when children of the light must be born, capable of ruling and of keeping the law. She saw very well too that their production did not lie with an effete aristocracy any more than with a dirty and drunken democracy; probably they would be neo-plutocrats, men full of ambition, l.u.s.ting for power and yet imbued with a spirit of icy justice. Her earliest tendency had been towards an idealistic socialism. Burning with her own wrongs and touched by the angelic wing of sympathy, she had seen in the communisation of wealth the only means of curbing the evils it had hitherto wrought. Further observation showed her however that an idealism of this kind would not lead the world speedily into a peaceful haven. She saw too well that covetousness was still lurking snakelike in the bosom of man, ready to rear its ugly head and strike at any hand.
Thus she was not surprised to see the chaos which reigned among socialists, their intriguing, their jealousies, their unending dissensions, their apostacies. This did not throw her back into the stereotyped philosophy of individualism; for she could not help seeing that the system of modern life was absurd, stupidly wasteful above all of time, labour and wealth. To apply Nietzscheism to socialism was, however, beyond her; to reconcile the two doctrines which apparently conflict and really only overlap was a task too difficult for a brain which had lain fallow for twenty-five years. But she dimly felt that Nietzscheism did not mean a glorified imperialism, but a worship of intellectual efficiency and the stringent morality of _n.o.blesse oblige_.
Where Victoria began to part issue with her own thoughts was when she considered the position of women. Their outlook was one of unrelieved gloom; and it one day came upon her as a revelation that Nietzsche and Schopenhauer, following in a degree on Rousseau, had forgotten women in the scheme of life. There might be supermen but there would be no superwomen: if the supermen were true to their type they would have to crush and to dominate the women. As the latter fared so hard at the hands of the pigmies of to-day, what would they do if they could not develop in time to resist the sons of Anak? Victoria saw that the world was entering upon a s.e.x war. Hitherto a shameful state of peace had left women in the hands of men, turning over the other cheek to the smiter.
The s.e.x war, however, held forth no hopes to her; in the dim future, s.e.x equality might perhaps prevail; but she saw nothing to indicate that women had sown the seeds of their victory. She had no wish to enrol herself in the ranks of those who were waging an almost hopeless battle, armed with untrained intellects and unathletic bodies. She could not get away from the fact that the best woman athletes cannot compete with ordinary men, that even women with high intellectual qualifications had not ousted from commanding positions men of inferior ability.
All this, she thought, was unjust; but why hope for a change? There was nothing to show that men grew much better as a s.e.x; then why pin faith to the coming of better times? Women were parasites, working only under constraint, badly and at uncongenial tasks; their right to live was based on their capacity to please. This brought her to her own situation. The future lay before her in the shape of two roads. One was the road which led to the struggle for life; ending, she felt it too well, in a crawl to death on crippled limbs. The other was the road along which grew roses, roses which she could pluck and sell to men; at the end of that was the heaven of independence. It had golden gates; it was guarded by an angel in white garments with a palm leaf in his hands and beyond lay the pleasant places where she had a right of way. And as she looked again the heaven with the golden gates turned into a bank with a commissionaire at the door.
Her choice being made, she did not regret it. For the time being her life was pleasant enough, and if it could be made a little more profitable it would soon be well worth living, and her freedom would be earned. Meanwhile she took pleasure in small things. The little house was almost a show place, so delicate and refined were its inner and outer details. Victoria saw to it that frequently changed flowers decorated the beds in the front garden; j.a.panese trees, dwarfed and gnarled, stood right and left of the steps, scowling like tiny t.i.tans; all the blinds in the house were a ma.s.s of insertion. These blinds were a feature for her; they implied secrecy. Behind the half blinds were thick curtains of decorated muslin; behind these again, heavy curtains which could be drawn at will. They were the impenetrable veil which closed off from the world and its brutalities this oasis of forbidden joys.
In the house also she was ever elaborating, sybaritising her life. She had a branch telephone fixed at the head of her bed; the first time that Cairns used it to tell his man to bring up his morning coat she had the peculiar sensation that her bed was in touch with the world. She could call up anybody, the Archbishop of Canterbury, the Governor of the Bank of England or the headquarters of the Salvation Army. Her bed was the centre of the world. She fitted the doors of her bedroom and her boudoir with curious little locks which acted on the pressure of a finger for her mind was turned on delicacies and the sharp click of a bolt, the grating of a key savoured of the definite, therefore of the coa.r.s.e. A twist of the k.n.o.b between two fingers and the world was silently shut out.
Now too that she was beautiful once more she revelled in mirrors. The existing ones in her bedroom and in the boudoir were not enough; they were public, unintimate. She had a high mirror fixed in the bathroom, so that she could see herself in her freshness, covered with pearly beads like a naiad. She rejoiced in her beauty, in her renewed strength; she often stood for many minutes in the dim steamy light of the room, a.n.a.lysing her body, its grace and youth, with a growing consciousness of latent power. Then, suddenly, the faint violet streaks of the varicose veins would intrude upon the rite and she would wrap herself up jealously in her bath robe so that not even the mirror should be a confidant of the past.
CHAPTER V