"You blame me--you repent your courses--you repent that you ever, ever owned anything to me!"
"No, Nicholas, I do not repent that," she returned gently, though with firmness. "But I think that you ought not to have got that licence without asking me first; and I also think that you ought to have known how it would be if you lived on here in your present position, and made no effort to better it. I can bear whatever comes, for social ruin is not personal ruin or even personal disgrace. But as a sensible, new-risen poet says, whom I have been reading this morning:-
The world and its ways have a certain worth: And to press a point while these oppose Were simple policy. Better wait.
As soon as you had got my promise, Nic, you should have gone away--yes--and made a name, and come back to claim me. That was my silly girlish dream about my hero."
"Perhaps I can do as much yet! And would you have indeed liked better to live away from me for family reasons, than to run a risk in seeing me for affection"s sake? O what a cold heart it has grown! If I had been a prince, and you a dairymaid, I"d have stood by you in the face of the world!"
She shook her head. "Ah--you don"t know what society is--you don"t know."
"Perhaps not. Who was that strange gentleman of about seven-and-twenty I saw at Mr. Bellston"s christening feast?"
"Oh--that was his nephew James. Now he is a man who has seen an unusual extent of the world for his age. He is a great traveller, you know."
"Indeed."
"In fact an explorer. He is very entertaining."
"No doubt."
Nicholas received no shock of jealousy from her announcement. He knew her so well that he could see she was not in the least in love with Bellston. But he asked if Bellston were going to continue his explorations.
"Not if he settles in life. Otherwise he will, I suppose."
"Perhaps I could be a great explorer, too, if I tried."
"You could, I am sure."
They sat apart, and not together; each looking afar off at vague objects, and not in each other"s eyes. Thus the sad autumn afternoon waned, while the waterfall hissed sarcastically of the inevitableness of the unpleasant. Very different this from the time when they had first met there.
The nook was most picturesque; but it looked horridly common and stupid now. Their sentiment had set a colour hardly less visible than a material one on surrounding objects, as sentiment must where life is but thought. Nicholas was as devoted as ever to the fair Christine; but unhappily he too had moods and humours, and the division between them was not closed.
She had no sooner got indoors and sat down to her work-table than her father entered the drawing-room.
She handed him his newspaper; he took it without a word, went and stood on the hearthrug, and flung the paper on the floor.
"Christine, what"s the meaning of this terrible story? I was just on my way to look at the register."
She looked at him without speech.
"You have married--Nicholas Long?"
"No, father."
"No? Can you say no in the face of such facts as I have been put in possession of?"
"Yes."
"But--the note you wrote to the rector--and the going to church?"
She briefly explained that their attempt had failed.
"Ah! Then this is what that dancing meant, was it? By ---, it makes me ---. How long has this been going on, may I ask?"
"This what?"
"What, indeed! Why, making him your beau. Now listen to me. All"s well that ends well; from this day, madam, this moment, he is to be nothing more to you. You are not to see him. Cut him adrift instantly! I only wish his volk were on my farm--out they should go, or I would know the reason why. However, you are to write him a letter to this effect at once."
"How can I cut him adrift?"
"Why not? You must, my good maid!"
"Well, though I have not actually married him, I have solemnly sworn to be his wife when he comes home from abroad to claim me. It would be gross perjury not to fulfil my promise. Besides, no woman can go to church with a man to deliberately solemnize matrimony, and refuse him afterwards, if he does nothing wrong meanwhile."
The uttered sound of her strong conviction seemed to kindle in Christine a livelier perception of all its bearings than she had known while it had lain unformulated in her mind. For when she had done speaking she fell down on her knees before her father, covered her face, and said, "Please, please forgive me, papa! How could I do it without letting you know! I don"t know, I don"t know!"
When she looked up she found that, in the turmoil of his mind, her father was moving about the room. "You are within an ace of ruining yourself, ruining me, ruining us all!" he said. "You are nearly as bad as your brother, begad!"
"Perhaps I am--yes--perhaps I am!"
"That I should father such a harum-scarum brood!"
"It is very bad; but Nicholas--"
"He"s a scoundrel!"
"He is not a scoundrel!" cried she, turning quickly. "He"s as good and worthy as you or I, or anybody bearing our name, or any n.o.bleman in the kingdom, if you come to that! Only--only"--she could not continue the argument on those lines. "Now, father, listen!" she sobbed; "if you taunt me I"ll go off and join him at his farm this very day, and marry him to-morrow, that"s what I"ll do!"
"I don"t taant ye!"
"I wish to avoid unseemliness as much as you."
She went away. When she came back a quarter of an hour later, thinking to find the room empty, he was standing there as before, never having apparently moved. His manner had quite changed. He seemed to take a resigned and entirely different view of circ.u.mstances.
"Christine, here"s a paragraph in the paper hinting at a secret wedding, and I"m blazed if it don"t point to you. Well, since this was to happen, I"ll bear it, and not complain. All volk have crosses, and this is one of mine. Now, this is what I"ve got to say--I feel that you must carry out this attempt at marrying Nicholas Long. Faith, you must! The rumour will become a scandal if you don"t--that"s my view. I have tried to look at the brightest side of the case. Nicholas Long is a young man superior to most of his cla.s.s, and fairly presentable. And he"s not poor--at least his uncle is not. I believe the old muddler could buy me up any day. However, a farmer"s wife you must be, as far as I can see. As you"ve made your bed, so ye must lie. Parents propose, and ungrateful children dispose. You shall marry him, and immediately."
Christine hardly knew what to make of this. "He is quite willing to wait, and so am I. We can wait for two or three years, and then he will be as worthy as--"
"You must marry him. And the sooner the better, if "tis to be done at all . . . And yet I did wish you could have been Jim Bellston"s wife. I did wish it! But no."
"I, too, wished it and do still, in one sense," she returned gently. His moderation had won her out of her defiant mood, and she was willing to reason with him.
"You do?" he said surprised.
"I see that in a worldly sense my conduct with Mr. Long may be considered a mistake."
"H"m--I am glad to hear that--after my death you may see it more clearly still; and you won"t have long to wait, to my reckoning."