Extracts From letters Written on Behalf of the Universal House of Justice to individual believers unless otherwise cited
68: That the first teacher of the child is the mother should not be startling,...
That the first teacher of the child is the mother should not be startling, for the primary orientation of the infant is to its mother. This provision of nature in no way minimizes the role of the father in the Baha"i family.
Again, equality of status does not mean ident.i.ty of function.
(23 June 1974) [68]
69: In considering the problems that you and your wife are experiencing, the...
In considering the problems that you and your wife are experiencing, the House of Justice points out that the unity of your family should take priority over any other consideration. Baha"u"llah came to bring unity to the world, and a fundamental unity is that of the family. Therefore, we must believe that the Faith is intended to strengthen the family, not weaken it. For example, service to the Cause should not produce neglect of the family. It is important for you to arrange your time so that your family life is harmonious and your household receives the attention it requires.
Baha"u"llah also stressed the importance of consultation. We should not think this worthwhile method of seeking solutions is confined to the administrative inst.i.tutions of the Cause. Family consultation employing full and frank discussion, and animated by awareness of the need for moderation and balance, can be the panacea for domestic conflict. Wives should not attempt to dominate their husbands, nor husbands their wives....
(1 August 1978) [69]
70: Noting that you and your husband have consulted about your family problems...
Noting that you and your husband have consulted about your family problems with your Spiritual a.s.sembly but did not receive any advice, and also discussed your situation with a family counsellor without success, the House of Justice feels it most essential for your husband and you to understand that marriage can be a source of well-being, conveying a sense of security and spiritual happiness. However, it is not something that just happens. For marriage to become a haven of contentment it requires the cooperation of the marriage partners themselves, and the a.s.sistance of their families....
(24 June 1979) [70]
71: The members of a family all have duties and responsibilities towards one...
The members of a family all have duties and responsibilities towards one another and to the family as a whole, and these duties and responsibilities vary from member to member because of their natural relationships. The parents have the inescapable duty to educate their children-but not vice versa; the children have the duty to obey their parents-the parents do not obey the children; the mother-not the father-bears the children, nurses them in babyhood, and is thus their first educator; hence daughters have a prior right to education over sons and, as the Guardian"s secretary has written on his behalf, "The task of bringing up a Baha"i child, as emphasized time and again in Baha"i Writings, is the chief responsibility of the mother, whose unique privilege is indeed to create in her home such conditions as would be most conducive to both his material and spiritual welfare and advancement. The training which a child first receives through his mother const.i.tutes the strongest foundation for his future development..." A corollary of this responsibility of the mother is her right to be supported by her husband-a husband has no explicit right to be supported by his wife....
In any group, however loving the consultation, there are nevertheless points on which, from time to time, agreement cannot be reached. In a Spiritual a.s.sembly this dilemma is resolved by a majority vote. There can, however, be no majority where only two parties are involved, as in the case of a husband and wife. There are, therefore, times when a wife should defer to her husband, and times when a husband should defer to his wife, but neither should ever unjustly dominate the other. In short, the relationship between husband and wife should be as held forth in the prayer revealed by "Abdu"l-Baha which is often read at Baha"i weddings: "Verily, they are married in obedience to Thy command. Cause them to become the signs of harmony and unity until the end of time."
These are all relationships within the family, but there is a much wider sphere of relationships between men and women than in the home, and this too we should consider in the context of Baha"i society, not in that of past or present social norms. For example, although the mother is the first educator of the child, and the most important formative influence in his development, the father also has the responsibility of educating his children, and this responsibility is so weighty that Baha"u"llah has stated that a father who fails to exercise it forfeits his rights of fatherhood. Similarly, although the primary responsibility for supporting the family financially is placed upon the husband, this does not by any means imply that the place of woman is confined to the home....
(28 December 1980 to the National Spiritual a.s.sembly of New Zealand) [71]
72: You have asked, however, for specific rules of conduct to govern the...
You have asked, however, for specific rules of conduct to govern the relationships of husbands and wives. This the House of Justice does not wish to do, and it feels that there is already adequate guidance included in the compilation on this subject. For example the principle that the rights of each and all in the family unit must be upheld, and the advice that loving consultation should be the keynote, that all matters should be settled in harmony and love, and that there are times when the husband and the wife should defer to the wishes of the other. Exactly under what circ.u.mstances such deference should take place, is a matter for each couple to determine....
(16 May 1982) [72]
73: You ask about the admonition that everyone must work, and want to know if...
You ask about the admonition that everyone must work, and want to know if this means that you, a wife and mother, must work for a livelihood as your husband does. We are requested to enclose for your perusal an excerpt, "The twelfth Glad-Tidings", from Baha"u"llah"s "Tablet of Bi_sh_arat".(3) You will see that the directive is for the friends to be engaged in an occupation which will be of benefit to mankind. Homemaking is a highly honourable and responsible work of fundamental importance for mankind....
(16 June 1982) [73]
74: With regard to your question whether mothers should work outside the home,...
With regard to your question whether mothers should work outside the home, it is helpful to consider the matter from the perspective of the concept of a Baha"i family. This concept is based on the principle that the man has primary responsibility for the financial support of the family, and the woman is the chief and primary educator of the children. This by no means implies that these functions are inflexibly fixed and cannot be changed and adjusted to suit particular family situations, nor does it mean that the place of the woman is confined to the home. Rather, while primary responsibility is a.s.signed, it is antic.i.p.ated that fathers would play a significant role in the education of the children and women could also be breadwinners. As you rightly indicated, "Abdu"l-Baha encouraged women to "partic.i.p.ate fully and equally in the affairs of the world".
In relation to your specific queries, the decision concerning the amount of time a mother may spend in working outside the home depends on circ.u.mstances existing within the home, which may vary from time to time.
Family consultation will help to provide the answers....
(9 August 1984) [74]
75: The great importance attached to the mother"s role derives from the fact...
The great importance attached to the mother"s role derives from the fact that she is the first educator of the child. Her att.i.tude, her prayers, even what she eats and her physical condition have a great influence on the child when it is still in the womb. When the child is born, it is she who has been endowed by G.o.d with the milk which is the first food designed for it, and it is intended that, if possible, she should be with the baby to train and nurture it in its earliest days and months. This does not mean that the father does not also love, pray for, and care for his baby, but as he has the primary responsibility of providing for the family, his time to be with his child is usually limited, while the mother is usually closely a.s.sociated with the baby during this intensely formative time when it is growing and developing faster than it ever will again during the whole of its life. As the child grows older and more independent, the relative nature of its relationship with its mother and father modifies and the father can play a greater role.
(23 August 1984 to two believers) [75]
IV. WOMEN IN THE WORLD AT LARGE
Extract From the Writings of Baha"u"llah
76: It is enjoined upon every one of you to engage in some form of occupation,...