"If you can"t make up your mind in twenty-four hours, neither can you in two hundred and forty. I don"t want to hurry you, but you must have some consideration for me; imagine my state of mind. Why, I"ll be on the rack till we meet again. I fancy a conscientious woman is about the cruellest creature that walks! However, I"ll stick to my promise: I will not intrude on you till the day after to-morrow. Then I will come at eleven o"clock for your answer; and, Katherine, my love, my life, it must be "yes.""
He took and kissed her hand more than once, then he went swiftly away.
The hours which succeeded were painfully agitated. Katherine felt that De Burgh had every right to consider himself virtually accepted. She liked him--yes, certainly she liked him, and might have loved him, but for her irresistible, unreasonable, unmaidenly attachment to Errington.
If she made up her mind to marry him, that would fill her heart and relieve it from the dull aching which had strained it so long; once a wife, she would never give a thought save to her own husband, but, before she reached the profound and death-like peace of such a position, she must tell her story to De Burgh--and how would he take it? With all his ruggedness, he had a keen and delicate sense of honor; still she felt his pa.s.sion for her would overcome all obstacles for the time, but how would it be afterwards, when they had settled down to the routine of every-day life? It would be a tremendous experiment, but she could not let him enter on that close union in ignorance of the blot on her scutcheon, and then the door would be closed on the earlier half of her life, which had been so bitter-sweet. How little peace she had known since her mother"s death! how heavenly sweet her life had been when she knew no deeper care than to shield that dear mother from anxiety and trouble! and now there was no one belonging to her on whose wisdom and strength she had a right to rely. Perhaps, after all, it might be better to accept De Burgh, and end her uncertainties. Though by no means given to weeping, Katherine could not recover composure until after the relief of a copious flood of tears.
"Well, dear!" cried Mrs. Needham, when they were left together after dinner, "I am just bursting with curiosity. What news have you for me?
and what have you been doing with yourself? You look ghastly, and I positively believe you have been crying. What have you done? I can"t believe that you have refused Lord de Burgh--you couldn"t be such a madwoman! Why you might lead----"
"How do you know he gave me an opportunity?" interrupted Katherine, with a faint smile.
"Don"t talk like that, dear!" said Mrs. Needham, severely. "What would bring Lord de Burgh here day after day but trying to win you? I have been waiting for what I knew was inevitable; now, Katherine, tell me, have you rejected him?"
"No, Mrs. Needham, I have asked him for time to reflect."
"Oh, that is all right," in a tone of satisfaction, "and only means a turn of the rack while you can handle the screws; of course you"ll accept him when he comes again. After all, though there are plenty of unhappy marriages, there is no joy so delightful as reciprocal affection. I am sure I never saw a creature so glorified by love as Angela Bradley; she told me at Mrs. Cochrane"s she had a wonderful piece of news for me, and, when I said perhaps I knew it, she beamed all over and squeezed my hand as she whispered, "Perhaps you do!" I saw her driving Errington in her pony-carriage afterwards, and meeting old Captain Everard just then, he nodded after them and said, "That"s an excellent arrangement; the wedding, I hear, is fixed for the twenty-ninth of next month." Now, I don"t quite believe _that_; Angela would certainly have told me, but I am sure it will come off soon. I am glad for both their sakes."
"I am sure they will make a very happy couple, and I really believe I shall follow their example."
"Quite right! The double event will make a sensation, my dear child: to see _you_ happily and splendidly settled will be the greatest joy I have known for years, and what will Colonel Ormonde say?"
"I neither know nor care; and, Mrs. Needham, if you don"t mind, I will go to bed. I have _such_ a headache."
The fateful morning found Katherine resolved and composed.
She would tell De Burgh everything, and, if her revelation did not frighten him away, she would try to make him happy and to be happy herself. It would be painful to tell him, but oh! nothing compared with the agony of humiliation it cost her to prostrate herself morally before Errington. Still she would be glad when the confession was over; afterwards, feeling her destiny decided, she would be calmer and more resigned. Resigned? what a term to apply to her acceptance of an honest man"s hearty affection; for, whatever De Burgh"s life may have been, he had said he had done nothing he was ashamed of. By some unconscious impulse she dressed herself in black, and went down to the drawing-room with her knitting, that she might be ready to receive the man who, an hour later, might be her affianced husband.
On the stairs she met Ford, who informed her that Miss Trant was waiting for her. Katherine felt glad of any interruption to her thoughts, especially as she knew that the arrival of a visitor would be the signal for Rachel"s departure.
"I am so glad to see you," exclaimed Katherine, "but how is it you have escaped so early?"
"I have been to the City to buy goods, and came round here to have a peep at you, for Miss Payne told me yesterday of your trouble about the boys."
"How early you are! why, it is scarcely eleven. Yes, (sit down for a moment,) yes, I was dreadfully angry and upset;" and Katherine proceeded to describe Cecil"s letter, and her visit to the school.
"I wish you could take them away," said Rachel, thoughtfully.
"Perhaps, later on, I may be able, but I do not think there is any chance that poor Charlie will be punished again. He is never really naughty, but he has had a great shock."
"So have you, I imagine, to judge from your looks."
"Do I look shocked? And how have you been? It is so long since I was able to go and see you."
"I have been, and am very well--very busy, and really succeeding. I have opened a banking account, and feel very proud of my cheque-book. Do you know that Mr. Newton has advanced me two hundred pounds? Just now it is worth a thousand, it lifts me over the waiting time. I have sent in my quarter"s accounts, and in a month the payments will begin to come in.
I"ll make a good business yet."
"I believe you will."
"What a pretty room!" said Rachel, looking round. "How nice it is to know you are comfortable; by the time you are tired of your secretaryship, I hope to have a nice little sum laid by for you."
"What a wonderful woman of business you are, Rachel," said Katherine, admiringly.
"I ought to be! It is the only thing left to me, and I am thankful to say I get more and more---" she stopped, for the door opened and Lord de Burgh was announced.
CHAPTER x.x.xIII.
REPULSION.
Rachel started from her seat and stood facing the door. Her cheek flushed crimson, then grew deadly white, her lips parted as if she breathed with difficulty.
De Burgh, the moment his eyes fell on her, stopped as if suddenly arrested by an invisible hand; his eyes expressed horror and surprise, his dark face grew darker. Rachel quickly recovered. "I will call again," she murmured, and pa.s.sing him swiftly, noiselessly, left the room, closing the door behind her.
Like a flash of lightning, the meaning of this scene darted through Katherine"s brain. Clasping her hands with interlaced fingers, she pressed them against her breast.
"Ah!" she exclaimed (there was infinite pain in that "ah!") "then _you_ are the man?"
"What do you mean?" asked De Burgh, in a sullen tone, his thick brows almost meeting in a frown.
"The man she loved and lived with," returned Katherine, the words were low and clear.
"I am!" he replied, defiantly. Then a dreadful silence fell upon them.
Katherine dropped into a chair, and, resting her elbows on the table, covered her face with her hands.
"My G.o.d!" exclaimed De Burgh, advancing a step nearer. "How does she come here?"
Katherine could not speak for a moment; at last, and still covering her eyes and with a low quick utterance as if overwhelmed, she said,
"I have known her for some time. I found her dying of despair! I was able to befriend her, to win her back to life, to something like hope.
She told me everything, except the name. We have ceased to speak of the past! I little knew, I could not have dreamed--I never suspected;" her voice broke, and she burst into tears, irresistible tears which she struggled vainly to repress.
"Why should you _not_ suspect me!" exclaimed De Burgh, harshly. "Did you suppose me above or below other men?"
"Ah! poor Rachel! what a flood of unspeakable bitterness must have overwhelmed her, to find _you_ here!"
De Burgh paced to and fro, bewildered, furious, not knowing how to defend himself or what to say.
"I am the most unfortunate devil that ever breathed!" he exclaimed at last, pausing beside the table and resting one hand on it. "Look here, Katherine, how can a girl like you--for, in spite of your mature airs, you are a mere girl--how can you judge the--the temptations and ways of a world of which you know nothing?"
"Temptations!" she murmured; "did Rachel ask _you_ to take her to live with you?"
"No, of course not," angrily, "she is rather a superior creature, I admit; but I deny that I ever deceived or deserted her! She was perfectly aware I never Intended to marry her, and I was awfully put out when she disappeared. I did my best to find her. But the fact is, when she did _not_ reappear, I not unnaturally supposed she had gone off with some other man."
Katherine looked upon him suddenly with such tragic, horrified eyes that De Burgh was startled; then she slightly raised her hands with an expressive gesture, again covering her face.