"Life isna lang enough to untie some knots."
Then with her head still resolutely turned from Allan, she put by the wheel, and went into her room, and locked its door. Her face was as gray as ashes. She sat with clenched hands, and tight-drawn lips, and swayed her body backwards and forwards like one in an extremity of physical anguish.
"Oh Allan! Allan! You hae killed me!" she whispered; "you hae broken my heart in twa."
As she did not return to him, Allan went to his room also, and fell asleep; a sleep of exhaustion, not indifference. Maggie"s plan had struck him at first as one entirely impracticable with a refined, conventional girl like Mary Campbell; but when a long dreamless rest had cleared and refreshed his mind, he began to think that the plan, primitive as it was, might be a good one. In love, as well as geometry, the straight line might be the easiest and best.
But he had no further opportunity to discuss it with her. David"s trip to Glasgow was a very important affair to him, and he stayed at home in the afternoon to prepare for it. Then Maggie had her first hard lesson in self-restraint. All her other sorrows had touched lives beside her own; tears and lamentations had not only been natural, they had been expected of her. But now she was brought face to face with a grief she must hide from every eye. If a child is punished, and yet forbidden to weep, what a tumult of reproach and anguish and resentment is in the small pathetic face! Maggie"s face was the reflex of a soul in just such a position. She blamed Allan, and she excused him in the same moment. The cry in her heart was "why didna he tell me? Why didna he tell me before it was o"er late?
He kent weel a woman be to love him! He should hae spoken afore this! But it"s my ain fault! My ain fault! I ought to think shame o" mysel" for giving what was ne"er sought."
David noticed the pale anguish of her cheeks and mouth, and the look of terror in her eyes, but he thought her trouble was entirely on his own account. "Dinna fret aboot me, Maggie," he said kindly, "I am going where I hae been sent, and there"s nae ill thing will come to me. And we sall Hae the summer thegither, and plenty o" time to sort the future comfortable for you. Why, la.s.sie, you sall come wi" me to Glasca", rayther than I"ll hae you looking sae broken-hearted."
It was not a pleasant evening. Allan was packing his best pictures and Some clothing. David was also busy. The house was upside down, and there was no peace anywhere. Maggie"s one hope was, that she would be able to bear up until they were gone. Fortunately the tide served very early, and almost at daylight she called the travelers for their breakfast. They were both silent, and perhaps no one was sorry when those few terrible minutes of approaching farewells were over. At the last, with all her efforts, Maggie could not keep back her tears, and David"s black, shiny eyes were dim and misty also.
"Few men hae sae kind-hearted a sister as I hae," he said gratefully.
Scotch families are not demonstrative in their affections; very seldom in all her life had Maggie kissed her brother, but when he stood with his bonnet in his hand, and the "good-bye" on his lips, she lifted her face and kissed him tenderly. Allan tried to make the parting a matter of little consequence. "We shall be back in a few days, Maggie;" he said cheerily. "David is only going for a pleasuring"--and he held out his hand and looked her brightly in the face. So they went into the boat, and she watched them out of harbor; and Allan long remembered how grandly beautiful she was, standing at the very edge of the land, with the sunshine falling all over her, the wind blowing backward her hair and her plaid, and her white bare arm raised above her head in a last adieu. He saw her turn slowly away, and he knew how her heart ached by the sharpness of the pain in his own.
She went back to the desolate untidy house and fastened the door, and drew the curtains, and sat down full of misery, that took all light and hope out of her life. She did not lose herself in a.n.a.lysis; the tide of sorrow went on rising, rising, until it submerged her. Accustomed to draw all her reflections from the Bible, she moaned out "Lover and friend thou hast put far from me." Ah! there is no funeral so sad to follow as the funeral of our first love, and all its wonderful hopes.
In a little while there was a knock at the door, and she had to dry her eyes and open to the neighbors, who had many curiosities to satisfy. David and "Maister Campbell" were gone, and they did not fear Maggie. She had to enter common life again, to listen to wonderings, and congratulations, and wearisome jokes. To smile, to answer questions, and yet, to hear amid all the tumult of words and laughter, always one voice, the sound of which penetrated all other sounds; to be conscious of only one thought, which she had to guard jealously, with constant care, lest she should let it slip amid the clash of thoughts around her.
Oh, how she hated the sunshine and the noisy babble of it! How feverishly she longed for the night, for the shadows in which she could weep, for the darkness in which she could be herself, for the isolation in which she could escape from slavery! It was an entirely new, strange feeling to her.
In that simple community; joys and sorrows were not for secrecy. A wedding or a funeral was the affair of every one. Women were expected to weep publicly, and if they wore sackcloth and ashes, to wear it in the sight of every one. Love affairs were discussed without ceremony, and often arranged in full family conclaves. All married strictly within their own rank; not once in a generation did a fisher-girl marry "out of the boats."
Maggie would have been really afraid to speak of her love for a gentleman like Allan Campbell. She knew well what a storm of advices, perhaps even of scorn and reproaches, her confidence would be met with. Yet she would talk freely enough about Angus Raith, and when Christie Buchan told her Raith"s version of their quarrel, she did not hesitate to fly into a pa.s.sion of indignation, and stigmatize him freely as "a liar and a cowardly ne"er-do-weel."
"You"ll mak" it up," said Christie, "and marry him when the year is oot.
Deed you"ll be kind o" forced to, for he"ll let nae other lad come Speiring after you."
"I"ll ne"er mak" it up wi" him; no, not for a" the gold in Fife; and you may tell him if he ever speaks o" me again, I"ll strike the lies aff his black mouth wi" my ain hand." She found a safe vent for her emotions in the subject, and she continued it until her visitors went. But it was an unwise thing. Raith had kin and friends in Pittenloch; all that she had said in her excited mental condition was in time repeated to them, and she was eventually made to feel that there was a "set" who regarded her with active ill will.
In the meantime, Allan and David had a pleasant sail to Leith; and during it Allan made David"s position perfectly clear to him. "Dr. Balmuto has taken for himself the pleasure of buying your first books, David," he said; "you must let me select your first scholastic wardrobe; or rather we will go together to my tailor, for he will know exactly what is necessary for you. The square cap of your college, and its scarlet gown, we shall procure best in Glasgow."
"I"ll do whate"er you say, sir." "You see, David, the respectability of the theological cla.s.s must be kept up, and it will be better that Professor Laird sees you first dressed as a student, rather than as a fisher. Then, as one never knows what may happen, I shall deposit to your credit in the Western Bank of Glasgow, the sum of 400. It will be for your fees, and board, and books, and dress. You will have to be very careful, David. I wanted to make it 500, but Dr. Balmuto said you would like better the idea of economy. Not one word, David. I know all you feel.
I am happier than you are; and if the obligation ever becomes a painful one to you, why pay me back when you get a kirk and a good stipend."
"I hear you, sir, and I"m gratefu" as man can be."
"Very likely Professor Laird may wish you to stay a week with him. He will want to find out what you know, and what studies you can be pursuing this summer. If he does so, I shall take that opportunity to visit my friends.
Then we can return to Pittenloch until the cla.s.ses open. I look forward to some calm, happy weeks, David; and perhaps I shall be able to help you with your Latin and Greek. I wasn"t a bad scholar two years ago."
"Is your hame far awa", sir?"
"I dare say, David, you think it strange I do not ask you to go with me there."
"It wad ill set me to hae such thochts, sir. I hope you dinna put them to me."
"The truth is, David, I have had a little trouble with my family. If you won"t mind my secrecy, I should prefer not to speak of it."
"I hae naething to do wi" your private affairs, sir. I wad think it the height o" dishonor to mak" any inquiry concerning them."
Then the subject was readily turned, for David"s mind and imagination was full of the lovely and grand city in which he found himself. He had never been beyond the small fishing towns of Fife, and the ancient castle and palace, the fine terraces of handsome houses, the marching to and fro of soldiers, the streets and kirks made sacred by the sufferings of the Covenanters and the voice of Knox, filled his soul with unspeakable emotions. Glasgow, at first, almost terrified him. "It"s the City o" Human Power," he wrote to Maggie. "It is fu" o" hurrying crowds, and harsh alarms, and contentious noises. And the horses and the carriages! They are maist fearsome! Also the drivers o" them are a fierce and insolent race o"
men; and I tak" credit to mysel", that I hae not been quite dumfounded wi"
the noise o" it."
Allan had a private interview with Professor Laird before he introduced David to him; and doubtless satisfactory arrangements were made, for David received a cordial welcome to his house. He had taken naturally to his black clothes; never for a moment had he felt or appeared out of place in them; and the professor, after a keen look at his new student, said in an aside to Allan--
"A born ecclesiastic, a natural theologian; where did you find him, Mr.
Campbell?"
"Where Christ found some apostles, in the fishing boats. He will do, I think."
"Do! He is one of those men who will walk up to fame as they would to a friend in their own home."
CHAPTER VI
OFF WITH THE OLD LOVE.
"There is a change in every hour"s recall, And the last cowslip in the fields we see On the same day with the first corn poppy.
Alas for hourly change, Alas for all The loves that from his hand proud Youth lets fall, Even as the beads of a told rosary!"
The next day Allan bade David "good-bye," for a week. He went first to his father"s office; where he received a glad welcome. Their dispute did not interfere with the courtesies of life; nor indeed, had it in any degree dulled the sincere affection between father and son. As they stood a moment hand-fast, they looked into each other"s face, and in the mutual look there was a dumb acknowledgment of a love which could not be easily shadowed, and which no circ.u.mstances could altogether extinguish.
"Where have you been so long, Allan? I have wearied to see you."
"I was on the East coast, father."
"Trying to find out what you really wanted?"
"That, and also making some fine studies. I have brought back with me a few pictures which I hope you will like. Shall I take the noon boat to Meriton, or wait for you?"
"Go at noon. I may stop at Largo to see a yacht I think of buying."
"How is Mary?"
"Well and bonnie. She will be glad to see you. She has been glad always to see a letter with the Edinburgh postmark. James Sinclair is waiting for advices, so "good-bye" until we meet at Meriton. Just tell MacRoy to let us have a bottle of the "comet" [Footnote: _Comet wine_, that of 1811, the year of the comet, and the best vintage on record; famed for its delicate aroma.] Madeira tonight. The occasion will excuse it." Allan felt grateful, for he knew what the order really meant--it was the wine of homecoming, and rejoicing, and grat.i.tude. And afterall, he had been something of a prodigal, and his father"s greeting, so full of regard, so dest.i.tute of reproach, had touched him very much. How beautiful was Clyde side! How homelike the heathery hills, the dimpling bays, the luxuriant stretches of wood, the stately dwellings crowning the smooth green, sloping lawns! The bold rocks of Fife, the bellowing waves, the plaintive cries of the fishermen, the salt and sparkle of the great sea, the rocking, bounding boat upon it, all these things slipped from his memory in the charm of the present picture.
He was impatient to reach his home, and glad to see the coachman and a phaeton waiting, when the steamer touched the little jetty. The man raised his hat with a pleasure there was no mistaking. "I came my ways doon on a "may be," sir," he said proudly, "I jist had a feeling o" being wanted here. Whiles, thae feelings are as gude as a positive order. You"ll be come to stay, Mr. Allan, surely, sir. There"ll be a sight o" birds in the heather this year."
"My stay depends on this and that, Archibald. Is there any change round Meriton?"
"Nane worth the praising, sir. We hae a new minister. I dinna think much o" him."
"Not orthodox, I suppose."