Chapter 208
Jingai Musume 208
Side Story: Fulfillment Only In Death
Editor(s): Joker, Speedphoenix
I know . I know that this is just a dream, a hallucination, a fabrication of the mind .
Because he is already dead . Here, no one knows him . No one has ever met him—or even thought about him .
And there, it’s no different . They’ve already stopped thinking about the impact he had on their everyday lives . Their activities no longer reminded them of him . Because they’ve already moved on .
He doesn’t matter anymore .
It’s like he never existed to begin with .
But still, from time to time, I dream of him .
Because I am his reflection .
That’s why I will—can—not forget him .
Because I am all that’s left to prove that he had lived .
He was normal . Average . He had both parents, and just as many friends as anyone else . As he was still young, he had yet to ama.s.s much in the way of savings, but he never hurt for money . He had enough to get by .
Elsewhere, people suffered . People around the world were subject to civil wars, international conflicts, terrorists, pandemics, and many other acts of unfairness outside their control . And each day, some would die . Unlike them, he was blessed enough not to know death . He never lived in fear of it . Nor had he ever considered courting it .
Still, he felt his life was meaningless .
I knew my life was meaningless .
I didn’t know why I bothered going through all the motions . I didn’t feel like there was any point in existing . Or that my life held any value, intrinsic or otherwise .
I existed .
But that was it .
I knew from the start that I was self-centred . That, as far as I was concerned, everything was about me .
But that was why .
That was exactly why it felt as if I was all alone in the world .
My solitude was deep-seated .
Ingrained .
I knew that there were many other people out there .
But it never really felt like I truly connected to them .
I was all alone .
The world itself was vast .
But mine wasn’t .
So little of it seemed to matter . The few parts that did were so bland that they may as well have been colourless, faded to nothing but shades of black and white .
My days repeated themselves .
It was the same seven-day cycle .
Over and over .
And I wanted out .
But I didn’t know how I was supposed to escape . There was nothing I could do to struggle against the current . Not without goals, dreams, or aspirations . The world was too dry, too monochrome for me to recognize that there was hope to begin with .
I always asked myself whether it was just me . Or if everyone else felt the same . Had all the others simply accepted that this was just what life was? And that they had no choice but to wade their way through it?
I suspect so .
But if that is truly the case, then this world is nothing if not cruel .
That was how I felt .
How he felt .
It was with that thought, that mentality, that he greeted the reaper’s scythe .
It was outside of his control .
A stupid, unjustifiable accident outside his control .
But it cut him short nonetheless .
In the end, he amounted to nothing .
Nothing but another insignificant pebble by the side of the road .
***
“…ki…uki…Yuki . ”
My cheek was enveloped by a gentle warmth, one that thawed my frozen mind and guided it back it from the abyss .
Slowly, slowly, I opened my eyes .
Lefi was there .
She greeted me with a soothing, affectionate gaze, a caring smile so loving it was almost motherly . Her position atop my knees allowed her to keep one arm around my trunk as she used the other to slowly run her fingers through my hair .
“Relax, Yuki . Relax,” she whispered into my ears . “I am right here . You need not be sad . ” Her grip around my torso tightened as she used both arms to pull me into an embrace .
“H-Huh? W-what’s going on?” Awakening to the unexpected situation had me taken aback . I was so confused that I started to flub my words .
“So you have finally awakened?” Lefi loosened her arms and backed off just enough to look me in the face . “Well, uhm…” she paused for a moment, as if to find the right words . “How do you feel?”
“Same as usual, wh—” I moved my hands to my face in order to rub my eyes and clear up my vision, only to freeze as I touched my cheeks . They were moist . It was then that I realized that the nap I had taken atop the throne had left me stricken with tears . And that Lefi had been treating me with all the care she had because she’d caught onto the fact that I’d had a nightmare . Oof . That’s embarra.s.sing .
Realizing that she’d been comforting me in my sleep led me to cringe . It was a blow to my pride, and a serious one at that . I wasn’t a kid anymore . Crying because of some dumb dream was unacceptable .
“…Sorry for making you worry,” I said, “But I’m fine . I’m probably just really tired or something . ”
“Then you must take extra care to recuperate . ” No additional prompting was needed for Lefi to catch onto and play along with my ruse . “It would not do for you to collapse from exhaustion, for the duty of hunting and procuring our meals would then fall to me . ”
“Really? That’s what you’re worried about?”
“Naturally,” she chuckled . “Did you not consider that sustenance is of utmost importance?”
She began to stand up and get off my lap . But I grabbed her by the wrist before she could .
Her eyes opened wide .
And so did mine .
“What is it…?” She asked .
“Er, uh… I don’t know…” The action had been entirely involuntary . My body had moved on its own . So I had nothing to say . I ended up tripping over my own words, but in the end, I wasn’t able to come up with any sort of reasonable excuse .
My fidgeting led Lefi to cast her surprise aside . She seemed to think up some sort of idea . Her face twisted into a smile as she sat back down and rested her back against my chest .
“I must say, I am rather exhausted myself . Entertaining the children was quite the endeavour,” she said . “You are as functional a chair as any other . So as I am already here, I suppose I may as well take the opportunity to sit myself down for a moment of rest . ”
“Well… have a seat then . No harm in a bit of rest, right?”
“Precisely . If you truly understand, then you would do best to sit still and play the part of a chair until I find myself satisfied . ” She bent her head just enough to gaze up at me as she spoke .
Knowing that she was right there by my side calmed me . Her presence was all it took for me to start fighting off my apparent sense of insecurity . It was a winning battle . But I felt as if victory still felt too far away, so I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug .
Having her so close, basking in her warmth, was all the evidence I needed to know that I was really here . That I wasn’t just some random corpse kicked to the side of the road .
“Thanks . ”
“I see no reason why you should be thanking me,” she giggled .
I knew . I knew that, ultimately speaking, my past life, his life, had amounted to nothing . He was so pathetic that he had even failed to do his duty as a living organism; he had failed to pa.s.s on his genes .
But still, his life had meaning .
In death .
I didn’t know if he’d been reborn as a result of some sort of karma, or perhaps a bizarre stroke of luck . But whatever the case, he had failed at one more thing . He had failed to bring his story to a close .
From death came life . And from life, fulfillment .
Because the life that followed his rebirth was not the same as his first . Gone was the monochrome filter . His world had been filled with an incomparable amount of colour . So much that it left him appalled . The ch.o.r.e that was going through the motions of life had transformed, evolved, into something he antic.i.p.ated . Every day he lived was one that would leave him hungering for the next .
And that was what had allowed him to finally set a goal: to live by her side . Their sides .
Everyone that lived here knew me, Yuki, the demon lord . But none knew him, the lonely soul who had spent even his final days in isolation .
And they would never truly come to know him .
That was why I resolved myself never to forget . Never to forget who—or why—he was . You know, maybe I should make him a grave . Just as an extra bit of material evidence .
“Hey, Lefi?”
“What is it?”
“I know I never told you much about me . But I think I probably should,” I said, slowly . “The truth is, this isn’t my first life . I’ve already died, once . ”
“You certainly have not told me any of the details,” she said . “I had always a.s.sumed that you merely never wished to speak of it . Why the sudden change of heart?”
“It’s just, you know, one of those things . I kinda happened to be in the mood is all . ”
“Then I suppose I would love to listen,” she chuckled . “An opportunity as rare as this is not to be missed . ”
“Hmmm… Alright . Now where do I start…? Oh, I know . How about I tell you a story about a little blue planet at the centre of the universe?”