"Reading them?" she said, in answer to my query. "Of course I"m reading them. I want to know what these clever people are thinking, even if I don"t always agree with them, and you ought to read them too. It"s quite true what foreigners say about our men,--that they live in a groove, that they haven"t any range of conversation."
"I"m quite willing to be educated," I replied. "I haven"t a doubt that I need it."
She was leaning back in her chair, her hands behind her head, a posture she often a.s.sumed. She looked up at me amusedly.
"I"ll acknowledge that you"re more teachable than most of them," she said. "Do you know, Hugh, sometimes you puzzle me greatly. When you are here and we"re talking together I can never think of you as you are out in the world, fighting for power--and getting it. I suppose it"s part of your charm, that there is that side of you, but I never consciously realize it. You"re what they call a dual personality."
"That"s a pretty hard name!" I exclaimed.
She laughed.
"I can"t help it--you are. Oh, not disagreeably so, quite normally--that"s the odd thing about you. Sometimes I believe that you were made for something different, that in spite of your success you have missed your "metier.""
"What ought I to have been?"
"How can I tell? A Goethe, perhaps--a Goethe smothered by a twentieth-century environment. Your love of adventure isn"t dead, it"s been merely misdirected, real adventure, I mean, forth faring, straying into unknown paths. Perhaps you haven"t yet found yourself."
"How uncanny!" I said, stirred and startled.
"You have a taste for literature, you know, though you"ve buried it.
Give me Turgeniev. We"ll begin with him...."
Her reading and the talks that followed it were exciting, amazingly stimulating.... Once Nancy gave me an amusing account of a debate which had taken place in the newly organized woman"s discussion club to which she belonged over a rather daring book by an English novelist. Mrs.
d.i.c.kinson had revolted.
"No, she wasn"t really shocked, not in the way she thought she was,"
said Nancy, in answer to a query of mine.
"How was she shocked, then?"
"As you and I are shocked."
"But I"m not shocked," I protested.
"Oh, yes, you are, and so am I--not on the moral side, nor is it the moral aspect that troubles Lula d.i.c.kinson. She thinks it"s the moral aspect, but it"s really the revolutionary aspect, the menace to those precious inst.i.tutions from which we derive our privileges and comforts."
I considered this, and laughed.
"What"s the use of being a humbug about it," said Nancy.
"But you"re talking like a revolutionary," I said.
"I may be talking like one, but I"m not one. I once had the makings of one--of a good one,--a "proper" one, as the English would say." She sighed.
"You regret it?" I asked curiously.
"Of course I regret it!" she cried. "What woman worth her salt doesn"t regret it, doesn"t want to live, even if she has to suffer for it?
And those people--the revolutionaries, I mean, the rebels--they live, they"re the only ones who do live. The rest of us degenerate in a painless paralysis we think of as pleasure. Look at me! I"m incapable of committing a single original act, even though I might conceive one.
Well, there was a time when I should have been equal to anything and wouldn"t have cared a--a d.a.m.n."
I believed her....
I fell into the habit of dropping in on Nancy at least twice a week on my way from the office, and I met her occasionally at other houses. I did not tell Maude of that first impulsive visit; but one evening a few weeks later she asked me where I had been, and when I told her she made no comment. I came presently to the conclusion that this renewed intimacy did not trouble her--which was what I wished to believe. Of course I had gone to Nancy for a stimulation I failed to get at home, and it is the more extraordinary, therefore, that I did not become more discontented and restless: I suppose this was because I had grown to regard marriage as most of the world regarded it, as something inevitable and humdrum, as a kind of habit it is useless to try to shake off. But life is so full of complexities and anomalies that I still had a real affection for Maude, and I liked her the more because she didn"t expect too much of me, and because she didn"t complain of my friendship with Nancy although I should vehemently have denied there was anything to complain of. I respected Maude. If she was not a squaw, she performed religiously the traditional squaw duties, and made me comfortable: and the fact that we lived separate mental existences did not trouble me because I never thought of hers--or even that she had one. She had the children, and they seemed to suffice. She never renewed her appeal for my confidence, and I forgot that she had made it.
Nevertheless I always felt a tug at my heartstrings when June came around and it was time for her and the children to go to Mattapoisett for the summer; when I accompanied them, on the evening of their departure, to the smoky, noisy station and saw deposited in the sleeping-car their luggage and shawls and bundles. They always took the evening train to Boston; it was the best. Tom and Susan were invariably there with candy and toys to see them off--if Susan and her children had not already gone--and at such moments my heart warmed to Tom. And I was astonished as I clung to Matthew and Moreton and little Biddy at the affection that welled up within me, saddened when I kissed Maude good-bye. She too was sad, and always seemed to feel compunctions for deserting me.
"I feel so selfish in leaving you all alone!" she would say. "If it weren"t for the children--they need the sea air. But I know you don"t miss me as I miss you. A man doesn"t, I suppose.... Please don"t work so hard, and promise me you"ll come on and stay a long time. You can if you want to. We shan"t starve." She smiled. "That nice room, which is yours, at the southeast corner, is always waiting for you. And you do like the sea, and seeing the sail-boats in the morning."
I felt an emptiness when the train pulled out. I did love my family, after all! I would go back to the deserted house, and I could not bear to look in at the nursery door, at the little beds with covers flung over them. Why couldn"t I appreciate these joys when I had them?
One evening, as we went home in an open street-car together, after such a departure, Tom blurted out:--"Hugh, I believe I care for your family as much as for my own. I often wonder if you realize how wonderful these children are! My boys are just plain ruffians--although I think they"re pretty decent ruffians, but Matthew has a mind--he"s thoughtful--and an imagination. He"ll make a name for himself some day if he"s steered properly and allowed to develop naturally. Moreton"s more like my boys.
And as for Chickabiddy!--" words failed him.
I put my hand on his knee. I actually loved him again as I had loved and yearned for him as a child,--he was so human, so dependable. And why couldn"t this feeling last? He disapproved--foolishly, I thought--of my professional career, and this was only one of his limitations. But I knew that he was loyal. Why hadn"t I been able to breathe and be reasonably happy in that atmosphere of friendship and love in which I had been placed--or rather in which I had placed myself?... Before the summer was a day or two older I had grown accustomed to being alone, and enjoyed the liberty; and when Maude and the children returned in the autumn, similarly, it took me some days to get used to the restrictions imposed by a household. I run the risk of shocking those who read this by declaring that if my family had been taken permanently out of my life, I should not long have missed them. But on the whole, in those years my marriage relation might be called a negative one. There were moments, as I have described, when I warmed to Maude, moments when I felt something akin to a violent antagonism aroused by little mannerisms and tricks she had. The fact that we got along as well as we did was probably due to the orthodox teaching with which we had been inoculated,--to the effect that matrimony was a moral trial, a shaking-down process. But moral trials were ceasing to appeal to people, and more and more of them were refusing to be shaken down. We didn"t cut the Gordian knot, but we managed to loosen it considerably.
I have spoken of a new species of t.i.tans who inhabited the giant buildings in Wall Street, New York, and fought among themselves for possession of the United States of America. It is interesting to note that in these struggles a certain chivalry was observed among the combatants, no matter how bitter the rivalry: for instance, it was deemed very bad form for one of the groups of combatants to take the public into their confidence; cities were upset and stirred to the core by these conflicts, and the citizens never knew who was doing the fighting, but imagined that some burning issue was at stake that concerned them. As a matter of fact the issue always did concern them, but not in the way they supposed.
Gradually, out of the chaotic melee in which these t.i.tans were engaged had emerged one group more powerful than the rest and more respectable, whose leader was the Personality to whom I have before referred. He and his group had managed to gain control of certain conservative fortresses in various cities such as the Corn National Bank and the Ashuela Telephone Company--to mention two of many: Adolf Scherer was his ally, and the Boyne Iron Works, Limited, was soon to be merged by him into a greater corporation still. Leonard d.i.c.kinson might be called his local governor-general. We manned the parapets and kept our ears constantly to the ground to listen for the rumble of attacks; but sometimes they burst upon us fiercely and suddenly, without warning. Such was the a.s.sault on the Ashuela, which for years had exercised an apparently secure monopoly of the city"s telephone service, which had been able to ignore with complacency the shrillest protests of unreasonable subscribers. Through the Pilot it was announced to the public that certain benevolent "Eastern capitalists" were ready to rescue them from their thraldom if the city would grant them a franchise. Mr. Lawler, the disinterestedness of whose newspaper could not be doubted, fanned the flame day by day, sent his reporters about the city gathering instances of the haughty neglect of the Ashuela, proclaiming its instruments antiquated compared with those used in more progressive cities, as compared with the very latest inventions which the Automatic Company was ready to install provided they could get their franchise. And the prices! These, too, would fall--under compet.i.tion. It was a clever campaign. If the city would give them a franchise, that Automatic Company--so well named!
would provide automatic instruments. Each subscriber, by means of a numerical disk, could call up any other, subscriber; there would be no central operator, no listening, no tapping of wires; the number of calls would be unlimited. As a proof of the confidence of these Eastern gentlemen in our city, they were willing to spend five millions, and present more than six hundred telephones free to the city departments!
What was fairer, more generous than this! There could be no doubt that popular enthusiasm was enlisted in behalf of the "Eastern Capitalists,"
who were made to appear in the light of Crusaders ready to rescue a groaning people from the thrall of monopoly. The excitement approached that of a presidential election, and became the dominant topic at quick-lunch counters and in street-cars. Cheap and efficient service!
Down with the Bastille of monopoly!
As counsel for the Ashuela, Mr. Ogilvy sent for me, and by certain secret conduits of information at my disposal I was not long in discovering the disquieting fact that a Mr. Orthwein, who was described as a gentleman with fat fingers and a plausible manner, had been in town for a week and had been twice seen entering and emerging from Monahan"s saloon. In short, Mr. Jason had already been "seen." Nevertheless I went to him myself, to find him for the first time in my experience absolutely non-committal.
"What"s the Ashuela willing to do?" he demanded.
I mentioned a sum, and he shook his head. I mentioned another, and still he shook his head.
"Come "round again," he said...
I was compelled to report this alarming situation to Ogilvy and d.i.c.kinson and a few chosen members of a panicky board of directors.
"It"s that d.a.m.ned Grannis crowd," said d.i.c.kinson, mentioning an aggressive gentleman who had migrated from Chicago to Wall Street some five years before in a pink collar.
"But what"s to be done?" demanded Ogilvy, playing nervously with a gold pencil on the polished table. He was one of those Americans who in a commercial atmosphere become prematurely white, and today his boyish, smooth-shaven face was almost as devoid of colour as his hair. Even Leonard d.i.c.kinson showed anxiety, which was unusual for him.
"You"ve got to fix it, Hugh," he said.
I did not see my way, but I had long ago learned to a.s.sume the unruffled air and judicial manner of speaking that inspires the layman with almost superst.i.tious confidence in the lawyer....
"We"ll find a way out," I said.
Mr. Jason, of course, held the key to the situation, and just how I was to get around him was problematical. In the meantime there was the public: to permit the other fellow to capture that was to be lacking in ordinary prudence; if its votes counted for nothing, its savings were desirable; and it was fast getting into a state of outrage against monopoly. The chivalry of finance did not permit of a revelation that Mr. Grannis and his buccaneers were behind the Automatic, but it was possible to direct and strengthen the backfire which the Era and other conservative newspapers had already begun. Mr. Tallant for delicate reasons being persona non grata at the Boyne Club, despite the fact that he had so many friends there, we met for lunch in a private room at the new hotel, and as we sipped our coffee and smoked our cigars we planned a series of editorials and articles that duly appeared. They made a strong appeal to the loyalty of our citizens to stand by the home company and home capital that had taken generous risks to give them service at a time when the future of the telephone business was by no means a.s.sured; they belittled the charges made by irresponsible and interested "parties," and finally pointed out, not without effect, that one logical consequence of having two telephone companies would be to compel subscribers in self-defence to install two telephones instead of one. And where was the saving in that?
"Say, Paret," said Judah B. when we had finished our labours; "if you ever get sick of the law, I"ll give you a job on the Era"s staff. This is fine, the way you put it. It"ll do a lot of good, but how in h.e.l.l are you going to handle Judd?..."
For three days the inspiration was withheld. And then, as I was strolling down Boyne Street after lunch gazing into the store windows it came suddenly, without warning. Like most inspirations worth anything, it was very simple. Within half an hour I had reached Monahan"s saloon and found Mr. Jason out of bed, but still in his bedroom, seated meditatively at the window that looked over the alley.