"We are still juggling with our possibilities," said Jack, and he continued to talk on of the American people and their possibilities--his favorite topic--so quietly, so happily, even, that Imogen felt suddenly a relaxation of the miserable mood that had held her during all the afternoon.
His comradely tone brought her the sensation of their old, their so recent, relation, complete, unflawed, once more. An impulse of recovery rose in her, and, her mind busy with the sweet imagination, she said presently, reflectively, "I think I will do your Antigone after all."
Completely without coquetry, and sincerely innocent of feminine wiles, Imogen had always known, sub-consciously as it were, for the matter seldom a.s.sumed the least significance for her, that Jack delighted in her personal appearance. She saw herself, suddenly, in all the appealing youth and beauty of the Grecian heroine, stamping on his heart, by means of the outer manifestation, that inner reality to which he had become so strangely blind. It was to this revelation of reality that her thought clung, and an added impulse of mere tenderness had helped to bring the words to her lips.
In her essential childishness where emotion and the drama of the senses were concerned, she could not have guessed that the impulse, with its tender mask, was the primitive one of conquest, the cruel female instinct for holding even where one might not care to keep. At the bottom of her heart, a realm never visited by her unspotted thoughts, was a yearning, strangely mingled, to be adored, and to wreak vengeance for the faltering in adoration that she had felt. Ah, to bind him!--to bind him, helpless, to her! That was the mingled cry.
Jack looked round at her, as unconscious as she of these pathetic and tigerish depths, but though his eye lighted with the artist"s delight in the vision that he had relinquished reluctantly, she saw, in another moment, that he hesitated.
"That would be splendid, dear,--but, can you go back on what you said?"
"Why not? If I have found reason to reconsider my first decision?"
"What reason? You mustn"t do it just to please me, you know; though it"s sweet of you, if that is the reason. Your mother, you see, agreed with you.
I hadn"t realized that she would mind. You know what she said, just now."
Jack had flushed in placing his objection, and Imogen, keeping grave, sunlit eyes upon him, felt a flush rise to her own cheeks.
"Do you feel her minding, minding in such a way, any barrier?" She was able to control the pain, the anger, that his hesitation gave her, the quick humiliation, too, and she went on with only a deepening of voice:
"Perhaps that minding of hers is part of my reason. I have no right, I see that clearly now, to withhold what I can do for our cause from any selfish shrinking. I felt, in that moment when she and Mrs. Langley debated on the conventional aspect of the matter, that I would be glad, yes, glad, to give myself, since my refusal is seen in the same category as any paltry, social scruple. It was as if a deep and sacred thing of one"s heart were suddenly dragged out and exhibited like a thickness of black at the edge of one"s note-paper.
"Will you understand me, Jack, when I say that I feel that I can in no way so atone to that sacred memory for the interpretation that was an insult; in no way keep it so safe, as by making it this offering of myself. It is for papa that I shall do it. He would have wished it. I shall think of him as I stand there, of him and of the children that we are helping."
She spoke with her deliberate volubility, neither hesitating nor hurrying, her meaning, for all its grandiloquence of setting, very definite, and Jack looked a little dazed, as though from the superabundance of meaning.
"Yes, I see,--yes, you are quite right," he said. He paused for a moment, going over her chain of cause and effect, seeking the particular link that the new loyalty in him had resented. And then, after the pause, finding it: "But I don"t believe your mother meant it like that," he added.
His eyes met Imogen"s as he said it, and he almost fancied that something swordlike clashed against his glance, something that she swiftly withdrew and sheathed. It was earnest gentleness alone that answered him.
"What do you think she did mean then, Jack? Please help me to see if I"m unfair. I only long to be perfectly fair. How can I do for her, unless I am?"
His smoldering resentment was quenched by a sense of compunction and a rising hope.
"That"s dear of you, Imogen," he said. "You _are_, I think, unfair at times. It"s difficult to lay one"s finger on it."
"But please _do_ lay your finger on it--as heavily as you can, dear Jack."
"Well, the simile will do for my impression. The finger you lay on _her_ is too heavy. You exaggerate things in her--over-emphasize things."
She was holding herself, forcing herself to look calmly at this road he pointed out to her, the only road, perhaps, that would lead her back to her old place with him. "Admirable things, you think, if one saw them truly?"
"I don"t know about admirable; but warm, sweet--at the worst, harmless.
I"m sure, to-day, that she only meant it for you, for what she felt must be your shrinking. Of course she had her sense of fitness, too, a fitness that we may, as you feel, overlook when we see the larger fitness. But her intention was perfectly,"--he paused, seeking an expression for the intention and repeated,--"Sweet, warm, harmless."
Imogen felt that she was holding herself as she had never held herself.
"Don"t you think I see all that, Jack?"
"Well, I only meant that I, since coming to know her, really know her, in Boston, see it most of all."
"And you can"t see, too, how it must stab me to have papa--papa--put, through her trivial words, into the category of black-edged paper?"
Her voice had now the note of tears.
"But she _doesn"t_," he protested.
"Can you deny that, for her, he counts for little more than the mere question of convention?"
Jack at this was, perforce, silent. No, he couldn"t altogether deny it, and though it did not seem to him a particularly relevant truth he could but own that to Imogen it might well appear so. He did not answer her, and there the incident seemed to end. But it left them both with the sense of frustrated hope, and over and above that Jack had felt, sharper than ever before, the old shoot of weariness for "papa" as the touchstone for such vexed questions.
XIII
Mrs. Upton expressed no displeasure, although she could not control surprise, when she was informed of Imogen"s change of decision, and Jack, watching her as usual, felt bound, after the little scene of her quiet acquiescence, to return with Imogen, for a moment, to the subject of their dispute. Imogen had asked him to help her to see and however hopeless he might feel of any fundamental seeing on her part, he mustn"t abandon hope while there was a stone unturned.
"That"s what it really was," he said to her. "You _do_ see, don"t you?--to respond to whatever she felt you wanted."
Imogen stared a little. "Of what are you talking, Jack?"
"Of your mother Antigone--the black edge. It wasn"t the black edge."
She had understood in a moment and was all there, as fully equipped with forbearing opposition as ever.
"It wasn"t _even_ the black edge, you mean? Even that homage to his memory was unreal?"
"Of course not. I mean that she wanted to do what you wanted."
"And does she think, do you think, it"s _that_ I want,--a suave adaptation to ideals she doesn"t even understand? No doubt she attributes my change to girlish vanity, the wish to shine among the others. If that was what I wanted, that would be what she would want, too."
"Aren"t you getting away from the point a little?" he asked, baffled and confused, as he often was, by her measured decisiveness.
"It seems to me that I am _on_ the point.--The point is that she cared so little about _him_--in either way."
This was what he had foreseen that she would think.
"The point is that she cares so much for you," he ventured his conviction, fixing his eyes, oddly deepened with this, his deepest appeal, upon her.
But Imogen, as though it were a bait thrown out and powerless to allure, slid past it.
"To gain things we must _work_ for them. It"s not by merely caring, yielding, that one wins one"s rights. Mama is a very "sweet, warm, harmless" person; I see that as well as you do, Jack." So she put him in his place and he could only wonder if he had any right to feel so angry.
The preparations for the new tableau were at once begun and a few days after their last uncomfortable encounter, Jack and Imogen were again together, in happier circ.u.mstances it seemed, for Imogen, standing in the library while her mother adjusted her folds and draperies, could but delight a lover"s eye. Mary, also on view, in her handmaiden array,--Mary"s part was a small one in the picture of the restored Alcestis,--sat gazing in admiration, and Jack walked about mother and daughter with suggestion and comment.
"It"s perfect, quite perfect," he declared, "that warm, soft white; and you have done it most beautifully, Mrs. Upton. You are a wonderful _costumiere_."
"Isn"t my chlamys a darling?" said Valerie happily from below, where she knelt to turn a hem.