"And maybe insecure. And that may help explain why obscure poetry is comforting to her. I"ll bet she loves footnotes and all the vines of the groves of academe.
The next time she gives you a free writing a.s.signment, give her a well-doc.u.mented essay. It"ll be good discipline for you."
It was. Max made me see the fun of cross-referencing, of finding out, for instance, what was happening in the world of science when Montaigne was writing his essays, and what the lineup of nations was, and who was painting, and what was the popular music of the day. And it worked. Miss Zeloski didn"t seem such a bore to me, and her nasal Southern accent didn"t grate so, and she gave me A"s.
Max taught me to understand that Miss Zeloski was far lonelier than I was.
She taught me to see that some of the kids who drank and slept around were lost and 91.groping for something they couldn"t find. But she didn"t have much patience with those who hunted down animals and birds. "Sadism isn"t limited to the rich and corrupt. One doesn"t tolerate it even when it comes from ignorance and stupidity." Then, "Come out on the porch.
I brought in a Cape jessamine bud this morning. It"s blooming in a small crystal bowl and the air is full of its scent and the promise that spring is just around the corner."
Through Max"s eyes I saw more than I"d ever seen before.
One beautiful early-spring evening, Max and Ursula came to dinner. Daddy and Urs went to the lab, as usual.
When dinner was ready, Mother sent me to call them.
As I came to the screen door, I heard my name and stopped.
"You mustn"t let Polly bother Max," Daddy was saying. "Polly has Max confused with G.o.d, and she"ll give her no peace if Max goes on encouraging her."
Ursula laughed, her warm, sane laugh. "I dare say G.o.d gets no peace, either, and I"m sure he continues to give encouragement."
"Max has certainly brought out the best in Polly."
I realized I"d done enough eavesdropping, and banged on the door to call them in to dinner.
At dinner Kate and Xan were talking about tryouts for the school spring play, open to everybody in the high 92 school. It was always a Shakespearean play, and this year was going to be As You Like It.
Xan said, "They chose that because there are so many female parts. They never get enough guys."
"Oh, come on, Xan," Kate urged. "If you try out, you"ll get any part you want."
"It"ll interfere with tennis."
"No, it won"t," Kate said. "They schedule rehearsals so it doesn"t interfere with anything."
I knew she"d talk him into being in the play. And she"d probably be Rosalind.
Max asked, "What are you going to try out for, Polly?"
I used Xan"s ploy, which hadn"t worked for Xan. "I"ll be practicing for swimming."
"I told you," Kate said, "the rehearsals are during school hours. You could have one of the boys" parts if you want, Pol. They always have to use girls, too."
I saw Max and Ursula look at Kate, then at each other.
Daddy said, "I don"t think Polly needs to limit herself to male roles,"
"Oh, I didn"t mean-" Kate said. "It"s just that she"s tall and they need tall girls to play men."
I"d tried out for the play the year before, and had a walk-on. Even so, it was the most fun I"d had from school the whole year.
"Do you get a choice of whom you try out for?" Ursula asked.
Kate said, "Well, you can ask."
Xan said, "I"ll try out if Polly will."
"Oh, sure," I said. "At least I can paint scenery." I did not mention that I had no intention of trying out for the backstage crew; I was going to try out for Rosalind or Celia. Miss Zeloski did the casting.
93.In March, Beau Allaire was brilliant with azaleas in great banks around the house. Max"s gardener got extra help, and the grounds rivaled the great gardens in Charleston. The magnolia trees were heavy with waxen white blossoms. The camellias were exceptionally brilliant.
All the long windows were open to the verandahs and the ocean breeze and the singing of the mockingbirds.
On the day of the tryouts I got home from school to find a normal kind of chaos.
The little kids had friends over and were shouting out on the swings and slide.
The lab door was shut, with an old hotel do not disturb sign on it, which meant Mother was doing something tricky with equations on the computer and needed to concentrate.
I called Max. "I have news."
"Good?"
"Terrific."
"Come on over and tell me. Urs is in Charleston and I was going to call you anyhow. You beat me to it."
I didn"t want to disturb Mother about the Land-Rover, but Xan said go ahead, he"d tell Mother as soon as the lab door was open again. So I headed for Beau Allaire, singing at the top of my lungs.
Max was out on the steps, waiting for me. "So what"s this big news?"
"I"m going to play Celia in As You Like ft."
She flung her arms wide, then gave me a big hug. Then pulled back. "Who"s playing Rosalind?" "One of the seniors."
"What about Kate?"
"A shepherdess."
Max laughed. "I"m delighted about Celia, absolutely delighted. She has some splendid lines. With the right director, Celia can be almost as good a role as Rosalind."
94.She pulled me into the hall. "Let"s go up to my verandah.
There"s a lovely breeze."
On the landing we paused to look at the statue of the Laughing Christ. "He approves," Max said. "He thinks you"re terrific."
When we got out on the verandah I sat at the gla.s.s-topped table to get my homework out of the way. Max curled up on the cushioned wicker couch and read till I"d finished. When she saw me putting my books away, she said, "Your parents have done a good job with you, Polly. And they"ve taught you something contrary to today"s mores, that instant gratification is a snake in the gra.s.s."
"What do you mean?" I zipped up my book bag.
"When you eat a meal, what do you eat first? What do you eat last?"
"I eat what I like least first, and save what I like best till last. Why?"
"Because people who eat the best first, and then likely can"t finish the meal, are apt to be the same way with the rest of their lives. Fun first, work later, and the work seldom gets done."
I giggled.
"What"s funny?"
"A couple of years ago when we spent Christmas in New England with the grandparents, I was asked out to dinner with some friends who had a daughter my age, and they had turnips. Ugh. So I ate mine up, fast, so I could get rid of them and get to the rest of the dinner. And the mother saw me, and beamed at me, and said how wonderful it was that I liked her turnips so much, and before I could say anything, she gave me another great big helping. I was almost sick."
Max laughed. "Don"t let it stop you from saving the 95.best. When you came in today you sat right down and did your homework, not putting it off till later."
"Well, as you said. If I put it off, I won"t get it done."
"What about your cla.s.smates?"
I pondered briefly. "Some do the work. Some don"t."
"How do they expect to live?"
"I don"t think they think much about it. I think about it, but I haven"t got anywhere."
"You"ll do all right, whatever you choose. Wait." She disappeared into the bedroom and came back with a book.
"Listen to those mockingbirds," she said. "They sound right out of the Forest of Arden." She riffled through the pages. "Here. This is practically my favorite line in all of Shakespeare, and it"s Celia"s: O wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful." and yet again wonderful! and after that, out of all whooping!"
"It"s going to be fun." I said. "Rosalind has a line I love: Do you not know I.
am a woman? when I think, I must speak."
"A bit chauvinist," Max said. "Maybe men ought to speak more than they do?" I suggested.
"Stay here," Max said again, and disappeared once more, but instead of coming back with a book, as I"d expected, she came with a bottle of champagne. "Nettie and Ovid have left some salad for us in the icebox," she said.
We never got to it. We kept reading bits and pieces from As You Like It, and then some other plays, sad ones, funny ones. I"d never before realized just how alive Shakespeare is, how very present.
96.When I got home I parked in the shed at the end of the lab wing. I felt tingly, and as though the ground was about a foot lower than it ought to be. I walked to the dunes and stood looking down at the water. Then I turned back to the house and heard the phone ring. It wouldn"t be for me, so I didn"t pay any attention. When I reached the lab, Daddy was standing in the doorway.
"Come on in the lab for a minute, Polly."
I went in and sat on one of the high stools.
"I just answered the phone, and it was Max, very apologetic because she was afraid she"d given you too much champagne and shouldn"t have let you drive home."
I could feel that my cheeks were flushed. "You always let us have a little wine when you have it."
"There is such a thing as moderation. I"m grateful to Max for calling me, but surprised she let you drink so much."
"We didn"t have that much." How much had we had? I had no idea. Max kept filling my gla.s.s before it was empty, and I certainly wasn"t counting.
Daddy sat on the stool next to mine. On the high counter was a pad full of mathematical scribblings: Mother"s writing. Daddy moved the pad away. "Max was concerned enough to call to see that you were safely home."
I felt deflated. And defensive.
"You"re a minor, Polly, and you"re not accustomed to drinking, and it"s very easy to have too much without realizing it."
"Please don"t make a case out of it, Daddy. Max isn"t in the habit of giving me too much to drink. We were celebrating."
"Celebrating what?"
97."I"m going to play Celia in As You Like It. It"s a really good role."
"That"s wonderful news, honey. Just don"t overcelebrate next time. Have you told Mother?"
"I haven"t had a chance to tell Mother."
"She"s reading to the little ones. Why don"t you go tell them? And send Xan out to me if you see him. He hasn"t cleaned the lizard tanks."
I cleaned my share of the tanks in the morning before school so I wouldn"t have it hanging over me. Xan probably does a better job than I do, but he leaves it till last thing. He does it-I don"t think he"s forgotten more than once-but he puts it off.
"Okay. Daddy-" "What, my dear?"
"I"m not drunk, really. It"s as much excitement about getting a part in the play as anything. Xan"s playing Jaques, by the way, but he couldn"t care less."
"And Kate?"
"She"s one of the shepherdesses."
"Is she disappointed?"
"Yes. But I didn"t have even a walk-on when I was Kate"s age."
Daddy put his arm around me. "We hoped that Kate would be a friend for you, a girl you could have fun with."
"Kate"s okay."
He pulled me closer. "Polly, you don"t have to compete with Kate in any way.
Not in looks, not in talent, not in school. I wouldn"t have you be any different.
You don"t need to prove anything, to anybody. I truly don"t have favorites among my children, but you are my first child, and very special. I love you."
98.I returned his hug. "You"re special, too." And I wished that there were more times when Daddy and I could have time alone.