"Mr. Haldane, I am glad to meet you again."
Then, either to give him time to recover himself, or else, since the interruption was over, she was glad to resume the conversation that had been suspended, she turned to her former companions. Mrs. Arnot also left him to himself a few moments, and by a determined effort he sought to calm the tumultuous riot of his blood. He was not phlegmatic on any occasion; but even Mrs. Arnot could not understand why he should be so deeply moved by this meeting. She ascribed it to the painful and humiliating memories of the past, and then dismissed his manner from her mind. He speedily gained self-control, and, as is usual with strong natures, became unusually quiet and undemonstrative. Only in the depths of his dark eyes could one have caught a glimpse of the troubled spirit within, for it was troubled with a growing consciousness of an infinite loss.
CHAPTER XLVI
MISJUDGED
The young men who were Mrs. Arnot"s guests were naturally attracted to Laura"s side, and she speedily proved that she possessed the rare power of entertaining several gentlemen at the same time, and with such grace and tact as to make each one feel that his presence was both welcome and needed in the circle.
Mrs. Arnot devoted herself to Haldane, and showed how genuine was her interest in him by taking up his life where his last letter left it, and asking about all that had since occurred. Indeed, with almost a mother"s sympathy, she led him to speak of the experiences of the entire year.
"It seems to me," he said, "that I have scarcely more than held my ground."
"To hold one"s ground, at times requires more courage, more heroic patience and fort.i.tude, than any other effort we can make. I have been told that soldiers can charge against any odds better than they can simply and coolly stand their ground. But I can see that you have been making progress. You have graduated with honor. You are surely winning esteem and confidence. You have kept your faith in G.o.d, and maintained your peculiar usefulness to a cla.s.s that so few can reach: perhaps you are doing more good than any of us, by proving that it is a fact and not a theory that the fallen can rise."
"You are in the world, but not of it," he said; and then, as if anxious to change the subject, asked. "Did you see my mother?"
Although Mrs. Arnot did not intend it, there was a slight constraint in her voice and manner as she replied: "Yes, I took especial pains to see her before I returned, and went out of my way to do so. I wished to a.s.sure her how well you were doing, and how certain you were to retrieve the past, all of which, of course, she was very glad to hear."
"Did she send me no message?" he asked, instinctively feeling that something was wrong.
"She said that she wrote to you regularly, and so, of course, felt that there was no need of sending any verbal messages."
"Was she not cordial to you?" asked the young man, with a dark frown.
"She was very polite, Egbert. I think she misunderstands me a little."
His lace flushed with indignation, and after a moment"s thought he said bitterly, and with something like contempt, "Poor mother! she is to be pitied."
Mrs. Arnot"s face became very grave, and almost severe, and she replied, with an emphasis which he never forgot:
"She is to be loved; she is to be cherished with the most delicate consideration and forbearance, and honored--yes, honored--because she is your mother. You, as her son, should never say, nor permit any one to say a word against her. Nothing can absolve you from this sacred duty.
Remember this as you hope to be a true man."
This was Mrs. Arnot"s return for the small jealousy of her girlhood"s friend.
He bowed his head, and after a moment replied: "Mrs. Arnot, I feel, I know, you are right. I thank you."
"Now you are my knight again," she said, her face suddenly lighting up.
"But come; let us join the others, for they seem to have hit upon a very mirthful and animated discussion."
Laura"s eye and sympathies took them in at once as they approached, and enveloped them in the genial and magnetic influences which she seemed to have the power of exerting. Although naturally and deeply interested in his interview with Mrs. Arnot, Haldane"s eyes and thoughts had been drawn frequently and irresistibly to the object of his old-time pa.s.sion.
She was, indeed, very different from what he had expected. The diffident maiden, so slight in form and shy in manner, had not developed into a drooping lily of a woman, suggesting that she must always have a manly support of some kind near at hand. Still less had she become a typical belle, and the aggressive society girl who captures and amuses herself with her male admirers with the grace and sang froid of a sportive kitten that carefully keeps a hapless mouse within reach of her velvet paw. The pale and saint-like image which he had so long enshrined within his heart, and which had been created by her devotion to her mother, also faded utterly away in the presence of the reality before him. She was a veritable flesh-and-blood woman, with the hue of health upon her cheek, and the charm of artistic beauty in her rounded form and graceful manner. She was a revelation to him, transcending not only all that he had seen, but all that he had imagined.
Thus far he had not attained a moral and intellectual culture which enabled him even to idealize so beautiful and perfect a creature. She was not a saint in the mystical or imaginative sense of the word, but, as a queen reigning by the divine right of her surpa.s.sing loveliness and grace in even Hillaton"s exclusive society, she was practically as far removed from him as if she were an ideal saint existing only in a painter"s haunted imagination.
Nature had dowered Laura Romeyn very richly in the graces of both person and mind; but many others are equally favored. Her indescribable charm arose from the fact that she was very receptive in her disposition. She had been wax to receive, but marble to retain. Therefore, since she had always lived and breathed in an atmosphere of culture, refinement, and Christian faith, her character had the exquisite beauty and fragrance which belongs to a rare flower to which all the conditions of perfect development have been supplied. Although the light of her eye was serene, and her laugh as clear and natural as the fall of water, there was a nameless something which indicated that her happy, healthful nature rested against a dark background of sorrow and trial, and was made the richer and more perfect thereby.
Her self-forgetfulness was contagious. The beautiful girl did not look from one to another of the admiring circle for the sake of picking up a small revenue of flattery. From a native generosity she wished to give pleasure to her guests; from a holy principle instilled into her nature so long ago that she was no longer conscious of it, she wished to do them good by suggesting only such thoughts as men a.s.sociate with pure, good women; and from an earnest, yet sprightly mind, she took a genuine interest herself in the subjects on which they were conversing.
By her tact, and with Mrs. Arnot"s efficient aid, she drew all into the current of their talk. The three other young men who were Mrs. Arnot"s guests that evening were manly fellows, and had come to treat Haldane with cordial respect. Thus for a time he was made to forget all that had occurred to cloud his life. He found that the presence of Laura kindled his intellect with a fire of which he had never been conscious before.
His eyes flashed sympathy with every word she said, and before he was aware he, too, was speaking his mind with freedom, for he saw no chilling repugnance toward him in the kindly light of her deep blue eyes. She led him to forget himself and his past so completely that he, in the excitement of argument, inadvertently p.r.o.nounced his own doom. In answer to the remark of another, he said:
"Society is right in being conservative and exclusive, and its favor should be the highest earthly reward of a stainless life. The coa.r.s.e and the vulgar should be taught that they cannot purchase it nor elbow their way into it, and those who have it should be made to feel that losing it is like losing life, for it can never be regained. Thus society not only protects itself, but prevents weak souls from dallying with temptation."
So well-bred was Laura that, while her color deepened at his words, she betrayed no other consciousness that they surprised her. But he suddenly remembered all, and the blood rushed tumultuously to his face, then left it very pale.
"What I have said is true, nevertheless," he added quietly and decisively, as if in answer to these thoughts; "and losing one"s place in society may be worse than losing life."
He felt that this was true, as he looked at the beautiful girl before him, so kind and gentle, and yet so unapproachable by him; and, what is more, he saw in her face pitying acquiescence to his words. As her aunt"s protege, as a young man trying to reform, he felt that he would have her good wishes and courteous treatment, but never anything more.
"Egbert, I take issue with you," began Mrs. Arnot warmly; but further remark was interrupted by the entrance of a gentleman, who was announced as
"Mr. Beaumont."
There was a nice distinction between the greeting given by Mrs. Arnot to this gentleman and that which she had bestowed upon Haldane and her other guests. His reception was simply the perfection of quiet courtesy, and no one could have been sure that the lady was glad to see him. She merely welcomed him as a social equal to her parlors, and then turned again to her friends.
But Laura had a kindlier greeting for the new-comer. While her manner was equally undemonstrative, her eyes lighted up with pleasure and the color deepened in her cheeks. It was evident that they were old acquaintances, and that he had found previous occasions for making himself very agreeable.
Mr. Beaumont did not care to form one of a circle. He was in the world"s estimation, possibly in his own, a complete circle in himself, rounded out and perfect on every side. He was the only son in one of the oldest and most aristocratic families in the city; he was the heir of very large wealth; his careful education had been supplemented by years of foreign travel; he was acknowledged to be the best connoisseur of art in Hillaton; and to his irreproachable manners was added an irreproachable character. "He is a perfect gentleman," was the verdict of the best society wherever he appeared.
Something to this effect Haldane learned from one of the young men with whom he had been spending the evening, as they bent their steps homeward--for soon after Mr. Beaumont"s arrival all took their departure.
That gentleman seemed to bring in with him a different atmosphere from that which had prevailed hitherto. Although his bow was distant to Haldane when introduced, his manner had been the perfection of politeness to the others. For some reason, however, there had been a sudden restraint and chill. Possibly they had but unconsciously obeyed the strong will of Mr. Beaumont, who wished their departure. He was almost as resolute in having his own way as Mr. Arnot himself. Not that he was ever rude to any one in any circ.u.mstances, but he could politely freeze objectionable persons out of a room as effectually as if he took them by the shoulders and walked them out. There was so much in his surroundings and antecedents to sustain his quiet a.s.sumption, that the world was learning to say, "By your leave," on all occasions.
Haldane was not long in reaching a conclusion as he sat over a dying fire in his humble quarters at the hermitage. If he saw much of Laura Romeyn he would love her of necessity by every law of his being.
a.s.suring himself of the hopelessness of his affection would make no difference to one of his temperament. He was not one who could coolly say to his ardent and impetuous nature, "Thus far, and no farther."
There was something in her every tone, word, and movement which touched chords within his heart that vibrated pleasurably or painfully.
This power cannot be explained. It was not pa.s.sion. Were Laura far more beautiful, something in her manner or character might speedily have broken the spell by which she unconsciously held her captive. His emotion in no respect resembled the strong yet restful affection that he entertained for Mrs. Arnot. Was it love? Why should he love one who would not love in return, and who, both in the world"s and his own estimation, was infinitely beyond his reach? However much his reason might condemn his feelings, however much he might regret the fact, his heart trembled at her presence, and, by some instinct of its own, acknowledged its mistress. He was compelled to admit to himself that he loved her already, and that his boyhood"s pa.s.sion had only changed as he had changed, and had become the strong and abiding sentiment of the man.
She only could have broken the power by becoming commonplace, by losing the peculiar charm which she had for him from the first. But now he could not choose; he had met his fate.
One thing, however, he could do, and that he resolved upon before he closed his eyes in sleep in the faint dawning of the following day. He would not flutter as a poor moth where he could not be received as an accepted lover.
This resolution he kept. He did not cease calling upon Mrs. Arnot, nor did the quiet warmth of his manner toward her change; but his visits became less frequent, he pleading the engrossing character of his studies, and the increasing preparation required to maintain his hold on his mission-cla.s.s; but the lady"s delicate intuition was not long in divining the true cause. One of his unconscious glances at Laura revealed his heart to her woman"s eye as plainly as could any spoken words. But by no word or hint did Mrs. Arnot reveal to him her knowledge. Her tones might have been gentler and her eyes kinder; that was all. In her heart, however, she almost revered the man who had the strength and patience to take up this heavy and hopeless burden, and go on in the path of duty without a word. How different was his present course from his former pa.s.sionate clamor for what was then equally beyond his reach? She was almost provoked at her niece that she did not appreciate Haldane more. But would she wish her peerless ward to marry this darkly shadowed man, to whom no parlor in Hillaton was open save her own? Even Mrs. Arnot would shrink from this question.
Laura, too, had perceived that which Haldane meant to hide from all the world. When has a beautiful woman failed to recognize her worshippers?
But there was nothing in Laura"s nature which permitted her to exult over such a discovery. She could not resent as presumption a love that was so un.o.btrusive, for it became more and more evident as time pa.s.sed that the man who was mastered by it would never voluntarily give to her the slightest hint of its existence. She was pleased that he was so sensible as to recognize the impa.s.sable gulf between them, and that he did not go moaning along the brink, thus making a spectacle of himself, and becoming an annoyance to her. Indeed, she sincerely respected him for his reticence and self-control, but she also misjudged him; for he was so patient and strong, and went forward with his duties so quietly and steadily, that she was inclined to believe that his feelings toward her were not very deep, or else that he was so const.i.tuted that affairs of the heart did not give him very much trouble.
CHAPTER XLVII
LAURA CHOOSES HER KNIGHT