He felt wonderfully calm and quiet; he was not excited, nor did his conscience smite him with a sense of any special wrong-doing. Right or wrong he was going to do something on which no blessing could be asked, over which no prayer could be uttered. He had been brought up in a house where prayers had been many; he had whispered his own baby prayers to his mother when he was a little child. Well, well, he would not think of these things now. The hour was come, the moment for action was ripe. There was a little daylight, and during that time he meant to occupy himself with one last task; he would write a letter to his wife, a cheerful, bright everyday letter, to the wife for whose sake he was about to rush unbidden into the arms of death. He had a part to act, and this letter was in the programme. To make all things safe and above suspicion he must write it, and leave it carelessly on his table, so that the next ship they touched should convey it to her.
He took out a sheet of foreign notepaper, and wrote steadily. His hand did not shake, he covered the whole sheet of paper; his words were bright, contented; no shadow of gloom touched them. They were full of antic.i.p.ation, of pleasure in the moment--of pleasure in the coming reunion.
The writing of this letter was the very hardest task of the man"s whole life. When it was over great drops of sweat stood on his forehead. He read it steadily, from beginning to end, however, and his only fear was that it was too bright, and that she might see through it, as in a mirror, the anguish beneath.
The letter was written, and now Wyndham had nothing to do. He had but to sit with his hands before him, and wait for the gathering darkness and the ever-increasing gale.
He sat for nearly an hour in his own cabin, he was past any consecutive thought now; still, so great was the constraint he was able to put over himself that outwardly he was quite calm. Presently he went into the saloon. Cecily Harvey alone was there, all the ladies having gone in to dinner. She sprang up with a cry of delight when she saw Gerald.
"Mr. Wyndham, have you come to stay with me? Why aren"t you at dinner?
How white you look."
"I am not hungry, Cecily. I thought you would be alone, and I came out to see you. I wanted you to give me a kiss."
"Of course I will--of course I will," said the affectionate child, throwing her arms around his neck.
"You remind me of one of the little sisters I have lost," he said hurriedly. "Thank you, Cecily, thank you. Be a good child, always. I would say "G.o.d bless you" if I dared."
"Why don"t you dare? You are a good man, a very good man, the best I know."
"Hush, Cecily, you don"t know what you are talking about. Give me another kiss. Thank you sweet little girl."
He went back again to his own cabin. The longing for compa.s.sion at this crucial moment had made him run a risk in talking so to Cecily. He blamed himself, but scarcely regretted the act.
It was certainly going to be a dirty night, and already the sailors were busy overhead. The good ship creaked and strained as she to fought her way through the waters. The ladies loudly expressed their uneasiness, and the gentleman-pa.s.sengers fought down some qualms which they considered unmanly.
Wyndham rose from his seat in the dark, pressed his lips to the letter he had written to his wife, suddenly he started, reeled a step and fell back.
There is no accounting for what happened--but happen it did.
_Valentine herself stood beside him, stretched out her arms to him, uttered a brief cry, and then vanished._
He felt like a madman; he pressed his hands to his head and rushed on deck.
"Stand there, Mr. Wyndham, there," said the sailor Loggan. "You"ll be safe enough. Oh, yes, more than one wave will wash us. Shall I lash you to the wheel, sir? Maybe it would be safer."
"No, no, thank you."
The voice was quite quiet and calm again.
Certainly the night was a rough one, but between and under the loud voice of the storm, Loggan and his companion exchanged some cheerful phrases.
"No, sir, I ain"t never afeared."
"What if you were to go to the bottom?"
"The will of the good G.o.d be done, sir. I"d go a-doing of my duty."
"You"re an honest fellow, Loggan; shake hands with me."
"That I will, Mr. Wyndham. What are you doing with that rope, sir? It"s cold, it"s slippery--oh, the knot has got loose, I"ll call a man to tighten it, sir; let me--let me. You"ll be over, sir, if you don"t look out; we"re going to lunge this way. Take care, sir--take care--_for G.o.d"s sake, take care_!"
Wyndham took care.
CHAPTER x.x.xII.
The summer came early that year. The rectory was a charming place in the summer, and on this particular bright day in June one of the numerous school-feasts was in course of preparation, and all the young Wyndhams were working with a will and energy which could scarcely be surpa.s.sed. The feast was in full progress; the village children consumed tea and buns, as only village children can. Augusta was refusing to help the babies to any more; Joan and Betty were half-crying because she s.n.a.t.c.hed the rich currant buns out of their hands; Marjory was leading the most obstreporous members of her flock away to the other end of the long meadow, where they could play orange and lemons, nuts in May, and other festive games; and Lilias, as she helped to pack away the remnants of the feast, was answering some questions of Carr"s.
"We ought to have heard by now," she was saying. "My father is a little uneasy, but I am not--at least, of course, I am anxious for Valentine.
The suspense must be very trying for her!"
"When did your brother"s ship sail?"
"On the 25th of March."
"And this is the 15th of June. The _Esperance_ must have been reported at Lloyd"s long ago."
"How stupid of me never to think of that," said Lilias, her face brightening. "But would they not put the arrivals in the papers? I have certainly looked and never seen it."
"You have probably overlooked it. I will write and inquire for you. The _Esperance_, even allowing for delays, has probably reached its destination some weeks ago. On the other hand it would be scarcely possible for you to have had a letter from your brother. Yes, you are right not to be anxious; I will go and have a chat with your father presently. Is Mrs. Wyndham well?"
"I think so--fairly well. She is coming to stay with us next week."
Carr strolled away.
"What a nice comfortable young man he is turning into," said Marjory, who came up at that moment. "Ah, yes, your face is brighter already for having had an interview with him. Whisper no secrets to me. I know--I know."
Lilias" clear brown skin was transfused with color.
"Don"t be silly, Marjory," she said. "I don"t mind owning that Mr. Carr _is_ a comfortable person to talk to. He has just been removing my fears about Gerald."
"Oh, I thought you had no fears."
"Well, father"s fears, then. He has been saying things to me which will remove my father"s fears completely."
"That is right--Heaven be praised. You and the rector are nothing but a pair of old croaks lately. Hey-ho! I am perfectly weary of your long faces and your apprehensions. Thank goodness. Val is coming; she"ll wake us up a little."
Lilias opened her dark eyes.
"I did not know you cared so much for Valentine," she said.
"I admired her very much the last time I saw her. That was a month ago--she seemed so spirited and courageous. I used to think her something of a doll, but she"s a woman now, and a fine one. Perhaps it"s the thought of the baby coming."