"I guessed." She sighed. "But I kept quiet for the same reasons you did." She sat down abruptly opposite Andrew. Raffi sat in a small wicker rocking chair sized for Andrew"s young patients, but into which her slender body fitted comfortably. Liz probed, "But, Andrew-"
Andrew said, "A long time ago I had a brief Rose d.i.c.kinson."
"In Chicago?"
"Yes. She was so beautiful. And needy." "And you were young and vulnerable."
"I.
don"t excuse myself," Andrew said.
"Hey," Raffi interrupted. "How did you find out? Because I look like you?"
Elizabeth said, "As a small child you didn"t, and I haven"t seen that much of you since you were older, but somethingsomething-made me wonder. Made me guess."
Raffi asked, "Dr. Andy?"
"Not guesswork," he said. "Proof." Elizabeth asked. "DNA?"
He nodded.
Raffi had been rocking back and forth in the little chair. Now she said, "But you knew, now, before I brought you the picture?"
"Yes, Raffi. I"ve known since Taxi came home from boarding school with a strep throat. Liz was away, so he came to me." "And?" Elizabeth rested her clasped hands on his desk. "I never thought about that one time with Rose seriously, but every once in a while the question would flick across my mind: My dad? or me?
And then Camilla brought Taxi to my office ... He was a sick kid and I took care of him. And then fling with A Live Coal in the Sea321 I thought I"d put my mind at rest, once for all, so I gave him some antibiotics and then I drew his blood to test his D-d-dd-" For the moment his stutter was back.
"DNA?" Elizabeth prompted.
He nodded. Swallowed. Pushed his fingers through his hair. Finally he said, "When the tests came back-and DNA does not lie-I was appalled. Unbelieving."
"But you had to believe it."
"Yes."
Elizabeth put her hands back in her lap. "Why didn"t you tell me?"
"It was too late. Taxi"s world was insecure enough. Camilla and Mac were his parents. The fewer people who knew, the better-even you, dearest Liz."
"Oh, G.o.d," Raffi moaned.
Elizabeth asked, "How did Luisa Rowan get this picture?" Andrew said, "I referred a patient to her and she came to my office to meet the girlyesterday.
She stood looking at all the pictures. Took this one down from the wall. When she was ready to leave, she asked-asked--2"
"She asked to borrow this picture?" He nodded.
"Did she tell you why?" "No."
Raffi exclaimed, "She must have guessed. About you and my dad. And me. You already knew when I broke my arm, didn"t you?"
He nodded.
"You knew you were my grandfather." "Yes, Raffi. I knew."
"So I was special to you-" Raffi"s arms were around him. She was hugging him, crying, calling aloud, "I"m so glad! So glad!"
He put his hands on her shoulders, holding her off so that he could look at her, a dazzled joy in his eyes. She pressed her Madeleine L"Engle322 face against his starched white coat. "You"re my grandfather! I haven"t had a grandfather, ever! You"re Taxi"s father! You"re my dad"s father! Oh, don"t you see? He hated his father, the one he thought was his father. Don"t you see what a difference this can make to him?"
"So you expected miracles?" Dr. Rowan demanded. Raffi"s voice was hoa.r.s.e from crying. "He was angry with me! He screamed at me! He said I was an interfering little b.i.t.c.h!" Again she sobbed.
"Wait," Dr. Rowan said. "I was the interfering b.i.t.c.h. Wait, Raffi, let him absorb what you told him."
"I thought it would make him so happy."
Luisa looked across the desk at her. "Has your father ever been predictable?"
"I hate him!" "Do you?" "Dr. Rowan, ther."
"He is."
"And I want my dad to be glad." "Wait, Raffi."
"That"s what I want Andrew Grange to be my grandfa Mom said."
Camilla was in bed asleep when the phone rang. "Mom. It"s Taxi. Did I wake you?"
She leaned up on one elbow in alarm. "What"s wrong?" "Mom. I don"t think anything"s wrong. I think-oh, Mom, I think maybe I can be who I am."
She said, softly, "You"re my son, Taxi."
"I will always be that. It"ll be easier, now, now that I know who my father is."
He told her, told her what Raffi had told him with such A Live Coal in the Sea323 joy. "I slapped her down, Mom, I don"t know why. But we"ve made up. She understands. She"s a terrific girl. She"s on her way back to college now.
She"ll need you."
"I"ll be here."
"I"m going to meet with Andrew in the morning. Meet with my father. Mom, you don"t know what this has done for me, what a weight"s gone from my shoulders.
It changes ev erything. I know who I am. Finally I know who I am. It"ll be all right, Mom. You"ll see."
Would it be all right? Terrible damage had been done. But Andrew"s revelation was a mercy, a live coal that did not need to be dropped into the sea, but could flame quietly, and by which they could warm themselves. She hoped it was a mercy for Andrew, too.It was midnight when Raffi rang the doorbell. Camilla put on a warm robe and went down to let her in, holding out her arms in greeting.
"Grandmother," Raffi said. "Here I am."