water. A widow O"Flynn fed me supper, her grub bein" so scarce and bad, poor soul, she had to charge a dollar to make it pay. She kep" a wooden leg, and a small son. Our boys, of course, was drunk by then, just sleepin" whar they"d fell, so I was desolate as a moonlit dog-howl, ridin" herd with my night horse whar Polly"s little home glowed lights across the prairie. I seen Bull and the preacher leave there on toward midnight, walkin" sort of extravagant into town. The lights went out.
Then times I"d take some sleep, or times ride herd guarding her little house, till the cold came, till the dawn broke, till the sun came up.
It was half past breakfast when I seen Bull again, on his knees like yesterday, a-puttin" up loud prayers, which made me sick. "Rehearsin","
says he, ""cause Polly"s struck, and I"m to be chief mourner."
He was my only chance of meetin" Miss Polly agen, so I was leadin" the talk around, when a guy comes b.u.t.ting into our conversation. He"d puffed sleeves to his pants, and was all dressed saucy, standing straddle, aiming to impress. "Oh, whar"s my gun?" says Bull.
This person owned to being a gentleman, with a strong English accent.
He"d "undreds of "orses at "ome in "Ammersmith, but wanted to own an "ack "ere, don"tcherknow.
So Bull lefts up his eyes to Heaven, praying, "Oh, don"t deliver us from temptation yet!" Whereas I confided with this person about Bull being far gone in religious mania. I owned Bull right though, about my bein" a sailor, timid with "orses; and he seen for hisself the way I was riding my Sam "orse somethin" dreadful. Told me I"d ought to "old my "ed "igh instead of "umping. It"s in toes, down "eels, young feller, an" don"t be "ard on the bally hanimal. He"d gimme lessons only I was frightened, but out aways from town the ground was softer for falling, an" I gained courage. Happens Miss Polly"s house was opposite. I scrambled down ungainly, shoved a pebble in along Sam"s withers, and let this gent explain just how to set an "ard-mouthed "unter. You "olds "is "ed, placin" the "and on the "orn of the saddle, so. Then hup! That pebble done the rest.
They claim these flying men is safe while they stays in the air, herding with cherubs. That"s what"s the matter. It"s only when this early aviator came down--bang--that he lit on his temper, and sat denouncing me. Yes, I"d been misunderstood, and when I told him it was all for the best he got usin" adjectives. He bet me his diamond ring to a dollar he"d ride Sam, and I must own the little man had grit. He"d have won, too--but for Sam.
Now, it"s partly due to this "ere entertainment, and the diamond ring I gave her, that Miss Polly began to perceive me with the naked eye, and said I might come to supper.
And that evening was most surely wonderful, in a parlor all antimaca.s.sars and rocker chairs with pink bows. She showed me plush photo alb.u.ms, and hand-painted pictures of ladies with no clothes on.
She played _Abide with Me_ on the harmonium; she made me write poetry in her birthday book. There was champagne wine, the little cigarettes with dreams inside, and a bottle no bigger"n my thumb smellin" so fierce it well-nigh blew my head off. Oh, it was all so elegant and high-toned that I got proud of being allowed indoors.
Her people was real society, her poppa an army general, ruined by the war, her mother prime Virginian. But then she"d gone on the stage, so there was mean suspicions.
I hold suspicion to be a form of meanness when it touches women. My mother would have shied at naked ladies, and dad was powerful agin cigarettes. As for the smell, so fierce it had to be bottled, I"ll own up I was shocked. But then you see mother, and dad, an" me being working people, was not supposed to feel the high-toned senses which belongs with wealth. It"s not for grade stock like me to set up as judge on thoroughbreds, or call a lady immoral for using a spoon whar I should need a shovel.
No, I was playing worldliness for fear this lady"d think me ignorant. I was no more"n a little child strayed among civilization, scared of being found out childish. And I was surely panicky in a house--belonged outdoors among horses.
So it happened that in them days, while I rode guard upon Miss Polly, no man in Abilene could speak to her, or mention her name to me until I give him leave. She got to be known as Sailor Jesse"s kill, and any person touching on my kill was apt to require a funeral.
It was the seventh day she married me. I know, because Bull, acting as best man, claimed a kiss, which she gave him. "Bull," says she, "didn"t I bet you I"d marry Sailor Jesse within a week? You owe me twenty dollars." I saw the joke was on me.
I"d been in a dream. Love had made the yellow prairie shine like gold, that little prairie home a holy place, the woman in it something I"d kneel and pray to. There"d be lil" small children soon for me to play with, pride in earning food, the great big honor of guarding all of that from harm.
I came to marriage pure as any bear, or wolf, or fox, expecting to find my mate the same as me, getter and giver of life, true to the earth, and fearless in doin" right.
Folks said I was young to marry at nineteen, but full nine years I"d earned my living, fought my way, and done my share of making happiness.
I"d been served with a mouth full wide enough for laughin", a face which made folks smile when I was sad, eyes to see fun, the heart to take a joke if any offered, and when things hurt, I wasn"t first to squeal. No: as long as the joke was on me I done my best to take it like a man.
But suppose-- Well, I"d best explain that the English tenderfoot was at our wedding breakfast, and gettin" encouraged, he put up his best prize joke. He was all hoo, hoo, hoo at first, so funny he couldn"t speak, the fellows waitin" each with his grin gettin" stale, and Polly laughing just to encourage him on. Then words got out which made the boys uneasy.
Jake Haffering the Bar T foreman, told the hog to shut up, while others moved to get clear. I was sort of stupid, wanting the point explained, couldn"t believe it possible the joke was on my wife, although I"d rose by then, with gun hand free. Then I saw, but the room seemed dark, and the tenderfoot all indistinct, backing away, and reaching slovenly for weapons, while my bullet smashed in his shoulder. It slued him around as he dropped.
I could hear the flies in the window buzzing as I came to myself, seeing the hot street outside, the yellow plains beyond.
It was old Jake of the Bar T who spoke out then, and spoke straight.
"My boy," says he, "put up your gun. That"s right. This here tenderfoot is bleedin" by spurts, arterial. Bull, see if Doc Stuart is sober." Bull ran for the doctor. "Only a tenderfoot," says Jake, "insults a cow-boy"s wife--which is death from natural causes. Ma"am," he wagged his finger at Polly, ""tain"t long since you come among us. "Tain"t more"n a day since you told me and others present that you was marryin" for fun. You laughed at warnings, and this here Jesse would have shot the man who warned him. You are a lady, and this boy you married for fun, is goin"
to see you treated as a lady. I own he got rattled first shot, missing this tenderfoot"s heart, which ain"t up to average practise; but it"s time you began to see the point of the joke."
They took the tenderfoot away, and we were alone, me watching the pool of red blood turning brown. Polly sat drumming tunes on the table, her face turned white, staring out through the window at the noon heat of the plains. I remember I took a bottle of champagne wine, filled a big goblet, and drank it off. The flies were buzzing still agin the window.
It made me laugh to think she"d taught me drinking, so I had another, watching the flies hold congress on the floor. "I see," says Polly, "I understand now." At that she began to scream.
I should have told you, that after our boys of the Flying Zee quit Abilene, I pitched a little A tent on the prairie back of Polly"s house.
Thar I could see my ponies at gra.s.s, and snuff the air clear of that stinking town.
But from the time I moved into the house, thar was something disturbing my nose--something uneasy--oh, I don"t know what it was, back of all house smells, which give me a sense of evil, so I could hardly bear to stay indoors.
And there were signs. I"d come back from some errand into town, to find a man"s track leading into the door, when Polly claimed she had no visitors. Why should she say she"d been alone all morning, when there"s pipe ashes on the parlor table, or I"d catch the wet smell from a chewed cigar? She only laughed.
Comin" from town one night--she"d sent me there--I seen a man"s shadow cross the parlor blind. I fired, missing, a fool"s act, for it warned him, and gave him time. The lamp was out before I reached the house, and Polly with some hysterics getting in my way.
It wouldn"t be sense to show a match guiding the stranger"s aim, or to stand against a window, or make sounds. Rather I stood right still, and after a while Polly surprised herself into dead silence. I couldn"t hear that man, or feel, or see him. I could smell him, but that don"t supply his bearings. I could taste the air from him, but that flickered. I sensed him. Can"t explain that--no. You just feel if a man stares hard.
I fired at that. Then Polly, of course, went off into all sorts of fits.
Next morning I tracked blood sign to the hospital. Seems a young person from the bank had took to conjuring and swallowed lead.
It was still before breakfast that I told Polly to pack her dunnage, "cause we was moving out from Abilene. I claimed I could earn enough to keep my wife without her needing to go out into society.
"On cow-boy pay?" she said laughing. "On forty dollars a month? I spend more"n that on champagne. Here you _Miss_ Jesse, who"s payin" for this--you? Who keeps you, eh, Miss Prunes--and--prisms? Shamed of my bein" a lady, eh? I am a lady, too, and don"t you forget it. And now, git out of my home."
I struck a match to the bo-kay of paper flowers, heaped on the hand-painted pictures, the paper fans, the rocker chairs, and slung the coal-oil lamp into the flames; then while she tore my shoulder with her teeth, I carried her to my tent "That"s your home now," I said, "the home of an honest working-man," I said, "and if another tough defiles my home, I"ll kill you."
The house-warming gathered the neighbors, but she had no use for neighbors. Only they seen the line I drew in the dust around that tent, the dead line. Afterward if any man came near that line, she"d scream.
But she"d taught me to drink, an" I drank, day after day, night after night, while she sat frightened in the tent, moaning when I came. Only when she was cured could I get work, not while I had to watch all day, all night. Only when she was cured could I get work, make good, an"
keep my wife as women should be kept. And I--and I--why if I let myself get sober once I"d remember, and remember, and go mad.
She swore she loved me, she vowed that she"d repented, and I believed until she claimed religion. I"d seen her breed of religion. I"d rather have her atheist than shamming. She would keep straight, and be my faithful wife if I"d quit drinking, if I"d only take her away. But she"d married me for a joke, and false as a cracked bell she"d chime out lies and lies, knowing as I knew that if she"d ever been the thing she claimed, I"d come into her life too late. How could she be the mother of my children, when--I drank, and sold my ponies to buy liquor, for there was no way out.
And by the time I"d only Tiger left, one night came Bull to find me just as dusk was falling. He"d been away, I hadn"t seen him for weeks, and when he came to me in the Roundup saloon, I seen how frightened he was of speaking to me. I was drunk, too, scarce knowing what he said, just telling him to shut up and have a drink. Polly"s bin hurt? Well, that"s all right--have rye--Polly"s been shot? That"s good, we"d all have drinks. Was she dead?
She was dead.
And I was sober then as I am now.
"Murdered?" I asked.
"Jesse, she shot herself."
"Is that so?"
"Through the brow--above the eyes. Come, Jesse."
Next thing I was standing in the tent door, and it was so dark inside I had to strike a match. The sulphur tip burned blue, the wood flared, and for that moment, bending down, I seen the black dark hole between the eyes, the smear of drying blood. Then the match went out, and I--that was enough.
I gave Bull what I"d left, to pay for burial.
Then I was riding Tiger all alone, with my shadow drawin" slowly out ahead as the moon waned.