"How long?" asked Wyst.
"That largely depends on how many pieces, but a good month at the very least."
He squirmed uncomfortably. "And the last method?"
I hesitated to tell Wyst this. I"d always thought it impossible. Impossible is a concept embraced by mortals to keep their world safe. Yet some things are so unlikely that impossibility is not much of an exaggeration. But I trusted Wyst with my life. And my death.
"To have my heart pierced by someone I love."
There was another brief silence between us. Before either could end it, Gwurm came stomping into camp. He carried an impressive load of branches. Newt returned with a half-dozen squirrels for dinner. Wyst and I said nothing else to each other that evening. And when everyone had finally gone to sleep, I crept away and sat in the comforting dark just outside the campfire"s light.
I watched Wyst from the shadows. His sleep was uneasy. His pain was minor, mere discomfort, but his every troublesome breath put a st.i.tch in my side. I wanted to make him feel better. I also wanted to devour him one succulent morsel at a time. Only after he"d taken me in his arms, and I"d tasted his kiss and felt his warm skin against my own.
"You love him."
I was so intent on Wyst I hadn"t even noticed Gwurm was awake. The troll sat beside me.
"I don"t know," I said. "What is love?"
Gwurm chuckled. "n.o.body really knows. It defies explanation in its complex simplicity. Like magic, I think."
The comparison made it easier to understand. Magic didn"t require explanation, merely the understanding to know that it was there. So it was with countless other things in this world and beyond.
"I love him."
The admission was easier in the dark. And as Ghastly Edna had been my mother, Gwurm had become my brother. He took my slight hand in his own immense fingers.
I hadn"t noticed Newt was awake too. "If the mistress could hear you now." He took a seat at my feet. "Witches and love, it"s unnatural."
I ignored him, as I often did. Demons couldn"t love. They didn"t have the capacity to care about anyone but themselves. And I pitied him, and all demons, for it.
"You should kill him," Newt said. "If you do really love him."
It was typical demon reasoning to destroy a weakness be fore it destroys you. But I didn"t want to kill Wyst of the West. He didn"t frighten me. Neither did sorcerers. Or even love. Only one thing did.
My curse. And what it might make me do.
Wyst stirred on the edge of wakefulness. Deep inside, other things stirred in response. Especially my stomach.
CHAPTER 20
Death curses are potent things. Only the greatest wizards are capable of them, and there"s little point in holding back when you"re about to die. Though I"d known this and lived with my curse all my life, I"d never truly understood just how accursed I was until I knew love. things. Only the greatest wizards are capable of them, and there"s little point in holding back when you"re about to die. Though I"d known this and lived with my curse all my life, I"d never truly understood just how accursed I was until I knew love.
I wanted to kill Wyst, to devour and digest him so that he would always be a part of me. I wanted to gobble him down because I loved him. But for the very same reason, I would do anything to protect him. Especially from myself. The brief pleasure of consuming him, satisfying as it might be, would pale beside the terrible woe of slaying such a great man. But I could never be happy just knowing him. I needed his touch, his warmth. I needed his flesh in a way that I could never have. No matter which I chose, unhappiness would always be the end result. This was the terrible beauty of my curse. It was frustrating, but as a witch, I couldn"t help but admire Nasty Larry"s handiwork.
If I was to be unsatisfied either way, the practical course of action would be to have my way with Wyst of the West, devour him, and put aside this dilemma. There was risk involved. Wyst could kill me, but death was not so frightening a prospect. If I could have just one kiss before dying, and maybe a tiny nibble of ear, I could think of far worse fates.
I was troubled by another sleepless night. I sat in the shadows and watched Wyst of the West. Sometimes I felt like a woman content to look upon a slumbering lover. Sometimes I felt like a spider studying afly. Finally, I could resist my desire no longer.
I crept from the dark while the others slept and knelt beside him. My curse made me a shadow to the sleeping mind. I suppose it was an advantage meant to help spirit off slumbering children, but it worked just as well on men. I caressed his cheek with light fingers and ran a thumb across his lips. My fingers danced down his neck and across his chest.
I fell on my hands and held my face over his. Less than an inch but he couldn"t sense me. He stirred. His soft, warm breath rose from parted lips. If I were to kiss him as he slept, Wyst would never know. Was one stolen kiss too much to ask? If no one saw it, if only I knew it ever happened, what could be the harm?
My heart quickened. My insides twisted into knots of hunger and nausea.
I couldn"t fight my curse forever. If things kept as they were, I knew what must happen. Either for Wyst or myself. I didn"t know which, and I decided not to think about it. The decision wouldn"t be made this night. But my hunger couldn"t be denied. Not entirely.
I lay beside him. I took his hand in mine and held it close to my breast. Even this didn"t wake him. I pressed closer and imagined that we were both naked and spent from a night of pa.s.sion. Not a very witchly imagining. More appropriate thoughts for a love-struck girl on the edge of womanhood. Yet this was what I was. Undead. Accursed. Ageless. And frighteningly innocent in so many ways.
Minutes of lying beside him were almost enough to sate my hunger. Almost. I rolled against him, pressing against him as much as I dared. A little more, in truth. I turned his dark face to mine. And I kissed him. A light brushing of my lips against his forehead. Even if it was a one-sided affair, it was my first kiss. Unless I counted Newt, and I didn"t. A terrific warmth filled me. My mouth went dry. My fingers trembled. My stomach gurgled almost loud enough to wake Wyst. My desires were filled for the time being, and I returned to the comforting darkness.
Wyst half awoke a moment later. Though I was a shadow, there would be a soft memory left behind, easy to mistake for a hazy dream. He rolled on his wounded side, groaned, and went back to sleep.
"You can stop pretending," I said. "I know you saw."
Penelope floated beside me. She laid low at my feet.
"None of that now. I knew you were awake the whole time so you did nothing wrong."
She stood and tilted forward, then back.
"It was very nice."
Penelope prodded me gently.
I grinned. "Wondrous."
With a gleeful hop and twirl, she fell into my hand. I was glad she"d witnessed it. Having someone else see it gave the kiss reality, and I trusted in my broom"s silence.
So I sat in the dark, grinning as a witch never should and waiting for the sun to rise.
CHAPTER 21
That moment when the dawn sears away the night was always my least favorite part of the day, but I discovered that the world is a dimmer place when you"re in love. The sun and its uncompromising brightness seemed more tolerable this morning. dawn sears away the night was always my least favorite part of the day, but I discovered that the world is a dimmer place when you"re in love. The sun and its uncompromising brightness seemed more tolerable this morning.
The memory of my body against his rested somewhere in Wyst"s mind. Once, he touched his forehead where I"d kissed him. He smiled, shook his head, and surely dismissed it as a curious dream. Even White Knights must have had those sorts of dreams. Accursed witches certainly did. Sometimes even when I was awake.
We broke camp and continued on our quest. Wyst and I said nothing for the morning. It was our habit to talk little during the day, and almost all of these exchanges were quest-related. His wound was healing nicely, judging by the ease of his movement. My mundane medicine and his enchantment allowed him to recover from injury far quicker than normal. I didn"t offer comment on it.
Newt pa.s.sed the morning by complaining. He had much to complain about, and the demon in him had no trouble letting everyone know how unhappy he was. I found it amusing that a creature without an ounce of compa.s.sion should expect sympathy, but it wasn"t that strange. Demons do have empathy, even if only for themselves.
I was only too happy to listen to Newt"s grievances. I"d found a degree of affection for his flaws as pa.s.sing time often encourages. I think we"d all missed his grumblings. Even Wyst smiled as Newt vented.
"Where did you send me anyway?"
"It has no name. If it did, it could be found, and if it could be found, then it wouldn"t be where lost things go."
"You have no name," Newt said. "And you can be found."
"Perhaps only because I allow it."
He cast one of his customary dubious glances. I must admit, I"d missed them in his absence. "Anyway, wherever it was, it smelled like wet kobold. And it was terribly cluttered with dreadful lighting. And things were always falling from the sky."
Gwurm plucked his ear and moved it to the right side of his head to better hear Newt. "What sort of things?"
"Rings. Grails. A ratty yellow fleece. There was a mountain of keys and coins and a field of boots, none a matching pair."
"No troll ears?" Gwurm asked.
"Not that I noticed, but it was a very cluttered place. Especially for a place that has no name and can"t be found."
"Pity If you find yourself there again someday would you mind keeping an eye out for it?" Gwurm chuckled.
Newt bristled at the notion.
"Three trials left," he remarked. "Which one was that anyway? Combat, I imagine."
"It might have been magic," I replied. "Chimera are magical. Or it might have been peril. Chimera are monsters. And it might have been strength, a test of physical might."
Newt sighed. "Don"t you know?"
I merely looked onward enigmatically.
"Fine. Three trials left in any case. When is the next one?"
I kept staring into the distance.
"You don"t know. Just admit it."
"It doesn"t really matter what I know and what I don"t. Things will progress in their own way."
"Meaning you don"t know."
I wasn"t about to admit anything. No one but Newt expected me to, which was precisely why I didn"t. I enjoyed tormenting my familiar as much as anyone. Well, perhaps not as much as Gwurm.
Several hours upstream, the River suggested we part company because it no longer knew anything about our quest except that traveling north seemed the right thing to do. Newt couldn"t help but point out that we"d been going north before following the River, but quests were traditionally filled with detours. This annoyed him, but so many things did.
"Do you at least have some idea what this sorcerer is up to?" he asked.
I closed my eyes and lowered my head. "I have seen a crush of phantasmal goblings sweeping across the world, cleansing it of all genuine flesh. And in its place, another world has been made. A world of shadows and gla.s.s. A perfect but hollow reproduction."
"You make it sound as if it has already come to pa.s.s."
"Perhaps it already has." For the first time, I understood what Ghastly Edna had meant by the past that was yet to be. Time was neither now or later, then or after. Time simply was. Tomorrow was found by walking the hours, one minute at a time. None could know for certain what waited farther down the path, not even the magic. The only way to learn was to make the journey.
"But why would anyone want to do that? Destroy the world just to remake it?"
"Sorcery is illusion. It"s potent, but never quite real. But in a world of phantoms, illusion is reality."
"Madness," Wyst said.
"Magic and madness often walk together, and sorcerers have always been especially p.r.o.ne. Theirs is an art that blurs reality and illusion, and most eventually stop noticing the difference."
"Can he do it?" Newt said.
"Where great magic is concerned, anything is possible. But in this instance, I wouldn"t worry much. The world is is not so delicate. If we fail in our quest, then most likely, someone somewhere will stop him." not so delicate. If we fail in our quest, then most likely, someone somewhere will stop him."
Newt was disappointed. He wanted to be the world"s savior. It would only confirm what the demon in him already knew: that the universe existed only for his glory. This wasn"t true, but I offered him a nugget of self-importance.
"We are the first though, and if we fall short, there will be much more death and suffering before his plan is ended."
Newt would have grinned from ear to ear if he"d had ears. He was now the center of the world. Rather, he had always been, and I"d merely confirmed it. He was content to indulge in his hero fantasies. Without doubt, he imagined himself a sorcerer slayer. The rest of us were mere accessories to his destiny, which was really my destiny. He was enjoying himself, so I didn"t point that out.
Northward, the forest thinned to a spa.r.s.e wood, then a gra.s.sy field, then hilly plains. I hardly noticed. Wyst of the West occupied my perceptions. Newt may have been the center of his own universe, but the White Knight was the center of mine. I understood little of love, but I thought this normal. The obsession of fresh love. Time would soften its edge to something more manageable. I could only hold it in check by forcing myself to think of other things. I closed my eyes, lowered my head, and muttered nonsense under my breath. Ghastly Edna had often said, "Everyone talks to themselves, but if they truly wanted to learn anything, they would listen. A one-sided conversation rarely does anyone any good."
So I talked, and I listened, though not very well with Wyst so near. Even with my eyes closed, I could see his pleasing face, those dark eyes, those lean shoulders, delectable ears. I could smell his warm breath and feel my fingers running across the short hair atop his head. I could still taste his skin on my lips. My l.u.s.t was stronger than ever. As was my appet.i.te.
"You know what must be," I whispered.
I glanced at Wyst. He was watching me. Perhaps he had been the whole time. Neither of us turned away. We just stared into each other"s eyes. And then, at the exact same moment, we smiled. I would have kissed him or bit off his soft, chewy lips if I"d been close enough. My body spoke to me in a hundred wordless ways, and I knew what I would do . . . what I must do.
I lowered my eyes from Wyst and pushed my l.u.s.t aside. The ravenous beast was content to lick its lips in antic.i.p.ation of the meal it knew was coming.
Newt"s hero fantasies ceased being distracting. "This sorcerer, does he really have enough power to do that sh.e.l.ls and darkness in your vision?"
"Gla.s.s and shadows," I corrected. "Potentially, yes."
Newt whistled. "He must be one of the greatest sorcerers alive then."
"He is, I believe, an Incarnate."
Newt was so taken aback that he slipped from my lap and fell to the ground. He hopped to his feet. "An Incarnate! You didn"t say anything about an Incarnate!"