February 19. Brother Craik preached this evening on Mark iv. 30-41, and was enabled to give out precious truths. Oh that I did feed more upon them! For several weeks I have had very little real communion with the Lord. I long for it. I am cold. I have little love to the Lord. But I am not, yea, I cannot be satisfied with such a state of heart. Oh that once more I might be brought to fervency of spirit, and that thus it might continue with me forever! I long to go home that I maybe with the Lord, and that I may love Him with all my heart. I fear that the Lord will chastise me at the time of my dear wife"s confinement. Lord Jesus, take Thy miserable sinful servant soon to Thyself, that I may serve Thee better! Within the last week I have repeatedly set out, as it were, afresh; but soon, very soon, all has come again to nothing. The Lord alone can help me. Oh that it might please Him to bring me into a more spiritual state!
February 20. By the mercy of G.o.d I was today melted into tears on account of my state of heart. Oh that it might please the Lord to bring me into a more spiritual state! February 21. Through the help of the Lord I am rather in a better state of heart than for some time past.--I was led this morning to form a plan for establishing, upon scriptural principles, an Inst.i.tution for the spread of the Gospel at home and abroad. I trust this matter is of G.o.d.--This evening we had again, from six to half-past ten, a meeting with inquirers. The work of the Lord is going on among us as much as ever. Oh that our hearts might overflow with grat.i.tude! Even after we were worn out to the utmost, we could not see all, but had to send away several individuals.
February 25. The inquiries were so many yesterday, that though we conversed more than four hours with them, we had to appoint another meeting for today, and saw again several from two till five. I was led again this day to pray about the forming of a new Missionary Inst.i.tution, and felt still more confirmed that we should do so.
[Some readers may ask why we formed a new Inst.i.tution for the spread of the Gospel, and why we did not unite with some of the religious societies, already in existence, seeing that there are several Missionary-, Bible-, Tract-, and School Societies. I give, therefore, our reasons, in order to show, that nothing but the desire to maintain a good conscience led us to act as we did. For as, by the grace of G.o.d, we acknowledged the word of G.o.d as the only rule of action for the disciples of the Lord Jesus, we found, in comparing the then existing religious Societies with the word of G.o.d, that they departed so far from it, that we could not be united with them, and yet maintain a good conscience. I only mention here the following points.
1. The end which these religious societies propose to themselves, and which is constantly put before their members, is, that the world will gradually become better and better, and that at last the whole world will be converted. To this end there is constantly reference made to the pa.s.sage in Habakkuk ii. 14. "For the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea," or the one in Isaiah xi. 9, "For the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea." But that these pa.s.sages can have no reference to the present dispensation, but to the one which will commence with the return of the Lord, that in the present dispensation things will not become spiritually better, but rather worse, and that in the present dispensation it is not the whole world that will be converted, but only a people gathered out from among the Gentiles for the Lord, is clear from many pa.s.sages of the divine testimony, of which I only refer to the following: Matt. xiii. 24-30, and verse 36-43, 2 Tim. iii. 1-13, Acts. xv.
14.
A hearty desire for the conversion of sinners, and earnest prayer for it to the Lord, is quite scriptural; but it is unscriptural to expect the conversion of the whole world. Such an end we could not propose to ourselves in the service of the Lord.
2. But that which is worse, is the connexion of those religious societies with the world, which is completely contrary to the word of G.o.d (2 Cor.
vi. 14-18). In temporal things the children of G.o.d need, whilst they remain here on earth, to make use of the world; but when the work to be done requires, that those who attend to it should be possessed of spiritual life (of which unbelievers are utterly dest.i.tute), the children of G.o.d are bound, by their loyalty to their Lord, entirely to refrain from a.s.sociation with the unregenerate. But alas! The connexion with the world is but too marked in these religious societies; for every one who pays a guinea, or, in some societies, half-a-guinea, is considered as a member.
Although such an individual may live in sin; although he may manifest to every one that he does not know the Lord Jesus; if only the guinea or the half-guinea be paid, he is considered a member, and has a right as such to vote. Moreover, whoever pays a larger sum, for instance, 10. or 20. can be, in many societies, a member for life, however openly sinful his life should be for the time, or should became afterwards. Surely, such things aught not to be!
3. The means which are made use of in these religious societies, to obtain money for the work of the Lord, are also, in other respects, unscriptural; for it is a most common case to ask the unconverted for money, which even Abraham would not have done (Genesis xiv. 21-24): and how much less should we do it, who are not only forbidden to have fellowship with unbelievers in all such matters (2 Cor. vi. 14-18), but who are also in fellowship with the Father and the Son, and can therefore obtain everything from the Lord which we possibly can need in His service, without being obliged to go to the unconverted world! How altogether differently the first disciples acted in this respect, we learn from 3 John 7.
4. Not merely, however, in these particulars is there a connexion with the world in these religious societies; but it is not a rare thing for even Committee Members (the individuals who manage the affairs of the societies) to be manifestly unconverted persons, if not open enemies to the truth; and this is suffered because they are rich, or of influence, as it is called.
5. It is a most common thing to endeavour to obtain for patrons and presidents of these societies, and for chairmen at the public meetings, persons of rank or wealth to attract the public. Never once have I known a case of a POOR, but very devoted, wise, and experienced servant of Christ being invited to fill the chair at such public meetings. Surely, the Galilean fishermen, who were apostles, or our Lord Himself, who was called the carpenter, would not have been called to this office, according to these principles. These things ought not so to be among the disciples of the Lord Jesus, who should not judge with reference to a person"s fitness for service in the Church of Christ by the position he fills in the world, or by the wealth he possesses!
6. Almost all these societies contract debts, so that it is a comparatively rare case to read a Report of any of them, without finding that they have expended more than they have received, which, however, is contrary both to the spirit and to the letter of the New Testament. (Rom.
xiii. 8).
Now, although brother Craik and I were ready, by the grace of G.o.d, heartily to acknowledge that there are not only many true children of G.o.d connected with these religious societies, but that the Lord has also blessed their efforts in many respects, notwithstanding the existence of these and other principles and practices which we judged to be unscriptural, yet it appeared to us to be His will, that we should be entirely separate from these societies, (though we should be considered as singular persons, or though it should even appear that we despised other persons, or would elevate ourselves above them), in order that, by the blessing of G.o.d, we might direct the attention of the children of G.o.d in these societies to their unscriptural practices; and we would rather be entirely unconnected with these societies than act contrary to the Holy Scriptures. We therefore separated entirely from them, although we remained united in brotherly love with individual believers belonging to them; and would by no means judge them for remaining in connexion with them, if they do not see that such things are contrary to Scripture. But seeing them to be so ourselves, we could not with a clear conscience remain. After we had thus gone on for some time, we considered that it would have an injurious tendency upon the brethren among whom we laboured, and also be at variance with the spirit of the Gospel of Christ, if we did nothing at all for Missionary objects, the circulation of the Holy Scriptures, Tracts, etc.; and we were therefore led for these and other reasons to do something for the spread of the Gospel at home and abroad, however small the beginning might be. This was the origin of the Inst.i.tution, of which the following part of my Narrative speaks.]
March 5. This evening, at a public meeting, brother Craik and I stated the principles on which we intend to carry on the inst.i.tution which we propose to establish for the spread of the Gospel at home and abroad.
There was nothing outwardly influential, either in the number of people present, or in our speeches. May the Lord graciously be pleased to grant His blessing upon the inst.i.tution, which will be called "The Scriptural Knowledge Inst.i.tutions for Home and Abroad."
I. THE PRINCIPLES OF THE INSt.i.tUTION.
1. We consider every believer bound, in one way or other, to help the cause of Christ, and we have Scriptural warrant for expecting the Lord"s blessing upon our work of faith and labour of love: and although, according to Matt. xiii. 24-43, 2 Tim. iii. 1-13, and many other pa.s.sages, the world will not be converted before the coming of our Lord Jesus, still, while He tarries; all Scriptural means ought to be employed for the ingathering of the elect of G.o.d.
2. The Lord helping us, we do not mean to seek the patronage of the world; i.e., we never intend to ask unconverted persons of rank or wealth to countenance this Inst.i.tution, because this, we consider, would be dishonourable to the Lord. In the name of our G.o.d we set up our banners, Ps. xx. 5; He alone shall be our Patron, and if He helps us we shall prosper, and if He is not on our side, we shall not succeed.
3. We do not mean, to ask unbelievers for money (2 Cor. vi. 14-18); though we do not feel ourselves warranted to refuse their contributions, if they, of their own accord should offer them. Acts xxviii. 2-10.
4. We reject altogether the help of unbelievers in managing or carrying on the affairs of the Inst.i.tution. 2 Cor, vi. 14-18.
5. We intend never to enlarge the field of labour by contracting debts (Rom. xiii. 8), and afterwards appealing to the Church of Christ for help, because this we consider to be opposed both to the letter and the spirit of the New Testament; but in secret prayer, G.o.d helping us, we shall carry the wants of the Inst.i.tution to the Lord, and act according to the means that G.o.d shall give.
6. We do not mean to reckon the success of the Inst.i.tution by the amount of money given, or the number of Bibles distributed, &c, but by the Lord"s blessing upon the work (Zech. iv. 6); and we expect this, in the proportion in which He shall help us to wait upon Him in prayer.
7. While we would avoid aiming after needless singularity, we desire to go on simply according to Scripture, without compromising the truth; at the same time thankfully receiving any instruction which experienced Believers, after prayer, upon Scriptural ground, may have to give us concerning the Inst.i.tution.
II. THE OBJECTS OF THE INSt.i.tUTION ARE:
1. To a.s.sist Day-Schools, Sunday-Schools, and Adult-Schools, in which instruction is given upon Scriptural principles, and, as far as the Lord may give the means, and supply us with suitable teachers, and in other respects make our path plain, to establish Schools of this kind.
a. By Day-Schools upon Scriptural principles, we understand Day Schools in which the teachers are G.o.dly persons,--in which the way of salvation is scripturally pointed out,--and in which no instruction is given opposed to the principles of the gospel.
b. Sunday-Schools, in which all the teachers are believers, and in which the Holy Scriptures alone are the foundation of instruction,--are such only as the Inst.i.tution a.s.sists with the supply of Bibles, Testaments, &c.; for we consider it unscriptural, that any persons, who do not profess to know the Lord themselves, should be allowed to give religious instruction.
c. The Inst.i.tution does not a.s.sist any Adult-Schools with the supply of Bibles, Testaments, Spelling Books, &c., except the teachers are believers.
2. To circulate the Holy Scriptures.
We sell Bibles and Testaments to poor persons at a reduced price. But while we, in general, think it better that the Scriptures should be sold, and not given altogether gratis, still, in cases of extreme poverty, we think it right to give, without payment, a cheap edition.
3. The third object of this Inst.i.tution is, to aid Missionary efforts.
We desire to a.s.sist those Missionaries whose proceedings appear to be most according to the Scriptures. It is proposed to give such a portion of the amount of the donations to each of the fore-mentioned objects, as the Lord may direct; but if none of the objects should claim a more particular a.s.sistance, to lay out an equal portion upon each; yet so, that if any donor desires to give for one of the objects exclusively, the money shall be appropriated accordingly.
March 7. Today we have only one shilling left. Many times also in Bristol our purse has been either empty or nearly so, though we have not been brought quite so low as it regards provisions, as was sometimes the case at Teignmouth. This evening, when we came home from our work, we found a brother, our tailor, waiting for us, who brought a new suit of clothes both for brother Craik and me, which a brother, whose name was not to be mentioned, had ordered for us. March 8. Our brother brought us this evening also, from the same friend, a new hat for each of us.
March 10. Some time since, a brother who had been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through our instrumentality, having been previously guilty of habitual drunkenness and other open sins, requested with tears our prayers on behalf of his wife, who, like himself formerly, was still given to drinking, and who grew worse and worse. About ten days, after he had spoken to us, it pleased G.o.d to begin a work of grace in her heart, in answer to the many prayers of her husband, and this evening she was added to us in fellowship. There have come many instances before us, since we have been in Bristol, in which unbelieving partners have been given to believing ones, in answer to their prayers; yea, even such as had threatened to murder their wives, or leave them, they would still continue to go to our chapels.
March 19. This afternoon at five, my wife was in much pain, which she shortly afterwards considered as the token of her hour being near. I therefore set off to call in a sister, and then I went for the nurse, and my wife"s sister, and our servant, who were at Clifton. The Lord having graciously speeded all this, I went to Bethesda Chapel, where I had to preach shortly after. I thought it better to spend the few minutes, which I had before preaching, in prayer for my wife, than to return home again, as I should have had to set off directly afterwards, believing that my mind would be thus more quiet and calm, and that I also might thus help my dearest wife much more effectually. The Lord most graciously kept me from excitement and anxiety, so that I went in peace, preached in peace, and walked home in peace, looking up to Jesus to prepare me for all that might await me, as I remembered but too well the two former times of my wife"s confinement. I might have asked brother Craik to preach, and have gone home; but I thought it more honouring the Lord to do His work. In walking home, the following words were a particular refreshment to me:--
Make you His service your delight,
Your wants shall be His care.
When I came home, I heard the joyful news, that all was over, and that my dear Mary had been delivered at twenty minutes past eight of a little boy.
Observe! 1. The Lord graciously sent the medical attendant and the nurse (the latter nearly three miles off), in the right time. 2. The Lord put it into my heart to honour Him, by preferring the care of His house to that of my own, and thus He lovingly spared me three painful hours. May He be pleased to give me grace more than ever to love and serve Him!
March 31. Today the brethren and sisters in communion at Bethesda dined together, having been invited by a sister; and in the evening the churches of Gideon and Bethesda took tea together. Both times were refreshing seasons. At dinner we were together from one till half past three, at tea from five to nine. Both times we prayed repeatedly, sang hymns, read a little of the Word, and several brethren spoke of the Lord"s dealings with them.
April 3. Today I have had again much reason to see how weak I am, and how p.r.o.ne to give way to every sin if I am not kept by G.o.d. May He have mercy upon me, and keep me from bringing an open disgrace upon His holy name! O wretched man that I am!!
April 14. Brother and sister Craik and ourselves have been living together hitherto; but now, as the Lord has given to them one child, and to us two, and there are but six rooms in our house, so that of late dear brother Craik and I have had repeatedly to go to another house to be uninterrupted: we came at last to the conclusion, that it would be better for our souls and the Lord"s work that we should separate. April 15. Today I received from several sisters 25l. towards furnishing a house.
April 23. Yesterday and today I had asked the Lord to send us 20l., that we might be able to procure a larger stock of Bibles and Testaments than our small funds of the Scriptural Knowledge Inst.i.tution would allow us to purchase; and this evening a sister, unasked, promised to give us that sum, adding that she felt a particular pleasure in circulating the Holy Scriptures, as the simple reading of them had been the means of bringing her to the knowledge of the Lord.
April 26. We have repeatedly conversed about the name which we should give to our babe; but, being unsettled about it, and considering that in all our ways we ought to acknowledge the Lord, I gave myself today to prayer concerning this matter, and the name Elijah, about which I never had thought, was particularly, whilst praying, impressed on my mind, and therefore we intend to name the child Elijah, i. e., my G.o.d is Jah, Jehovah. May the Lord in mercy grant Elijah"s spirit and Elijah"s blessing to our little one!
May 4. Today 15l. more was given to me towards furnishing a house. Thus the Lord has now graciously supplied our need in this particular also. May 13. Today 2l. more was given to us towards furnishing the house, and also some carpet. May 15. Today we moved into our house, having lived nearly two years with brother and sister Craik.
June 4. Today a sister called on me, and I felt irritated at her staying, after having given her to understand that I had but a few minutes time. I sinned thus against the Lord. Help Thou me, blessed Jesus, in future!
June 8. Lord"s day. I obtained no text yesterday, notwithstanding repeated prayer and reading of the Word. This morning I awoke with these words:--"My grace is sufficient for thee." As soon as I had dressed myself, I turned to 2 Cor. xii. to consider this pa.s.sage; but in doing so, after prayer, I was led to think that I had not been directed to this portion for the sake of speaking on it as I at first thought, and I therefore followed my usual practice in such cases, i. e., to read on in the Scriptures where I left off last evening. In doing so, when I came to Heb. xi. 13-16, I felt that this was the text. Having prayed, I was confirmed in it, and in a few minutes the Lord was pleased to open this pa.s.sage to me. I preached on it with great enjoyment, both at Gideon and at Bethesda, particularly in the evening at Bethesda. This help was evidently from G.o.d. May He fill my heart with grat.i.tude, and encourage me by this, to trust in Him for the future! I now understand why those words, "My grace is sufficient for thee," were brought to my mind when I awoke this morning.--[It pleased G.o.d, as I have heard since, greatly to bless what I said on that pa.s.sage, and at least one soul was brought through it to the Lord.]
June 25. These last three days I have had very little real communion with G.o.d, and have therefore been very weak spiritually, and have several times felt irritability of temper. May G.o.d in mercy help me to have more secret prayer!--Let none expect to have the mastery over his inward corruption in any degree, without going in his weakness again and again to the Lord for strength. Nor will prayer with others, or conversing with the brethren, make up for secret prayer; for I had been engaged in both repeatedly, during the three previous days, as my journal shows.
June 26. I was enabled, by the grace of G.o.d, to rise early, and I had nearly two hours in prayer before breakfast. I feel now this morning more comfortable. May G.o.d in mercy help me to walk before Him this day, and to do His work; and may He keep me from all evil!
July 5. The Lord very mercifully kept us today from a great calamity, the ap.r.o.n of our Christian servant having caught fire; but the fire was extinguished, and she was kept from being burned!