_Anonymous_.
BABY AND MARY
Baby sat on the window-seat; Mary pushed Baby into the street; Baby"s brains were dashed out in the "arey"; And mother held up her forefinger at Mary.
_Anonymous_.
THE SUNBEAM
I dined with a friend in the East, one day, Who had no window-sashes; A sunbeam through the window came And burnt his wife to ashes.
"John, sweep your mistress away," said he, "And bring fresh wine for my friend and me."
_Anonymous_.
LITTLE WILLIE
Little Willie hung his sister, She was dead before we missed her.
"Willie"s always up to tricks!
Ain"t he cute? He"s only six!"
_Anonymous_.
MARY AMES
Pity now poor Mary Ames, Blinded by her brother James; Red-hot nails in her eyes he poked,-- I never saw Mary more provoked.
_Anonymous_.
MUDDLED METAPHORS
_By a Moore-ose Melodist_
Oh, ever thus from childhood"s hour, I"ve seen my fondest hopes recede!
I never loved a tree or flower That didn"t trump its partner"s lead.
I never nursed a dear gazelle, To glad me with its dappled hide, But when it came to know me well, It fell upon the b.u.t.tered side.
I never taught a c.o.c.katoo To whistle comic songs profound, But, just when "Jolly Dogs" it knew, It failed for ninepence in the pound.
I never reared a walrus cub In my aquarium to plunge, But, when it learned to love its tub, It placidly threw up the sponge!
I never strove a metaphor To every bosom home to bring But--just as it had reached the door-- It went and cut a pigeon"s wing!
_Tom Hood, Jr_.
VILLON"S STRAIGHT TIP TO ALL CROSS COVES
"_Tout aux tavernes et aux fiells_"
Suppose you screeve? or go cheap-jack?
Or fake the broads? or fig a nag?
Or thimble-rig? or knap a yack?
Or pitch a snide? or smash a rag?
Suppose you duff? or nose and lag?
Or get the straight, and land your pot?
How do you melt the multy swag?
Booze and the blowens cop the lot.
Fiddle, or fence, or mace, or mack; Or moskeneer, or flash the drag; Dead-lurk a crib, or do a crack; Pad with a slang, or chuck a f.a.g; Bonnet, or tout, or mump and gag; Rattle the tats, or mark the spot; You cannot bag a single stag; Booze and the blowens cop the lot.
Suppose you try a different tack, And on the square you flash your flag?
At penny-a-lining make your whack, Or with the mummers mug and gag?
For nix, for nix the dibbs you bag!
At any graft, no matter what, Your merry goblins soon stravag: Booze and the blowens cop the lot.
THE MORAL
It"s up the spout and Charley Wag With wipes and tickers and what not Until the squeezer nips your scrag, Booze and the blowens cop the lot.
_W. E. Henley_.
ODE TO THE HUMAN HEART
Blind Thamyris, and blind M. aeonides, Pursue the triumph and partake the gale!
Drop tears as fast as the Arabian trees, To point a moral or adorn a tale.
Full many a gem of purest ray serene, Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears, Like angels" visits, few and far between, Deck the long vista of departed years.