At the other side of the wall I heard Mrs. Fanning"s heavy steps as she walked about. She did not seem to be at all depressed at my refusal of her son Albert. On the contrary, she was in very good spirits. She had been in excellent spirits all the way back, and had kept on a.s.suring me that I was only going on the usual tack of the modest maiden, the maiden who was worthy of such a man as her G.o.dly son Albert. Had not she herself hated Albert"s father for a whole fortnight after his proposal, and had she not been glad, very glad, in the end to creep into his great heart for shelter? Did she suppose that I also would be glad to creep into Albert the second"s great heart for shelter? Oh, it was all unbearable. But, nevertheless, there was a spirit of defiance in me. I had tried my ugly dresses in vain, I had tried being grave and distant in vain. I had tried everything, but nothing had availed; Mr. Fanning was determined to have me for his wife. I wondered if the man cared for me, perhaps he did after his fashion, but as no self-denials on my part had the effect of repulsing him, I would give way to my fancy and dress properly for dinner. I put on a very pretty pink dress which I had not yet worn, and ran downstairs.
At dinner I sat opposite Mr. Fanning. Mother"s place was empty, and Mrs. Fanning called across the table to know what was the matter with her.
I said that she was tired and had gone to bed, whereupon Mrs.
Armstrong immediately remarked, that it was a very good thing we had such an excellent housekeeper as Miss Mullins to look after things in my mother"s serious state of health, otherwise the house would go to wreck and ruin, she said.
Mrs. Armstrong looked daggers at me for wearing my pink dress. She had never seen anything so stylish as that soft, graceful robe before, and between her jealousy at seeing me so attired, and her earnest wish to copy it for Marion, she scarcely knew what to do with herself. She darted angry glances at my face, and then tried to measure with her eye the amount of ribbon on the bodice, and the quant.i.ty of chiffon round the neck. But Mr. Fanning, to my great relief and delight, did not appear to take the slightest interest in me. I do not think he once glanced at my pretty evening frock. He absorbed himself altogether with Marion Armstrong. He talked to her all during dinner, and invited her in a loud voice to come and see him at his office on the following day.
"I told you, Miss Armstrong," he said, "that as a rule I am brutal to the people who come to me trying to sell their wares. Those silly folks who bring their useless ma.n.u.scripts and their poor little amateur drawings to my office find that I make short work with them.
""If you like to leave your ma.n.u.script or your drawings," I say to them, "you can do so, but as to the chance of their being accepted, well, look for yourselves. Do you see that pile? all that pile of ma.n.u.scripts has to be read before yours. If you leave your ma.n.u.scripts they go under the pile at the bottom; there will be nearly a ton of stuff on top of them. You take your chance. You had best go away at once with what you have brought, for I am not likely to require it." They mostly do go away, Miss Armstrong, for I am brutal in my words and brutal in my tone. There is no use in buoying people up with false hopes." Here he gave a loud guffaw, which reached my ears at the further end of the table.
Captain Furlong bent across at that moment to say something to me, and I saw that he was much displeased at Mr. Fanning"s loud, aggressive words. But Mr. Fanning, after all, was nothing to Mrs. Fanning. It was quite pleasant to me to see that he should turn his attentions to Miss Marion Armstrong, but Mrs. Fanning"s winks were more than I could endure. They were just as much as to say, "Listen to him now; he is only doing that to draw you on." So plainly did her speaking eyes announce this fact, that I dreaded each moment her saying the awful words aloud, but fortunately she did not go quite so far as that.
When dinner was over Mrs. Armstrong came and sat near me.
"Have you seen any of Marion"s drawings lately?" she asked.
"No," I replied; "is she getting on well?"
"Is she getting on well!" retorted Mrs. Armstrong. "The girl is a genius. I told you before that her whole soul was devoted to h"Art.
Well, I may as well say now that she has sold a little set of drawings to Mr. Fanning. He means to bring them out in his Christmas number of the _Lady"s Handbag_. Have you ever seen the _Lady"s Handbag_, Miss Wickham?"
"No," I answered; "I cannot say that I have."
"I am surprised to hear it. The _Lady"s Handbag_ is one of the most striking and widely read periodicals of the day. It contains information on every single thing that a lady ought to know, and there is nothing in it for those low-down common sort of people who want wild excitement and sickening adventures. But you shall see it for yourself. Marion! Come here, dear Marion."
Marion, behind whose chair Mr. Fanning was standing, rose reluctantly and crossed the room with a frown between her brows.
"You will scarcely believe it, Marion, but Miss Wickham has not seen the _Lady"s Handbag_. I was just telling her that you are to ill.u.s.trate an article for the Christmas number. Perhaps you could oblige me by bringing a number here. I know Miss Wickham would like to see any of Mr. Fanning"s publications."
Miss Armstrong left the room and returned with a copy of the _Lady"s Handbag_. It was handed to me and I turned the pages. It was exactly the sort of fifth-rate production which I should expect a man of Mr.
Fanning"s calibre to initiate.
I gave it back to Mrs. Armstrong.
"I am so glad that Miss Armstrong is having her first success," I said then, and I thought what a suitable and admirable wife she would make for Mr. Fanning, and hoped that he might by-and-by think so himself.
As I was entering my own room that night, Mrs. Fanning popped her head out of her own door near by.
"One word, Miss Wickham," she said. She looked very funny. She had divested herself of her gay dress and was wearing a night-cap. Her night-cap had large frills which partly encircled her wide face.
"I know you"re fretted by the way Albert has gone on this evening,"
she said, "but he"s only doing it on purpose. I am sorry for that poor girl, though. You had better be quick and make up your mind, or Marion Armstrong will fall over head and ears in love with him, but if you imagine for a single moment that he thinks sincerely of her you are greatly mistaken. It"s you he wants, and you he"ll have. Go to bed now, dear, and dream of him, but I understand your ways perfectly. I felt just the same about Albert the first."
CHAPTER XIX
YOU USED TO LOVE US
Mother was very ill for the next few days, and I was so much occupied with her that I had no time to think of either Mr. or Mrs. Fanning.
When I was in the drawing-room my heart was full of her; when I forced myself to go to meals, I could only think of her dear face. Was she going to be taken away from me before the year was up? Oh, surely G.o.d would at least leave me my one treasure for that short time. In those days I used to go away by myself and struggle to pray to G.o.d, but my heart was heavy, and I wondered if He heard my restless and broken words. I used to creep out sometimes and go into a church alone, and try to picture what my future would be when mother was gone; but I could not picture it. It always rose before me as a great blank, and I could not see anything distinctly. It seemed to me that I could see everything when mother was present, and nothing without her. And then I would go back again to her room and rouse myself to be cheerful, and to talk in a pleasant tone. I was doing the utmost that duty required of me just then. I determined that nothing would induce me to look further afield. Life without mother I did not dare to contemplate. But there were moments when the thought of one person came to my heart with a thrill of strength and comfort. I missed Jim Randolph, and longed for him to come back.
As the winter pa.s.sed away and the spring approached, I began to hope for his return. I began to feel that when once he was back things would be right, anxiety would be removed from Jane"s face, the strain would be removed. Mother would have her friend near her, and I also should not be friendless when my time of terrible trouble came, for of course mother was dying. The doctor was right. It was a question perhaps of days, of months at most, but if Mr. Randolph came back I thought that I could bear it.
When mother and I were alone I noticed that she liked to talk of Jim, and I was more than willing to listen to her, and to draw her out, and to ask her questions, for it seemed to me that she knew him a great deal better than I did.
"There always seems to be a mystery surrounding him," I said on one occasion. "You know much more than I do. I like him, of course, and I am sure you like him, mother."
"Except your dear father, West," replied mother, "he is the best fellow I ever met, and he will come back again, dearest. I shall be very glad when he comes back. We ought to hear from him soon now."
The winter was now pa.s.sing away and the spring coming, and the spring that year happened to be a mild and gracious one, without much east wind, and with many soft westerly breezes, and the trees in the Square garden put on their delicate fragile green clothing, and hope came back to my heart once more.
One day I had gone to do some messages for mother in Regent Street.
She had asked me to buy some lace for a new fichu, and one or two other little things. I went off to fulfil my messages with my heart comparatively light.
I went to d.i.c.kins & Jones", and was turning over some delicate laces at the lace counter when a hand was laid on my shoulder. I turned with a start to encounter the kind old face of the d.u.c.h.ess of Wilmot.
"My dear Westenra," she said, "this is lucky. How are you? I have heard nothing of you for a long time."
Now, I had always loved the d.u.c.h.ess, not at all because she was a d.u.c.h.ess, but because she was a woman with a very womanly heart and a very sweet way, and my whole heart went out to her now--to her gracious appearance, to her gentle, refined tone of voice, to the look in her eyes. I felt that I belonged to her set, and her set were delightful to me just then.
"Where are you going," inquired the d.u.c.h.ess, "after you have made your purchases?"
"Home again," I answered.
"My carriage is at the door; you shall come with me. You shall come and have tea with me."
"I have not time," I said. "Mother is not well, and I must hurry back to her."
"Your mother not well! Mary Wickham not well! I have heard nothing for months. I have written two or three times, but my letters have not been replied to. It is impossible to keep up a friendship of this sort, all on one side, Westenra. And you don"t look as well as you did, and oh! my dear child, is that your spring hat?"
"It is; it will do very well," I answered. I spoke almost brusquely; I felt hurt at her remarking it.
"But it is not fresh. It is not the sort of hat I should like my G.o.d-daughter to wear. They have some pretty things here. I must get you a suitable hat."
"No, no," I said with pa.s.sion. "It cannot be."
"You are so ridiculously proud and so ridiculously socialistic in all your ideas. But if you were a true Socialist you would take a present from your old friend without making any fuss over the matter."
As the d.u.c.h.ess spoke she looked at me, and I saw tears in her eyes.
"And I am your G.o.dmother," she continued. "I do not like to see you looking as you do. You want a new hat and jacket; may I get them for you?"
At first I felt that I must refuse, but then I reflected that it would please mother to see me in the hat and jacket which the d.u.c.h.ess would purchase. I knew that the buying of such things were a mere bagatelle to her, and the little pleasure which the new smart things would give mother were not a bagatelle. My own feelings must be crushed out of sight. I said humbly, "Just as you like." So the d.u.c.h.ess hurried me into another room, and a hat that suited me was tried on and paid for, and then a new jacket was purchased, and the d.u.c.h.ess made me put on both hat and jacket immediately, and gave the address of 17 Graham Square to have my old things sent to.