"There are, truly," he said.
"Then you are not dreadfully angry with me, Jim?"
"Angry?" he said slowly; "angry? You have not given me the worst pain of all, you have not stepped down from your pedestal, you are still the one woman for me. But oh! Westenra, have I lost you? Have I lost you?"
He bowed his head in his hands.
CHAPTER x.x.x
THE d.u.c.h.eSS HAS HER SAY
I shall never forget as long as I live that sultry 1st of August; there seemed to be scarcely a breath of air anywhere, all the air of London had that used-up feeling which those who live in it all the year round know so well. It was hot weather, hot in the house, hot in the outside streets, hot in the burnt-up parks, hot everywhere. The sky seemed to radiate heat, and the earth seemed to embrace it; and we poor human beings who were subjected to it scarcely knew what to do with ourselves.
Even in Jasmine"s luxurious house, where all the appliances of comfort were abundantly in evidence, even there we gasped and thought of the country with a longing equal to that of thirsty people for water.
Jasmine and her husband were going away the next day, and the d.u.c.h.ess was going away too, and I was to join the Fannings on the 4th. I was to have three more days in Jasmine"s house, and then I was to go, I knew well never to return. I had not seen Jim after that night, nearly a fortnight ago, when I had told him everything, and from that hour to now nothing at all had occurred to deliver me from my bondage and misery. Mrs. Fanning had come twice to see me; she was very bustling and self-important, and told me honestly that she had a downright hatred for that airified madam her ladyship. She said that we"d have an excellent time in Switzerland, going to the very best hotels, enjoying ourselves everywhere.
"And you two young engaged creatures will have no end of opportunities for flirtation," she said; "I won"t be much in the way. You may be quite sure that the old mother will efface herself in order to give her son and her dear new daughter every possible opportunity for enjoying life. Ah! my dear, there is no time like the engaged period--the man makes such a fuss about you then. He don"t afterwards, dear; I may as well be frank, but he don"t--the best of "em even take you as if you were common clay; but beforehand you"re something of an angel, and they treat you according. It"s the way of all men, dear, it is the way of every single one of "em. Now Albert, for instance, I declare at times I scarcely know him. He used to be a matter-of-fact sort of body, but he is changed in all sorts of ways; and as to the way he speaks of you, you"d think you weren"t common clay at all, that your feet had never yet touched the earth. He drives me past patience almost at times; but I say to myself, "Thank goodness, it won"t last."
That"s my one consolation, for I cannot bear those high-falutin"
ideas, although there"s nothing Albert does that seems really wrong to me. He said to me only yesterday, "Mother, I have a kind of awe over me when I am with her; she is not like any one else, she is so dainty, and so----" I declare I almost laughed in his face; but there, I didn"t, and doubtless he has told you those sort of things himself. I don"t want to see you blush. Not that you do blush, Westenra; I must say you take things pretty cool. I suppose it is breeding. They say it takes a power of good breeding to get that calm which it strikes me you have to perfection. I never saw any one else with it except that Mr. Randolph, who, I hear, wasn"t drowned at all, but came back as safe as ever a few days ago. Well, well, I"m off now. You wouldn"t like to come back to the Metropole to me and Albert the day her ladyship goes, would you, child? Say out frankly if you have a wish that way."
"No," I answered, "I have not a wish that way. I will meet you at Victoria Station. I would rather stay here until then."
"Well, well, good-bye, my dearie," said the stout old woman, and she embraced me with her voluminous arms, and patted me on my cheek.
But although she came, as I said, twice, Albert did not come at all, and I thought it extremely nice of him. New proofs of his kindness were meeting me at every turn. He wrote to me several times, and in each letter said that he knew perfectly well that I meant to be free until the year was up, and that he was not going to worry me with overmuch love-making, or any nonsense of that sort; but he thought I would like Switzerland, and the change would do me good, and although he would not say much, and would not even ask me to go out walking with him unless I wished it, yet I was to be certain of one thing, that he was ready to lay down his life for me, and that I was the one thought of his heart, the one treasure of his soul.
"Poor Albert!" I had almost said, "Poor dear Albert!" when I read that last letter. How much he had developed since the days when we first met. It is wonderful what a power love has, how it enn.o.bles and purifies and sanctifies, and raises, and Albert"s love was very unselfish--how utterly unselfish, I was to know before long.
But the days went on, and each day seemed a little harder than the last, until I became quite anxious for the complete break to take place when I should have parted with my old friends and my old life for ever. But I knew quite well that even if I did go away, the image of the man I really loved would remain in my heart. As this was likely to be a sin by-and-by--for surely I ought not to marry one man and love another--I must try to fight against all thoughts of Jim, and to banish the one who would not be banished from my thoughts.
I have said that the 1st of August came in with tremendous heat; every window in the house was open, the blinds were all down. Jasmine was quite fretful and irritable. She pined for Scotland; she said that she could scarcely contain herself until she got away.
She and her husband were to go early the next day to the North, and all arrangements were being made, and the final packing was being completed.
The d.u.c.h.ess also was kept in town owing to some special duties, but on the next day she was also to go.
She had asked me two or three times to visit her, but I had written to her begging of her not to press it.
"I must go through with what I have promised," I said, "and to see you only pains me. Do forgive me. Perhaps you will see me once when I return from Switzerland just to say good-bye."
The d.u.c.h.ess had taken no notice of this letter, and I concluded sadly that I was never to see her or hear of her again; but as I was sitting by myself in Jasmine"s inner drawing-room on that same 1st of August, about twelve o"clock in the morning, I was startled when the door was thrown open, and the dear d.u.c.h.ess came in. She came up to me, put her arms round me, drew me to her breast, and kissed me several times. She had not, after all, more motherly arms than Mrs. Fanning, but she had a different way about her, and before I knew what I was doing, the feel of those arms, and the warm, consoling touch of her sympathy, caused me to burst out crying. Mrs. Fanning would not have thought much of the calm which in her opinion seems to accompany good breeding had she seen me at that moment. But the d.u.c.h.ess knew exactly what to do. She did not speak until I was quieter, and then she made me lie on the sofa, and took my hand and patted it.
"I am thinking of you, Westenra, almost all day long," she said solemnly. "I am terribly concerned about you. Have you got a photograph of that man anywhere near?"
"I have not got one," I replied.
"He never sent you his photograph? I thought they always did."
"He would have liked to. He is very patient, and he is very fond of me, you need not be anxious about me, it is just----"
"But it is the giving of you up, child, that is so painful, and the want of necessity of the whole thing. Sometimes I declare I am so impatient with----"
But what the d.u.c.h.ess meant to say was never finished, for the drawing-room door was opened once more and the footman announced Mr.
Fanning.
Albert Fanning entered in his usual, half a.s.sured, half nervous style.
He had a way of walking on his toes, so that his tall figure seemed to undulate up and down as he approached you. He carried his hat in his hand, and his hair was as upright as usual, his face white, his blue eyes hungry. He was so anxious to see me, and this visit meant so much to him, that he did not even notice the d.u.c.h.ess. He came straight up to me, and when he saw that my cheeks were pale and my eyes red from recent crying, he was so concerned that he stooped, and before I could prevent him gave me the lightest and softest of kisses on my cheek.
"I could not keep away," he said, "and I--I have a message from the mater. Can you listen?"
I was sitting up, my face was crimson, with an involuntary movement I had tried to brush away that offending kiss. He saw me do it, and his face went whiter than ever.
"Introduce me, Westenra," said the voice of the d.u.c.h.ess.
In my emotion at seeing Albert Fanning, I had forgotten her, but now I stood up and made the necessary introduction. Her Grace of Wilmot gave a distant bow, which Mr. Fanning gravely and with no trace of awkwardness returned.
"Won"t you sit down?" said the d.u.c.h.ess then; "do you know I have been most anxious to see you?"
"Indeed," he replied. He looked amazed and a little incredulous. He kept glancing from the d.u.c.h.ess to me. I do not know why, but I suddenly began to feel intensely nervous. There was a gleam in my old friend"s soft brown eyes which I had only seen there at moments of intense emotion. She evidently was making up her mind to say something terrible. I exclaimed hastily--
"Albert, if you wish to speak to me, will you come into the next room.
You will excuse us for a moment will you not, d.u.c.h.ess?"
"No, Westenra," she replied, and she rose now herself; "I will not excuse you. You must stay here, and so must Mr. Fanning, for I have got something I wish particularly to say to Mr. Fanning."
"Oh, what?" I cried. "Oh, you will not"--she held up her hand to stop my torrent of words.
"The opportunity has come which I have desired," she said, "and I am not going to neglect it. It need make no difference to either of you, but at least you, Mr. Fanning, will not marry my dear girl without knowing how things really are."
"Oh, please don"t speak of it, I implore you, you don"t know what terrible mischief you will do."
"Hold your tongue, Westenra. Mr. Fanning, this young girl is very dear to me, I have known her since her birth; I stood sponsor for her when she was a baby. I take shame to myself for having to a certain extent neglected her, and also her mother, my most dear friend, during the few months they lived in 17 Graham Square. I take shame to myself, for had I done all that I might have done for those whom I sincerely loved, the calamity which came about need never have occurred."
"As to that," said Albert Fanning, speaking for the first time, and in quite his usual a.s.sured voice, "it could not help occurring, your Grace, for the simple fact that the boarding-house never could have paid, the expenses were greater than the incomings. If you have ever studied political economy, your Grace will know for yourself that when you spend more than you receive it spells RUIN."
The d.u.c.h.ess stopped speaking when Albert Fanning began, and looked at him with considerable astonishment.
"Then you knew from the first that the extraordinary scheme of my young friend could not succeed."
"I did," he replied, "and I bided my time. I suppose you mean to say something disagreeable to me; you do not think I am in the running with her at all, but as far as that goes I have money, and she has not any, and I love her as I suppose woman never was loved before, and I will make her happy in my own fashion. And I"ll never intrude on her grand friends, so that her grand friends can come to see her as often as they like; and as to my mother, she is a right-down good sort, though she wasn"t born in the purple like yourself, your Grace; so, as far as I am concerned, I do not know what you have to say to me. I suppose you want to tell me that Westenra here, my pretty little girl, who is going to give herself to me on the 1st of June next year, does not care for me, but she will care for me by-and-by, for my feeling is that love like mine must be returned in the long run, and if after a year she don"t tell your Grace that she is the happiest little wife in the length and breadth of England, I shall be greatly surprised."
Here Albert Fanning slapped his thigh in his excitement, and then stood bolt upright before the d.u.c.h.ess, who in absolute astonishment stared back at him.
"That is not the point," she said. "You do not want to marry a girl who not only does not love you, but who does, with all her heart and soul, love some one else?"