LETTER XIV.
_Dress._
"In like manner also that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shame-facedness, and sobriety; not with broidered hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array."--1 TIM. 2:9.
MY DEAR SISTER:
We are required to do _everything_ to the glory of G.o.d. Your first inquiry, then, in relation to dress, must be, "_How can I glorify G.o.d in my apparel?_" I know of no other way than by making it answer just the end for which it was originally designed. In the third chapter of Genesis, we learn that the object of dress, when first inst.i.tuted, was to provide a decent covering for our bodies. It was the shame brought upon man by transgression which made this covering necessary. And, it is undoubtedly in consequence of sin, that the elements have been turned against him, so as to make clothing a necessary defence against the hostile influence of heat and cold. The immediate discovery of their nakedness, by our first parents, after their disobedience, is probably intended to show the nakedness and shame which sin has brought upon our souls; and the consequent exposure to the hostile elements aptly represents the exposure of the naked soul to the wrath of G.o.d. The invention of fig-leaf ap.r.o.ns may perhaps represent the self-righteousness of the carnal heart. Impenitent sinners are always seeking out some invention of their own, by which they expect to be saved from the consequences of sin. But all their self-righteousness will be no better defence against the storms of G.o.d"s wrath, than fig-leaf ap.r.o.ns against the withering influence of a vertical sun, or the perpetual frosts of the arctic regions. The coats of skin, which the Lord made for our first parents, were perhaps designed to represent the righteousness of Christ, with which he would clothe his people. This opinion appears the more probable, from the common use of this figure, when the righteousness of Christ is spoken of, as imputed to Christians: "He hath _clothed_ me with the _garments of salvation_, he hath _covered_ me with the _robe_ of righteousness." "And to her [the church]
was granted, that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white; for the linen is the righteousness of the saints." "For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be _clothed upon_ with our house which is from heaven; if so be that being _clothed_, we shall not be found _naked_. For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon." "And being found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of G.o.d by faith." The real design of clothing, then, may be summed up in the following particulars: 1. A modest covering for our bodies. 2. A defence against the hostile elements. 3. An acknowledgment of our spiritual nakedness and exposure to the wrath of G.o.d; and our need to be clothed with the righteousness of Christ. Whenever we pervert it from these ends, to the gratification of our pride or vanity, we not only do not glorify G.o.d therein, but we commit actual sin.
A few things are necessary to be observed, in relation to your apparel:--1. _All that you have is the Lord"s._ You have nothing but what he has given you; and this you have solemnly promised to employ in his service. You have no right, therefore, needlessly to squander it upon your person. The apostle Paul, in the text quoted at the commencement of this letter, directs women to adorn themselves with modest apparel; and forbids the wearing of costly ornaments and jewelry.
The apostle Peter also repeats the same exhortation. The love of finery displayed by many of the females of our congregations, some of whom are professors of religion, is directly at variance with these pa.s.sages of Scripture. But, if the Bible had been entirely silent on the subject, I cannot see how Christians could reconcile so much needless expense upon their persons with the spirit of benevolence which the gospel breathes, when so many millions of precious souls are perishing without any knowledge of the only way of salvation, or while so many around them are suffering from penury and want. This is certainly contrary to the spirit of Christ. He who, for our sakes, became poor; who led a life of self-denial, toil, and suffering, that he might relieve distress, and make known the way of salvation,--could never have needlessly expended upon his person what would have sent the gospel to the dest.i.tute, or supplied the wants of poverty. Extravagance in dress is, therefore, obviously inconsistent with the Christian character. But, no precise rule can be laid down in relation to this matter. It must be left to the sober judgment of Christians, and a sanctified conscience will readily discern the bounds of propriety. By asking yourselves two or three questions, whenever you think of purchasing a new article of dress, you may very easily decide upon the path of duty. "Do I need this? Is it necessary for my comfort, or for my decent appearance in society? Can I glorify G.o.d in wearing it?"
2. _Your time is the Lord"s._ You have no right to waste it in useless attention to dress. One of the greatest evils of the present extravagant modes of dress is, that so much precious time is consumed at the toilet.
I have already shown the value and importance of time, and the obligations of Christians to spend it in the most profitable manner. I need not here advance any new arguments to show that, if you spend any more time than is necessary in the adjustment of your apparel, you sin against G.o.d.
3. _It is the duty to pay some regard to personal appearance._ A Christian lady, by making herself a _slattern_, brings reproach upon the cause of Christ, instead of glorifying G.o.d. The apostle enjoins upon women to adorn themselves with _modest_ apparel. Modesty signifies _purity of sentiment and manners._ When this idea is applied to dress, it immediately suggests to the mind a neatness, taste, and simplicity of dress, alike opposed both to extravagance and finery, and to negligence and vulgar coa.r.s.eness. The exercise of a refined taste, in the adaptation and adjustment of apparel, may also be justified by the a.n.a.logy of nature. Look abroad over the landscape, and see with what exquisite taste G.o.d has clothed the flowers of the field. There is a symmetry of proportion, a skilfulness of arrangement, and a fitness and adaptation of colors, which strike the eye with unmingled pleasure. And if G.o.d has shown a scrupulous regard to the pleasure of the eye, we may do the same. This opinion is also confirmed by the practical influence of the gospel. This is particularly observable among the poor in our own land. Just in proportion as the religion of Jesus prevails among this cla.s.s of people, you will see a scrupulous attention to personal appearance. By this, I do not mean the _pride of appearance_; but a decency, modesty, and propriety, opposed to negligence, coa.r.s.eness, and vulgarity. But this is more strikingly manifest among those people who have been but recently raised, by the influence of the gospel, from the lowest depths of heathenism. Of this, you will be convinced by examining the history of the missions among the North American Indians, and the South Sea Islands. The same principles will also apply to equipage and household arrangements. Such regard to comfort and decency of appearance as will strike the eye with pleasure, and shed around an air of cheerfulness, doubtless contributes to moral improvement, and is not only authorized, but required, by the spirit of the gospel.
But this is a dangerous point. There is such a tendency in the human mind to mistake gayety and extravagance for neatness and propriety; and so much temptation to the indulgence of pride and vanity, that you have need of constant watchfulness, that in no respect your heart may lead you astray in this matter. You ought to make it a subject of daily prayer.
4. _Have a regard to health._ The duty of using all proper means for the preservation of health, I have already considered. Among these means, attention to dress is not the least important. Great care should always be taken that it be suited to the season, and a defence against the inclemency of the weather. This is a Christian duty; and any pride of appearance, or carelessness of habit, which leads you to neglect it, is _sin_. But, above all things, avoid the compression of any part of the body, for the purpose of improving the appearance. This is a most pernicious practice. It is astonishing that intelligent ladies can so blindly follow the mandates of fashion, as to indulge a habit so destructive of comfort and life. There is no part of the system, not even the extremity of a limb, which can suffer violent compression, without interrupting the regular circulation of the blood. But, when this pressure is about the chest, the effect is most destructive. The lungs, subject as they are to alternate distension and compression, from receiving and discharging both the blood and the breath, require the most perfect freedom. But when the chest is so compressed as to prevent the free play of the lungs, the whole system of respiration and circulation is deranged. The consequences are, shortness of breath, faintness, impeded circulation, producing listlessness and languor; and inclination of the blood to the head, producing headache and distressing dizziness. And, if this course is long persisted in, destruction of health is the inevitable conscience; and often the poor deluded victim of a barbarous fashion pays the forfeit of her life. I have heard of many cases of death from this cause; three of which occurred _in one family_, within the circle of my acquaintance. I need use no argument, then, to convince a Christian lady, that it is her duty to avoid this species of conformity to the world. I can regard it in no other light than a palpable violation of the sixth commandment.
5. _Do not make too much of the matter of dress._ It is our duty to avoid every species of conformity to the world which requires the sacrifice of religious principle. But, in things indifferent, we are allowed to conform to the customs of society. I do not think there is much danger of observing excessive plainness of apparel; but there is danger of making so much account of it as to cultivate a self-righteous spirit. It is remarkable that in almost every system of false religion, precise forms of dress are prescribed; especially for those who are devoted to what is termed a _religious life_; whereas, in the Bible, it is left to be regulated by the general principles and spirit of Christianity, with an occasional caution against extravagance; and it does not appear that Christ and the apostles and the early Christians adopted any peculiarity of dress. From the description given of the wardrobe of our Saviour, it is probable that he wore the common dress of a religious teacher. There is such a thing as a pride of singularity; and this is often manifested in the preparation and adjustment of the wardrobe. Satan is ever on the alert, to observe the bent of the mind, and carry it to extremes. Be not ignorant of his devices. Watch and pray, that you enter not into temptation.
Your affectionate Brother.
LETTER XV.
_Social and Relative Duties._
"All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them." MATT. 7:12.
MY DEAR SISTER,
We are formed for society; and whoever refuses social intercourse with his fellow-beings, and lives to himself, violates an established law of nature. But the operation of this general principle creates the necessity of particular laws for the regulation of that intercourse.
Hence, a numerous train of duties arise out of our social relations. And those duties enter more or less into the common concerns of life, according as these relations are more or less remote. The first relation which the Lord has established among men, is that of the _family_. This was established in Paradise; and it has been preserved, in all ages of the world, and in all countries, with more or less distinctness, according to the degree of moral principle which has prevailed. The Scriptures are very particular in describing this relation, as it existed in the patriarchal ages. It has its foundation in the fitness of things; and hence the duties arising out of it are very properly cla.s.sed as _moral_ duties. Of such consequence does the Lord regard this relation, that he has given it a place in the decalogue. Three of the ten commandments have particular reference to the family relation. From the first inst.i.tution of this relation, we learn that the father and mother are to const.i.tute the united head of the family. "_They twain shall be one flesh._" Authority is therefore doubtless vested in them both, to exercise jointly. But, since the fall, when mankind became perverse and self-willed, the nature and fitness of things seem to require that there should be a precedence of authority, in case of a division of the united head. This precedence, the Scriptures clearly and distinctly point out. One of the curses p.r.o.nounced upon the woman, after the fall, was, that her husband should rule over her. This principle was carried out in the families of the patriarchs. The apostle Peter says, that the holy women of old adorned themselves with a meek and quiet spirit, and were in subjection to their own husbands: and particularly notice the conduct of Sarah, the mother of the Jewish nation, who _obeyed_ Abraham, calling him lord. The same principle is repeatedly taught in the New Testament. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." "As the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." "Let the wife see that she reverence her husband." "Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands." There can be no room for doubt, then, on this subject. But, where Christian principle prevails with both parties, there will be rarely, if ever, occasion to exercise this authority.
The fifth commandment teaches the duty of subordination to the head of the family, not only on the part of the children themselves, but of every member of the household. So far as the general interests of the family are concerned, persons residing in it are regarded in the same light as children; subject to all its laws, rules and regulations. Thus the Lord speaks of Abraham: "I know him that he will command his children _and his household_ after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord." The principle is here recognized, that Abraham had a right to _command_, not only his own children, but all his household. And the same may also be inferred from the language of the fourth commandment.
It is addressed to the head of the family, and enjoins upon him to see that no labor is performed on the Sabbath, by any of his household, not even excepting the _stranger_ that is within his gates.
The duty of the younger members of the family to respect the elder, may be inferred,--1. From the nature and fitness of things. The elder brethren and sisters are the superiors of the younger, in age and experience, and generally in wisdom and knowledge. They are better qualified to take the lead, and therefore ent.i.tled to respect and deference. 2. The same thing may also be inferred from the precedence always given in Scripture to the first-born.
But the great household duty is LOVE. If this is properly discharged, it will set all other matters right. If this is wanting, there will be a lack of everything else. The Scriptures insist upon the duty of brotherly love. "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" Christ, in his sermon on the mount, severely rebukes the indulgence of anger, and the want of kindness and courtesy among brethren. And the apostle John says, that "whosoever hateth his brother, is a murderer." A kind, tender-hearted, affectionate, and peaceful temper, should be maintained, in all the intercourse of different members of the same family.
But as mankind began to multiply, it became necessary that the social relations should be extended. A number of families, residing near each other, formed a neighborhood, or community. This gave rise to the new relation of neighbor, from the necessity of intercourse between families. This was again extended, to the formation of nations and kingdoms. But all these various relations are subject to the same great laws as those of the family; for they have grown out of them. The same principle which requires subordination to the head of the family, requires also deference to the elders of a community, and subordination to the rulers of the nation. And the same principle which requires the exercise of kindness, gentleness, meekness, forbearance, condescension and love, between the members of the same family, requires the exercise of similar dispositions between individuals of the same community and nation. The principle is also still farther extended, embracing the whole world as one great family; and requiring the exercise of love and the practice of benevolence towards all mankind. "Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man, for the Lord"s sake." "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."
But, in consequence of the fall, another most interesting relation has been established. Out of this apostate world, G.o.d has chosen himself a family. Of this family, Christ is the head, and his people are the members. Here are the same relations as in the natural family; but they are different in their nature. They are spiritual, and, of course, of higher obligation. We are required to love Christ more than father or mother. And the Lord Jesus says with emphasis, "This is my commandment, that ye love one another." I have no doubt that, when grace is in full exercise in the heart, the brotherly love which Christians exercise towards one another is far stronger than the natural affection which exists between brothers and sisters of the same family.
From this general view of the social relations, we may gather the following rules of conduct:
1. Endeavor to render to all the members of the family in which you reside just that degree of deference and respect which belongs to them.
Conscientiously regard the rules and regulations introduced by the head of the family, unless they are contrary to the word of G.o.d. In such case you should leave the family; because your relative duties would interfere with your duty to G.o.d.[M] Remember, it is in the domestic circle where your character is to be formed. It is here that your disposition is to be tried, and your piety cultivated. Endeavor, then, to maintain, in your family intercourse, the same dignity and propriety of deportment which you wish to sustain in society. Never descend to anything at the fireside which you would despise in a more extended circle. Bring the most minute actions of your daily life to the test of Christian principle. Remember that, in the sight of G.o.d, there are no _little sins_. The least transgression is sufficient to condemn the soul forever. "He that offendeth in one point is guilty of all." Especially avoid the indulgence of a selfish disposition. It is both unamiable and unchristian. Be always ready to sacrifice your own feelings, when by so doing you can give pleasure to others. Study the wishes and feelings of others, and prefer them to your own. Manifest a disinterestedness of feeling. Strive to be helpful to others, even at the expense of personal feeling and interest. "Look not every man on his own things, but every man on the things of others." "Charity seeketh not her own." Be kind to all; respectful towards superiors, courteous to equals, and condescending to inferiors. Be particularly careful not to trample upon the feelings of servants. Nothing can be more unamiable. If you cultivate these dispositions and principles of action habitually, in the domestic circle, they will become so natural and easy as to flow out spontaneously in every circle in which you move. And this will call forth the love and esteem of all your acquaintance. It will bring honor upon your profession, increase your influence, and thereby enable you to do more for the glory of G.o.d.
[Footnote M: This direction would not be proper for a minor, in her father"s house, or in the place provided by a guardian. In such cases, it would be duty to remain, and submit to the penalty of disobedience; remembering that it is a blessing to be persecuted for righteousness" sake.]
2. _There are special duties growing out of your relation to the church._ Some of these I have considered in former letters. But I have particular reference now to _social_ duties. You are to regard all the members of the church as brothers and sisters. You are to love them just in proportion as they are like Christ. It is the appearance of the image of Jesus, alone, in our Christian brethren, which can call forth the spiritual exercise of brotherly love. I say the _appearance_ of the image of Christ, because we may be deceived as to the existence of that image in the hearts of others, and yet our love may be as sincere and fervent as if the image were genuine. No Christian duty is more insisted on in Scripture than brotherly love. It is repeatedly enjoined by our Lord and his apostles. It is so essential a part of the Christian character, that it is mentioned by the beloved disciple as one of the princ.i.p.al evidences of the new birth. Now, how do we manifest our love to our brothers and sisters? We delight in their society. We love to meet them, to talk about each other"s interests, and the interests of the family in general. So, if you love your brethren and sisters in the church, you will delight in their society; you will love to meet with them, to interchange kind offices; to talk of the difficulties, trials, hopes, fears, joys, and sorrows, of the way to the heavenly Canaan; and to speak of the interests of the great spiritual family to which you belong. Hence, I argue the duty of social intercourse among Christians.
But, it is to be greatly feared that the real object of such intercourse is too frequently overlooked. How often do Christians meet, and talk about "trifles light as air," without once speaking of subjects which, according to their profession, lie nearest their hearts. This ought not so to be. It is a sinful conformity to the spirit of the world. The great object of social intercourse among Christians should be, to promote brotherly love and Christian fellowship. And how can these ends be answered, when their conversation is altogether about the affairs of the world? I do not say that it is wrong to talk about these things. The smallest matters claim a portion of our attention. But it is wrong to make them the princ.i.p.al topics of conversation, to the exclusion of heavenly things. When we do speak of them, it should be with some good end in view; and our conversation should always be seasoned by the application of Christian principle to all subjects.
In addition to the general obligation of social intercourse among Christians, there are some particular duties which they owe to one another. They are to exercise mutual forbearance and tenderness towards each other"s faults, and, at the same time, to watch over and admonish one another. Whenever you see a brother or a sister out of the way, it is your duty, with meekness, tenderly and kindly to administer reproof.
"If a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual restore such an one in the spirit of meekness." "With all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, _forbearing one another in love_." In all cases, where one is to be selected for the performance of a particular duty, which may seem to confer honor, prefer others to yourself. "In honor preferring one another." "In lowliness of mind, let each esteem other better than themselves." "Yea, all of you, be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility." "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of G.o.d." Yet, do not carry this principle so far as to refuse to act where duty calls. A disposition to be backward in such matters is often a serious hindrance to benevolent effort. Be always ready to engage in any enterprise for doing good; but prefer the office which requires the most labor with the least honor. Christians ought also to take delight in a.s.sisting each other; and to feel personally interested in each other"s welfare. In short, the feeling that pervades the church should be preeminently a FAMILY FEELING.
3. _There are also some special duties growing out of your relations to general society._ Be ever ready to interchange kind offices with every one who maintains a decent moral deportment; and be kind and compa.s.sionate, even to the vicious, so far as you can, without a.s.sociating with them on terms of equality. By this means you may win the affections of impenitent sinners, and thereby secure their attention to direct efforts for the salvation of their souls. But, you should never suffer your feelings of complacency and good-will towards those who are dest.i.tute of piety, to lead you to conform to the spirit of the world which influences their conduct. Your social intercourse with them should be regulated upon this principle. Never go any farther into their society than you can carry your religion with you. "Be not conformed to this world."
4. _Although it be your duty to visit, yet, in this matter, be careful to be governed by religious principle._ There is, in the human mind, a tendency to run into extremes in everything. Against this you need especially to be on your guard in social intercourse. When visiting is excessive, it dissipates the mind, and unfits it for any laborious employment. When this state of mind becomes habitual, a person is never easy except when in company. The most vigorous mind may thus be rendered comparatively inert and powerless. But, on the other hand, by shutting yourself out from society, you will dry up the social feelings of the heart; you will acquire a monkish love of solitude; and your temper will become soured towards your fellow-beings. You must therefore give to visiting its proper place in the routine of Christian duty. That place is just the one which it can occupy without encroaching upon more important duties. It should be the Christian"s _recreation_. Seasons of relaxation from the more laborious duties of life are undoubtedly necessary; and I know of nothing which can better answer this end than the intelligent and pious conversation of Christian friends. Your friends have claims upon your time and attention. But, these claims can never extend so far as to encroach upon more important duties, or to impair your ability to do good to yourself and others. As soon as you discover a secret uneasiness, when out of company, or whenever you find that the demands of the social circle have led you to neglect other duties, it is time to diminish the number of your visits. But do not, on such occasions, violate Christian sincerity, by inventing excuses to satisfy your friends. Tell them plainly your reasons, and if they are really what they profess to be, they will see the propriety of your conduct, and be satisfied.
5. _Never go into company where the spirit and maxims of the world predominate._ I know this will cut you off from a large portion of society, yet, I believe it to be a rule founded upon the word of G.o.d. If we would not be conformed to the world, we must not follow its maxims nor partake of its spirit. I know it is often said we should go into such society for the purpose of exerting a religious influence. But the practical result is directly the contrary. The spirit which prevails in such company is destructive of all religious feeling: it freezes up the warm affections of the Christian"s heart. The consequence is, he is ashamed to acknowledge his Master, and avow his principles, where the prevailing current is against him. He therefore moves along with it, to the injury of his own soul, and the wounding of his Master"s cause. His worldly companions see no difference between his conduct and their own; and conclude, either that all is right with themselves, or that he is a hypocrite. Large parties, as a general rule, are unfriendly to the health both of body and soul. The most profitable kind of social intercourse is the informal meting of small circles, of which a sufficient number are pious to give a direction and tone to conversation.
6. _When in company, labor to give a profitable direction to conversation._ If there are elder persons present, who introduce general discourse of a profitable character, let your words be few. It is generally better, in such cases, to learn in silence. When an opportunity offers, however, for you to say anything that will add interest to the conversation, do not fail to improve it. But let your ideas be well conceived, and your words well chosen. "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." The interest of conversation does not depend so much upon the mult.i.tude of words, as upon the matter they contain, and their appropriateness to the subject.
But, when no other person introduces profitable conversation, take it upon yourself. If you will study to be _skilful_ in the matter, you may turn any conversation to good account. This was one of the peculiar beauties of our Saviour"s discourse. Whatever subject was introduced, he invariably drew from it some important lesson. If you are on the alert, you may always give a proper turn to conversation in this way. I do not say that conversation should always be exclusively religious. But it should be of a kind calculated to improve either the mind or heart, and it should at all times partake of the savor of piety. "Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt." No proper opportunity, however, should be lost, of making a direct religious impression. If the solemn realities of divine things were always present to our minds, as they ought to be, we should never be at a loss to speak of them in a becoming manner. When you meet with persons who are living without hope, lose no proper occasion to warn them of their danger, and show them the sinfulness of their lives, and the guilt of rejecting the Saviour. But this should be done as privately as possible. Speaking to them abruptly, in the presence of company, often has a tendency to provoke opposition, and harden them in sin. However, this caution is not always necessary.
If there is much tenderness of conscience, admonition will be well received, even in the presence of others. Great care should be taken, on both sides, that you neither injure them by your imprudence, nor neglect your duty to their souls, through excessive carelessness. Study wisdom, skilfulness, and discretion, in all things.
7. _Set your face against the discussion of the characters of those who are absent._ This is a most pernicious practice, quite too prevalent at the present day. I would have you avoid, as much as possible, speaking even of the good qualities of those who are absent, for two reasons: 1.
I see no good likely to result from it; therefore it must be an unprofitable method of spending time. 2. It leads us to speak also of their faults, so as to give their whole characters; and this is evil speaking. Never allow yourself to say anything to the disadvantage of any person, unless your duty to others may require it. This, however, will rarely happen; but it may sometimes be your duty to caution others against being ensnared by one whose character you know to be bad. The Scriptures condemn backbiting and evil speaking in the most pointed terms. "Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, speaketh evil of the law." "Speak evil of no man." "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and _evil speaking_, be put away from you." "Debates, envyings, wrath, strifes, _backbitings_, _whisperings_, swellings, tumults." "_Whisperers_, _backbiters_, haters of G.o.d, despiteful." Here we see how the Lord regards this sin; for he has cla.s.sed it with the exercise of the most abominable pa.s.sions of the human heart. Yet, how common is it for professors of religion to speak freely, and without reserve, of the characters of others, and even of their own brethren and sisters in the church. This is a great sin, and it is productive of much evil in the church and in society. It creates heart-burnings, jealousies, and strife; and furnishes employment for _tale-bearers_, that most despicable set of mischief-makers. But this sin is often committed without saying anything directly against another. A sly insinuation is often productive of more mischief than direct evil speaking. It leaves a vague, but strong impression upon the mind of the hearer, against the character of the person spoken of; and often creates a prejudice which is never removed. This is most unjust and unfair, because it leaves the character of the injured person resting under suspicion, without his having an opportunity to remove it. This is probably what the apostle means by _whisperers_. Solomon, also, speaking of the naughty person and wicked man, says, "He _winketh with his eyes_, he _speaketh with his feet_." "He that _winketh with the eye_ causeth shame." How often do we see this winking and speaking by gestures and knowing looks, when the characters of others are under discussion! Open and unreserved evil speaking is unchristian; but this winking and speaking with the feet is mean and dishonorable. Whenever you perceive a disposition to make invidious remarks about others, refuse to join in the conversation, and manifest your decided disapprobation. "The north wind driveth away rain; so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue." Bear in mind the words of the apostle James: "If any man among you seemeth to be religious, and _bridleth not his tongue_, but deceiveth his own heart, this man"s religion is vain." So you see the habitual indulgence of this sin will cut off the hope of the loudest professors.
8. _Avoid speaking of yourself._ When any person makes himself and his own affairs the princ.i.p.al topics of conversation, he shows himself to be supremely selfish, and ridiculously vain. It is also treating others with great disrespect: as though one"s self were of more consequence than the whole company. Endeavor to keep yourself as much as possible out of view, and to direct the thoughts and conversation of the company away from personal affairs, to intellectual, moral and religious subjects. But, when any of your friends make known their difficulties to you, manifest an interest in their affairs, sympathize with them, and render them all the a.s.sistance in your power.
9. _Never indulge a suspicious disposition._ Many persons destroy their own peace, and gain the ill-will of others, by the exercise of this unhappy temper. You have no right to think others dislike you, until they have manifested their dislike. Accustom yourself to repose confidence in your a.s.sociates. It is better to be sometimes deceived, than never to trust. And if you are always jealous of those around you, be sure you will soon alienate their affections. In your intercourse with others of your own age and s.e.x, be willing always to advance at least half way, and with those whose habits are very retiring, you may even go farther. Many persons of sterling worth have so low an opinion of themselves, as to doubt whether even their own equals wish to form an acquaintance. "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly."
Always put the best construction upon the conduct of others. Do not attach more meaning to their language and conduct than they properly express. If at any time you really believe yourself slighted, take no notice of it. Yet be careful never to intrude yourself into society where you have good reason to believe your company is not desired.
10. _Be cautious in the formation of intimate friendships._ Christians should always regard one another as friends. Yet peculiar circ.u.mstances, together with congeniality of sentiment and feeling, may give rise to a personal attachment much stronger than the common bond which unites all Christians. Of this, we have a most beautiful example in the case of David and Jonathan. This appears to be a perfect pattern of Christian friendship. They both doubtless loved other pious people. But there was existing between them a peculiar personal attachment. Their souls were "_knit together_." Friendships of this kind should not be numerous, and the objects of them should be well chosen. Long acquaintance is necessary that you may be able to repose unlimited confidence in the friend to whom you unbosom your whole heart. Form no such friendships hastily. Think what would have been the consequence if David had been deceived in this friend. He would most certainly have lost his life.
11. _Before going into company, visit your closet._ Pray that the Lord would so direct your steps that you may do all things for his glory; that he would enable you to spend the time profitably to yourself and others; that he would keep you from evil speaking, levity, and foolish jesting, and every impropriety; and that he would enable you to exert a religious influence over those with whom you may meet. Be a.s.sured, if you go out without observing this precaution, you will return with a wounded soul.
Your affectionate Brother.
LETTER XVI.
_Charity._
"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly; seeketh not her own; is not easily provoked; thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."--1 Cor. 13:4-7.