2. That the marriage covenant should be cemented by a principle of a peculiar kind, will appear from the superiority of the soul over the body. When two human beings unite their destinies, there must be a union of soul, or else such union is but partial. And the union of soul must be the foundation of the outward union, and of course precede it.
3. We may infer the same thing from the existence of such a principle in the human breast. That it does exist, may be abundantly proved, both by Scripture and experience. When Adam first saw Eve, he declared the nature of this union, and added, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife;" implying that the affection between the parties to this connection, should be superior to all other human attachments. The frown of G.o.d must then rest upon a union founded upon any other principle; for by it the order of nature is contravened, and therefore the blessings of peace and happiness cannot be expected to attend it.
However, love is not a principle which is brought into existence as it were by magic. It must always be exercised in view of an object. Do not, therefore, hastily decide that you cannot love a man who possesses the prominent traits of character necessary to render you happy. However, be fully satisfied that such a sentiment of a permanent character, does really exist in your own bosom, before you consent to a union.
In your ordinary intercourse with gentlemen, much caution should be observed. Always maintain a dignity of character, and never condescend to trifle. In your conversation, however, upon general subjects, you may exercise the same sociability and freedom which you would with ladies; not seeming to be sensible of any difference of s.e.x. Indignantly repel any improper liberties; but never decline attentions which are considered as belonging to the rules of common politeness, unless there should be something in the character of the individual which would justify you in wishing wholly to avoid his society. Some men are so disagreeable in their attentions, and so obtrusive of their company, that they become a great annoyance to ladies. I think the latter justifiable in refusing the attentions of such men, till they learn better manners. Pay the strictest regard to propriety and delicacy, in all your conduct; yet do not maintain such a cold reserve and chilling distance, as to produce the impression in the mind of every one you meet, that you dislike his society. No gentleman of refined and delicate feelings, will intrude his company upon ladies, when he thinks it is not desired; and you may create this impression, by carrying the rules of propriety to the extreme of reserve. But the contrary extreme, of manifesting an excessive fondness for the society of gentlemen, is still more to be avoided. By cultivating an acute sense of propriety in all things, with a nice discrimination of judgment, you will be able generally to direct your conduct aright in these matters.
Never indulge feelings of partiality for any man until he has distinctly avowed his own sentiments, and you have deliberately determined the several points already mentioned. If you do you may subject yourself to much needless disquietude, and perhaps the most unpleasant disappointments. And the wounded feeling thus produced, may have an injurious effect upon your subsequent character and happiness.
I shall close this letter with a few brief remarks, of a general nature.
1. Do not suffer this subject to occupy a very prominent place in your thoughts. To be constantly ruminating upon it, can hardly fail of exerting an injurious influence upon your mind, feelings, and deportment; and you will be almost certain to betray yourself, in the society of gentlemen, and, perhaps, become the subject of merriment, as one who is anxious for a husband.
2. Do not make this a subject of common conversation. There is, perhaps, nothing which has a stronger tendency to deteriorate the social intercourse of young people than the disposition to give the subject of matrimonial alliances so prominent a place in their conversation, and to make it a matter of jesting and mirth. There are other subjects enough, in the wide fields of science, literature, and religion, to occupy the social hour, both profitably and pleasantly; and a dignified reserve on this subject will protect you from rudeness, which you will be very likely to encounter, if you indulge in jesting and raillery in regard to it.
3. Do not speak of your own private affairs of this kind, so as to have them become the subject of conversation among the circle of your acquaintances. It certainly does not add to the esteem of a young lady, among sensible people, for her to be heard talking about her beaux.
Especially is this caution necessary in the case of a matrimonial engagement. Remember the old adage:
"There"s many a slip Between the cup and the lip;"
and consider how your feelings would be mortified, if, after making such an engagement generally known among your acquaintances, anything should occur to break it off. In such case, you will have wounded feeling enough to struggle with, without the additional pain of having the affair become a neighborhood talk.
4. Do not make an engagement a long time before you expect it to be consummated. Such engagements are surrounded with peril. A few years may make such changes in the characters and feelings of young persons as to destroy the fitness and congeniality of the parties; while, if the union had been consummated, they would have a.s.similated to each other.
In short, let me entreat you to cultivate the most delicate sense of propriety in regard to everything having the most distant relation to this matter; and let all your feelings, conversation, and conduct, be regulated upon the most elevated principles of purity, refinement, and religion; but do not carry your delicacy and reserve to the extreme of _prudery_, which is an unlovely trait of character, and which adds nothing to the strength of virtue.
Your affectionate Brother.
LETTER XIX.
_Submission to the Will of G.o.d; Dependence upon Him for Temporal Things, and Contentment under all Circ.u.mstances._
"Having food and raiment, let us be therewith content."--1 TIM.
6:8.
MY DEAR SISTER,
The secret of all true happiness lies in a cordial acquiescence in the will of G.o.d in all things. It is
"Sweet to lie pa.s.sive in his hand, And know no will but his."
The great doctrine that G.o.d exercises a particular providence over every event, is most precious to the heart of every Christian. It enables him to see the hand of G.o.d, in directing all his affairs. Hence, the exceeding sinfulness of a repining, discontented, and unhappy temper.
Indeed, it is difficult to reconcile the habitual indulgence of such a disposition with the existence of grace in the heart. The very first emotion of the new-born soul is _submission to the will of G.o.d._ Many people lose sight of the hand of G.o.d in those little difficulties and perplexities, which are of every day occurrence, and look only at second causes. And so they often do in more important matters. When they are injured or insulted by others, they murmur and complain, and give vent to their indignation against the immediate causes of their distress; forgetting that these are only the instruments which G.o.d employs for the trial of their faith or the punishment of their sins. Thus, G.o.d permitted Satan to try the faith of Job. Thus, he permitted Shimei to curse David. But the answer of this G.o.dly man is worthy of being imitated by all Christians under similar circ.u.mstances. "Let him curse, because the Lord hath said unto him, curse David." Thus, also, the Lord employed the envy of Joseph"s brethren, to save the lives of all his father"s family. "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but G.o.d meant it unto good, to bring to pa.s.s, as it is this day, to save much people alive." The princ.i.p.al reason why the histories of the Bible are so much more instructive than other histories is, that the motives of men and the secret agency of divine Providence are brought to light.
Hence, also, the reason why the events recorded in Scripture appear so marvellous. If we could see how the hand of G.o.d is concerned in all things that occur within our observation, they would appear no less wonderful.
In this doctrine, we have the strongest possible motive for a hearty and cheerful resignation to all the crosses and difficulties, trials and afflictions, which come upon us in this life, whatever may be their immediate cause. We know that they are directed by our heavenly Father, whose "tender mercies are over all his works;" and who "doth not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men." And, whether we are Christians or not, the duty of submission remains the same. When we consider the relation which man sustains to G.o.d, as a guilty rebel against his government, we must see that, whatever may be our earthly afflictions, so long as we are out of h.e.l.l, we are the living monuments of his mercy. "Wherefore doth a living man complain, a man for the punishment of his sins."
But, if we have evidence that we are the children of G.o.d, his promises furnish the most abundant consolation, in every trial. We are a.s.sured "that _all things_ work together for good to them that love G.o.d." And of this we have many examples in the Holy Scriptures, where the darkest providences have in the end, to be fraught with the richest blessings.
It was so in the case of Joseph, already mentioned. We are also taught to look upon the afflictions of this life as the faithful corrections of a kind and tender Parent. "For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." How consoling the reflection, that all our sufferings are designed to mortify and subdue our corruptions, to wean us from the world, and lead us to a more humble and constant sense of our dependence upon G.o.d. Besides, the people of G.o.d have the most comforting a.s.surances of his presence, in affliction, if they will but trust in him. "_In all thy ways acknowledge him_, and he shall direct thy steps." "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: _he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved._" "G.o.d is our refuge and strength, _a very present help in trouble_: therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof."
"_The steps of a good man are ordered_ by the Lord; and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand." O, how ungrateful for a child of G.o.d to repine at the dealings of such a tender and faithful parent! O, the ingrat.i.tude of unbelief! Who can accuse the Lord of unfaithfulness to the least of his promises? Why, then, should we refuse to trust him, when the a.s.surances of his watchful care and love are so full, and so abundant?
We have not only strong ground of confidence in the Lord, under the pressure of afflictions in general, but we are particularly directed to look to him for the supply of all our temporal wants. If we have evidence that we are living members of the body of Christ, growing in grace and the knowledge of him, we have the most direct and positive a.s.surances that all things needful for this life shall be supplied. Our Saviour, after showing the folly of manifesting an anxious concern about the supply of our temporal wants, since the Lord is so careful in feeding the fowls of the air, and clothing the lilies and the gra.s.s of the field, says,--"But seek ye first the kingdom of G.o.d, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." By this, however, we are not to understand that the Lord will give us every earthly blessing which we _desire_. We are so short-sighted as often to wish for things which would prove positively injurious to us. But we are to understand that he will give us all that he sees best for us. And surely we ought to be satisfied with this; for he who sees the end from the beginning must know much better than we what is for our good. The Scriptures abound with similar promises. "O fear the Lord, ye his saints; for _there is no want_ to them that fear him. The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; but they that seek the Lord _shall not want any_ good thing." "Trust in the Lord, and do good, and _verily thou shall be fed_. I have been young and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." "_No good thing will he withhold_ from them that walk uprightly." "But my G.o.d shall _supply all your need_, according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."
"G.o.dliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the _life that now is_, and of that which is to come." It must, then, be a sinful distrust of the word of G.o.d, to indulge in anxious fears about the supply of our necessities. If we believed these promises, in their full extent, we should always rest in them, and never indulge an anxious thought about the things of this life. This, G.o.d requires of us. "And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, _neither be ye of doubtful_ mind." "Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat?
or what shall we drink? or wherewithal shall we be clothed?" "Be careful for nothing." And nothing can be more reasonable than this requirement, when he has given us such full and repeated a.s.surances that he will supply all our wants. The silver and the gold, and the cattle upon a thousand hills, belong to our heavenly Father. When, therefore, he sees that we need any earthly blessing, he can easily order the means by which it shall be brought to us.
From the precious truths and promises which we have been considering, we infer the _duty of contentment_ in every situation of life. If G.o.d directs all our ways, and has promised to give us just what he sees we need, we surely ought to rest satisfied with what we have; for we know it is just what the Lord, in his infinite wisdom, and unbounded goodness, sees fit to give us. But the apostle Paul enforces this duty with direct precepts. "But G.o.dliness _with contentment_, is great gain."
"Having food and raiment, let us be therewith _content_." "_Be content with such things as ye have_; for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Here he gives the promise of G.o.d, as a reason for contentment. It is, then, evidently the duty of every Christian to maintain a contented and cheerful spirit, under all circ.u.mstances. This, however, does not forbid the use of all lawful and proper means to improve our condition. But the means must be used with entire submission to the will of G.o.d. The child of G.o.d should cast all his care and burden upon him; and when he has made all suitable efforts to accomplish what he considers a good object, he must commit the whole to the Lord, with a perfect willingness that his will should be done, even to the utter disappointment of his own hopes.
Your affectionate Brother.
LETTER XX.
_Self-Examination._
"Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith: prove your own selves."--2 COR. 13:6.
MY DEAR SISTER,
In view of the positive injunction of Scripture, above quoted, no argument is necessary to show that self-examination is a duty. But if the word of G.o.d had been silent upon the subject, the importance of self-knowledge would have been a sufficient motive for searching into the secret springs of action which influence our conduct. A person ignorant of his own heart, is like a merchant, who knows not the state of his accounts, while every day liable to become a bankrupt; or, like the crew of a leaky vessel, who are insensible to their danger. The professed follower of Christ, who knows not whether he is a true or false disciple, is in a condition no less dangerous. And, as the heart is deceitful _above all things_, it becomes a matter of the utmost importance that we should _certainly know_ that we are the children of G.o.d. Although we may be Christians, without the a.s.surance of our adoption, yet we are taught in the Holy Scriptures, that such a.s.surance is attainable. Job, in the midst of his affliction, experienced its comforting support. "I _know_," says he, "that my Redeemer liveth."
David says with confidence, "I _shall_ be satisfied, when I awake with thy likeness." Paul also expresses the same a.s.surance. "I _know_ whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day." All Christians are taught to expect the same, and exhorted to strive after it. "And we desire that _every one of you_, do show the same diligence to _the full a.s.surance of hope_, unto the end." "Let us draw near with a true heart, in _full a.s.surance of faith_." "Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we _confidence_ toward G.o.d." "He that believeth on the Son of G.o.d hath the witness in himself." "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of G.o.d." "Grieve not the Holy Spirit of G.o.d, whereby ye are _sealed_ unto the day of redemption."
But, as gold dust is sometimes concealed in the sand, so grace in the heart may be mingled with remaining corruption, so that we cannot clearly distinguish its motions. It might not be for the benefit of a person of such low attainments in the divine life, to receive an a.s.surance of G.o.d"s favor, until these corruptions have been so far subdued, as to give the principle of grace an ascendency over all the faculties of the soul. Hence G.o.d has wisely directed that the sure evidence of adoption can be possessed only by those who have made such eminent progress in holiness, as to be able to discern the fruits of the Spirit in their hearts and lives. The _witness of the Spirit_ must not be sought in any sudden impulses upon the mind; but in the real work of grace in the heart, conforming it to the image of G.o.d. Even if G.o.d should indulge us with such impulses or impressions, they would not be certain evidence of our adoption; because Satan can counterfeit the brightest experiences of this kind. Hence, we may account for the _strong confidence_ which is sometimes expressed by young converts, who afterwards fall away. But when the image of G.o.d can be seen in our hearts and lives, we may be _certain_ that we are his children. That this is the true witness of the Spirit, maybe inferred from the pa.s.sage last quoted. When this epistle was written, it was the custom of princes to have their names and images stamped upon their seals. These seals, when used, would leave the impression of the name and image of their owners upon the wax. So, when G.o.d sets his seal upon the hearts of his children, it leaves an impression of his name and image. The same thing may be intended in Revelation, where Jesus promises to give him that overcometh "a white stone, and in the stone a _new name_ written." A figure somewhat similar is also used in the third chapter of Malachi.
Speaking of the Messiah, the prophet says, "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." A refiner of silver sits over the fire, with his eye steadily fixed upon the precious metal in the crucible, until he sees _his own image_ in it, as we see our faces in the gla.s.s. So the Lord will carry on his purifying work in the hearts of his children, till he sees his own image there. When this image is so plain and clear as to be distinctly discerned by us, then the Spirit of G.o.d bears witness with our spirits, that we are his children. As _love_ is the most prominent and abiding fruit of the Spirit, it may be the medium through which the union between G.o.d and the soul is seen; and by which the child of G.o.d is a.s.sured of his adoption. A strong and lively exercise of a childlike, humble love, may give a clear evidence of the soul"s relation to G.o.d, as his child. "Love is of G.o.d, and every one that loveth, is born of G.o.d, and knoweth G.o.d. He that loveth not, knoweth not G.o.d, for _G.o.d is love_." As G.o.d is love, the exercise of that holy principle in the heart of the believer shows the impression of the divine image. "G.o.d is love, and he that dwelleth in love, dwelleth in G.o.d, and G.o.d in him." Hence the apostle John says, "We _know_ that we have pa.s.sed from death unto life, because we love the brethren." But, if this love is genuine, it will regulate the emotions of the heart, and its effects will be visible in the lives of those who possess it. The same apostle says, "By this we know that we love the children of G.o.d, when we love G.o.d and _keep his commandments_." So that in order to have certain evidence of our adoption into the blessed family, of which Jesus is the Elder Brother, all the fruits of the Spirit must have grown up to some degree of maturity.
From the foregoing remarks, we see the great importance of _self-examination_. We must have an intimate acquaintance with the operations of our own minds, to enable us to distinguish between the exercise of gracious affections and the selfish workings of our own hearts. And, unless we are in the constant habit of diligent inquiry into the character of our emotions, and the motives of our actions, this will be an exceedingly difficult matter. The Scriptures specify several objects for which this inquiry should be inst.i.tuted:
I. _To discover our sins, that we may come to Christ for pardon, and for grace to subdue them._ David prays, "Search me, O G.o.d, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts; and _see if there be any wicked way in me_, and lead me in the way everlasting." The prophet Jeremiah says, "Let us search and try our ways, and _turn again_ unto the Lord." This examination should be a constant work. We should search into the motives of every action, and thoroughly examine every religious feeling, to know, if possible, whether it comes from the Spirit of G.o.d, or whether it is a fire of our own kindling. We must be cautious, however, lest, by diverting our attention from the truth, to examine the nature of the emotions produced by it, we should lose them altogether. This can better be determined afterward, by recalling to recollection these emotions, and the causes which produced them. If they were called forth by correct views of truth, and if they correspond in their nature with the descriptions of gracious affections contained in the Bible, we may safely conclude them to be genuine.
But, as we are often under the necessity of acting without much deliberation; as we are so liable to neglect duty; and as every duty is marred by so much imperfection, it is not only proper, but highly necessary, that we should have stated seasons for retiring into our closets, and calmly and deliberately reviewing our conduct, our religious exercises, and the prevailing state of our hearts, and comparing them with the Word of G.o.d. There are two very important reasons why this work should be performed at the close of every day. 1.
If neglected for a longer period, we may forget both our actions and our motives. It will be very difficult for us afterwards to recall them, so as to subject them to a thorough examination. 2. There is a great propriety in closing up the accounts of every day. "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Every day will bring with it work enough for repentance. Again, when we lie down, we may awake in eternity. What then will become of those sins which we have laid by for the consideration of another day? Let us, then, never give sleep to our eyes till we have searched out every sin of the past day, and made fresh application to the blood of Christ for pardon. I know this is a very difficult work; but, by frequent practice, it will become less so. I have prepared several sets of questions, from which you may derive some aid in the performance of this duty. By sitting down in your closet, after finishing the duties of the day, and seriously and prayerfully engaging in this exercise, you may try your conduct and feelings by the rules laid down in the Word of G.o.d. You may thus bring to remembrance the exercises of your heart, as well as your actions; and be reminded of neglected duty, and of those great practical truths, which ought ever to be kept before your mind. You may bring up your sins, and set them in order before you; and discover your easily besetting sins. You may be led to exercise penitential sorrow of heart, and be driven anew to the cross of Christ for pardon, and for strength to subdue indwelling corruption. Whenever you discover that you have exercised any correct feeling, or that your conduct has in any respect been conformed to the word of G.o.d, acknowledge with grat.i.tude his grace in it, and give him the glory. Wherein you find you have been deficient, confess your sin before G.o.d, and apply afresh to the blood of Christ, which "cleanseth from all sin." But be cautious that you do not put your feelings of regret, your tears and sorrows, in the place of the great sacrifice.
Remember that no degree of sorrow can atone for sin; and that only is _G.o.dly sorrow_ which leads to the blood of Jesus. Any peace of conscience, obtained from any other source, must be false peace. It is _in believing_, only, that we can have _joy and peace_.
You will find advantage from varying this exercise. When we frequently repeat anything in the same form, we are in danger of acquiring a careless habit, so that it will lose its effect. Sometimes take the ten commandments, and examine your actions and motives by them. And, in doing this, you will find great help from the explanation of the commandments contained in the a.s.sembly"s Shorter Catechism. This shows their spirituality, and brings them home to the heart. Again, you may take some portion of Scripture, which contains precepts for the regulation of our conduct, and compare the actions of the day with them.
Or, you may take the life of Christ as a pattern, compare your conduct and motives with it, and see whether in all things you have manifested his spirit.
But do not be satisfied till the exercise, however performed, has taken hold of the heart, and led to penitence for sin, and a sense of pardon through the blood of Christ, which accompanies true contrition; for "the Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."
I have inserted several sets of questions for every day in the week, differing in length, to prevent monotony, and to accommodate those occasions when you have more or less time.