Barry: "Why are you crying, Kais?"I was in a sea of blood with corpses all around. Only one living human stood there; the one who had become a monster.
Kais: "I … don"t know."
And in this gruesome event that would haunt the whole world for many coming years, I was sitting on the ground, unable to move, and crying … without even knowing the reason for it.
Barry: "You don"t know?"
Kais: "I don"t know."
As tears continued to flow down my cheeks, I continue to wonder who they were for.
Barry: "Tell me, do you actually feel sadness that someone has died. Do you actually want to cry over someone present here?"
I didn"t. As much as I hate to admit it, I felt no remorse over the death of those people whose corpses had covered my vision. I knew none of them. I didn"t want to cry over any of them.
Barry: "Do you feel sadness that I killed them. Are you feeling sad because I did this?"
No, that"s not it either. I didn"t feel any remorse over Barry having done this. But, I should have. And yet, I didn"t.
Barry: "You don"t, do you?"
As inhumane as that makes me, it"s true. I didn"t feel sadness over these things. All I could feel was …
Barry: "You are shocked right now, aren"t you?"
I was.
Barry: "Shock is all you feel. You can"t even feel fear."
No, I couldn"t. I couldn"t even fear you back then.
Barry: "Isn"t that ironic?"
Kais: "W-what are you saying?"
I just couldn"t process anything anymore.
Barry: "You don"t know why you are crying, huh?"
I didn"t. I just … didn"t. Why was I crying? Why was I not crying over things that Barry mentioned? And, if not them, what was I crying for?
Barry: "Let me tell you why you crying then."
Without even thinking for a second, I looked up at him. I wanted to know the answer. I wanted to know why tears would come out of my eyes. I felt like my existence will disappear if I don"t find out.
Barry: "You are crying because you can see yourself in me."
He said.
I can see myself in him – is what he said.
What does he mean? I wondered.
He is joking, right? I thought.
He was standing there smiling after having murdered hundreds, thousands of people and I could see myself in him?
What a joke!
I had to be a joke.
It just couldn"t be true.
There"s no way I can see myself in that monster.
And, somewhere along the lines, I realized how true his words were.
Barry: "That entire time playing house you could only admire that kind, good-natured façade of the man you called your big brother."
Façade, he called it. The image of Barry that was etched in my mind for the first 8-years of my life was being called a façade. I admired that façade.
Barry: "But now that you have seen this horrible side of him, you can relate to him, isn"t that true?"
I could admire that façade. But, when that was gone, all that was left now was – the real Barry. But, was that really true? Could someone really be a monster like this?
Barry: "Ah!"
He said as if he was in pain. But how could he feel pain? He was a monster. He was a demon. So, he shouldn"t feel any pain, right?
That"s right. Monsters like him – they don"t feel pain, they just give others pain.
Kais: "You are a monster, aren"t you?"
He had turned around and was walking. So,
Kais: "Hey, you are a monster, aren"t you?"
I repeated. I shouted out. But, he didn"t stop. He was not even flinching. He didn"t give a d.a.m.n about what I was saying.
Kais: "Tell me, this is your true face, isn"t it? The façade that you had kept for so long is finally gone now, isn"t it?"
My voice – the voice of an eight-year-old rang out. There"s no way he couldn"t have heard it. But, he ignored it.
He kept walking. He ignored me. He ignored the ma.s.s of bodies that he had produced all around us.
Kais: "I … I … am NOT like you."
I shouted at the top of my lungs.
Kais: "I would have never done something like this. You are WRONG."
I knew he wasn"t listening. I was well aware he wouldn"t listen. But, I had to deny it. I had to deny it for myself. If I didn"t, I just couldn"t look at myself without remembering him. So, I had to deny it – I had to deny the truth.
Kais: "Ha … ha …"
I held onto my thighs as I panted.
Kais: "Listen to me, d.a.m.n it!"
More than shouting at Barry to make him listen to me, I was shouting at myself. I was shouting at myself, telling to look away from the truth.
Kais: "I am NOTHING like YOU."
I wasn"t trying to convince him, I was trying to convince myself.
And, the more I said it, the more I denied it; the more apparent the reality became. I didn"t have what I needed to accept reality and I was not even capable of running away. I was weak beyond any comparison. And then,
Abyss: "Don"t run away."
I heard a voice. It was a voice that sounded pained, much more pained than mine.
Kais: "W-who …"
I wanted to ask who he is, but
Abyss: "I am … no one you should concern yourself with."
I was hearing a voice in my head out of nowhere. I couldn"t comprehend the absurdity of it and kept talking.
Abyss: "Listen, don"t run away."
He told me not to run away.
Kais: "W-why?"
But what else could I do but run away.
Abyss: "You feel pain, don"t you?"
He asked me a question – a question that was so easy for me to answer I didn"t need to think about it.
Kais: "I do. Of course I do."
Pain had taken over my mind. I couldn"t think straight because of it. So of course, the answer was yes.
Abyss: "And you want this pain to go away, don"t you?"
Kais: "Y-yeah."
Why won"t I? What idiot would not want to say yes to a question like that?
Abyss: "Then do it."
He said in a voice so shaky it seemed as if he was barely holding himself back from shouting.
Kais: "Huh!"
But all I did think of was what he said.
Abyss: "If you don"t want to feel pain, then you should make the pain go away."
Kais: "If … it were that simple, then don"t you think …"
I would have already done it – is what I wanted to say. But before I could,
Abyss: "It is simple."
He said.
Abyss: "You can do it."
He said.
Abyss: "You are strong enough."
He told me.
Abyss: "You just haven"t reached your full potential yet."
He said to me, giving me hope and despair at the same time. I needed that power and I had that power but only inside me, not in my hands. How can I be happy by hearing something like that?
Abyss: "If you want that power,"
And then he said,
Abyss: "I can help you reach it."
I finally understood what he was saying.
Abyss: "So, what do you want?"
He asked in a pained voice that I just couldn"t understand the reason for, but I had stopped caring a while back. At that moment, all I cared about was –
Kais: "If I let him go, he"ll kill more people."
Abyss: "He definitely would."
Kais: "If I don"t stop him, then no one will."
Abyss: "Yes, that is true."
Kais: "He may even kill all my friends at school."
Abyss: "Very likely."
Kais: "He may even kill our parents."
Abyss: "That should be obvious."
Kais: "He may go and kill Sona too."
Abyss: "I bet he will."
Kais: "So,"
Abyss: "So?"
Kais: "I have to stop him, right?"
Abyss: "That"d be for the best, yes."
Kais: "Then,"
Abyss: "Then?"
Kais: "I need … that power."
Abyss: "Yes, you do."
Kais: "You said you can give it to me."
Abyss: "That"s more or less what I said."
Kais: "Then, give it to me."
After a constant string of words, a moment"s gap occurred. Abyss didn"t respond instantly, but after a moment,
Abyss: "As you wish."
He said to me. I was in pan, yes. But I could feel something inside me hurting even more than what that pain ever brought to me. I could feel an ugly presence all around me.
And then when I looked at my hand, I couldn"t find it.
Kais: "Where"s my arm?"
He didn"t reply.
Kais: "Hey, tell me, where"s my leg?"
I looked back and forth at the places where my limbs should be but all I could see was some black figure.
Where was my arm? Where was my body? I wondered as I glanced at a corpse. That person had died with a mirror in hand. I took that mirror and looked at it, but all I could see was –
Kais: "Who"s that?"
There was a black figure with a familiar haircut and two round glowing similar looking shapes above the center.
Kais: "Who"s that?"
Who"s that?
Kais: "Who is he?"
Who is he?
Kais: "Who is … I?"
Who am I?
Kais: "Why am I asking that?"
That"s such a foolish question.
Kais: "I am Kais of course."
More important than that, what was I doing here? I turned around to try to figure out why I was there.
These thoughts were going in my brain. I didn"t understand what had happened but I did understand that I was there for a reason.
Kais: "Barry."
And then I saw him, and I instantly knew why I was there.
Kais: "I see. I remember now."
I remembered why I was there.
Kais: "Die, Barry! Die!"
My words rang out and I used telekinesis to move a rod into Barry"s chest. It was one of the many rods lying because of Barry"s carnage, it was no special weapon. Barry should have been able to easily deflect it. But he couldn"t. That"s because it all took place in a fraction of a second.
That was the power that Abyss mentioned. That was the potential that he talked about. My speed, at that moment, was equivalent of light.
Barry: "Abyss!"
He said something that I didn"t bother hearing. Why would I have bothered to hear it when the "me" at that moment wasn"t even the "me" that I am?
Kais: "Well, wasn"t that easy?"
Having accomplished my task of becoming a murderer, I laughed. My laugh echoed. My echoes rang through my ears. My ears felt numb.
There was … a certain sense of loss in me. I knew that I would no longer be who I used to be.
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