I recognised thee, G.o.ddess of fancy! Thou hast visited me by accident--thou hast flown in to young poets.
O poetry! O youth! O virginal beauty of woman! Only for an instant can ye gleam before me,--in the early morning of the early spring!
May, 1878.
NECESSITAS--VIS--LIBERTAS
A BAS-RELIEF
A tall, bony old woman with an iron face and a dull, impa.s.sive gaze is walking along with great strides, and pushing before her, with her hand as harsh as a stick, another woman.
This woman, of vast size, powerful, corpulent, with the muscles of a Hercules, and a tiny head on a bull-like neck-and blind--is pushing on in her turn a small, thin young girl.
This girl alone has eyes which see; she resists, turns backward, elevates her thin red arms; her animated countenance expresses impatience and hardihood.... She does not wish to obey, she does not wish to advance in the direction whither she is being impelled ... and, nevertheless, she must obey and advance.
_Necessitas--Vis--Libertas_:
Whoever likes may interpret this.
May, 1878.
ALMS
In the vicinity of a great city, on the broad, much-travelled road, an aged, ailing man was walking.
He was staggering as he went; his emaciated legs, entangling themselves, trailing and stumbling, trod heavily and feebly, exactly as though they belonged to some one else; his clothing hung on him in rags; his bare head drooped upon his breast.... He was exhausted.
He squatted down on a stone by the side of the road, bent forward, propped his elbows on his knees, covered his face with both hands, and between his crooked fingers the tears dripped on the dry, grey dust.
He was remembering....
He remembered how he had once been healthy and rich,--and how he had squandered his health, and distributed his wealth to others, friends and enemies.... And lo! now he had not a crust of bread, and every one had abandoned him, his friends even more promptly than his enemies.... Could he possibly humble himself to the point of asking alms? And he felt bitter and ashamed at heart.
And the tears still dripped and dripped, mottling the grey dust.
Suddenly he heard some one calling him by name. He raised his weary head and beheld in front of him a stranger: a face calm and dignified, but not stern; eyes not beaming, but bright; a gaze penetrating, but not evil.
"Thou hast given away all thy wealth," an even voice made itself heard.... "But surely thou art not regretting that thou hast done good?"
"I do not regret it," replied the old man, with a sigh, "only here am I dying now."
"And if there had been no beggars in the world to stretch out their hands to thee," pursued the stranger, "thou wouldst have had no one to whom to show thy beneficence; thou wouldst not have been able to exercise thyself therein?"
The old man made no reply, and fell into thought.
"Therefore, be not proud now, my poor man," spoke up the stranger again.
"Go, stretch out thy hand, afford to other good people the possibility of proving by their actions that they are good."
The old man started, and raised his eyes ... but the stranger had already vanished,--but far away, on the road, a wayfarer made his appearance.
The old man approached him, and stretched out his hand.--The wayfarer turned away with a surly aspect and gave him nothing.
But behind him came another, and this one gave the old man a small alms.
And the old man bought bread for himself with the copper coins which had been given him, and sweet did the bit which he had begged seem to him, and there was no shame in his heart--but, on the contrary, a tranquil joy overshadowed him.
May, 1878.
THE INSECT
I dreamed that a score of us were sitting in a large room with open windows.
Among us were women, children, old men.... We were all talking about some very unfamiliar subject--talking noisily and unintelligibly.
Suddenly, with a harsh clatter, a huge insect, about three inches and a half long, flew into the room ... flew in, circled about and alighted on the wall.
It resembled a fly or a wasp.--Its body was of a dirty hue; its flat, hard wings were of the same colour; it had extended, s.h.a.ggy claws and a big, angular head, like that of a dragon-fly; and that head and the claws were bright red, as though b.l.o.o.d.y.
This strange insect kept incessantly turning its head downward, upward, to the right, to the left, and moving its claws about ... then suddenly it wrested itself from the wall, flew clattering through the room,--and again alighted, again began to move in terrifying and repulsive manner, without stirring from the spot. It evoked in all of us disgust, alarm, even terror.... None of us had ever seen anything of the sort; we all cried: "Expel that monster!" We all flourished our handkerchiefs at it from a distance ... for no one could bring himself to approach it ...
and when the insect had flown in we had all involuntarily got out of the way.
Only one of our interlocutors, a pale-faced man who was still young, surveyed us all with surprise.--He shrugged his shoulders, he smiled, he positively could not understand what had happened to us and why we were so agitated. He had seen no insect, he had not heard the ominous clatter of its wings.
Suddenly the insect seemed to rivet its attention on him, soared into the air, and swooping down upon his head, stung him on the brow, a little above the eyes.... The young man emitted a faint cry and fell dead.
The dreadful fly immediately flew away.... Only then did we divine what sort of a visitor we had had.
May, 1878.
CABBAGE-SOUP
The son of a widowed peasant-woman died--a young fellow aged twenty, the best labourer in the village.