"And meanwhile, I shall be busy, and you will be busy. We have both a great deal to do."
"You have."
"And I am sure you have. Now let us consult. What have you got to do, before we see one an other again?"
"I suppose," said Esther, "take care of papa."
She said it in a quiet, matter-of-course tone, and Pitt started a little. It was very likely; but it had not just occurred to him before, how large a part that care might play in the girl"s life for some time to come.
"Does he need so much care?" he asked.
"It isn"t real _care_," said Esther, in the same tone; "but he likes to have me about, to do things for him."
"Queen Esther, aren"t you going to carry on your studies for me, all the same?"
"For you!" said she, lifting her heavy eyes to him. It hurt him to see how heavy they were; weighted with a great load of sorrow, too mighty for tears.
"For me, certainly. I expect everything to go on just as if I were here to look after it. I expect everything to go on so, that when I come again I may find just what I want to find. You must not disappoint me."
Esther did not say. She made no answer at all, and after a minute put a question which was a diversion.
"Where are you going first, Pitt?"
"To Lisbon."
"Yes, I know that; but when you get to England?"
"London first. You know that is the great English centre?"
"Do you know any people there?"
"Not I. But I have a great-uncle there, living at Kensington. I believe that is part of London, though really I don"t know much about it. I shall go to see him, of course."
"Your great-uncle! That is, Mr. Dallas"s own uncle?"
"No, my mother"s. His name is Strahan."
"And then you are going to Oxford? Why do you go there? Are not the colleges in America just as good?"
"I can tell better after I"ve seen Oxford. But no, Queen Esther; that is larger and older and richer than any college in America can be; indeed it is a cl.u.s.ter of colleges--it is a University."
"Will you study in them all?"
"No," said Pitt, laughing, "not exactly! But it is a fine place, by all accounts--a n.o.ble place. And then, you know, we are English, and my father and mother wish me to be as English as possible. That is natural."
"We are English too," said Esther, sighing.
"Therefore you ought to be glad I am going."
But Esther"s cheek only grew a shade paler.
"Will you keep up your studies, like a good girl?"
"I will try."
"And send me a drawing now and then, to let me see how you are getting on?"
She lifted her eyes to him again, for one of those grave, appealing looks. "How could I get it to you?"
"Your father will have my address. I shall write to him, and I shall write to you."
She made no answer. The things filling her heart were too many for it, and too strong; there came no tears, but her breathing was laboured; and her brow was dark with what seemed a mountain of oppression. Pitt was half-glad that just now there came a call for Esther from the room behind them. Both went in. The colonel wanted Esther to search in a repository of papers for a certain English print of some months back.
"Well, my boy," said he, "are you off?"
"Just off, sir," said Pitt, eyeing the little figure that was busy in the corner among the papers. It gave him more pain than he had thought to leave it. "I wish you would come over, colonel. Why shouldn"t you?
It would do you good. I mean, when there is peace again upon the high seas."
"I shall never leave this place again till I leave all that is earthly," Colonel Gainsborough answered.
"May I take the liberty sometimes of writing to you, sir?"
"I should like it very much, William."
"And if I find anything that would amuse Esther, sir, may I tell her about it?"
"I have no objection. She will be very much obliged to you. So you are going? Heaven be with you, my boy. You have lightened many an hour for me."
He rose up and shook Pitt"s hand, with a warm grasp and a dignified manner of leave-taking. But when Pitt would have taken Esther"s hand, she brushed past him and went out into the hall. Pitt followed, with another bow to the colonel, and courteously shutting the door behind him, wishing the work well over. Esther, however, made no fuss, hardly any demonstration. She stood there in the hall and gave him her hand silently, I might say coldly, for the hand was very cold, and her face was white with suppressed feeling. Pitt grasped the hand and looked at the face; hesitated; then opened his arms and took her into them and kissed her. Was she not like a little sister? and was it possible to let this heartache go without alleviation? No doubt if the colonel had been present he would not have ventured such a breach of forms; but as it was Pitt defied forms. He clasped the sorrowing little girl in his arms and kissed her brow and her cheek and her lips.
"I"m coming back again," said he. "See that you have everything all right for me when I come."
Then he let her out of his arms and went off without another word. As he went home, he was ready to smile and shake himself at the warmth of demonstration into which he had been betrayed. He was not Esther"s brother, and had no particular right to show himself so affectionate.
The colonel would have been, he doubted, less than pleased, and it would not have happened in his dignified presence. But Esther was a child, Pitt said to himself, and a very tender child; and he could not be sorry that he had shown her the feeling was not all on her side.
Perhaps it might comfort the child. It never occurred to him to reproach himself with showing more than he felt, for he had no occasion. The feeling he had given expression to was entirely genuine, and possibly deeper than he knew, although he shook his head, figuratively, at himself as he went home.
Esther, when the door closed upon Pitt, stood still for some minutes, in the realization that now it was all over and he was gone. The hall door was like a grim kind of barrier, behind which the light of her life had disappeared. It remained so stolidly closed! Pitt"s hand did not open it again; the hand was already at a distance, and would maybe never push that door open any more. He was gone, and the last day of that summer vacation was over. The feeling absorbed Esther for a few minutes and made her as still as a stone. It _did_ comfort her that he had taken such a kindly leave of her, and at the same time it sealed the sense of her loss. For he was the only one in the world in whose heart it was to give her good earnest kisses like that; and he was away, away! Her father"s affection for her was undoubted, nevertheless it was not his wont to give it that sort of expression. Esther was not comparing, however, nor reflecting; only filled with the sense of her loss, which for the moment chilled and stiffened her. She heard her father"s voice calling her, and she went in.
"My dear, you stay too long in the cold. Is William gone?"
"Oh yes, papa."
"This is not the right paper I want; this is an August paper. I want the one for the last week in July."
Esther went and rummaged again among the pile of newspapers, mechanically, finding it hard to command her attention to such an indifferent business. She brought the July paper at last.
"Papa, do you think he will ever come back?" she asked, trembling with pain and the effort not to show it.