Esther pondered, brooded, tired herself with thinking. She could not talk to Barker about it, and there was no one else. Once more she felt a little lonely and a good deal helpless, though energies were strong within her to act, if she had known how to act. She mounted the stairs to her room with an unusual slow step, and shut her door, but she had brought her trouble in with her. Esther went to her window to look out, as we all are so apt to do when some trouble seems too big for the house to hold. There is a vague counsel-taking with nature, to which one is impelled at such times; or is it sympathy-seeking? The sweet October afternoon had pa.s.sed into as sweet an evening, the hazy stillness was unchanged, and through the haze the silver rays of a half moon high in the heavens came with the tenderest touch and the most gracious softness upon all earthly things. There was a vapourous glitter on the water of the broad river, a dewy or hazy veil on the land; the scene could not be imagined more witching fair or more removed from any sort of discordance. Esther stood looking, and her heart calmed down. She had been feeling distressed under the question of ways and means; now it occurred to her, "Take no thought for the morrow, what ye shall eat or what ye shall drink; your Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things." And as the words came, Esther shook off the trouble they condemn; shook it off her shoulders, as it were, and left it lying. Still she felt alone, she wished for Pitt Dallas, or for _somebody;_ she had no one but her father in all the world, nor the hope of any one. And happy as she really was, yet the human instinct would stir in Esther--the instinct that longs for intercourse, sympathy, affection; somebody to talk to, to counsel with, to share in her joys and sorrows and experiences generally. It is a perfectly natural and justifiable desire; stronger, perhaps, in the young than in the old, for the old know better how much and how little society amounts to, and are not apt to have such violent longings in general for anything. But also to the old, loving companionship is inexpressibly precious; the best thing by far that this world contains or this life knows. And Esther longed for it now, even till tears rose and dimmed her sight, and made all the moonshiny landscape swim and melt and be lost in the watery veil. But then, as the veil cleared and the moonlight came into view again, came also other words into Esther"s mind,--"Be content with such things as ye have; for He hath said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee."
She cleared away her tears and smiled to herself, in happy a.s.surance and wonder that she should have forgotten. And with that, other words still came to her; words that had never seemed so exceeding sweet before.
"None of them that trust in Him shall be desolate."--That is a sure promise. "Fear not, Abraham; _I_ am thy shield, and thine exceeding great reward."--Probably, when this word was given, the father of the faithful was labouring under the very same temptation, to think himself alone and lonely. And the answer to his fears must be sufficient, or He who spoke it would never have spoken it to him just at that time.
Esther stood a while at her window, thinking over these things, with a rest and comfort of heart indescribable; and finally laid herself down to rest with the last shadow gone from her spirit.
It could not be, however, but that the question returned the next day, what was to be done? Expenses must not outrun incomings; that was a fixed principle in Esther"s mind, resting as well on honour as honesty.
Evidently, when the latter do not cover the former, one of two things must be done; expenses must be lessened, or income increased. How to manage the first, Esther had failed to find; and she hated the idea, besides, of a penny-ha"penny economy. Could their incomings be added to? By teaching! It flashed into Esther"s mind with a disagreeable illumination. Yes, that she could do, that she must do, if her father would not go back to Seaforth. There was no other way. He could not earn money; she must. If they continued to live in or near New York, it must be on her part as a teacher in a school. The first thought of it was not pleasant. Esther was tempted to wish they had never left Seaforth, if the end of it was to be this. But after the first start of revulsion she gathered herself together. It would put an end to all their difficulties. It would be honourable work, and good work; and, after all, _work_ in some sort is what everybody should have; n.o.body is put here to be idle. Perhaps this pressure of circ.u.mstances was on purpose to push her into the way that was meant for her; the way in which it was the Lord"s pleasure she should serve Him and the world.
And having got this view of it, Esther"s last reluctance was gone. For, you see, what was the Lord"s pleasure was also hers.
Her heart grew quite light again. She saw what she had to do. But for the first, the thing was, to go as far in her learning as her father desired her to go. She must finish her own schooling. And if Esther had studied hard before, she studied harder now; applied herself with all the power of her will to do her utmost in every line. It was not a vague thought of satisfying Pitt Dallas that moved her now; but a very definite purpose to take care of her father, and a ready joy to do the will of Him whom Esther loved even better than her father.
The thought of Pitt Dallas, indeed, went into abeyance. Esther had something else to do. And the summer had pa.s.sed and he had not come; that hope was over; and two years more must go by, according to the plan which Esther knew, before he would come again. Before that time, who could tell? Perhaps he would have forgotten them entirely.
It happened one day, putting some drawers in order, that Esther took up an old book and carelessly opened it. Its leaves fell apart at a place where there lay a dry flower. It was the sprig of red Cheiranthus; not faded; still with its velvety petals rich tinted, and still giving forth the faint sweet fragrance which belongs to the flower. It gave Esther a thrill. It was the remaining fragment of Pitt"s Christmas bouquet, which she had loved and cherished to the last leaf as long as she could. She remembered all about it. Her father had made her burn all the rest; this blossom only had escaped, without her knowledge at the time. The sight of it went to her heart. She stood still by her chest of drawers with the open book in her hand, gazing at the wallflower in its persistent beauty. All came back to her: Seaforth, her childish days, Pitt and her love for him, and his goodness to her; the sorrow and the joy of that old time; and more and more the dry flower struck her heart. Why had her father wanted her to burn the others? why had she kept this? And what was the use of keeping it now?
When anything, be it a flower, be it a memory, which has been fresh and sweet, loses altogether its beauty and its savour, what is the good of still keeping it to look at? Truly the flower had not lost either beauty or savour; but the memory that belonged to it? what had become of that? Pitt let himself no more be heard from; why should this little place-keeper be allowed to remain any longer? Would it not be wiser to give it up, and let the wallflower go the way of its former companions?
Esther half thought so; almost made the motion to throw it in the fire; but yet she could not. She could not quite do it. Maybe there was an explanation; perhaps Pitt would come next time, when another two years had rolled away, and tell them all about it. At any rate, she would wait.
She shut up the book again carefully, and put it safely away.
CHAPTER XXVII.
_ONIONS_.
It seemed very inexplicable to Esther that Pitt was never heard from.
Not a sc.r.a.p of a letter had they had from him since they came to New York. Mr. Dallas, the elder, had written once or twice, mostly on business, and said nothing about his son. That was all. Mrs. Dallas never wrote. Esther would have been yet more bewildered if she had known that the lady had been in New York two or three times, and not merely pa.s.sing through, but staying to do shopping. Happily she had no suspicion of this.
One day, late in the autumn, Christopher Bounder went over to Mrs.
Blumenfeld"s garden. It lay in pretty fall order, trim and clean; bushes pruned, canes tied up, vines laid down, leaves raked off; all the work done, up to the very day. Christopher bestowed an approving glance around him as he went among the beds; it was all right and ship-shape. n.o.body was visible at the moment; and he pa.s.sed on round the house to the rear, from whence he heard a great racket made by the voices of poultry. And there they were; as soon as he turned the corner he saw them: a large flock of hens and chickens, geese, ducks and turkeys, all wobbling and squabbling. In the midst of them stood the gardener"s widow, with her hands in the pockets of a great canvas ap.r.o.n; or rather, with her hands in and out, for from the pockets, which were something enormous, she was fetching and distributing handfulls of oats and corn to her feathered beneficiaries. Christopher drew near, as near as he could, for the turkeys, and Mrs. Blumenfeld gave him a nod.
"Good morning, mum!"
"Good day to ye."
"Them"s a fine lot o" turkeys!" Christopher really had a good deal of education, and even knew some Latin; nevertheless, in common life, the instincts of his early habits prevailed, and he said "Them" by preference.
"Ain"t they!" rejoined Mrs. Blumenfeld. "They had ought to be, for they"ve given me plague enough. Every spring I think it"s the last turkeys I"ll raise; and every winter, jes" as regular, I think it "ud be well to set more turkey eggs next year than I did this"n. You see, a good fat roast turkey is what you can"t beat--not in this country."
"Nor can"t equal in England, without you go to the game covers for it.
They"re for the market, I s"pose?"
"Wall, I calkilate to send some on "em. I do kill a turkey once in a while for myself, but la, how long do ye think it takes me to eat up a turkey? I get sick of it afore I"m done."
"You want company," suggested Mr. Bounder.
But to this the lady made no answer at all. She finished scattering her grain, and then turned to her visitor, ready for business. Christopher could not but look at her with great approbation. She was dressed much as Esther had seen her a few weeks before: a warm shawl wrapped and tied around the upper part of her person, bareheaded, hair in neat and tight order, and her hands in her capacious pockets.
"Now, I kin attend to ye," she said, leaving the chickens and geese, which for the present were quiet, picking up their breakfast. But Mr.
Bounder did not go immediately to business.
"That"s a capital notion of an ap.r.o.n!" he said admiringly.
"Ain"t it!" she answered. "Oh, I"m great on notions. I believe in savin" yourself all the trouble you kin, provided you don"t lose no time by it. There is folks, you know, that air soft-headed enough to think they kin git rid o" trouble by losin" their time. I ain"t o" that sort."
"I should say, you have none o" that sort o" people about you."
"Wall, I don"t--not ef I kin help it. Anyhow, ef I get "em I contrive to lose "em agin. But what was you wantin"?"
"I came to see if you could let us have our winter"s onions? White onions, you know. It"s all the sort we can do with, up at the house."
"Onions!" said Mrs. Blumenfeld. "Why hain"t you riz your own onions, I want to know? You"ve got a garden."
"That is true, mum," said Christopher; "but all the onions as was in it is gone."
"Then you didn"t plant enough."
"And that"s true too," said Christopher; "but I can"t say as I takes any blame to myself for it."
"Sakes alive, man! ain"t you the gardener?"
"At your service, mum."
"Wall, then, why, when you were about it, why didn"t you sow your seeds accordin" to your needs?"
"I sowed all the seed I had."
"All you had!" cried the little woman. "That sounds kind o" shiftless; and I don"t take you for that sort of a man neither, Mr. Bounder."
"Much obleeged for your good opinion, mum."
"Then why didn"t you git more onion seed, du tell, when you knowed you hadn"t enough?"
"As I said, mum, I am much obleeged for your good opinion, which I hope I deserve. There is reasons which must determine a man, upon occasion, to do what you would not approve--unless you also knowed the reasons."
This sounded oracular. The two stood and looked at one another.
Christopher explained himself no further; however, Mrs. Blumenfeld"s understanding appeared to improve. She looked first inquisitive, and then intelligent.
"That comes kind o" hard upon me, at the end," she said with a somewhat humorous expression. "You see, I"ve made a vow-- You believe in vows, Mr. Bounder?"
"I do, mum,--of the right sort."
"I don"t make no other. Wall, I"ve made a vow to myself, you see. Look here; what do you call that saint o" your"n? up to your house."