In the upper chamber where Will had left his sister, a great mystery of sorrow was being endured. Aspatria felt as if all had been. Life had no more joy to give, and no greater grief to inflict. She undressed with rapid, trembling fingers; her wedding finery was hateful in her sight. On the night before she had folded all her store of clothing, and laid it ready to put in a trunk. She had been quite in the dark as to her destiny; the only thing that appeared certain to her was that she would have to leave home. Perhaps she would go with Ulfar from the church door. In that case Will would have to send her clothing, and she had laid it in the neatest order for the emergency.
On the top of one pile lay a crimson Canton c.r.a.pe shawl. Her mother had worn it constantly during the last year of her life; and Aspatria had put it away, as something too sacred for ordinary use. She now folded it around her shoulders, and sat down. Usually, when things troubled her, she was restless and kept in motion, but this trouble was too bitter and too great to resist; she was quiet, she took its blows pa.s.sively, and they smote her on every side.
Could she ever forget that cruel ride home, ever cease to burn and shiver when she remembered the eyes that had scanned her during its progress? The air seemed full of them. She covered her face to avoid the pitying, wondering, scornful glances. But this ride through the valley of humiliation was not the bitterest drop in her bitter cup; she could have smiled as she rode and drank it, if Ulfar had been at her side. It was his desertion that was so distracting to her. She had thought of many sorrows in connection with this forced marriage, but this sorrow had never suggested itself as possible.
Therefore, when Ulfar bade her farewell she had felt as if standing on the void of the universe. It was the superhuman woman within her that had answered him, and that had held up her head and had strengthened her for her part all through that merciless ride. And the sight of her handsome, faithless lover, the tones of his voice, the touch of his hand, his half-respectful, half-pitying kindness, had awakened in her heart a tenfold love for him.
For she understood then, for the first time, her social and educational inferiority. She felt even that she had done herself less than justice in her fine raiment: her country breeding and simple beauty would have appeared to greater advantage in the white merino she had desired to wear. She had been forced into a dress that accentuated her deficiencies. At that hour she thought she could never see Mrs. Frostham again.
To these tempestuous, humiliating, heart-breaking reflections the storm outside made an angry accompaniment. The wind howled down the chimney and wailed around the house, and the rain beat against the window and pattered on the flagged walks. The darkness came on early, and the cold grew every hour more searching. She was not insensible to these physical discomforts, but they seemed so small a part of her misery that she made no resistance to their attack. Will and Brune, sitting almost speechless downstairs, were both thinking of her. When it was quite dark they grew unhappy. First one and then the other crept softly to her room door. All was as still as death. No movement, no sound of any kind, betrayed in what way the poor soul within suffered. No thread of light came from beneath the door: she was in the dark, and she had eaten nothing all day.
About six o"clock Will could bear it no longer. He knocked softly at her door, and said: "My little la.s.s, speak to Will! Have a cup of tea!
Do have a cup of tea, dearie!"
The voice was so unlike Will"s voice that it startled Aspatria. It told her of a suffering almost equalling her own. She rose from the chair in which she had been sitting for hours, and went to him. The room was dark, the pa.s.sage was dark; he saw nothing but the denser dark of her figure, and her white face above it. She saw nothing but his great bulk and his shining eyes. But she felt the love flowing out from his heart to her, she felt his sorrow and his sympathy, and it comforted her. She said: "Will, do not fret about me. I am over-getting the shame and sorrow. Yes, I will have a cup of tea, and tell Tabitha to make a fire here. Dear Will, I have been a great care and shame to you."
"Ay, you have, Aspatria; but I would rather die than miss you, my little la.s.s."
This interview gave a new bent to Aspatria"s thoughts. As she drank the tea, and warmed her chilled feet before the blaze, she took into consideration what misery her love for Ulfar Fenwick had brought to her brothers" once happy home, the anxiety, the annoyance, the shame, the ill-will and quarrelling, the humiliations that Will and Brune had been compelled to endure. Then suddenly there flashed across her mind the card given to Will by Ulfar"s friend. She was not too simple to conceive of its meaning. It was a defiance of some kind, and she knew how Will would answer it. Her heart stood still with terror.
She had seen Will and Ulfar wrestling; she had heard Will say to Brune, when Ulfar was absent, "He knows little about it; when I had that last grip, I could have flung him into eternity." It was common enough for dalesmen quarrelling to have a "fling" with one another and stand by its results. If Will and Ulfar met thus, one or both would be irremediably injured. In their relation to her, both were equally dear. She would have given her poor little life cheerfully for the love of either. Her cup shook in her hand. She had a sense of hurry in the matter, that drove her like a leaf before a strong wind. If Will got to bed before she saw him, he might be away in the morning ere she was aware. She put down her cup, and while she stood a moment to collect her strength and thoughts, the subject on all its sides flashed clearly before her.
A minute afterward she opened the parlour door. Brune sat bent forward, with a poker in his hands. He was tracing a woman"s name in the ashes, though he was hardly conscious of the act. Will"s head was thrown back against his chair; he seemed to be asleep. But when Aspatria opened the door, he sat upright and looked at her. A pallor like death spread over his face; it was the crimson shawl, his mother"s shawl, which caused it. Wearing it, Aspatria closely resembled her. Will had idolized his mother in life, and he worshipped her memory. If Aspatria had considered every earthly way of touching Will"s heart, she could have selected none so certain as the shawl, almost accidentally a.s.sumed.
She went direct to Will. He drew a low stool to his side, and Aspatria sat down upon it, and then stretched out her left hand to Brune. The two men looked at their sister, and then they looked at each other.
The look was a vow. Both so understood it.
"Will and Brune," the girl spoke softly, but with a great steadiness,--"Will and Brune, I am sorry to have given you so much shame and trouble."
"It is not your fault, Aspatria," said Brune.
"But I will do so no more. I will never name Ulfar again. I will try to be cheerful and to make home cheerful, try to carry on life as it used to be before he came. We will not let people talk of him, we will not mind it if they do. Eh, Will?"
"Just now, dear, in a little while."
"Will, dear Will! what did that card mean,--the one Ulfar"s friend gave? You will not go near Ulfar, Will? Please do not!"
"I have a bit of business to settle with him, Aspatria, and then I never want to see his face again."
"Will, you must not go."
"Ay, but I must. I have been thought of with a lot of bad names, but no one shall think "coward" of me."
"Will, remember all I have suffered to-day."
"I am not likely to forget it."
"That ride home, Will, was as if I was going up Calvary. My wedding-dress was heavy as a cross, and that foolish wreath of flowers was a wreath of cruel thorns. I was pitied and scorned, till I felt as if my heart--my real heart--was all bruised and torn. I have suffered so much, Will, spare me more suffering. Will! Will! for your little sister"s sake, put that card in the fire, and stay here, right here with me."
"My la.s.s! my dear la.s.s, you cannot tell what you are asking."
"I am asking you to give up your revenge. I know that is a great thing for a man to do. But, Will, dear, you stand in father"s place, you are sitting in father"s chair; what would he say to you?"
"He would say, "Give the rascal a good thrashing, Will. When a man wrongs a woman, there is no other punishment for him. Thrash him to within an inch of his cruel, selfish, contemptible life!" That is what father would say, Aspatria. I know it, I feel it."
"If you will not give up your revenge for me, nor yet for father, then I ask you for mother"s sake! What would mother say to-night if she were here?--very like she is here. Listen to her, Will. She is saying, "Spare my little girl any more sorrow and shame, Will, my boy Will!"--that is what mother would say. And if you hurt Ulfar you hurt me also, and if Ulfar hurts you my heart will break. The fell-side is ringing now with my troubles. If I have any more, I will go away where no one can find me. For mother"s sake, Will! For mother"s sake!"
The strong man was sobbing behind his hands, the struggle was a terrific one. Brune watched it with tears streaming unconsciously down his cheeks. Aspatria sunk at Will"s feet, and buried her face on his knees.
"For mother"s sake, Will! Let Ulfar go free."
"My dear little la.s.s, I cannot!"
"For mother"s sake, Will! I am speaking for mother! For mother"s sake!"
"I--I--Oh, what shall I do, Brune?"
"For mother"s sake, Will!"
He trembled until the chair shook. He dared not look at the weeping girl. She rose up. She gently moved away his hands. She kissed his eyelids. She said, with an irresistible entreaty: "Look at me, Will. I am speaking for mother. Let Ulfar alone. I do not say forgive him."
"Nay, I will never forgive him."
"But let him alone. Will! Will! let him alone, for mother"s sake!"
Then he stood up. He looked into Aspatria"s eyes; he let his gaze wander to the crimson shawl. He began to sob like a child.
"You may go, Aspatria," he said, in broken words. "If you ask me anything in mother"s name, I have no power to say no."
He walked to the window and looked out into the dark stormy night, and Brune motioned to Aspatria to go away. He knew Will would regain himself better in her absence. She was glad to go. As soon as Will had granted her request, she fell to the lowest ebb of life. She could hardly drag herself up the long, dark stairs. She dropped asleep as soon as she reached her room.
It was a bitter awakening. The soul feels sorrow keenest at the first moments of consciousness. It has been away, perhaps, in happy scenes, or it has been lulling itself in deep repose, and then suddenly it is called to lift again the heavy burden of its daily life. Aspatria stood in her cold, dim room; and even while shivering in her thin night-dress, with bare feet treading the polished oak floor, she hastily put out of her sight the miserable wedding-garments. A large dower-chest stood conveniently near. She opened it wide, and flung dress and wreath and slippers and cloak into it. The lid fell from her hands with a great clang, and she said to herself, "I will never open it again."
The storm still continued. She dressed in simple household fashion, and went downstairs. Brune sat by the fire. He said: "I was waiting for you, Aspatria. Will is in the barn. He had his coffee and bacon long ago."
"Brune, will you be my friend through all this trouble?"
"I will stand by you through thick and thin, Aspatria. There is my hand on it."
About great griefs we do not chatter; and there was no further discussion of those events which had been barely turned away from tragedy and death. Murder and despairing love and sorrow might have a secret dwelling-place in Seat-Ambar, but it was in the background. The front of life went on as smoothly as ever; the cows were milked, the sheep tended, the men and maids had their tasks, the beds were made, and the tables set, with the usual order and regularity.
And Aspatria found this "habit of living" to be a good staff to lean upon. She a.s.sumed certain duties, and performed them; and the house was pleasanter for her oversight. Will and Brune came far oftener to sit at the parlour fireside, when they found Aspatria there to welcome them. And so the days and weeks followed one another, bringing with them those commonplace duties and interests which give to existence a sense of stability and order. No one spoke of Fenwick; but all the more Aspatria nursed his image in her heart and her imagination. He had dressed himself for his marriage with great care and splendour.
Never had he looked so handsome and so n.o.ble in her eyes, and never until that hour had she realized her social inferiority to him, her lack of polish and breeding, her ignorance of all things which a woman of birth and wealth ought to know and to possess.
This was a humiliating acknowledgment; but it was Aspatria"s first upward step, for with it came an invincible determination to make herself worthy of her husband"s love and companionship. The hope and the object gave a new colour to her life. As she went about her simple duties, as she sat alone in her room, as she listened to her brothers talking, it occupied, strengthened, and inspired her. Dark as the present was, it held the hope of a future which made her blush and tingle to its far-off joy. To learn everything, to go everywhere, to become a brilliant woman, a woman of the world, to make her husband admire and adore her,--these were the dreams that brightened the long, sombre winter, and turned the low dim rooms into a palace of enchantment.
She was aware of the difficulties in her way. She thought first of asking Will to permit her to go to a school in London. But she knew he would never consent. She had no friends to whom she could confide her innocent plans, she had as yet no money in her own control. But in less than two years she would be of age. Her fortune would then be at her disposal, and the law would permit her to order her own life. In the mean time she could read and study at home: when the spring came she would see the vicar, and he would lend her books from his library.
There was an Encyclopaedia in the house; she got together its scattered volumes, and began to make herself familiar with its _melange_ of information.