"A little. I didn"t eat anything out of the ordinary. I don"t know why my stomach started hurting like that."
"I do," she said.
"Come on now," he glanced at her, "don"t start that again."
Shari looked at her husband of twenty years. They were the same age, but the stress of losing half of his income was beginning to have an effect on him. Multiple strands of gray hair had begun to reveal themselves around the temple of his hairline and in his goatee. The darkness under his eyes was the same shade of brown as the freckles that decorated his fair skin, and it made him look older than his forty-five years.
She looked at her husband lovingly. The intense look of concentration on his face made her decide to postpone telling him about the utility disconnection notice they had received in the mail.
Chapter Eleven.
Tia"s heart was beating fiercely as she turned the corner with a screech. She slowed the car down as she steered it into the church parking lot and remained seated in the car, giving herself time to settle down.
A few minutes later, she entered the huge foyer of the First Temple Church and walked through the multicolored arched doorway that led to the sanctuary.
Bibles, coats, and hats took up much of the s.p.a.ce on the wooden pews, and Tia continued down the carpeted aisle until she found a seat just a few rows from the pulpit.
"Today," Pastor Worthy said as the melodic tenor of his voice resonated throughout the small church, "I want to preach about the temptations of the flesh. Turn your Bibles to 2 Timothy, chapter 2, verse 26," he commanded.
Of all things to preach about, why this topic at this time? Tia thought as she sat down on a wooden pew in the middle row. She listened to the rustling sound of Bible pages turning simultaneously as the pastor spoke.
"I want to talk about captivity," the pastor said. And then he read verse 26.
"and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will."
"Satan," the pastor shouted out, "has so many different snares that he uses to hold a soul captive. Bullets," he hollered. "Let"s call them bullets. Now, the first bullet only grazes you by finding your weakness, and if you"re not saved, let me tell you there are many." He paused to wipe the moisture from his forehead with the white cloth he always had with him.
"The second bullet," he continued, "is just a flesh wound, but it draws you in nonetheless by enticing you with whatever your weakness-or weaknesses-may be. Now, in the beginning it"s pleasurable."
Tia tugged at the collar on her shirt. It was hot in the sanctuary-or was it just her?
"Uh-huh," the pastor continued. "Oh yeah. The enemy"s going to see to that. But after awhile," he slammed his fist down onto the podium, "after awhile, you"re going to find that it holds less and less pleasure!" He let out a little moan, and then he wiped his forehead again.
Tia caught the attention of one of the ushers and asked for a fan. Moments later, he returned with a small hand held fan. She gripped the thin wooden handle and began waving the round piece of paper connected to it back and forth in front of her face.
"You"re gonna want to walk away from it," the pastor said, "but now your flesh-" he was interrupted by the congregation"s stomping of feet and clapping of hands, "-your flesh, having been wounded, is too weak to do so!"
"This," he pointed his finger out into the congregation. Tia glanced around at the other members. Had he only been pointing at her? "This," he continued, "is the point when the third and final bullet gets embedded deep into your flesh." He swayed backward as he emphasized the word deep.
"And you are now being held captive by the enemy." He stopped to catch his breath. "He ends up enslaving you with the l.u.s.tful desires of your own heart! And the Bible says, ". . . sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.""
The man sitting next to Tia jumped up from his seat and began clapping his hands as he yelled, "Preach!"
Various members of the congregation shouted out, "Yes, Lord!" "Amen!" and "Have mercy!"
Tia remained stoic and showed no outward signs of the turmoil going on within her.
Pastor Worthy concluded his sermon by asking, "Brothers and sisters, do you see how that old devil works? He"s doing the same old thing, the same old way. This ain"t nothing new!" His eyes roamed across the congregation. "Just look in your Bible," he said. "There are countless stories in there about individuals who got caught up by the l.u.s.t of their flesh: Samson, David and Bathsheba, and more."
The pastor lowered his voice. "Remember what 1 Corinthians, Chapter 6, Verses 9 through 10 tells us about the consequences of unrepented sin." He began to read.
"Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of G.o.d? Do not be deceived: Neither the s.e.xually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have s.e.x with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of G.o.d."
Tia stopped fanning.
"Now, folks," he said, "this is G.o.d"s Word, not mine so don"t get mad at me." He extended his arms out to the congregation. "If anyone is here tonight and you"ve fallen into one of those categories . . . or maybe you fell into another category that I didn"t mention, but you want to know Jesus-you want a new life-you want to be changed . . ." He stepped down from the pulpit. "You don"t want to do the things you used to do, say the things you used to say, act the way you used to act . . . Come to Jesus. Come now."
The choir started singing "Just As I Am." Tia remained seated as several men, women, and teenagers got up from their seat and made their way down to the front of the pulpit. Her eyes became watery. One more blink and the clear liquid would start rolling down her cheeks. She hadn"t planned to commit adultery, but what was she supposed to do if her husband ignored her desires?
She clenched her teeth. Surely G.o.d didn"t want her to live with such depravity-but then again, what had G.o.d said about adultery? She picked up the fan and began fanning herself again as the tears began rolling unevenly down her face. The strong voices of the choir softened as the service came to an end.
Tia wiped her eyes and prepared to leave. What had Pastor Worthy said about sin? He"d said it felt good, and Tia convinced herself that she deserved to feel good for a change. Right now, she felt like a woman. She felt alive. But with a twinge of guilt she had to admit that it had been another man, not G.o.d, who had resuscitated her.
She grabbed her Bible and stood up. Yes, Pastor Worthy had said sin felt good, but what he"d also said-and what Tia had tried to ignore-was that the end result of sin was death.
Serenity entered the house through the kitchen door, which allowed her to bypa.s.s the living room-and her father-who she thought would be pa.s.sed out on the couch like he almost always was. She headed for her bedroom upstairs when he called her name.
"Serenity!" he yelled.
He startled her, and she stood still, trying to decide if she should go into the living room or run upstairs like she wanted to.
She heard his footsteps coming toward the kitchen and decided to meet him halfway.
He loomed over the entryway of the kitchen. "Where you been?" His question sounded more like an accusation.
"At Cookie"s house," she said defensively.
"Your mama was looking for you. Ain"t this church night?"
"I had to study." She looked up at him. His eyes were filled with what she thought was disapproval, and she was immediately sorry she had looked into them. He brushed past her and headed for the refrigerator.
Serenity went upstairs to her bedroom and sat by the window facing the fenced in backyard. She tried to visualize the landscaping below that had been made invisible by a sheet of crystallized snow. Fallen acorns from the ominous-looking oak tree formed a haphazard pattern on top of the frozen snow and the trees" branches hung low from the weight of the thick ice that encased them.
Bushes struggled to maintain an upright position under the weight of the icy burden, and a mound of snow covered the bench that sat in the center of the yard. Serenity noticed a display of small animal prints decorating the surface of the snow-covered bench.
Suddenly, several squirrels began ducking in and out of the many nooks and crannies of the timeworn trunk. As cold as it was, they didn"t seem to be affected by the single-digit temperatures at all as they continued their fast-paced game of hide-and-seek. After a few minutes, all but one of the squirrels had disappeared.
The last squirrel continued darting in and out of one of the trunk"s crevices until Serenity tapped on the window; then it crawled down to the bottom of the tree and stopped.
She thought about how she"d almost knocked over the lamp at Cookie"s house, and the comment Cookie had made. Her mind pictured the look of disgust her mother gave her every time she knocked something over and it broke. Another sting. And lately, she"d noticed that same look on her father"s face, even when she hadn"t stumbled over anything, even when nothing had shattered to pieces.
Serenity realized she was squeezing the fashion magazine she"d gotten from Cookie in her hand. She turned from the window, smoothed out the wrinkled pages, and opened the magazine to the page that had captured her attention earlier.
She discovered that a modeling agency was looking for girls between the ages of thirteen and eighteen years old to model the upcoming fashions for spring. Local auditions were going to be held at the Brookridge Mall on the first Sunday in March.
Her heart began to race. That was only three weeks away. This could be her chance to prove everyone wrong, to silence the jokes that Cookie made, and erase the looks of disapproval from her parents" faces. She would do it. She would go down to the mall and audition.
Her only prayer was that her mother would not stand in her way. She looked out the window once more, and the last squirrel was nowhere to be found.
Chapter Twelve.
Tia left the sanctuary quickly after Bible Study was over. Not only was she still agitated with Lorenzo, but she was upset with Serenity for not coming home in time for church.
The frozen snow on the ground crunched and flattened under the weight of her car. She was driving too fast as she approached the sharp corner ahead of her. She put her foot on the brakes, and her car spun halfway around, leaving her facing the opposite direction of traffic. She heard the honking of a car horn as the driver behind her slowly maneuvered his way around her vehicle.
After making sure there were no other cars approaching, Tia put the car in reverse and slowly turned the car back around, being careful not to apply too much pressure to the brakes. It took her almost thirty minutes to get home-longer than she had planned. She was relieved when she finally drove her car into the garage.
After turning off the engine, she picked up her Bible and ran her fingers over the clear rhinestones that decorated the pale pink cover. She sighed, knowing her relief would be short-lived and would be replaced with agitation once she went into the house.
She got out of the car and entered the house through the side door. She walked past Lorenzo who appeared to be sleeping on the couch as Catch came running up to her. She stopped to give the dog several quick pats on the back.
Suddenly, Lorenzo sat up on the couch. "How was church?" he asked.
You"d know how it was if you"d been there. "Fine," she said. "You should have come." He chuckled as he resumed his position on the couch.
Just then, Tia heard Serenity coming down the back stairs. Seconds later, they were face to face.
"Where have you been?" Tia asked sternly.
"I was at Cookie"s house," Serenity answered.
"Didn"t I tell you to be home in time for church?"
Serenity was silent.
"Do you hear me talking to you?"
"Yeah," she answered defiantly.
"And what were you doing at Cookie"s house? Didn"t you tell me you had to go to the library?"
Serenity lowered her head. "Yes."
"So you lied."
"No. I was gonna go, but we changed our mind. I did my research on Cookie"s computer."
"If that"s true," Tia said, "that still doesn"t excuse you from not getting home in time for Bible Study. I"m sick of this mess!" she yelled. "Every time I turn around, it"s one thing or another. You do that again," she said, pointing her finger at Serenity, "and you won"t be going anywhere for the next month!" She moved in closer to Serenity. Her breathing came rapidly. "Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes," Serenity whispered.
"You lucky I don"t whip your b.u.t.t!" Tia said as she stormed upstairs to her bedroom.
Tia slammed the door behind her and sat on the edge of her bed. She stared at the slender bronze cross hanging on the wall in front of her. A pair of hands had been placed together in the center of the cross to represent prayer. A feeling of defeat crept into her soul.
Nothing was going right. Her husband had no desire for her in any capacity, her daughter had resorted to lying to her in order to get out of going to Bible Study, and she was still dealing with this ongoing battle, a struggle between her soul and her flesh. She didn"t want to feel the way she felt about the other man, but it was hard not to when her husband didn"t want anything to do with her physically or in any other way.
She closed her bedroom door and picked up her phone. She entered Scamp"s number into her phone; then changed her mind and quickly disconnected the call. She rubbed her forehead as a scripture from the book of Ecclesiastes came to her mind: "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."
Nothing new. She sighed. The only thing new was the person, time, and place.
She opened her Bible to a random page and started reading. It was a verse from Romans, Chapter 6. "For the wages of sin is death; . . ." She stopped reading. Such a high price to pay for her discontentment.
She flipped through several pages and stopped in the book of 1 Corinthians, Chapter 10. She had highlighted verse 13: "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And G.o.d is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
Hadn"t G.o.d delivered her countless times before?
More turning of the pages landed her on a verse in James, Chapter 4. "Submit yourselves, then, to G.o.d. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
She closed her Bible and looked up at the cross. It seemed as though every scripture she"d randomly chosen had a message pertaining specifically to what she was going through. Then there had been the message she"d heard at church earlier. She knew she needed to submit herself to G.o.d. He was the answer. Not another man. She closed her eyes and lowered her head.
"Father, forgive me of my sins," she whispered. "Purify my heart and renew my spirit." She clasped her hands together. "Give me the strength to resist unG.o.dly temptations, Lord, especially the physical ones.
"Lord, if You will, take all s.e.xual desires away from me . . . at least for a time. At least until You restore Lorenzo back to me," she prayed.
"Strengthen me, Father. Renew a right spirit in me and in Lorenzo. Restore him back to You and to me. Keep Serenity safe from all harm, Father. And please . . . touch her heart so that she might have a desire to know You, Lord."
She paused for a moment. "I need You, Lord." She cried out softly. "I need You. Let Your will be done in me. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen."
She raised her head, wiped the tears from her eyes, and went downstairs to warm up the beef ribs Lorenzo had baked earlier.
It was Thursday morning as Tia entered the small nurse"s lounge at the hospital.
"Looks like somebody had a rough night," Janelle, the third-shift nurse, said as she prepared to give Tia a full report on the sixteen patients she would be caring for.
"I just didn"t sleep well," Tia said. And it was the truth. How could she sleep with all the turmoil going on in her house? She had tossed and turned all night, unsettled by the confrontations she"d had with Lorenzo and Serenity.
Janelle gave her an update on all of the patients she would be caring for except Francis, the patient in room 523 whom she"d just cared for yesterday.
"What about the patient in room 523?" Tia asked pouring herself a cup of coffee. "Franny, I mean Francis Woodard?"
"Oh, the nurse on duty after you left yesterday had to call a code on her," Janelle said nonchalantly. "She"s been transferred to ICU."
"She was just admitted to our floor yesterday in stable condition," Tia said surprised.
"I know," her colleague agreed. "When I got here last night, they told me that the nursing a.s.sistant went in to get her vitals, and she saw her lying in bed with her eyes closed and one hand on top of the phone. The nursing a.s.sistant said she called her name several times, but she was unresponsive. So she got the nurse and they called it."