My question was not by any means a complicated one, but for Obito it seemed as if it conflicted with his very being. Unless I directly read his mind I can"t tell what he is thinking I can only speculate. Again Obito started to shake but not out of fear but because of inner turmoil. He started to hold his head in pain, sweat dripped form his brow profusely. While Obito fought to keep himself together and most likely contemplate questions like "why did my dream disappear? Why did I attack Konoha? Or, would Rin approve of what I am doing?", I expanded my senses to look for Black Zetsu. Like a sonar I emitted waves of energy in the ground where he is most likely hiding. I knew that he wouldn"t let one of his vital p.a.w.ns go unmonitored Obito or Nagato. A few seconds later and I fish out Black Zetsu with a few dozen white ones. I used telekinesis to bring him out. While struggling to break free…
B. Zetsu: How did you find me?
Sage: How does a dog sniff out a t.u.r.d? You were in the ground listening in, didn"t your mother ever taught you to never to easedrop on adult conversations? Oh that"s right, she took a s.h.i.t and here you are.
B. Zetsu: You won"t get to me like you did Obito and Itachi.
Sage: Hahahaha, I don"t give a "you" about you, t.u.r.d. I just need you to call your mom for me so I can be your new daddy.
B. Zetsu: You!!
Sage: (Mockingly) Me!!
B. Zetsu: You are not worthy to talk about her.
Sage: Now who is "she", please tell me before you die.
B. Zetsu: You do not know the ramifications that comes with your words or actions.
Sage: Stop talking "you" and tell me you s.h.i.t stain. Enlighten this unworthy one. Or is it the fact that you haven"t gathered all the Biju yet to call out to mommy?
The expression on his face that I could make out from B. Zetsu was one of shock and worry. I don"t know what can hurt him so while still holding on to B. Zetsu with telekinesis I proceeded to squeeze him.
B. Zetsu: Ugh. You will gain nothing from trying to kill me.
Sage: d.a.m.n, you think I"m only trying? Ok. Let me try something.
With my left hand telekinetically holding on to B. Zetsu I formed a fire ball made of Ki and Chakra in my right hand and slowly dipped B. Zetsu in.
B. Zetsu: What are you doing?
Sage: What is with the r.e.t.a.r.ded questions? (In an Australian accent) I"m putting shrimp on the barbie mate. (In my regular voice). I want you to tell Obito what your real plan is.
B. Zetsu: You think a little fire will do anything to me? I am a being on higher plane.
Sage: I guess the s.h.i.t of a so called G.o.d is holy s.h.i.t but, have you ever felt the heat of a star before? The stars you see in s.p.a.ce are on a different level than the fire we use. Heat thousands of times higher. See, my flame is based on killing higher beings, since you are just your moms" queef you think you or her could withstand this flame?
The moment B. Zetsu touched the flame he felt the difference. Screams of agony escaped his mouth. The stench was revolting. If I could describe it, it would be that a baby was somehow force fed Indian food, pooed it out in the diaper and it was lit on fire. I can only a.s.sume I burned his feet first but because he is some blob s.h.i.t looking thing I"m just burning from the end that doesn"t talk.
Sage: I"m hearing screams and see some of your body disappearing. (In a condescending tone that one uses to talk to babies). Did this mere mortal hurt you?
B. Zetsu: b.a.s.t.a.r.d!! When mother becomes free I will personally make sure she kills you!
Sage: First of all, how old are you to cry to mommy? Second, who is your mother?
B. Zetsu: My mother Kaguya is the Zenno no Kami (mother of all chakra) and she will be revived to reclaim what belongs to her.
Sage: And? What would that be?
B. Zetsu: All the chakra in the world belongs to her.
Sage: You are still not gonna tell Obito the truth huh? Oh well. Once you die your mom won"t be revived so, bye.
B. Zetsu: I can"t die, I can"t die. If I tell the plan will you let me go?
Sage: Since I can kill you at any time, sure, why not?
B. Zetsu: With the Rinnegan and the chakra from the Biju, the Jyuubi will be revived and my mother with it as well.
Sage: Don"t forget about the sacrificing of the one who possesses both.
Obito heard it all and finally snapped out of his mental struggle. While looking at B. Zetsu…
Obito: So Madara"s big plan for true peace was your plan to revive your mother? WHAT THE f.u.c.k HAVE I BEEN DOING?!
Again with the head holding. Thanks to Kushina I"ve learned many different kinds of seals, I put out the fire ball and stuffed B. Zetsu in a small bottle. I sealed B. Zetsu and put him away. I approached Obito who, once again, had his world turned upside down.
Sage: So what are your plans, now that you know your plan is bulls.h.i.t?
Obito looked even more lost than before. I got bored quickly of how easily Obito breaks down. I knocked out Obito and took him with me to Konoha. While there I told Minato what happened and what is currently happening. I gave him Obito and told him to seal his chakra before he wakes up.
Minato: Sage-kun please go back and help the others.
Sage: Sure, but if I help it"s going to be quick so I will only jump in if they are in life threatening danger. How else will they grow without adversity?
Minato: Thank you.
I returned back to the sand but only to catch the end of their fights. Sakura, Hinata, Ino and old lady Chiyo killed Sasori but, how can they not when I smashed the dummies before they fought? Thanks to Chiyo-ba, the girls had little to no injuries and thanks to the anitdotes the poison was ineffective. Deidara was a bigger pain to deal with because of his explosive clay in the end he was still subdued. Since Sasuke insisted on fighting Itachi by himself and Itachi finally changed his mind, by the looks of it they kind of reconciled. Not enough to completely forgive but not enough to kill him for it. It seems that Itachi told him the truth while fighting minimally so their conclusion was not as dramatic as in the original. Gaara"s body was discovered and revived thanks to Chiyo-ba. We took Itachi and Deidara back with us to Konoha. Naruto and the others grew in experience, Sasuke kind of gained his brother back, Kakashi got his old friend back and we have a bargaining chip with Iwagakure. Not a bad mission. Now to go home, shower, go to Kirigakure, bang Mei and call it a night.