"G.o.ddammit! I told you to break all connections."
"Sorry, sir. I left the time and position channel on."
"s.h.i.t." I clicked open the voice line. "McCarthy here."
A familiar voice-very familiar-and very official sounding. "Captain, do you recognize my voice?"
"Yes, ma"am."
"Scramble this line immediately."
The bottom of my stomach fell away, but my hand reached out to the keyboard and tapped the scramble b.u.t.ton.
Lizard"s voice cut angrily into my ears. "All right, what the h.e.l.l is going on?"
"Nothing"s going on."
"The h.e.l.l you say. I just got my ears roasted by Dr. Zymph. nfter she calmed down, she was only furious. Apparently, you"re sitting on top of a major anomaly and you"ve cut the uplink."
"Security," I said.
"Bulls.h.i.t."
"Okay, try this. Article Twenty-Twenty. I"m putting on an iron cap."
"All right, all right, all right-" she said hastily. "Wait a minute. Let"s start over. I know you"re angry-"
"Don"t handle me."
"Shut up and listen, that"s an order. I know you"re angry at me-"
"No, actually, I"m not. I love you."
"-but this is a mistake. What did you say?"
I repeated it very slowly. "I. Love. You."
"That"s another discussion."
"I just wanted you to know that."
"Stop trying to distract me."
"I"m not trying to distract you. I just have a different set of priorities here."
She sighed. Loudly. She took another breath. I could picture her deliberately composing herself before continuing. I could see it as clearly as if I were sitting across from her. First, she"d smile just a hint. And she"d flush just a little bit. Then, embarra.s.sed for allowing even that much personal sentiment to pull her off purpose, she"d cover it by brushing her hair back, as if in annoyance-but really, she"d be cherishing the moment. She had the softest, reddest hair in the world-then she"d give her head a quick shake as if to empty it of all superfluous thoughts, and then she"d refocus her expression as she got clear about her purpose again. And when she was ready, her voice would be smooth and controlled.
I was right. Lizard"s tone was gently velvet when she resumed. "Okay, what"s going on?"
"I called for a.s.sistance and was denied. Specialist First Cla.s.s Martha Dozier refused to put me through to Dr. Zymph. Instead, she connected me to a Dr.
Marietta Shreiber in Oakland. Dr. Shreiber wouldn"t say so in so many words, but she gave me the very distinct impression that I am out here alone; that no backup at all is available to me. Apparently, since that little mixup with Major Bellus, somebody has decided that I"m not a very good team player, so the team is going to play without me, and I can sit out here and play with myself."
"I see," she said.
"I"m being set up to take a fall, Lizard. If anything goes wrong out here, I"m the one whose pants are down around his ankles. I have the right to a security blanket."
"I appreciate the visual imagery of your language," she said, dispa.s.sionately. "But your metaphors are starting to... um, get personal." After a momentary hesitation, she added, "If you really think that"s the situation, Jim, then you"re better off operating in public. So everybody can see how carefully you go." "No, I don"t think so."
"Reopen the channels, Jim."
"I can"t do that."
"That"s an order, Captain."
"And under Article Twenty, Section Twenty, I have the authority to refuse that order. We"ve got something out here, something big. I don"t know how big or how important, but n.o.body"s ever seen anything like this before. Maybe it"s the next phase of the infestation, maybe it isn"t, but whatever it is, it"s mine. I didn"t cut the channel. Somebody above me did. I"m just making it real."
"Jim-"
"Lizard, listen to me. I called for backup. It was denied."
"You"ll have backup. I"ll see to it."
"Not good enough."
"Say again?"
"I said, that"s not good enough. Backup was denied me."
"I said I"d restore it."
"You don"t understand. I should be able to expect immediate a.s.sistance as a matter of course, without regard to rank or politics. This arbitrary withholding of support demonstrates that support can be withdrawn without reason at any time.
Therefore I can"t depend on it. Therefore I"m out here alone. So why the h.e.l.l should I give the home office or anyone else a free ride on my ticket?"
"You"re not out there alone. I"m here."
"That"s the part that"s not good enough," I said, hating myself for saying it even as the words fell out of my mouth. "Am I going lo have to call on you every time I need a.s.sistance in the future? If you have to keep stepping in on my behalf, that weakens both of us. I need to be able to depend on the whole chain of command."
There was silence on the line for a long moment. I could hear her breathing, but I couldn"t hear what she was thinking. I knew she understood my reasoning.
"I promised Dr. Zymph that you"d reopen the channel," she admitted at last.
"You aren"t in a position to make that promise," I replied.
"I thought-" she began, and then stopped.
"That"s right," I said. "You thought that our relationship meant something. And it does. But it doesn"t outrank the normal chain of command in an operation. You taught me that."
After a much longer hesitation, she said very softly, "You"re right. I wasn"t thinking. I let Dr. Zymph"s anger stampede my actions."
It was a major admission on her part. I knew what she must have been through.
Dr. Zymph had as much charm as a bulldozer. I felt sorry to be the cause of it, but I couldn"t back down. Not on this.
Nevertheless, I softened my tone. I made my voice as dispa.s.sionate as possible.
What I had to say was important, too important to be overwhelmed by the emotions of the moment. "As near as I can tell, one of Dr. Zymph"s officers accepted an order from an outside authority. That compromises the whole chain of command. Not only is the integrity of the support system called into question; the trust that the field units have to have in it has been destroyed. It"s not your place to reestablish the channel, Lizard-or mine."
"Jim, you"re making too much of this. It was a spiteful act, a petty one, yes, but it was aimed at you only-"
"That"s my point exactly. Science Section has a basic responsibility to provide unconditional support. If somebody can cut me off like this, just because I"m unpopular or because I"m politically incorrect, then they can do it to anyone for any reason. That"s a violation of the basic charter. An essential relationship has been intolerably damaged here. And I don"t know if it can be restored."
I thought for a moment, then I added, "Personally, I think reprimands are in order.
Personally, I think Randy Dannenfelser needs his a.s.s kicked so high, he"ll have to s.h.i.t through his ears. Personally, I"m so f.u.c.king angry that I"m about this close to turning in my resignation to you."
"Frankly," said Lizard, "I"m about this close to accepting it."
That stopped me. That hurt. But I said, "If you want it-if you think it"s appropriate-then you"ve got it. I"ll pull the prowler out and we"ll call for pickup right now."
She didn"t answer. It was her turn to be stopped.
This conversation hurt. It was not the conversation I wanted to have with her.
"No," she said, finally. "Don"t do that. Finish the mission." Her tone was odd, but I understood what she wasn"t saying aloud: We don"t know what"s at the bottom of that hole. It might be important. We"ll have the rest of this argument when you get home.
"You can count on that. There"s something big under those trees-and I"m going to find out what it is."
"I suppose there"s nothing I can say that will convince you to reestablish the uplink."
"I don"t think so," I said.
"Not even the fact that I"m worried about you?"
"You play dirty, lady."
"I have that kind of mind."
"I"ve always liked your dirty mind."
"Jim, please-"
"Sorry."
"You know, you"re putting me in a very difficult situation. Politically, I mean."
"I know. I"m sorry."
"No. I don"t think you do know. Dr. Zymph is in a very difficult position. A lot of the cooperation she gets from the military is dependent on the good will of General Wainright. And Randy Dannenfelser is the channel through which most of this gets handled-"
"That still doesn"t give him the right to put me in a situation where I and my troops might be killed-"
"No, it doesn"t. And I promise you, I"ll raise this issue where it needs to be raised; if necessary, with the Commander-in-Chief. But in the meantime-"
"In the meantime, bend over and smile, right?"
"I wish you wouldn"t put it that way."
"I"m sorry," I said. "If Dr. Zymph wants to phone me as a civilian, I"ll be glad to chat with her. I"ll even send her everything she"s cla.s.sified to receive as a civilian. But none of this information is going to be made available through the military channels, at least not by me, not until I can depend on unconditional backup."
"Jim, listen to me. If you reopen the channel now, you"ll have won, you"ll have made your point. And I can make a stink where it counts."
"Uh-uh. If I reopen the channel now, everyone will know that I backed down because you asked me to. And if you raise a stink, it"ll be seen as mommy protecting her little boy again. I can"t reopen the channel."
"I"m sorry you feel that way."
I shrugged. "I"m sorry too. But I don"t see what else I can do."
Lizard thought for a moment. "Would you accept an apology from Dr. Shreiber?
Or even from Dr. Zymph." She was still trying to find a way out of this dilemma.
"Dr. Shreiber obeyed an order that was totally out of line. She should have told Dannenfelser to go f.u.c.k himself, but she didn"t. And even if she apologizes now, the damage is still done. Besides, she can"t apologize without admitting she made a grievous error; They"d pull her certification. Be real. She can"t do that. She"s safer going with the program."
"Dr. Shreiber is one of Dr. Zymph"s most trusted a.s.sistants. She knows what"s at stake. If Dr. Zymph asked her-"
"No. Even if she did, it still wouldn"t work." I shook my head angrily. "It won"t work, Lizard. Because it wasn"t Dr. Shreiber"s decision to cut me off, or Dr.
Zymph"s. That came from higher up. Uh-uh. The integrity of the whole support policy has to be reaffirmed now; not just for me, but for every poor dumb schmuck out here on the end of a phone line. I"m really sorry, sweetheart, but I have to take this stand."
Lizard didn"t answer immediately. The silence stretched out so long that I began to wonder if she"d broken the connection. "Lizard?"
"I"m still here."
"Nothing to say?"
She sighed in slow exasperation. "This is going to make things a lot worse for you, Jim."
"I can handle it if you can."
"That"s the problem. I"m not so sure I can."
"Say again?"
"This is about you now, not us. I won"t go down with you."
"I see," I said.