"But I hope, Mr. Sandford, you will permit _me_ to know?" said Miss Milner. For as she now meant to torment him by what she said, she no longer constrained herself to silence--and as he harboured the same kind intention towards her, he had no longer any objection to make a reply, and therefore answered,
"No, madam, if it depended upon my permission, you should _not_ know."
"Not _any thing_, Sir, I dare say; you would keep me in utter ignorance."
"I would."
"From a self-interested motive, Mr. Sandford--that I might have a greater respect for you."
Some of the company laughed--Mrs. Horton coughed--Miss Woodley blushed--Lord Elmwood sneered--Dorriforth frowned--and Miss Fenton looked just as she did before.
The conversation was changed as soon as possible, and early in the evening the party from Milner Lodge returned home.
Miss Milner had scarce left her dressing room, where she had been taking off some part of her dress, when Dorriforth"s servant came to acquaint her that his master was alone in his study, and begged to speak with her. She felt herself tremble--she immediately experienced a consciousness that she had not acted properly at Lord Elmwood"s; for she felt a presentiment that her guardian was going to upbraid her, and her heart whispered that he had never yet reproached her without a cause.
Miss Woodley just then entered her apartment, and she found herself so much a coward, as to propose that she should go with her, and aid her with a word or two occasionally in her excuse.
"What you, my dear," returned Miss Woodley, "who not three hours ago had the courage to vindicate your own cause before a whole company, of whom many were your adversaries; do _you_ want an advocate before your guardian alone, who has ever treated you with tenderness?"
"It is that very tenderness which frightens me; which intimidates, and strikes me dumb. Is it possible I can return impertinence to the language and manners which Mr. Dorriforth uses? and as I am debarred from that resource, what can I do but stand before him like a guilty creature, acknowledging my faults."
She again entreated her friend to go with her; but on a positive refusal, from the impropriety of such an intrusion, she was obliged at length to go by herself.
How much does the difference of exterior circ.u.mstances influence not only the manners, but even the persons of some people! Miss Milner in Lord Elmwood"s drawing room, surrounded by listeners, by admirers, (for even her enemies could not look at her without admiration) animated with approbation and applause--and Miss Milner, with no giddy observer to give her actions a false eclat, dest.i.tute of all but her own understanding, (which secretly condemns her) upon the point of receiving censure from her guardian and friend, are two different beings. Though still beautiful beyond description, she does not look even in person the same.
In the last-mentioned situation, she was shorter in stature than in the former--she was paler--she was thinner--and a very different contour presided over her whole air, and all her features.
When she arrived at the door of the study, she opened it with a trepidation she could hardly account for, and entered to Dorriforth the altered woman she has been represented. His heart had taken the most decided part against her, and his face had a.s.sumed the most severe aspect of reproach; but her appearance gave an instantaneous change to his whole mind, and countenance.
She halted, as if she feared to approach--he hesitated, as if he knew not how to speak. Instead of the anger with which he was prepared to begin, his voice involuntarily softened, and without knowing what he said, he began,
"My dear Miss Milner."--
She expected he was angry, and in her confusion his gentleness was lost upon her. She imagined that what he said might be censure, and she continued to tremble, though he repeatedly a.s.sured her, that he meant only to advise, not upbraid her.
"For as to all those little disputes between Mr. Sandford and you," said he, "I should be partial if I blamed you more than him--indeed, when you take the liberty to condemn him, his character makes the freedom appear in a more serious light than when he complains of you--and yet, if he provokes your retorts, he alone must answer for them; nor will I undertake to decide betwixt you. But I have a question to ask you, and to which I require a serious and unequivocal answer. Do you expect Lord Frederick in the country?"
Without hesitation she replied, "I do."
"One more question I have to ask, madam, and to which I expect a reply equally unreserved. Is Lord Frederick the man you approve for your husband?"
Upon this close interrogation she discovered an embarra.s.sment, beyond any she had ever yet betrayed, and faintly replied,
"No, he is not."
"Your words tell me one thing," answered Dorriforth, "but your looks declare another--which am I to believe?"
"Which you please," was her answer, while she discovered an insulted dignity, that astonished, without convincing him.
"But then why encourage him to follow you hither, Miss Milner?"
"Why commit a thousand follies (she replied in tears) every hour of my life?"
"You then promote the hopes of Lord Frederick without one serious intention of completing them? This is a conduct against which it is my duty to guard you, and you shall no longer deceive either him or yourself. The moment he arrives, it is my resolution that you refuse to see him, or consent to become his wife."
In answer to the alternative thus offered, she appeared averse to both propositions; and yet came to no explanation why; but left her guardian at the end of the conference as much at a loss to decide upon her true sentiments, as he was before he had thus seriously requested he might be informed of them; but having stedfastly taken the resolution which he had just communicated, he found that resolution a certain relief to his mind.
CHAPTER XII.
Sir Edward Ashton, though not invited by Miss Milner, yet frequently did himself the honour to visit her at her house; sometimes he accompanied Lord Elmwood, at other times he came to see Dorriforth alone, who generally introduced him to the ladies. But Sir Edward was either so unwilling to give pain to the object of his love, or so intimidated by her frowns, that he seldom addressed her with a single word, except the usual compliments at entering, and retiring. This apprehension of offending, without one hope of pleasing, had the most awkward effect upon the manners of the worthy Baronet; and his endeavours to insinuate himself into the affections of the woman he loved, merely by not giving her offence either in speaking to her or looking at her, formed a character so whimsical, that it frequently forced a smile from Miss Milner, though his very name had often power to throw a gloom over her face: she looked upon him as the cause of her being hurried to the election of a lover, before her own mind could well direct her where to fix. Besides, his pursuit was troublesome, while it was no triumph to her vanity, which by the addresses of Lord Frederick, was in the highest manner gratified.
His Lordship now arrives in the country, and calls one morning at Miss Milner"s; her guardian sees his carriage coming up the avenue, and gives orders to the servants, to say their lady is not at home, but that Mr.
Dorriforth is: Lord Frederick leaves his compliments and goes away.
The ladies all observed his carriage and servants. Miss Milner flew to her gla.s.s, adjusted her dress, and in her looks expressed every sign of palpitation--but in vain she keeps her eye fixed upon the door of the apartment; no Lord Frederick appears.
After some minutes of expectation, the door opens and her guardian comes in;--she was disappointed; he perceived that she was, and he looked at her with a most serious face;--she immediately called to mind the a.s.surance he had given her, "That her acquaintance with Lord Frederick in its then improper state should not continue," and between chagrin and confusion, she was at a loss how to behave.
Though the ladies were all present, Dorriforth said, without the smallest reserve, "Perhaps, Miss Milner, you may think I have taken an unwarrantable liberty, in giving orders to your servants to deny you to Lord Frederick; but until his Lordship and I have had a private conference, or you condescend to declare your sentiments more fully in regard to his visits, I think it my duty to put an end to them."
"You will always perform your duty, Mr. Dorriforth, I have no doubt, whether I concur or not."
"Yet believe me, madam, I should perform it more cheerfully, if I could hope that it was sanctioned by your inclinations."
"I am not mistress of my inclinations, Sir, or they should conform to yours."
"Place them under my direction, and I will answer for it they will."
A servant came in--"Lord Frederick is returned, Sir, and says he should be glad to see you."
"Shew him into the study," cried Dorriforth hastily, and rising from his chair, left the room.
"I hope they won"t quarrel," said Mrs. Horton, meaning, that she thought they would.
"I am sorry to see you so uneasy, Miss Milner," said Miss Fenton, with perfect unconcern.
As the badness of the weather had prevented their usual morning"s exercise, the ladies were employed at their needles till the dinner bell called them away. "Do you think Lord Frederick is gone?" then whispered Miss Milner to Miss Woodley.--"I think not," she replied.--"Go ask of the servants, dear creature." And Miss Woodley went out of the room. She soon returned and said, apart, "He is now getting into his chariot; I saw him pa.s.s in violent haste through the hall; he seemed to fly."
"Ladies, the dinner is waiting," cried Mrs. Horton, and they repaired to the dining room, where Dorriforth soon after came, and engrossed their whole attention by his disturbed looks, and unusual silence. Before dinner was over, he was, however, more himself, but still he appeared thoughtful and dissatisfied. At the time of their evening walk he excused himself from accompanying them, and they saw him in a distant field with Mr. Sandford in earnest conversation; for Sandford and he often stopped on one spot for a quarter of an hour, as if the interest of the subject had so engaged them, they stood still without knowing it.
Lord Elmwood, who had joined the ladies, walked home with them; Dorriforth entered soon after, in a much less gloomy humour than when he went out, and told his relation, that he and the ladies would dine with him the next day if he was disengaged; and it was agreed they should.
Still Dorriforth was in some perturbation, but the immediate cause was concealed till the day following, when, about an hour before the company"s departure from the Castle, Miss Milner and Miss Woodley were desired, by a servant, to walk into a separate apartment, in which they found Mr. Dorriforth with Mr. Sandford waiting for them. Her guardian made an apology to Miss Milner for the form, the ceremony, of which he was going to make use; but he trusted, the extreme weight which oppressed his mind, lest he should mistake the real sentiments of a person whose happiness depended upon his correct knowledge of them, would plead his excuse.
"I know, Miss Milner," continued he, "the world in general allows to unmarried women great lat.i.tude in disguising their mind with respect to the man they love. I too, am willing to pardon any little dissimulation that is but consistent with a modesty that becomes every woman upon the subject of marriage. But here, to what point I may limit, or you may extend, this kind of venial deceit, may so widely differ, that it is not impossible for me to remain unacquainted with your sentiments, even after you have revealed them to me. Under this consideration, I wish once more to hear your thoughts in regard to matrimony, and to hear them before one of your own s.e.x, that I may form an opinion by her constructions."
To all this serious oration, Miss Milner made no other reply than by turning to Mr. Sandford, and asking, "If he was the person of her own s.e.x, to whose judgment her guardian was to submit his own?"