"But if you should be disappointed, and he should _not_ make the sacrifice?" said Miss Woodley.
"Then I have only lost a man who had no regard for me."
"He may have a great regard for you, notwithstanding."
"But for the love I have felt, and do still feel, for my Lord Elmwood, I will have something more than a _great regard_ in return."
"You have his love, I am sure."
"But is it such as mine? _I_ could love _him_ if he had a thousand faults. And yet," said she, recollecting herself, "and yet, I believe his being faultless, was the first cause of my pa.s.sion."
Thus she talked on--sometimes in anger, sometimes apparently jesting--till her servant came to let her know the dinner was served. Upon entering the dining-room, and seeing Lord Elmwood"s place at table vacant, she started back. She was disappointed of the pleasure she expected in dining with him; and his sudden absence, so immediately after the intelligence that she had received from Miss Woodley, increased her uneasiness. She drew her chair, and sat down with an indifference, that said she should not eat; and as soon as she was seated, she put her fingers sullenly to her lips, nor touched her knife and fork, nor spoke a word in reply to any thing that was said to her during the whole dinner. Miss Woodley and Mrs. Horton were both too well acquainted with the good disposition of her heart, to take offence, or appear to notice this behaviour. They dined, and said nothing either to provoke or sooth her. Just as the dinner was going to be removed, a loud rap came at the door--"Who is that?" said Mrs. Horton. One of the servants went to the window, and answered, "My Lord and Mr. Sandford, Madam."
"Come back to dinner as I live," cried Mrs. Horton.
Miss Milner continued her position and said nothing--but at the corners of her mouth, which her fingers did not entirely cover, there were discoverable, a thousand dimpled graces like small convulsive fibres, which a restrained smile upon Lord Elmwood"s return, had sent there.
Lord Elmwood and Sandford entered.
"I am glad you are returned, my Lord," said Mrs. Horton, "for Miss Milner would not eat a morsel."
"It was only because I had no appet.i.te," returned she, blushing like crimson.
"We should not have come back," said Sandford, "but at the place where we went to dine, all the rooms were filled with company."
Lord Elmwood put the wing of a fowl on Miss Milner"s plate, but without previously asking if she chose any; yet she condescended to eat--they spoke to each other too in the course of conversation, but it was with a reserve that appeared as if they had been quarrelling, and felt so to themselves, though no such circ.u.mstance had happened.
Two weeks pa.s.sed away in this kind of distant behaviour on both sides, without either of them venturing a direct quarrel, and without either of them expressing (except inadvertently) their strong affection for each other.
During this time they were once, however, very near becoming the dearest friends in expression, as well as in sentiment. This arose from a favour that he had granted in compliance with her desire, though that desire had not been urged, but merely insinuated; and as it was a favour which he had refused to the repeated requests of many of his friends, the value of the obligation was heightened.
She and Miss Woodley had taken an airing to see the poor child, young Rushbrook. Lord Elmwood inquiring of the ladies how they had pa.s.sed their morning, Miss Milner frankly told him; and added, "What pain it gave her to leave the child behind, as he had again cried to come away with her."
"Go for him then to-morrow," said Lord Elmwood, "and bring him home."
"Home!" she repeated, with surprise.
"Yes," replied he, "if you desire it, this shall be his home--you shall be a mother, and I will, henceforward, be a father to him."
Sandford, who was present, looked unusually sour at this high token of regard for Miss Milner; yet, with resentment on his face, he wiped a tear of joy from his eye, for the boy"s sake--his frown was the force of prejudice, his tear the force of nature.
Rushbrook was brought home; and whenever Lord Elmwood wished to shew a kindness to Miss Milner, without directing it immediately to her, he took his nephew upon his knee, talked to him, and told him, he "Was glad they had become acquainted."
In the various, though delicate, struggles for power between Miss Milner and her guardian, there was not one person a witness to these incidents, who did not suppose, that all would at last end in wedlock--for the most common observer perceived, that ardent love was the foundation of every discontent, as well as of every joy they experienced. One great incident, however, totally reversed the hope of all future accommodation.
The fashionable Mrs. G---- gave a masked ball; tickets were presented to persons of quality and fashion; among the rest, three were sent to Miss Milner. She had never been at a masquerade, and received them with ecstasy--the more especially, as the masque being at the house of a woman of fashion, she did not conceive there could be any objection to her going. She was mistaken--the moment she mentioned it to Lord Elmwood, he desired her, somewhat sternly, "Not to think of being there." She was vexed at the prohibition, but more at the manner in which it was delivered, and boldly said, "That she should certainly go."
She expected a rebuke for this, but what alarmed her much more, he said not a word; but looked with a resignation, which foreboded her sorrow greater than the severest reproaches would have done. She sat for a minute, reflecting how to rouse him from this composure--she first thought of attacking him with upbraidings; then she thought of soothing him; and at last of laughing at him. This was the most dangerous of all, and yet, this she ventured upon.
"I am sure your Lordship," said she, "with all your saintliness, can have no objection to my being present at the masquerade, if I go as a Nun."
He made no reply.
"That is a habit," continued she, "which covers a mult.i.tude of faults--and, for that evening, I may have the chance of making a conquest even of you--nay, I question not, if under that inviting attire, even the pious Mr. Sandford would not ogle me."
"Hush!" said Miss Woodley.
"Why hush?" cried Miss Milner, aloud, though Miss Woodley had spoken in a whisper, "I am sure," continued she, "I am only repeating what I have read in books about nuns and their confessors."
"Your conduct, Miss Milner," replied Lord Elmwood "gives evident proofs of the authors you have read; you may spare yourself the trouble of quoting them."
Her pride was hurt at this, beyond bearing; and as she could not, like him, govern her anger, it flushed in her face, and almost forced her into tears.
"My Lord," said Miss Woodley, (in a tone so soft and peaceful, that it should have calmed the resentment of both,) "my Lord, suppose you were to accompany Miss Milner? there are tickets for three, and you can then have no objection."
Miss Milner"s brow was immediately smoothed; and she fetched a sigh, in anxious expectation that he would consent.
"I go, Miss Woodley?" he replied, with astonishment, "Do you imagine I would play the buffoon at a masquerade?"
Miss Milner"s face changed into its former state.
"I have seen grave characters there, my Lord," said Miss Woodley.
"Dear Miss Woodley," cried Miss Milner, "why persuade Lord Elmwood to put on a mask, just at the time he has laid it aside?"
His patience was now tempted to its height, and he answered, "If you suspect me of inconsistency, Madam, you shall find me changed."
Pleased that she had been able at last to irritate him, she smiled with a degree of triumph, and in that humour was going to reply; but before she could speak four words, and before she thought of it, he abruptly left the room.
She was highly offended at this insult, and declared, "From that moment she banished him from her heart for ever." And to prove that she set his love and his anger at equal defiance, she immediately ordered her carriage, and said, she "Was going to some of her acquaintance, whom she knew to have tickets, and with whom she would fix upon the habit she was to appear in at the masquerade; for nothing, unless she was locked up, should alter the resolution she had formed, of being there." To remonstrate at that moment, Miss Woodley knew would be in vain--her coach came to the door, and she drove away.
She did not return to dinner, nor till it was late in the evening; Lord Elmwood was at home, but he never once mentioned her name.
She came home, after he had retired, in great spirits; and then, for the first time, in her whole life, appeared careless what he might think of her behaviour:--but her whole thoughts were occupied upon the business which had employed the chief of her day; and her dress engrossed all her conversation, as soon as Miss Woodley and she were alone. She told her, she had been shewn the greatest variety of beautiful and becoming dresses she had ever beheld; "and yet," said she, "I have at last fixed upon a very plain one; but one I look so well in, that you will hardly know me, when I have it on."
"You are seriously then resolved to go," said Miss Woodley, "if you hear no more on the subject from your guardian?"
"Whether I do hear or not, Miss Woodley, I am equally resolved to go."
"But you know, my dear, he has desired you not--and you used always to obey his commands."
"As my guardian, I certainly did obey him; and I could obey him as a husband; but as a lover, I will not."
"Yet that is the way never to have him for a husband."
"As he pleases--for if he will not submit to be my lover, I will not submit to be his wife--nor has he the affection that I require in a husband."
Thus the old sentiments, repeated again and again, prevented a separation till towards morning.