Sandford, on his part, behaved just the same as ever; and to show he did not wish to remind Rushbrook of what he had done, he was just as uncivil as ever.
Among other things, he said, "He did not know Lord Elmwood dined from home, for if he had, he should have dined in his own apartment."
Rushbrook was still more obliged to him for all this; and the weight of obligations with which he was oppressed, made him long for an opportunity to relieve himself by expressions. As soon, therefore, as the servants were all withdrawn, he began:
"Mr. Sandford, whatever has been your opinion of _me_, I take pride to myself, that in my sentiments towards _you_, I have always distinguished you for that humane, disinterested character, you have this day proved."
"Humane, and disinterested," replied Sandford, "are flattering epithets indeed, for an old man going out of the world, and who can have no temptation to be otherwise."
"Then suffer me to call your actions generous and compa.s.sionate, for they have saved me----"
"I know, young man," cried Sandford, interrupting him, "you are glad at what I have done, and that you find a gratification in telling me you are; but it is a gratification I will not indulge you with--therefore, say another sentence on the subject, and" (rising from his seat) "I"ll leave the room, and never come into your company again, whatever your uncle may say to it."
Rushbrook saw by the solemnity of his countenance, he was serious, and positively a.s.sured him he would never thank him more: on which Sandford took his seat again, but he still frowned, and it was many minutes before he conquered his ill humour. As his countenance became less sour, Rushbrook fell from some general topics he had eagerly started in order to appease him, and said,
"How hard is it to restrain conversation from the subject of our thoughts; and yet amidst our dearest friends, and among persons who have the same dispositions and sentiments as our own, their minds, too, fixed upon the self-same objects, is this constraint practised--and thus, society, which was meant for one of our greatest blessings, becomes insipid, nay, often more wearisome than solitude."
"I think, young man," replied Sandford, "you have made pretty free with your speech to-day, and ought not to complain of the want of toleration on that score."
"I do complain;" replied Rushbrook, "for if toleration was more frequent, the favour of obtaining it would be less."
"And your pride, I suppose, is above receiving a favour."
"Never from those I esteem; and to convince you of it, I wish this moment to request a favour of you."
"I dare say I shall refuse it. However what is it?"
"Permit me to speak to you upon the subject of Lady Matilda?"
Sandford made no answer, consequently did not forbid him--and he proceeded.
"For her sake--as I suppose Lord Elmwood may have told you--I this morning rashly threw myself into the predicament from whence you released me--for her sake, I have suffered much--for her sake I have hazarded a great deal, and am still ready to hazard more."
"But for your own sake, do not," returned Sandford, drily.
"You may laugh at these sentiments as romantic, Mr. Sandford, but if they are, to me they are nevertheless natural."
"But of what service are they to be either to her, or to yourself?"
"To me they are painful, and to her would be but impertinent, were she to know them."
"I shan"t inform her of them, so do not trouble yourself to caution me against it."
"I was not going--you know I was not--but I was going to say, that from no one so well as from you, could she be told my sentiments, without the danger of receiving offence."
"And what impression do you wish to give her, from her becoming acquainted with them?"
"The impression, that she has one sincere friend: that upon every occurrence in life, there is a heart so devoted to all she feels, that she never can suffer without the sympathy of another: or can ever command him, and all his fortunes to unite for her welfare, without his ready, his immediate compliance."
"And do you imagine, that any of your professions, or any of her necessities, would ever prevail upon her to put you to the trial?"
"Perhaps not."
"What, then, are the motives which induce you to wish her to be told of this?"
Rushbrook paused.
"Do you think," continued Sandford, "the intelligence will give her any satisfaction?"
"Perhaps not."
"Will it be of any to yourself?"
"The highest in the world."
"And so all you have been urging upon this occasion, is, at last, only to please yourself."
"You wrong my meaning--it is her merit which inspires me with the desire of being known to her--it is her sufferings, her innocence, her beauty----"
Sandford stared--Rushbrook proceeded: "It is her----"
"Nay, stop where you are," cried Sandford; "you are arrived at the zenith of perfection in a woman, and to add one qualification more, would be an anti-climax."
"Oh!" cried Rushbrook with warmth, "I loved her, before I ever beheld her."
"Loved her!" cried Sandford, with astonishment, "You are talking of what you did not intend."
"I am, indeed:" returned he in confusion, "I fell by accident on the word love."
"And by the same accident stumbled on the word beauty; and thus by accident, am I come to the truth of all your professions."
Rushbrook knew that he loved; and though his affection had sprung from the most laudable motives, yet was he ashamed of it, as of a vice--he rose, he walked about the room, and he did not look Sandford in the face for a quarter of an hour: Sandford, satisfied that he had judged rightly, and yet unwilling to be too hard upon a pa.s.sion, which he readily believed must have had many n.o.ble virtues for its foundation, now got up and went away, without saying a word in censure, though not a word in approbation.
It was in the month of October, and just dark, at the time Rushbrook was left alone, yet in the agitation of his mind, arising from the subject on which he had been talking, he found it impossible to remain in the house, and therefore walked into the fields; but there was another instigation, more powerful than the necessity of walking--it was the allurement of pa.s.sing along that path where he had last seen Lady Matilda, and where, for the only time, she had condescended to speak to him divested of haughtiness; and with a gentleness that dwelt upon his memory beyond all her other endowments.
Here, he retraced his own steps repeatedly, his whole imagination engrossed with her idea, till the sound of her father"s carriage returning from his visit, roused him from the delusion of his trance, to the dread of the confusion and embarra.s.sment he should endure, on next meeting him. He hoped Sandford might be present, and yet he was now, almost as much ashamed of seeing him, as his uncle, whom he had so lately offended.
Loath to leave the spot where he was, as to enter the house, he remained there, till he considered it would be ill manners, in his present humiliated situation, not to show himself at the usual supper hour, which was immediately.
As he laid his hand upon the door of the apartment to open it, he was sorry to hear by Lord Elmwood"s voice, he was in the room before him; for there was something much more conspicuously distressing, in entering where he already was, than had his uncle come in after him. He found himself, however, re-a.s.sured, by overhearing the Earl laugh and speak in a tone expressive of the utmost good humour to Sandford, who was with him.
Yet again, he felt all the awkwardness of his own situation; but making one courageous effort, opened the door and entered. Lord Elmwood had been away half the day, had dined abroad, and it was necessary to take some notice of his return; Rushbrook, therefore, bowed humbly, and what was more to his advantage, he looked humbly. His uncle made a slight return to the salutation, but continued the recital he had begun to Sandford; then sat down to the supper table--supped--and pa.s.sed the whole evening without saying a syllable, or even casting a look, in remembrance of what had pa.s.sed in the morning. Or if there was any token, that shewed he remembered the circ.u.mstance at all, it was the putting his gla.s.s to his nephew"s, when Rushbrook called for wine, and drinking at the time he did.
CHAPTER V.