He had been wildly unrealistic. There was no way he could do small talk with all these people, let alone stand up in front of them and give a speech.
He did not want to embarra.s.s Katie.
It was obvious that he could not go to her wedding.
100.
Jean had been wrong about Ray. about Ray.
Within an hour of his arrival everything was back on track. Katie had been sent into town. A man was coming to fix the toilet and Eileen and Ronnie had been sent to pick up the flowers with their blessed dog in tow.
And, strangely, he did seem to have control over the weather. She was making him a cup of tea just after he arrived when she looked out of the window and saw that the rain had stopped and the sun had come out. Within half an hour the men from the marquee turned up to dry the place out and he was in the garden ordering them around as if he ran the company.
True, he was a little brash sometimes. Not one of us, if you were going to put it like that. But it was beginning to dawn on her that being "one of us" was not necessarily a good thing. After all, her family were failing rather obviously to organize a wedding. Maybe a little brashness was precisely what was needed.
She began to see that Katie might be wiser than either she or George had realized.
Mid-afternoon her brother and his wife dropped in and offered to take her and George out for supper.
She explained that George was feeling a bit under the weather.
"Well, if George doesn"t mind, you could come on your own," said Douglas.
She was halfway through a polite refusal when Ray said, "You go. We"ll make sure someone keeps an eye on the fort."
And for the first time she was glad that Katie was marrying this man.
101.
Jamie pulled into the village and felt that slight sinking in his stomach he always felt going back. The family thing. Like he was fourteen again. He parked over the road from the house, turned off the engine and gathered himself. the village and felt that slight sinking in his stomach he always felt going back. The family thing. Like he was fourteen again. He parked over the road from the house, turned off the engine and gathered himself.
The secret was to remember that you were an adult now, that all of you were adults, that there was no longer any need to fight the battles you were fighting when you were fourteen.
G.o.d, he wanted Tony with him.
He glanced across at the house and saw Uncle Douglas emerging from the side gate with his wife. Mary. Or Molly. He"d better check that with someone before he put his foot in it.
He slipped down in his seat so that he couldn"t be seen and waited till they"d climbed into their car.
G.o.d, he hated aunts. The lipstick. The lavender perfume. The hilarious stories about how you wet yourself during a carol service.
They drove away.
What was he going to say about Tony?
That was the problem, wasn"t it. You left home. But you never did become an adult. Not really. You just f.u.c.ked up in different and more complicated ways.
At this point, Katie drove up and parked beside him. They got out of their cars simultaneously.
"Hey you," said Katie. They hugged. "No Tony?"
"No Tony."
She rubbed his arms. "I"m so sorry."
"Listen, I was going to ask you about that. I mean, what have you said to Mum?"
"I haven"t said anything."
"Right."
"Just tell them the truth," said Katie.
"Yeh."
Katie looked him in the eye. "They"ll be fine. They have to be fine. I"m queen for the weekend. And no one is stepping out of line, all right?"
"All right," said Jamie. "Great haircut, by the way."
"Thank you."
They headed into the house.
102.
Katie walked into the kitchen with Jamie and found the Blessed Saint Eileen seated at the table surrounded by a small jungle. the kitchen with Jamie and found the Blessed Saint Eileen seated at the table surrounded by a small jungle.
"We fetched your flowers," said Eileen, getting to her feet.
For a moment Katie thought it was some kind of personal gift.
"Hullo, love," said Mum, kissing Jamie.
Eileen turned to Jamie and said, "We haven"t seen this young man since...well, I don"t know how long it"s been."
"A very long time," said Jamie.
"So," said Mum, looking slightly uncomfortable, "where"s Tony?"
Katie realized Mum was bracing herself for the poorly timed appearance of her son"s boyfriend in front of her unprepared evangelical sister. Which made her feel sorry for both Jamie and Mum. Clearly being queen for the weekend didn"t give her the power to resolve everything.
"I"m afraid he"s not coming," said Jamie. Katie could see him steeling himself. "We"ve had a few problems. To cut a long story short, he went to Crete. Which is apparently very nice this time of year."
Katie gave Jamie"s back a discreet pat.
"I am sorry," said Mum and it seemed like she really did mean it.
Then Eileen said, "Who"s Tony?" in a wide-eyed innocent way that sent a noticeable chill through the room.
"Anyway," said Mum, ignoring her sister completely and rubbing her hands together. "We"ve got lots to do."
"Tony"s my boyfriend," said Jamie.
And Katie thought that if it all went wrong, if the register office burned down or she broke an ankle on the way there, it would be worth it for the expression on Eileen"s face right now.
She looked as if she was receiving instructions from G.o.d on how to proceed.
It was quite hard to tell what Mum was thinking.
"We"re h.o.m.os.e.xuals," said Jamie.
This, thought Katie, was over-egging the pudding a little. She pulled him toward the hallway. "Come on, you."
And a man appeared at the kitchen door saying, "I"ve come to mend the toilet."
103.
Jamie and Katie went into the bedroom and collapsed backward onto the bed. They were laughing too much to explain the reason to Ray or Jacob. And it really was like being fourteen again. But in a good way this time. went into the bedroom and collapsed backward onto the bed. They were laughing too much to explain the reason to Ray or Jacob. And it really was like being fourteen again. But in a good way this time.
And then Jamie needed a pee, so he walked along the landing and as he was emerging from the loo his father appeared and said, "Jamie, I need to talk to you." No greeting. No pleasantries. Just a conspiratorial whisper and a hand on Jamie"s elbow.
He followed his father into his parents" bedroom and perched on the armchair.
"Jamie, look..."
Jamie was still fizzy from the encounter in the kitchen and there was something rea.s.suring about his father"s quiet, measured voice.
"The cancer," said his father, wincing in a slightly embarra.s.sed way. "Come back I"m afraid."
Jamie realized that something rather serious was going on here, and sat up a little straighter. "The cancer"s come back?"
"I"m frightened, Jamie. Very frightened. Of dying. Of cancer. Pretty much constantly. Not pleasant. Not pleasant at all. Can"t sleep. Can"t eat."
"Have you talked to Mum?"
"I"ve been getting on her nerves a tad," said his father. "Not able to help out much. Really do need to sit down in a quiet room. On my own."
Jamie wanted to lean across and stroke his father, the way you might stroke a worried dog. It was a peculiar urge, and probably not a wise move. He said, "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Well, yes there is," said his father, brightening noticeably. "You see, the thing is, I really can"t go to the wedding."
"What?"
"I can"t go to the wedding."
"But you have to go to the wedding," said Jamie.
"Do I?" said his father, weakly.
"Of course you do," said Jamie. "You"re the father of the bride."
His father thought about this. "You"re absolutely right, of course."
There was a brief pause, then his father began to cry.
Jamie had never seen his father cry before. He"d never seen an old man of any kind cry. Except on television, during wars. It made him feel seasick and scared and sad and he had to fight back the temptation to tell his father that he didn"t need to come to the wedding. Though if he did that Katie wouldn"t talk to either of them for the rest of their natural lives.
Jamie got off his chair and squatted in front of his father. "Dad. Look." He rubbed his father"s forearm. "We"re all on your side. And we"ll all be there to hold your hand. When you get inside the marquee you can knock back a few gla.s.ses of wine...It"ll be all right. I promise."
His father nodded.
"Oh, and I"ll have a word with Mum," said Jamie. "Tell her you need some peace and quiet."
He stood up. His father was in a world of his own. Jamie touched his shoulder. "You OK?"
His father looked up. "Thank you."
"Give me a shout if you need anything," said Jamie.
He walked out of the room, shutting the door carefully behind him, then went to look for his mother.
He was walking down the stairs, however, when he glanced into his old room and noticed suitcases on the bed. Because he was thinking about his father"s mental well-being he didn"t really consider the implications of the suitcases until he met his mother in the hallway holding a stack of clean flannels.
"Mum, listen, I"ve just been talking to Dad and..."
"Yes...?"
Jamie paused, working out what he wanted to say and how to phrase it. And while he was doing this another part of his brain considered the implications of the suitcases and he heard himself saying, "Those suitcases in my room..."
"What about them?"
"Who"s staying in there?"
"Eileen and Ronnie," said his mother.
"And I"m staying...?"