Ethan seemed to feel the same, because he chuckled.
I grabbed the reins of the conversation to bring everything back into focus. "So, that"s it? Your power is completely pa.s.sive?"
"Pa.s.sive is a good word for it. I can"t make anything happen; it just exists. Like any other sense we"re born with. But you know as much about that as I do, don"t you?"
I hurried the conversation on, giving a barely perceptible shake of my head. "How far will you take this visitation thing?"
"If you"re asking if I"ll go to court over it, the answer is no. A mother has the right to make her own choices about her child. I won"t interfere with that, but I do hope you"ll give it-me-a chance. I"d like to know your daughter in whatever way you"re comfortable with." Emotion brightened her eyes, added color to her cheeks, and she no longer appeared faded.
Before talking with Beatrice, I"d been sure my answer would be a simple but unequivocal no. Now I didn"t know what I thought. She seemed harmless, and my gut told me she wouldn"t push, wouldn"t try to force her way into my life or my daughter"s. "I"ll think about it," I admitted. "Maybe we can get together again, get to know each other better over the next few months. But I can"t say yes or no right now."
"That"s more than I"d hoped for," she replied. "I"m a good grandmother, Alice. Much better than I was a mother."
Suddenly, my mind flipped back and realized what she"d said. I hadn"t told Beatrice I was having a girl. "Were you guessing just now? When you said "daughter"?"
She winked at me. "What do you think?"
Clearing my throat, I said, "I think this has been a lot for a first meeting. We should get going."
Strangely, most of my worries surrounding Beatrice had evaporated. I still needed to know more, but that would come in time. And while she was a little odd, the same could be said for my own grandmother-heck, for most of my family-so that was something else I didn"t hold against her. Really, the only black mark I saw was that she was Troy"s mother. I shivered. It was a big black mark.
Baby steps, I reminded myself.
"That wasn"t nearly as horrible as I thought it might be," I said to Ethan once we were back in his car.
He turned to me. "Are you thinking you"re going to let her know the baby?"
"Maybe. I don"t know yet. I"ll spend more time with her before making a final decision, but she seemed sincere."
"She definitely seemed sincere."
"I hear a "but" there."
"No "but." She was nice enough, up front about her wishes, wasn"t wishy-washy about her beliefs. Even if I don"t agree with some of what she said, those are good qualities." He put the car into gear and headed down the street.
"Um. About that. What she said to you? Was she right?"
Before he could answer, my cell phone buzzed. I tossed him an apologetic look and clicked the b.u.t.ton. "h.e.l.lo?"
"Alice? This is Grant. Grant Harris? Shelby"s husband?"
"I know who you are, Grant. What"s up?"
"We had the babies! Shelby"s too out of it to talk right now, but she wanted me to call. Twin girls. They"re early, but are doing well."
"Oh! Wow! That is amazing! Congratulations!"
Grant filled me in on their weights, names, and when I could visit. I asked him to pa.s.s my congrats on to Shelby, and then I clicked off, telling Ethan, "Grant and Shelby had their babies tonight. Twin girls. Isn"t that cool?"
All of a sudden I thought of Miranda"s twin daughters. I remembered what she"d said to me that night, something I hadn"t focused on before. She hadn"t said to find her other daughter"s family; she"d used the word recognize. So...Wow. Did that mean I already knew them? Shelby and twin girls? Miranda and twin girls? Was it really that simple? Could Shelby be my family?
"You asked me a question," Ethan said, his voice pushing into my musings. "Yes, Beatrice was right about me being hurt, and about the fallout affecting my relationship with my mother and grandmother."
I switched gears, focusing on him. My eyes took in his tense jaw, the way he gripped the steering wheel. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"There"s not much to say. I fell in love and proposed. She said yes; we began to plan our wedding. Two weeks before the event we went to a local fair, and one of the things we did that day was have our fortunes read. The fortune-teller said we were not meant for each other, and that if we married we would regret it."
I was pretty sure I knew what had happened, and it explained so much about Ethan. "Go on."
He slid the car to a stop at a red light. "Initially we both laughed over it. A week later, she ended our engagement and canceled the wedding. I actually thought she was joking at first." He choked out a laugh. "But she wasn"t. She chose to trust in the mumblings of a so-called seer rather than the feelings we had for each other."
My heart climbed into my throat and I fought to swallow it back down. "That bites."
"There"s more," he admitted. "I"m a logical guy. I like to see how someone gets from point A to point B, and so on. My ex felt that my logic was a fault. Even at the end, while she explained why she must leave me, I remained calm. Reasonable. She wanted me to show more emotion, to be pa.s.sionate. She called me a cold fish." He cleared this throat. "I"ve wondered for years if she was right."
"No! She wasn"t. I like that you"re calm and logical. A lot, actually." Putting my hand on his knee, I squeezed. "Trust me, Ethan. I"ve never once thought of you as cold. But I"m so sorry you had to go through that."
"It"s long in the past. But when Beatrice started talking about her power..." He shrugged. "I guess I still have an Achilles" heel about certain things."
"I get that." His revelation swirled inside me, mucking everything up. I almost confided in him then. I could taste the words on my tongue; they were that close to coming out. But I gulped them away, tried to even my breathing, the beat of my heart. How could I continue with Ethan, knowing that the fate of our relationship could very well end just like his previous one, because of a prophecy? "I"m sorry," I said again.
He brought his hand down to mine and clasped it. "You"ve done nothing wrong. You wouldn"t leave a man you loved over something that flimsy. I"m sure of that."
I turned to stare out the window, saying the only thing that came to mind. "What happened with your mother and grandmother?"
"Nothing horrible. I was hurt when they thought my fiancee had made the correct decision. They...well, they"ve always had strong beliefs in almost all areas of the supernatural. From fairies to superst.i.tions to magic." His hand tightened around mine. "I guess my experience has made me more cynical than ever, and I don"t handle it all that well. To the chagrin of my female relatives. But we"re still close. There"s just this gray area between us now that wasn"t there before."
"Oh...well, it"s understandable that you"d feel that way." And it was. But as I thought about my family tree, my daughter and her legacy, and the power I held, it didn"t exactly give me hope as far as Ethan went.
The knowledge that I should end this now came at me, but I couldn"t. Not when everything inside of me, the very air around me, hummed in Ethan"s presence. But yeah, I"d been stupid this whole time. Because I"d a.s.sumed that if Ethan were the right guy, my soul mate, that us getting together would be a fait accompli. But now? Not so much. Not by a long shot.
The same thoughts and worries plagued me as the week went on. By the time Friday rolled around, my emotions were one big jumbled mess. Okay, that wasn"t completely true. My feelings for Ethan hadn"t decreased. If anything, they continued to grow whenever we were around each other. But the rest of my emotions? They were flying out of control.
Tonight I"d decided to push myself to draw a picture of Ethan"s future, and to hope it was my image that appeared next to his. If that fizzled, I"d have to come up with something else. Whether that meant dumping something over his head, ripping his freaking shirt off, or some other, as of yet undefined, plan of action, I hadn"t decided.
Juggling my mail in one hand and my keys in the other, I heard my phone ringing as I unlocked my front door. I rushed in, dropping the mail on the table as I zipped by, and grabbed the phone the second it stopped ringing. Awesome. I clicked to check the caller ID, and was surprised to see the number of the art gallery where I used to work. Hmm. Maybe they"d sold one of the few paintings I"d left there.
I dialed the number, a.s.suming that was the case. When my previous boss answered, I said, "Hey, Maura. It"s Alice. You called?"
"Yes! I"m glad you called back so fast. I have a proposition for you." She went on to offer me a job at the gallery as its manager. Full-time, with benefits, at a decent wage.
"Are you serious? You"ve always managed everything; why the change?"
"I"ll still be in and out, but with my husband retiring in a few months, I"d like to make some changes. What do you think? You don"t have to decide today."
"I...Well, I don"t know. When would you want me to start?"
"If you want the job, Alice, I"ll keep it open until you"re ready. So if you want to stay where you are until after the baby"s born, that"s fine. You can begin here after maternity leave." She paused for a second. "Oh! And a day care opened up a few doors down, so you"d be close to the baby. We might even be able to work it so you could have the baby here a few days a week."
Talk about a hard offer to turn down!
"Don"t get me wrong," I said, "because it sounds perfect-but why me?"
"You already know how the place runs. You"re dependable. And it saves me from looking for anyone else. I just wish I"d thought of it before you officially left. Are you interested enough to give it some thought and get back to me? Say, within a week or two?"
I hesitated. I"d be crazy not to consider it. "That sounds good. I"ll talk to you soon." With hindsight, I added, "Thanks for thinking of me."
We hung up and I gave the offer more thought as I changed out of my work clothes. Even though I"d begun to find my groove at Enchanted Expressions, it still felt like just a job. Working at the gallery had always been fun, exciting, and had spurred my creativity. I hadn"t painted anything-not even one measly stroke-in months. That, combined with the other, more practical reasons, should have made the decision easy. But it wasn"t. Because by leaving Enchanted Expressions, I"d give up the ability to see Ethan every single day.
Pushing my thoughts in another direction, I meandered into my kitchen to start dinner. I"d left work early for my five-month doctor"s appointment, and then had stopped to see Shelby and the babies at the hospital. Everyone was doing well, and even though the babies looked incredibly tiny, they"d be going home in the next day or two.
When I finished eating, the quiet started to get to me. I put on some music, and then took to the couch with my sketchpad. If I were really going to find some answers, like it or not, I needed to give this a go.
I opened the pad to a clean page and stared at it. And then I stared at it some more. Anxiety made my hand shake. I tried to steady it. I knew I needed to do this, but somehow I couldn"t seem to make myself say or even think the Ethan wish. Which was stupid. I almost phoned Chloe to see if she"d come over for moral support, but just as quickly changed my mind. She had a date that night. With Kyle.
Again, my eyes found the page. "You can do this," I whispered. Reminding myself it was better to know, I forced my mouth to move. "I wish to draw a picture of Ethan and the woman he marries."
Nothing happened, so I said my wish again, putting more conviction into my voice. My baby kicked, but other than that, still nothing. Did my fears interfere with the magic? Or did this mean Ethan wasn"t going to get married, like I"d thought about Kyle? Or was Chloe right and I couldn"t directly draw my own future, which would then mean Ethan"s future was with me? Ugh. The same could then be said for Kyle, couldn"t it?
Sudden knocking at my door dragged my attention off the pad, off my worries. Stumbling a little, I opened the door to see Ethan standing on the other side, s.e.xy grin and all. And in that second, everything in my world seemed right again.
"Hey! Come on in," I said.
He angled inside, one arm behind his back. "I hope you don"t mind the unexpected visit. I was out, and you were on my mind, and then I saw these"-he brought his arm around to show me the bouquet of multicolored roses he held-"and I thought of you."
"Oh. Wow." Tears gathered in my eyes. I tipped my head so he wouldn"t see. When was the last time a man had given me flowers? So long, I didn"t even remember. "They"re beautiful. I love them. I...um...should get them in some water."
He followed me to the kitchen. I found a vase, added water and then arranged the roses, all with my back to Ethan. Dipping my nose down, I breathed in the scent. p.r.i.c.kles whisked along my skin, because that scent? It reminded me of Miranda. And of course that brought everything to the surface.
"Thank you." I cringed when my voice cracked.
"Are you okay? Did I come at a bad time?" In a flash he stood behind me, his hands on my waist. His lips touched the top of my head. "Talk to me."
"There"s nothing to say."
"Did something happen after you left work today?" His body tensed, tightened. "Honey? Did you get bad news at the doctor"s?"
"No! Not that. Everything"s fine there. I"ll be having an ultrasound soon, even." He moved his arms so they encircled my waist, and pulled me against him.
"Then what? Do the roses upset you?" he asked lightly. "Would another type of flower have been a better choice?"
"The roses are perfect." But then, because I didn"t know how to tell him what was really bothering me, I told him about the job offer.
"Ah. And you"re considering it?"
"It"s a better fit for me, so yes. But...well...I hate the idea of not being around you."
A low chuckle tumbled out; the sound of it wrapped around me. "You can"t get rid of me that easily. If this job is what you want, you should take it. But you"ll still see me, Alice. At least, until you tell me to go away."
He loosened his grip so I could turn around. Lifting my chin, I looked into his eyes, and in a whoosh, the crazy stuff inside steadied. How could this man have such an effect on me if he wasn"t my soul mate?
"I don"t want to tell you to go away," I murmured.
"Then don"t."
I reached my hands behind his head and tugged it down. Closing my eyes, I waited for our lips to touch. When they did, the kiss was hesitant, soft. I moaned and prodded his mouth open with my tongue. His hands slipped underneath my shirt, stroking my back, his touch searing into me, starting a heady stream of desire.
Our kiss deepened, and all I wanted was for it to continue, so I pushed myself closer to him, opened my mouth wider, and let myself just experience the moment. It was as if every sense came alive as we tasted, touched, consumed each other, and never before had I craved a man like I craved Ethan. I wanted more. So. Much. More.
He seemed to know my thoughts, my feelings, because he groaned. His lips left mine, trailing kisses from my mouth, to my cheek, and then to my ear, sending another wash of yearning cascading into me, through me. "You"re entirely too enticing, Alice," he said. His voice was low, quiet, but with an edge of longing hanging on each word.
He wanted me as much as I wanted him: the realization nearly undid me. Separating myself from his embrace, I wiped my swollen lips and said, "What I feel for you...it goes beyond reason. I don"t know how to quantify it."
Stroking the plane of my cheek with one finger, with eyes as dark as a stormy night, he looked at me, searching. "I believe I"m falling in love with you, and like you said not that long ago, it startles me. It surprises me. I never expected to feel this way again."
"Ethan...what we have is so strong, I"m still reeling from it. How can it be real? How can this be something I can believe in?" The question was unfair. What I really wanted to hear wasn"t something he"d be able to say, because he didn"t have all the facts. But my breath still caught as I waited.
"It"s a little scary, isn"t it? More so for you than for me, I imagine. All I know is I wake up each morning with you in my head, and you"re still there when I go to sleep. I feel as if I already know you, that I have known you forever." He paused, as if struggling to find the correct words to say exactly what he wanted to say. "But even so, every facet of your personality intrigues me. You are a woman I can see spending my life with."
I nodded, unable to speak. The emotions in his eyes, in his voice, filled me with happiness...but also with confusion and worry. Because guess what? I felt the same way.
"Oh, Ethan," I murmured. I was this close to pulling him into the living room, to showing him the drawing, to explaining every last detail to him, when he dragged me into his arms again.
"I see your worry, Alice. Trust me when I say you can believe in me. I"ll never lie to you, like Troy did. I"ll wait for as long as you need to see that"s the truth."
Oh, G.o.d. He thought my apprehension was over Troy. Well, duh, what else would he think? "I do believe in you."
"Good. That"s all I want. Remember what I said: we don"t have to hurry or rush into anything. But I will always be honest with you about how I feel." He kissed me again, and for a few minutes my fears abated. When we disengaged, he smiled and once again stroked my cheek. "As much as I don"t want to, I should go. We have all day tomorrow, and it looks as if the weather is going to be perfect for my plans." I nodded again, and saw him to the door. One more kiss, and I was alone.
How could I be happy, hopeful, and filled with despair all at once? I shuddered. A weight sat there, on my shoulders, inside of me, as I brushed my teeth and washed my face. And when I crawled into bed, I curled one of my pillows up and held it close. Somehow I began drifting off. Right before I completely dropped into sleep, I murmured into my pillow, "I need to know what will happen if I ignore this warning, if I end up without my soul mate or choose a man that isn"t. I wish...I wish I could see."
The tide of sleep swept me away to a place I didn"t recognize. There were no walls, no air, no ground, no nothing, just a vast, empty s.p.a.ce. I realized I was dreaming but couldn"t shake myself out of it. Like before, yet different, I suddenly saw Miranda cradling her belly, thinking about her daughters-and then their daughters. The flash of faces began again, one after another, in lightning speed. Some of the people I recognized, some I didn"t. They sped by so fast, I couldn"t keep up.
When the final face staring at me was my daughter, the dream-vision-changed. Weirdly, what appeared before me, around me, was like a split screen, and I knew without understanding how one side of the screen was my daughter growing up in the best scenario: the one where I found my soul mate. The other side was the worst, where either he was never found or I ignored the warning. I didn"t know which, but it didn"t matter. What mattered was that I was finally going to understand what Miranda"s prophecy meant, and how it affected me and my child.
On the good side, my daughter grew up confident and sure about who she was, what her power was; and while I couldn"t see actual details of her life, I felt her emotions, like I"d felt Miranda"s. Oh, she was glorious, and the pride and love inside of me grew so large, so strong, that it almost made the other side of the screen disappear into nothingness.
But I had to know, so I forced myself to watch, to feel. And while the love for my daughter remained just as strong, fear for her sank in, drowning out the pride, because here her emotions were all about what she could do with her power, gaining more, going for whatever she wanted without thought or concern for those around her. Power-hungry. Addicted to magic. Seeking. This version of my daughter was always searching for something she couldn"t find, believing she"d find it within her magic. Her desperation grew as she sought, suffocating those around her, creating chaos and havoc in her relentless search. I knew with every bone in my body that this outcome would ruin everyone with whom she came into contact: me, my family, my friends, and yes, even the Wrong Man. And eventually, my beloved daughter would self-destruct.
My heart breaking, agony tearing through me, eating at me, I focused on the other side again, where I could feel her happiness, her confidence, her belief in herself and in using her magic for good. I considered again the choices before me, and- I woke with a start, sweat pouring down my face and back. Jumping from bed, I ran to the restroom and turned the cold water on full blast, splashing my cheeks with it. My life, my daughter"s life, the lives of those I loved were in my hands. I splayed my fingers in the pouring water, watching the liquid run through.
Slowly, I lifted my chin and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Not only would my daughter destroy herself, she"d destroy Ethan if he wasn"t my soul mate. I remembered Miranda"s words, and her message about pure love and the guidance of the right man merged with what I"d just seen. Comprehension slid in, just like the water rippling over my hands. To my way of thinking, that meant my daughter needed something that only my soul mate and I together could give. Balance, maybe. Or it could be as simple as her being raised with that type of love around her from her very first breath.
I weighed this new knowledge, thought about it, and then considered my feelings for Ethan. As much as I believed he was, indeed, my soul mate, this changed everything. Drastically. If at any time it became obvious he wasn"t the man in my drawing, I"d have to move on, I"d have to keep searching. Because not only would I do anything-everything-to protect my daughter from the destructive future I"d just seen...well, no way would I allow my family, my friends and even Ethan to be affected by the wrong choice.
I curled my hands around the still-pouring water, its coldness seeping into my skin, into my heart. For the very first time, I truly understood how high the stakes were.
"I"ll protect you," I whispered, my wet hands going to my stomach. "I promise. I"ll do what"s right for you, no matter what."