Chapter Eight.
The following evening after work, after my birthday dinner with Chloe, I sweet-talked her into going shopping with me. It was a huge testament to our friendship that she agreed, because Chloe hates the mall. She loves to shop, but only at thrift stores and little, independently owned boutiques-the more off-the-beaten-path, the better. Seeing that she owned her own off-the-beaten-path boutique, it made perfect sense to me.
Twisting sideways in front of a mirror, I scowled at my reflection. The bright orange summer dress wasn"t nearly as appealing on my body as it had been on the hanger. In fact, it was the exact opposite of appealing. I resembled a Halloween pumpkin. "Ugh. Every single thing I try on makes me look pregnant. This is hopeless."
"It"s not that bad." Chloe collapsed on the small bench in the dressing room and frowned.
"It"s not good," I shot back.
"I"ve never seen you like this. Normally you grab a bunch of stuff and we"re done in less than thirty minutes." She checked her watch. "Honey," she added in that calm voice mothers use on cranky children, "we"ve been here for two hours. You"ve tried on nearly every article of clothing this store carries. Please pick a few things so we can get out of here. Please."
"But I don"t like anything. And Sat.u.r.day is the cookout, and I want to look nice-and not pregnant-for Ethan." A tight ball of frustration curled between my shoulder blades.
"You have a slight problem then," she teased. "But he knows, so why are you worried about it? If Shelby"s as huge as you say, he won"t even notice your tiny b.u.mp. Especially if you wear something loose."
"Yeah, I guess." She had a point. But somehow, that didn"t matter. The yearning to feel like my old self swarmed over me and my frustration increased. All I really wanted was one measly day to be the former Alice, but not only was that impossible, I didn"t want to try to explain it to Chloe. "Hush. It"s my birthday, so just pretend you"re happy to be here with me."
Exasperation floated off of her. "I"m not that good an actress, but I"ll give it a go." With a huge, albeit fake smile, she said, "Go for it. Try it all on again."
I sorted through the few things I"d yet to try, hoping to find something that appealed. It didn"t happen. Because my feet hurt and my friend was miserable, I took the pumpkin dress off, pulled my way-too-tight slacks back on, then slipped my shirt on over my head.
"What are you doing?" Chloe asked.
"You win. I won"t put you through any more torture. Let"s get out of here. I can come back tomorrow or Friday."
I figured she"d hop up and run for the door, but she didn"t. Instead, she stared at me, curious glints in her eyes. "That"s not like you. Since when do you give up without a fight? What"s going on?"
"Nothing," I said. This was not a discussion I wanted to have. While I"d already shared with her my conversation with Missy, as well as Grandma Verda"s sudden employment at Enchanted Expressions and the sprinkler mess, I hadn"t told her how all of it had made me feel. Mostly because I didn"t know how to explain it. "Let"s get out of here," I repeated.
"Avoidance isn"t going to work."
I pretended to look through another stack of clothing.
"Hey. It"s me you"re talking to, the girl who knows you better than almost anyone else. What"s wrong?"
"It"s nothing. I"m just a little scattered tonight. Maybe this one isn"t so bad." I blindly grabbed a pale pink blouse from the pile. "What do you think?"
"Um...that you hate pink?" When I said nothing, she sighed. "Okay. That"s it. You"re going to tell me what"s bothering you. Now."
I dropped the blouse. The charade was up, but I still didn"t turn. "It"s the birthday. This time in a year from now, everything will be different. I guess it just sort of hit; that"s all."
"This time in a year from now, everything will be wonderful. You"ll have your beautiful daughter, you"ll be in a great relationship, and you"ll be so happy that I"ll probably be green with envy," Chloe promised.
I finally looked at her. "I"m scared. About all of it. h.e.l.l, Chloe, I can"t even make a decision about clothes; how am I supposed to figure out the rest of this stuff? Everything is slipping through my fingers, and I don"t know what to do."
"We"re a team. We"ll figure it out together. Starting now."
Standing, she gave me a look I"d seen many times in the years we"d known each other. It was her I"m-taking-charge-and-you"re-gonna-deal-with-it look. That look had led us down some interesting paths in the past-and not always good ones.
"Do you trust me?" she asked.
"Why?"
"Just answer. Do you trust me?"
"Usually. Depends on what you"re talking about."
She sniffed. "Just wait for me out there." She pointed in the general direction of the shop. "And don"t look for anything else to try on. Just stand there and wait. Please."
I did as she asked, because honestly I was tired-oh-so-tired-of shopping. Plus, if I stood there any longer, I"d start to cry. I didn"t feel like crying.
When she emerged from the dressing room a few minutes later, she held about six items. She crossed to the rack on which we"d been putting my discards and flipped through them, grabbing another handful of clothes. She was a flurry of movement, and I just stayed out of her way.
Finally, with her arms completely full, she turned to me. "Give me the gift card from your grandmother."
Her voice held no room for argument. I didn"t argue. I dug in my purse until I found the gift card and then pa.s.sed it to her. "It"s generous, but I don"t think there"s enough on it for everything you"re holding," I remarked.
She barely glanced at it. "Close enough, and the rest is my birthday present. And don"t worry. I have excellent taste. You"ll be thanking me tomorrow."
I nodded and then walked out of the store, into the mall, watching other shoppers as they strolled past. Once again, it seemed every woman had a pregnant belly and a man walking beside her. Of course, that wasn"t really the case but it sure felt like it. Before the magic thing and the soul mate possibility, I"d pretty much accepted the fact that I"d be doing this whole parent thing on my own. Now, I wasn"t so sure. I hovered between anger at feeling forced to find my soul mate and a blind hope that I actually would.
When Chloe exited the shop some fifteen minutes later, she carried three very large bags with the maternity boutique"s name and logo emblazoned all over them. She handed me two. "See? All done. Let"s go get an icecream cone and chat."
"Sure. If you"d like," I allowed.
We headed toward the food court in silence. Because it was a weekday evening, the mall wasn"t crowded. Neither was the food court. Most of the restaurants had no lines, and the vast majority of the tables were empty. We bought our cones and then found a table near the fountain in the center of the food court. I dumped the two bags I held in the chair next to me, and Chloe put hers in the chair next to her. Sitting down, I sighed in relief.
We enjoyed our cones in silence for a few minutes. It was obvious Chloe had more she wanted to say, as her green-eyed gaze followed me. I figured she"d spit it out-whatever it was-soon enough. Until then, I was keeping my mouth shut.
"So...um...how was work today?" she asked. "Anything else happen with Missy? Or with Ethan?"
I shook my head no.
"Did Ethan wish you a happy birthday? Or give you a present?"
"Nope. But he didn"t know it was my birthday. And a present would have been kind of odd, don"t you think?" I was pretty sure I knew where this was leading, and it had nothing to do with Ethan. Not really, anyway.
"You almost kissed him. I think a present would be nice. Didn"t Grandma Verda tell him?" At my confused expression, she added, "That today is your birthday."
"She must not have. And she wasn"t in today. Otherwise, yeah, she probably would"ve," I admitted.
"Oh." She took another lick of ice cream from her cone. "Do you think Grandma Verda is right? Could he be your soul mate?"
Uneasiness settled in my stomach. I definitely knew where this conversation was headed. And I didn"t like it. "I have no idea."
"Do you want him to be?" Her light tone sounded forced.
I finished the last bite of my cone to give myself a minute before answering. Then: "I don"t know. Physical attraction is one thing. We"re talking about a guy I don"t know that well yet."
"Oh," she repeated. She played with an invisible speck on her shirtsleeve. "It might also be Kyle. Are you ready for that?"
Bingo. This was what I had been afraid of. I said simply, "Until we see his shoulder, we only have Shelby to believe. Maybe she"s wrong. Or maybe it"s on his left shoulder. It"s not worth stressing over yet."
"Weren"t you the one stressing a few minutes ago?" she pointed out.
"Yes, but not about Kyle. He"s barely entered my thoughts." I chewed a bit on my lip after saying this. While it wasn"t a complete fabrication, it wasn"t exactly the truth. But for now, until Chloe had a better handle on whatever she was going through, I was sticking to my guns.
"I"m not sure I really want to go," Chloe admitted softly. "To the cookout. Since Ethan is going, do you mind if I skip out?"
I reined in my impatience. We"d already had this conversation about a dozen times, and I was a bit tired of it. "I can"t make you go, but I"d like it if you did. Besides, if it"s miserable we"ll leave. I promise."
She nodded. Just like she had the other times. "Okay, but I"ve been thinking a lot about this." She bit her lip. "There"s another promise I want from you."
This portion of the conversation was new. I said, "Anything. Well, anything within reason."
She wiggled in her chair. "If it turns out that Kyle is the man in your drawing, then don"t worry about me. Or my feelings. What"s most important here is that you do what Miranda says." Her eyes met mine again. "Promise me that."
I snorted. "No way am I promising that. Of course I"m worried about your feelings. Besides, when I think about Kyle all I feel is irritation. There"s no excitement or attraction. We"ve gone over this," I reminded her as calmly as possible.
"But that"s my fault, because of what happened with me. You might feel very differently if I"d never dated him. If I"d never been hurt by him. You can"t rule that out. You really need to keep an open mind."
"About Kyle? I don"t think that"s possible."
"Don"t you get it?" she pushed.
"Get what?"
She exhaled loudly. "Everything happens for a reason. You know that! It"s like fate is playing her hand right now. She has been for a while, actually. And you have to pay attention to it."
"Pay attention to what? I have no idea what you"re talking about. Lots of men likely have marks on their shoulders. This doesn"t have to mean anything. You know that."
"That"s not what I mean," she argued.
"Then tell me what you mean."
"It"s the order of events. The timing of everything." I must have still looked perplexed, because she sighed again. "Don"t you think it"s just a little unreal? From running into Shelby, to her seeing the picture and thinking it"s my ex? That sort of stuff doesn"t just happen."
"Coincidences happen all the time."
Chloe sucked in a breath. "But if it"s fate, then it"s all supposed to happen this way. That"s why I think it is Kyle. And that"s why I don"t think I should go on Sat.u.r.day."
My stomach hurt. I ignored it. "Maybe it is fate. Maybe you"re right about that. But it could be a different outcome. We don"t know anything yet." I hesitated but decided it was better to forge ahead. "Besides, isn"t how I feel important?"
"I"m not saying it isn"t. But you can"t ignore-"
"What I"m trying to say is that I feel things for Ethan. Not Kyle." Another thought occurred to me. "And I could make the exact same fate argument about Ethan."
"No. You can"t." Chloe lifted her chin.
"Oh, yes I can. One: I haven"t worked with him for that long. Two: he called the very night I first heard about the warning. Three: I drew him with me in a sketch, without meaning to. Four: I think about kissing him all the time."
Stress rolled off her in one long wave, though a small smile appeared on her face. "Fine. I admit you have a point. But that doesn"t mean I"m wrong, so you still have to be ready to move forward if it turns out Kyle really is the one. Deal?"
So tired of talking about this, I put my hands up in defeat. "Okay, Chloe. If you need to hear that, then okay. Deal."
As soon as I agreed, she blinked in surprise. Her jaw dropped but she snapped it shut. Her expression tore my heart in two. "Why did you push for this so much if that"s not what you wanted to hear?" I asked.
"That"s not it. I"m..." A tremble pa.s.sed through her body and she admitted her mistake. "I want what"s right for you. I just hate that it might be with him. And I hate myself for feeling that way. I"m trying to do everything right. I"m trying to say the right things. But just now, when you agreed...it hurt. I know that"s dumb. You"re my best friend. And...well...I love you. But I loved him too. This is just really hard."
The tears came then, dripping down her cheeks in quick succession. I reached across the table and clasped one of her hands. "Right now, at this minute, there"s nothing to worry about. Let"s save this discussion until there is something. Because I don"t think there will be." At least, I hoped there wouldn"t. "Besides, how do you know this isn"t about you and Kyle? Maybe fate is pushing you two together again."
"I doubt that. But you"re right about the other stuff." She laughed, wiped the tears away. "I still have this strange feeling that everything is going to change on Sat.u.r.day. That"s dumb too, huh?"
I had the same feeling, but I"d been trying to overlook it. "Not dumb. You"re just thinking too much. Let"s focus on what we know, and not the stuff we don"t."
"Good plan. I"m going to go wash up."
She let go of my hand and then headed for the restroom. Me? I cradled my arms on the table and laid my head down. Right or wrong, I was frustrated with Chloe. I understood why she was so upset, but I"d trade places with her in an instant. Her big anxiety was seeing Kyle again. And with everything I was handling, I wasn"t managing her emotions all that well.
She returned and sat back down. I didn"t lift my head.
"I"m sorry," she said. "I know you"re dealing with heavier things than I am."
And with those words, everything settled inside.
Sitting up straight, I smiled. "It"s cool. We"re fine. But we still haven"t come up with a plan for Sat.u.r.day. I can"t think of one thing that will get both men to remove their shirts other then Shelby"s pool, so let"s hope for a hot, sunny day."
Chloe chuckled, her own good mood obviously restored. "Well, one positive thing happened as a result of all my freaking out-I had a possible idea that just might do the trick. It"s not very creative, but if it"s successful, who cares?"
"I don"t care if it"s creative. What"s the plan?" I asked.
A voice came from somewhere to my left, interrupting. "Hey! Fancy running into you two here!" c.o.c.king my head to the side, I saw Scot, dressed in blue jeans and a brown T-shirt, loping toward our table. "Happy birthday, sis. It"s Wednesday. How"s it feel to be thirty-three?"
I stuck my tongue out at him. "Exactly like it felt to be thirty-two. What are you doing at the mall?" Because, you know, as a guy, he enjoyed shopping about as much as a dental appointment. But I have to admit, it was nice seeing him.
He held up the bag he carried. "Just expanding my CD and DVD collections."
"For all your lonely nights at home?" I joked. But instantly I felt bad, because while I was only teasing, he sort of froze. His gaze swung from me to Chloe.
I was about to apologize, but he grinned. "Nah. For those nights I need a break from all the women." He winked at Chloe and then pulled out a chair.
Yeah, right. My older brother rarely dated, but I wasn"t going to swing the axe at his macho att.i.tude a second time, so I stayed silent. My packages were in his seat. He grabbed them and went to put them on the floor, but then he stopped. His jaw clenched and the muscle in his arm pulsed. Pivoting his head, he shot me a look filled with questions.
I didn"t get-at first-what had my brother so nonplussed. My eyes followed his arm to his hand to the bags he still held. Then I froze. Because that"s when I got it. My pay-attention-to-the-details brother had noticed the maternity shop"s name on my packages. And for once, he was startled enough that he didn"t know what to say.