"I"m a New Englander at heart," smiled Ned, "and Thanksgiving is a sort of meaningful holiday. Particularly when you"re alone in the great and wicked city. I"ve inquired of some of the fellows about Queen Bess"s dinner. It seems that she gives one every Thanksgiving and that they"re quite a tradition or inst.i.tution. I can"t find out what sort they are, though. I suspect some sort of an orgy on the order of the Black Ma.s.s."
At 2 o"clock we left our room and headed for the house of Queen Bess.
A huge and ornamental chamber known as the ballroom, or the parlor, had been converted into a dining-room. Ned and I were early. Six or seven men had arrived. They stood around ill at ease, looking at the flamboyant paintings on the wall as if they were inspecting the t.i.tian room of some museum. Ned, who knew the town, pointed out two of the six as men of means. One was manager of a store. One was a billiard champion in a Michigan Avenue club.
Gradually the room filled up. A dozen more men arrived. Each was admitted by invitation as we had been. Sally, the colored mammy of the house, took charge and bade us be seated. Some twenty men took their places about the long rectangular table. And then a pianist entered. I think it was Prof.
Schultz. He played the piano in the ballrooms of the district. He came in in a brand-new frock coat and patent leather shoes and sat down at the ivories. There was a pause and then the professor struck up, doloroso pianissimo, the tune of "Home, Sweet Home."
As the first notes carrying the almost audible words, "Mid pleasures and palaces" arose from the piano the folding doors at the end of the ballroom parted and there appeared Queen Bess, followed by fifteen of the girls who sold drinks for her. Queen Bess was dressed in black, her white hair coiffured like a hospital superintendent"s. Her girls were dressed in simple afternoon frocks. Neither rouge nor beads were to be seen on them.
And as the professor played "Home, Sweet Home" Queen Bess marched her companions solemnly down the length of the ballroom and seated them at the table.
I remember that before the numerous servitors started functioning Queen Bess made a speech. She stood up at the head of the table, her red face beaming under her white hair and her black eyes commanding the attention of the men and women before her.
"All of you know who I am, blankety blank," said Queen Bess, "and, blankety blank, what a reputation I got. All of you know. But I"ve invited you to this blankety blank dinner, hoping you will humor me for the afternoon and pretend you forget. I would like to see you enjoy yourselves at the banquet board, eat and drink what wine there is and laugh and be thankful, but without pulling any blankety blank rough stuff. I would like to see you enjoy yourselves as if you were in--in your own homes. Which I take it none of you gentlemen have got, seeing you are sitting here at the board of Queen Bess.
"Now, gentlemen," she concluded, "if it"s asking too much of you to forget, the fault is mine and not yours. And n.o.body will be penalized or bawled out, blankety blank him, for being unable to forget. But if you can forget, and if you can let us enjoy ourselves for an afternoon in a blankety blank decent and G.o.d-fearing way--G.o.d love you."
And Queen Bess sat down. We ate and drank and laughed till seven o"clock that evening. And I remember that not one of the twenty men present used a profane word during this time; not one of them did or said anything that wouldn"t have pa.s.sed muster in his own home, if he had one. And that no one got drunk except Queen Bess. Yes, Queen Bess in her black dress got very drunk and swore like a trooper and laughed like a crazy child. And when the party was over Queen Bess stood at the door and we pa.s.sed out, shaking hands with her and giving her our thanks. She stood, steadying herself against the door beam, and saying to each of us as she shook our hands:
"G.o.d love you. G.o.d love you for bringing happiness to a blankety blank blank like old Queen Bess."
THE DAGGER VENUS
The great Gabriel Salvini, whose genius has electrified the populace of a thousand vaudeville centers, sat in his suite at the Astor Hotel and listened glumly to the strains from a phonograph.
"What is the use?" growled the great Salvini. "It is no use. You listen to her."
"New music for your act, signor?"
"No, no, no. My wife. You hear her? She lie on the floor. The phonograph music play. The man call from the phonograph, "one, two; one, two; one, higher; one, two." And my wife, she lie on the floor and she kick up. She kick down. She roll over. She bend back. She bend forward. But it is no use."
"Madam is reducing, then, signor?"
"Bah! She kick. She roll. She jump. I say "Lucia, what good for you to kick and jump when tonight you sit down and you eat; name of G.o.d, how you eat! Potatoes and more potatoes. Bread with b.u.t.ter on it. Meat, pie, cream, candy--ten thousand devils! She eat and eat until the eyes stick out. There is no more place to put. And I say, "Lucia, you eat enough for six weeks every time you set down to the table." I say, "Lucia, look how the MacSwiney of Ireland go for thirty weeks without eating one bite."
Bah!"
"It is difficult to make a woman stop eating, signor."
"Difficult! Aha, but she must stop, or what become of me, the great Salvini, who have 200 medals? Look! I will show you from my book what they say of me. They say, "Salvini is the greatest in his line." They say, "Here is genius; here is a man whose skill transcends the imagination." So what I do if madam keep on growing fatter? Ah, you hear that music? It drive me crazy. I sit every day and listen. You hear her kick. Bang, bang!
That"s how she kick up she lie on the back. Ah, it is tragedy, tragedy!"
I nodded in silence as the great Salvini arose and moved across the room, a dapper figure in a scarlet dressing gown and green silk slippers. He returned with a fresh load of cigarettes. I noticed his hands--thin, gentle-looking fingers, like a woman"s. They quivered perceptibly as he lighted his smoke, and I marveled at this--that the wizard fingers of the great Gabriel Salvini should shake!
"I tell you my story," he resumed. "I tell no one else. But you shall hear it. It is a story of--of this." And he clapped his hand despairingly over his heart. "I suffer. Name of G.o.d, I suffer every day, every night. And why? because! You listen to her. She still kick and kick and kick. And I sit here and think "Where will it all end?" Another five pounds and I am ruined.
"It is ten years ago I meet her. Ah, so beautiful, so sweet, so light--like this." And the great Salvini traced the wavering elfin proportions of the Lucia of his youth in the air with his hands.
"And I say to her, "My beloved, my queen, you and I will be married and we will work together and grow famous and rich." And she say, "Yes." So we marry and begin work at once. I am in Milan, in Italy. And all through the honeymoon I study my Lucia. For my work is hard. All through the honeymoon I use only little stickers I throw at her. I begin that way. Five, six, seven hours a day we practice. Ah, so sweet and beautiful she is as she stand against the board and I throw the little stickers at her. She smile at me, "Have courage, Salvini." And I see the love in her eyes and am happy and my arm and wrist are sure.
"Then I buy the knives to throw at her. I buy the best. Beautiful knives.
I have them made for her special. For not a hair of my beloved"s head must be touched. And we practice with the knives. I am then already famous.
Everybody in Italy knows Salvini, the great knife thrower. They say, "Never has there been a young man of such genius with the knives." But I am only begin.
"Our debut is a success. What do I say, "Success!" Bah! It is like wildfire. They stand up and cheer. "Salvini, Salvini!" they cry. And she, my beloved, stand against the board framed by the beautiful knives that fit exactly around her--to an inch, to a quarter inch, to a hair from her ears and neck. And she stand, and as they cheer for Salvini, the great Salvini, I see her smile at me. Ah, how sweet she is! How happy I am!
"And so we go on. I train all the time. Soon I know the outline of my Lucia so well I can close my eyes and throw knives at her, and always they come with the point only a hair away from her body. I pin her dress against the board. Her arms she stretch out and I give her two sleeves of knives. And for five years, no for eight years, everything go well. Never once I touch her. Always I watch her eyes when I throw and her eyes give me courage.
"But then what happen? Ah, ten thousand devils, she begin. She grow fat.
One night I send a knife through the skin of her arm. I cannot go on with the act. I must stop. I break down and weep. For I love her so much the blood that comes from her arm drive me crazy. But I say, "How did the great Salvini make such a mistake? It is incredible." Then I look at her and I see something. She is getting fat. Name of G.o.d, I shudder. I say, "Lucia, we are ruined. You get fat. I can only throw knives at you like you were, like we have studied together. You get fat. I must change my throw. I cannot!"
The great Salvini raised his shoulders in a despairing shrug.
"Two years ago that was," he whispered. "She weigh one hundred fifty pounds when we marry. So pretty, so light she is. But now she weigh already two hundred pounds, and she is going up. She will not listen to me.
"It is the eat, the eat, the terrible eat which do this. And every night when we perform I shiver, I grow cold. I stand looking at her as she take her place on the board. And I see she have grow bigger. Perhaps it is nothing to you, a woman grown bigger. But to Salvini it is ruin.
"I throw the knife. Zip it goes and I close my eyes each time. I no longer dare give her the beautiful frame as before. But I must throw away.
Because for eight years I have thrown at a target of 150 pounds. And my art cannot change.
"Some day she will be sorry. Yes, some day she will understand what she is doing to me. She will eat, eat until she grow so fat that it is all my target that I mastered on the honeymoon. And I will throw the knife over.
She will no longer be Lucia, and it will hit. Name of G.o.d, it will hit her and sink in."
"Well, she will have learned a lesson then, signor."
"She will have learned. But me, I will be ruined. They will laugh. They will say, "Salvini, the great Salvini, is done. He cannot throw the knives any more. Look, last night he hit his wife. Twice, three, times he threw the knives into her." _Sapristi!_ It is the stubbornness of womankind.
"I will tell you. Why does she eat, eat, eat? Why does she grow fat?
Because she no longer loves me. No, she do it on purpose to ruin me."
And the great Salvini covered his ears with his hands as the phonograph continued relentlessly, "one, two, one, two, higher, two."
LETTERS
One of the drawers in my desk is full of letters that people have sent in.
Some of them are knocks or boosts, but most of them are tips. There are several hundred tips on stories in the drawer.
Today, while looking them over I thought that these tips were a story in themselves. To begin with, the different kinds of stationery and the different kinds of handwriting. You would think that stationery and handwriting so varied would contain varied suggestions and varied points of view.