"I"m stalling for time."
"Time for what?"
"Not for time... I"m stalling for courage."
"We"re orbiting earth."
"How did you follow me?"
"I knew you"d be after Lindsey Joyce. I took over one of my father"s ships. It happened to be "Vorga"
again."
"Does he know?"
"He never knows. I live my own private life."He could not take his eyes off her, and yet it hurt him to look at her. He. was yearning and hating...
yearning for the reality to be undone, hating the truth for what it was. He discovered that he was stroking her handkerchief with tremulous fingers.
"I love you, Olivia."
"I love you, Gully, my enemy."
"For G.o.d"s sake!" he burst out. "Why did you do it? You were aboard "Vorga" running the reff racket.
You gave the order to scuttle them. You gave the order to pa.s.s me by. Why! Why!"
"What?" she lashed back. "Are you demanding apologies?"
"I"m demanding an explanation."
"You"ll get none from me!"
"Blood and money, your father said. He was right. Oh... b.i.t.c.h! b.i.t.c.hI b.i.t.c.h!"
"Blood and money, yes; and unashamed."
"I"m drowning, Olivia. Throw me a lifeline."
"Then drown. n.o.body ever saved me. No- No... This is wrong, all wrong. Wait, my dear. Wait." She composed herself and began speaking very tenderly. "I could lie, Gully dear, and make you believe it, but I"m going to be honest. There"s a simple explanation. I live my own private life. We all do. You do."
"What"s yours?"
"No different from yours... from the rest of the world. I cheat, I lie, I destroy... like all of us. I"m criminal... like all of us."
"Why? For money? You don"t need money."
"No."
"For control... power?"
"Not for power."
"Then why?"
She took a deep breath, as though this truth was the first truth and was crucifying her. "For hatred... To pay you back, all of you."
"For what?"
"For being blind," she said in a smoldering voice. "For being cheated. For being helpless... They should have killed me when I was born. Do you know what it"s like to be blind... to receive life secondhand?
To be dependent, begging, crippled? "Bring them down to your level," I told my secret life. "If you"re blind make them blinder. If you"re helpless, cripple them. Pay them back... all of them.""
"Olivia, you"re insane."
"And you?""I"m in love with a monster."
"We"re a pair of monsters."
"No!"
"No? Not you?" she flared. "What have you been doing but paying the world back, like me? What"s your revenge but settling your own private account with bad luck? Who wouldn"t call you a crazy monster? I tell you, we"re a pair, Gully. We couldn"t help falling in love."
He was stunned by the truth of what she said. He tried on the shroud of her revelation and it fit, clung tighter than the tiger mask tattooed on his face.
"It"s true," he said slowly. "I"m no better than you. Worse. But before G.o.d I never murdered six hundred."
"You"re murdering six million."
"What?"
"Perhaps more. You"ve got something they need to end the war, and you"re holding out."
"You mean PyrE?"
"Yes."
"What is it, this bringer of peace, this twenty pounds of miracle that they"re fighting for?"
"I don"t know, but I know they need it, and I don"t care. Yes, I"m being honest now. I don"t care. Let millions be murdered. It makes no difference to us. Not to us, Gully, because we stand apart. We stand apart and shape our own world. We"re the strong."
"We"re the d.a.m.ned."
"We"re the blessed. We"ve found each other." Suddenly she laughed and held out her arms. "I"m arguing when there"s no need for words. Come to me, my love... Wherever you are, come to me..."
He touched her and then put his arms around her. He found her mouth and devoured her. But he was forced to release her.
"What is it, Gully darling?"
"I"m not a child any more," he said wearily. "I"ve learned to understand that nothing is simple. There"s never a simple answer. You can love someone and loathe them."
"Can you, Gully?"
"And you"re making me loathe myself."
"No, my dear."
"I"ve been a tiger all my life. I trained myself... educated myself... pulled myself up by my stripes to make me a stronger tiger with a longer claw and a sharper tooth... quick and deadly..."
"And you are. You are. The deadliest.""No. I"m not. I went too far. I went beyond simplicity. I turned myself into a thinking creature. I look through your blind eyes, my love whom I loathe, and I see myself. The tiger"s gone."
"There"s no place for the tiger to go. You"re trapped, Gully; by Dagenham, Intelligence, my father, the world."
"I know."
"But you"re safe with me. We"re safe together, the pair of us. They"ll never dream of looking for you near me. We can plan together, fight together, destroy them together..."
"No. Not together."
"What is it?" she flared again. "Are you still hunting me? Is that what"s wrong? Do you still want revenge?
Then take it. Here I am. Go ahead... destroy me."
"No. Destruction"s finished for me."
"Ah, I know what it is." She became tender again in an instant. "It"s your face, poor darling. You"re ashamed of your tiger face, but I love it. You burn so brightly for me. You burn through the blindness.
Believe me..."
"My G.o.d! What a pair of loathsome freaks we are."
"What"s happened to you?" she demanded. She broke away from him, her coral eyes glittering.
"Where"s the man who watched the raid with me? Where"s the unashamed savage who-"
"Gone, Olivia. You"ve lost him. We both have."
"Gully!"
"He"s lost."
"But why? What have I done?"
"You don"t understand, Olivia."
"Where are you?" she reached out, touched him and then clung to him. "Listen to me, darling. You"re tired. You"re exhausted. That"s all. Nothing is lost." The words tumbled out of her. "You"re right. Of course you"re right. We"ve been bad, both of us. Loathsome. But all that"s gone now. Nothing is lost.
We were wicked because we were alone and unhappy. But we"ve found each other; we can save each other. Be my love, darling. Always. Forever. I"ve looked for you so long, waited and hoped and prayed..."
"No. You"re lying, Olivia, and you know it."
"For G.o.d"s sake, Gully!"
"Put "Vorga" down, Olivia."
"Land?"
"Yes."
"On Terra?""Yes."
"What are you going to do? You"re insane. They"re hunting you... waiting for you... watching. What are you going to do?"
"Do you think this is easy for me?" he said. "I"m doing what I have to do. I"m still driven. No man ever escapes from that. But there"s a different compulsion in the saddle, and the spurs hurt, d.a.m.n it. They hurt like h.e.l.l."
He stifled his anger and controlled himself. He took her hands and kissed her palms.
"It"s all finished, Olivia," he said gently. "But I love you. Always. Forever."
"I"ll sum it up," Dagenham rapped. "We were bombed the night we found Foyle. We lost him on the Moon and found him a week later on Mars. We were bombed again. We lost him again. He"s been lost for a week. Another bombing"s due. Which one of the Inner Planets? Venus? The Moon? Terra again?
Who knows. But we all know this: one more raid without retaliation and we"re lost."
He glanced around the table. Against the ivory-and-gold background of the Star Chamber of Castle Presteign, his face, all three faces, looked strained. Y"ang-Yeovil slitted his eyes in a frown. Presteign compressed his thin lips.
"And we know this too," Dagenham continued. "We can"t retaliate without PyrE and we can"t locate the PyrE without Foyle."
"My instructions were," Presteign interposed, "that PyrE was not to be mentioned in public."
"In the first place, this is not public," Dagenham snapped. "It"s a private information pool. In the second place, we"ve gone beyond property rights. We"re discussing survival, and we"ve all got equal rights in that. Yes, Jiz?"
Jisbella McQueen had jaunted into the Star Chamber, looking intent and furious.
"Still no sign of Foyle."
"Old St. Pat"s still being watched?"
"Yes."
"Commando Brigade"s report in from Mars yet?"
"No."
"That"s my business and Most Secret," Y"ang-Yeovil objected mildly.
"You"ve got as few secrets from me as I have from you." Dagenham grinned mirthlessly. "See if you can beat Central Intelligence back here with that report, Jiz. Go."
She disappeared.