"She would like to see more of you," Sir Philip went on in a somewhat blundering fashion. "She is very much alone: it would be a great comfort to her to have some one about her--some one whom she liked--some one who would be like a daughter to her----"
A conviction as to the cause of his visit flashed across Janetta"s mind.
He was going to ask her to become Lady Ashley"s companion! With her usual quickness she forgot to wait for the proposition, and answered it before it was made.
"I wish I could be of some use to Lady Ashley," she said, with the warm directness that Sir Philip had always liked. "I have never seen any one like her--I admire her so much! You will forgive me for saying so, I hope? But I could not be spared from home to do anything for her regularly. If she wants a girl who can read aloud and play nicely, I think I know of one, but perhaps I had better ask Lady Ashley more particularly about the qualifications required?"
"I did not say anything about a companion, did I?" said Sir Philip, with a queer little smile. "Not in your sense of the word, at any rate."
"Oh, I beg your pardon," said Janetta, suddenly flushing scarlet: "I thought--I understood----"
"You could not possibly know what I meant: I was not at all clear," said Sir Philip, decidedly. "I had something else in my mind."
She looked at him inquiringly. He rose from his chair and moved about the room a little, with an appearance of agitation which excited her deepest wonderment. He averted his eyes from her, and there was something like a flush on his naturally pale cheek. He seemed really nervous.
"Is there anything that I can do for Lady Ashley?" said Janetta, at last, when the silence had lasted as long as she thought desirable.
"There is something you can do for me."
"For you, Sir Philip?"
Sir Philip faced her resolutely. "For me, Miss Colwyn. If I tell you in very few words, will you forgive my abruptness? I don"t think it is any use beating about the bush in these matters. Will you be my wife? That is what I came to say."
Janetta sat gazing at him with wide open eyes, as if she thought that he had taken leave of his senses.
"Don"t answer at once; take time," said Sir Philip, quickly. "I know that I may perhaps have startled you: but I don"t want you to answer hastily. If you would like time for reflection, pray take it. I hope that reflection will lead you to say that you will at least try to like me enough to become my wife."
Janetta felt that he was very forbearing. Some men in his position would have thought it sufficient to indicate their choice, and then to expect the favored lady, especially if she were small and brown and plain, and worked for her bread, to fall at his feet in an ecstasy of joy. Janetta had never yet felt inclined to fall at anybody"s feet. But Sir Philip"s forbearance seemed to call for additional care and speed in answering him.
"But--I am sure Lady Ashley----" she began, and stopped.
"My mother will welcome you as a daughter," said Sir Philip, gently.
"She sends her love to you to-day, and hopes that you will consent to make me happy."
Janetta sat looking at her crossed hands. "Oh, it is impossible--impossible," she murmured.
"Why so? If there is no obstacle in--in your own affections, it seems to me that it would be quite possible," said Sir Philip, standing before her in an att.i.tude of some urgency. "But perhaps you have a dislike to me?"
"Oh, no." She could not say more--she could not look up.
"I think I could make your life a happy one. You would not find me difficult. And you need have no further anxiety about your family; we could find some way of managing that. You think as I do about so many subjects that I am sure we should be happy together."
It was a big bribe. That was how Janetta looked at it in that moment.
She was certain that Sir Philip did not love her: she knew that she did not love Sir Philip; and yet--it did seem that she might have a happy, easy, honored life if she consented to marry him--a life that would make her envied by many who had previously scorned her, and which would be, she hoped, productive of good to those whom she deeply loved. It was a bribe--a temptation. She was tempted, as any girl might have been, to exchange her life of toil and anxiety for one of luxury and peace; but there was something that she would also have to lose--the clear, upright conscience, the love of truth, the conviction of well-doing. She could not keep these and become Sir Philip"s wife.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
"CHANGES MUST COME."
She raised her eyes at length, and looked Sir Philip in the face. What a manly, honest, intelligent face it was! One that a woman might well be proud of in her husband: the face of a man whom she might very safely trust. Janetta thought all this, as she made her answer.
"I am very sorry, Sir Philip, but I cannot be your wife."
"You are answering me too hastily. Think again--take a day, a week--a month if you like. Don"t refuse without considering the matter, I beg of you."
Janetta shook her head. "No consideration will make any difference."
"I know that I am not attractive," said her suitor, after a moment"s pause, in a somewhat bitter tone. "I have not known how to woo--how to make pretty speeches and protestations--but for all that, I should make, I believe, a very faithful and loving husband. I am almost certain that I could make you happy, Janetta--if you will let me call you so--may I not try?"
"I should not feel that I was doing right," said Janetta, simply.
It was the only answer that could have made Sir Philip pause. He was quite prepared for hesitation and reluctance of a sort; but a scruple of conscience was a thing that he respected. "Why not?" he said, in a surprised tone.
"I have two or three reasons. I don"t think I can tell them to you, Sir Philip; but they are quite impossible for me to forget."
"Then I think you would be doing better to tell me," said he, gently. He pulled a chair forward, sat down close to Janetta, and quietly laid his hand upon hers. "Now, what are they--these reasons?" he asked.
Her seat was lower than his chair, and she was obliged to lift her eyes when she looked at him. His face compelled truthfulness. And Janetta was wise enough to know whom she might trust.
"If I speak frankly, will you forgive me?" she said.
"If you will speak frankly, I shall esteem it a great honor."
"Then," said Janetta, bravely, "one of my reasons is this. You are most kind, and I know that you would be always good to me. I might even, as you say, be very happy after a time, but you do not--care for me--you do not love me, and"--here she nearly broke down--"and--I think you love some one else."
Sir Philip made a movement as if to take away his hand; but he restrained himself and grasped hers still more closely.
"And who is it that I am supposed to care for?" he asked, in a light tone.
"Margaret," Janetta answered, almost in a whisper. Then there was a silence, and this time Sir Philip did slowly withdraw his hand. But he did not look angry.
"I see," he said, "you are a friend of hers: you doubtless heard about my proposition to her concerning the Miss Polehampton business."
Janetta looked surprised. "No, I heard nothing of that. And indeed I heard very little from Margaret. I heard a good deal from Lady Caroline."
"Ah, that woman!" cried Sir Philip, getting up and making a little gesture with his hand, expressive of contempt. "She is worldly to the core. Did she tell you why Margaret refused me?"
"I did not know--exactly--that she had. Lady Caroline said that it was a misunderstanding," said Janetta, the startled look growing in her eyes.
"Just like her. She wanted to bring me back. Forgive me for speaking so hotly, but I am indignant with Lady Caroline Adair. She has done Margaret incalculable harm."
"But Margaret herself is so sweet and generous and womanly," said Janetta, watching his face carefully, "that she would recover from all that harm if she were in other hands."
"Yes, yes; I believe she would," he answered, eagerly. "It only needs to take her from her mother, and she would be perfect." He stopped, suddenly abashed by Janetta"s smile. "In her way, of course, I mean," he added, rather confusedly.