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THIS CHAPTER IS WRITTEN IN 3RD PERSON POINT OF VIEW
Vanessa"s knees were still shaking as she arrived at a known bar in The Fort. She didn"t mind the crowd, including the whiff of alcohol and cigarette combined. She just really wanted to unwind and steer clear of her worthless husband.
What"s up with her? She has grown tired of understanding Allen and of giving him countless chances when it seems like he couldn"t stand being without his ex-girlfriend. "Bulls.h.i.+t, then why don"t they just stay together?! He is doing what he wants? Then I"ll do mine."
She took off her cardigan, revealing her in mini skirt and spaghetti-strapped top. She started to feel hot as the place got wall-to-wall-people, like there"s no room for any more. All were hyped up and dancing to the rave music. She thought that maybe, she has already outgrown such kind of places after she easily went light-headed and woozy beneath the dry, smoke-swirled array of blue, acid green, hot pink, and gold dis...o...b..r light twirling above her.
Meanwhile, she wiped the tears on her cheeks and took a sigh. She was about to go straight to the wine bar counter when suddenly, a man touched her. She was about to pull her arm back thinking that the man might be going cheeky on her, but she stiffened.
“V-vanessa?” The guy muttered.
She only stood still. How come he knew her?
She squinted her eyes, trying to recognize who the man in front of her was. He looked familiar, but she cannot see him clearly as it was quite dark inside the bar.
“W-what are you doing here? Are you with Allen?” He continued.
“I-I"m sorry? I can"t hear you…” Vanessa responded with wrinkled forehead. She couldn"t hear him clearly to the loud music and upbeat rhythm in the place. The club remix of Stars.h.i.+ps started playing and they were standing close to one of the speakers.
“Who are you?” She added.
To her surprise, the man moved his face closer to her ear. Her senses got her to step back as the man might be up to something, when actually, he was only about to whisper on her ear, “It"s me, Marco. Where"s Allen? Does he know you"re here?”
She immediately pulled her arm back after knowing who the man was. So… It"s her husband"s loyal drinking buddy!
“Don"t you dare tell him I"m here!” She pointed finger and then turned her back on him. Marco called her, but she didn"t look back. She slipped in among the crowd – amidst the people dancing their a.s.ses high out and bubbling at each other – to hide herself out.
Very unfortunate, indeed, that Marco"s in the same place! She"s so sure he"d call her good husband to tell him about her. She just shook her head and went straight to the wine bar counter. She sat on the high stool and ordered the strongest drink they could offer. She didn"t care if she"d go home legless. Well actually, she didn"t want to go home; she didn"t want to see her husband ever again!
“He"s an a.s.shole! He told me he can"t live without me? f.u.c.k! With what he did, he"ll lose me!” She cried inside. Wrapping her fingers around the gla.s.s, she drank the brandy in it straight. Then, she gripped a fistful of her hair and leaned her arms on the table. She can"t help but shed tears to what her husband did to her. In fact, she hasn"t stopped from weeping since. Even on her way to the bar, tears have already rung the blues. She"s pressing with a heavy heart. For her, it felt like being fooled.
She really thought that her husband has already changed. She thought everything has started falling into place seeing the significant change in her husband"s behavior, including bringing in a fear of her. But she was wrong! Why did she easily believe all of his promises?
Then, it all came to her senses - what she should"ve said and done earlier. She wished it wasn"t only Allen that she slapped on the face; his ex-girlfriend should"ve tasted a bittersweet bang as well. She should"ve pulled her hair sternly and dragged her out of the restaurant. But, s.h.i.+t! She was too vulnerable and fragile that she didn"t have the will to do all those things to them. She hasn"t even properly expressed herself after feeling so down in the dumps.
"d.a.m.n you, Allen! d.a.m.n you! That slap wouldn"t suffice for casting a slur on my life! If only I"m brave and strong enough, I have even kicked your a.s.s! I would yell at you with the highest and loudest voice that I can and tell you all the pain you inflicted on me." But no, she was knocked on the loop and left with no words. She wasn"t even able to defend herself; she was left with no choice but to just run away. s.h.i.+t!
She wanted to believe that she was just mistaken about what happened earlier, that none of it were true. But no, everything"s real!
She recognized Allen"s polo; she even prepared it this morning. She saw it with her own eyes. They were laughing together; he was smiling and he seemed so happy – that killed her. He really didn"t care about her. Why is she such a fool believing that they would be happy? Her husband pays no heed on her!
His aura was different – the way he laughed… t"was offbeat. She saw him that happy only then. During those times that they are married and together, she has never seen him extremely blissful. What does that mean – that Lauren"s better? Is that it?
Tears started falling from her eyes yet again. It"s not just plain, simple jealousy that she"s enduring; she"s angry. She"s very mad at her husband! She hastily wiped her tears, poured more alcohol in her gla.s.s, and drank. She has just tossed off a few gla.s.ses, but she already started feeling tipsy. She"s really not used to drinking; she just wanted to forget. Somehow.
She straightened up on her seat when she felt a man sit on the high stool next to her. The man possessed a strong s.e.x appeal - oh, it might just be his fitted plain black s.h.i.+rt. His face was tough and defined, and his features looked molded from granite. No doubt, he"s a total head turner.
Supposedly, Vanessa wouldn"t be giving the man any of her attention. She felt uncomfortable as he wouldn"t take off his gaze at her. Well, who wouldn"t notice her on such kind of clothes? They were too s.e.xy, unveiling her flawless skin, leaving her almost naked.
She softly wiped her tear dry and drank another gla.s.s of brandy. She was surprised when the man moved his chair closer to her and placed a handkerchief near her gla.s.s. Then, he whispered near her ear, “You know what, I hate to see such a beautiful lady crying.”
She gasped for breath and turned her head to look at the man. She was stunned. She stepped back as his face deemed so close to hers that she could even smell his breath – alcohol. It turned out that he was also drunk, shown by his blus.h.i.+ng cheeks.
“I know a great way for you to forget your problem.” He added.
“P-pardon?” She said, frowning. She didn"t hear him clearly as a DJ spoke at once. At the back of her thoughts, she knew the man was going cheeky on her - he was even smirking. She didn"t like the coa.r.s.e vibe on his face. He"s really drunk.
She was about to stand up to transfer to a different seat when the man rove his hands on her legs. She was surprised by his l.u.s.tful touch! Gooseb.u.mps expended her body. She immediately got up from the high stool and pushed the man away, “D-don"t touch me!”
Instead of putting the man at a distance, it was her who was shoved off backwards. It was as if she was too weak that the man didn"t even move an inch. Her heart throbbed fast and hard. She panicked when he pulled her on the arm. He moved her body close to his and whispered on the side of her face, “Come on, s.l.u.t! No more acting. There"s a vacant room upstairs. Let"s f*ck each other hard. You want that, don"t you?”
Her eyes bulged in utmost shock! The purse and cardigan almost fell off her hands. She wanted to slap the man on the face for being so rude, but fear has grown her sensations. The man even dared to pull her on the waist that she couldn"t cast loose. She wasn"t sure if it was the alcohol, but she stiffened and couldn"t move.
The next thing she knew, the man already slumped on the floor with her husband over, throwing him punches. Allen seemed like a lion that bailed out the jungle.
“a.s.sH*LE! DON"T YOU DARE LAY A FINGER ON MY WIFE!” Allen shouted at the man as he smashed him hard on the face.
The music stopped and the lights stood pat. They caught all attention.
“Allen! Stop it!” Vanessa was about to break in when Marco suddenly came and stopped her. It was like a bolt of electricity ran down her spine.
She looked at him with eyes fuming in anger, “You! You told him I"m here, didn"t you?! Why do you keep on meddling on our business?!” She yelled.
Marco could only bow his head down.
She knew it! Marco would tell Allen where she was! d.a.m.n it!
Allen won"t stop cursing and beating the man. All eyes were already on them, t"was embarra.s.sing! If the bouncers didn"t come to stop them, he wouldn"t get his hands off the man.
Several people tried to stop Allen, but he only sternly shoved them away. Then, he went near Vanessa and pulled her on the arm, “We"re going home. NOW!” Anger domineered his voice, then he dragged her outside the bar.
She forcibly removed the tight grip of her husband on her arm, but she couldn"t. Son of a b.i.t.c.h! “Stop it, Allen! You"re hurting me! Don"t you really care about me?! It f*cking hurts!”
“ENOUGH, VANESSA! I DIDN"T LIKE WHAT YOU DID!”
Her mouth dropped open.
She couldn"t believe he still had the nerve to be agitated! He put advert to her fault instantly when it was him who started it earlier at the restaurant. What, did he forget that already? Then he"s really an a.s.shole! She didn"t like what he did either!
Just in a few, Allen has already brought Vanessa out of the bar. She even saw Leila and her husband"s cold-fish ex-girlfriend waiting for them.
“Allen! You don"t need to drag Vannie! She can walk!” Leila exclaimed as they pa.s.sed through them.
Just like the old times, Allen didn"t hear a thing. He almost tossed her in the car. He even threatened her not to dare get out as he hurriedly went to the driver"s seat and get inside. As he sat, he sternly brushed his hair with his fingers, then turned the car engine on. Vanessa heard him cursing along the way, but she didn"t give a d.a.m.n, "Do as you please. Bulls.h.i.+t!"
She didn"t talk to him the whole trip while Allen didn"t speak either. His eyes were locked on the road, his forehead wrinkled, and his fists trembling in extreme frustration.
***
“WHAT DID I TELL YOU, VANESSA?! DIDN"T I TELL YOU NOT TO GO TO SUCH PLACES?!”
That was the first thing Allen burst out when they got home.
She paid no heed. She"s already fed up hearing his arguments. She hastily went upstairs without saying any word while Allen came after her.
“VANESSA, SH*T! COME BACK HERE! I"M TALKING TO YOU!” He called in a loud voice.
“WEREN"T YOU THINKING? WHY DID YOU GO THERE?! d.a.m.n IT! IF I DIDN"T COME, THAT a.s.sHOLE MIGHT HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO YOU ALREADY! I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO TO DIRTY PLACES LIKE THAT! AND LOOK AT YOU! WHAT"S THAT YOU"RE WEARING! WHAT ARE YOU, A Wh.o.r.e?!”
“WHY DO YOU CARE?!” Vanessa answered unreasonably. “You don"t care about me right? If I wanna get drunk and flirt with somebody else, it"s none of your business!”
She was about to close the bedroom door on his husband, but he tussled and prevented her from doing so, "F*ck! It"s my d.a.m.n business! I"m your husband!” Allen responded as he forcibly pushed the door open.
Vanessa ran ragged, so she has just let her husband find his way in.
She tossed off the purse and cardigan that she was holding onto the bed, and then headed to the old closet on the corner of the room. She quickly took out her luggage bag from there. "This marriage is going nowhere." Her conscience shouted at her. "If he couldn"t love and take care of me, then he has no right to f*cking stay in my life."
“W-what are you doing?” Allen haltingly asked. He stopped dead in tracks, looking blankly at his wife who was busily packing her things up.
Vanessa didn"t say a word. It was obvious that she was leaving. Does she still need to explain why? Aren"t everything that she endured enough?
“Vanessa, what"s this?” Allen asked, breaking out in cold sweat as he tried holding Vanessa"s hands to stop her, but she just fended him off, completely frustrated.
She looked at her husband with eyes seething in anger. “What do you think, Allen? Isn"t it obvious that I"m leaving you?” She stressed out, then went back on packing her things up. She hurriedly brought her clothes out from the dresser and hurled them onto the luggage bag. Nothing and no one could stop her at that time. She"s really ready to leave him. Enough. Everything"s just too much. She"s entirely sick and tired.
She turned her back on her husband and was about to go inside the CR to get some of her things when he suddenly pulled her on the arms and turned her about face.
“Y-you can"t leave me, Van.” He said.
She smirked, “Yes I can! And I"m doing it now!”
With all strength, she pushed him away on the chest. She was about to turn around but she was shocked when Allen kicked her luggage bag.
“SH*T! d.a.m.n IT, VANESSA! YOU"RE TOO DIFFICULT TO LOVE!”
She was stunned. She turned around to look at her husband. She shook like a leaf when she saw his eyes fuming in anger, but she didn"t let him notice. She deemed to come brave and strong; she had to defend herself, just for once. Even just for that moment, she wanted to fight for herself.
“Why don"t you give me time to explain?” He said with his voice jumping down on his throat. “You"re suddenly leaving?! What about me?”
Vanessa shut her eyes hard. There they go, pa.s.sing the buck again.
“I"M TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR EXPLANATIONS, ALLEN!” She exclaimed like a ball of fire after she opened her eyes. “IT HAPPENS EVERYTIME… WE FIGHT, THEN CEASEFIRE, THEN FIGHT AGAIN… AGAIN AND AGAIN. IF YOU"RE STILL NOT TIRED OF THIS RELATIONs.h.i.+P, THEN I AM! I DON"T CARE ABOUT YOUR EXPLANATIONS! MAY THAT BE VALID OR NOT, YOU STILL LIED! YOU TOLD ME YOU WON"T SEE HER AGAIN! I WAS JUST OUT FOR A WHILE, AND YOU"RE WITH HER INSTANTLY! …
OVERTIME, HUH?! IF YOU"RE STILL IN LOVE WITH HER, THEN GO WITH HER! I"M DONE HERE! LET"S STOP THIS, ALLEN. I"M BEGGING YOU!”
“I DIDN"T WANT TO BE WITH HER!” Allen defended. “YOU CAN"T MAKE CONCLUSIONS RIGHT AWAY! YOU DON"T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! I WAS ABOUT TO GO HOME THEN. I TRIED TO FINISH MY WORK EARLY. I JUST b.u.mPED INTO HER WHILE BUYING SOMETHING FOR YOU! SHE INVITED ME TO DINNER SINCE SHE"S LEAVING TOMORROW. IT"S JUST THAT! DID I MISS SOMETHING, VANESSA?! TELL ME!”
“YOU TOLD ME YOU"LL STOP SEEING HER!”
“I HAD NO CHOICE! SHE INSISTED. AND BESIDES, IT WAS JUST A DINNER, VAN. JUST A SIMPLE DINNER! AND ONLY BECAUSE OF THAT, YOU"LL DO THIS?! YOU EVEN WENT TO THAT G.o.dd.a.m.n PLACE?! AND FOR WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU PROVING? THAT YOU CAN HANDLE YOURSELF? SH*T! IF I HADN"T COME, SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU!”
“DON"T YOU Pa.s.s ONTO ME THE BLAME. DON"T YOU STICK ONTO ME THE PROBLEM!” Vanessa blurted out in much frustration. “AND IT"S NOT ONLY BECAUSE OF THAT, ALLEN! TSK. YOU REALLY CAN"T UNDERSTAND, CAN YOU?!” Then she stroked on her temples.
She didn"t know how to get into the deep weeds to make things clear for her husband. He seemed to can"t understand that it"s not just mere meeting up and having dinner with Lauren that she"s concerned about. h.e.l.l, no! It"s not just that. There"s more… A lot more.
She breathed in deeply, tried to change the tone in her voice, and said in disdain, “Pardon me, huh? I just believed in your promise and thought you"d live up to it. Sorry that I was too gullible. Don"t worry. It won"t happen again.”
Then Allen got a hold of her on the arm saying, “STOP IT!”
"I"m sorry. I really didn"t know that you won"t—"
“ENOUGH WITH YOUR SARCASM, VANESSA!”
She felt even heavier in her heart, then she looked at her husband sharply, “You know what, Allen? Instead of yelling at me, why can"t you just say sorry? Haven"t it crossed your mind that it might just be what I"m waiting for?” She said coldly as she pulled her arm back.
“And please, don"t tell me I"m difficult to love! Why don"t you look at yourself first… You"re the one that"s difficult to love!”
Then, she gasped for air. She can"t breathe properly to the extreme emotions prowling her sensations at that moment. Tears can"t even fall down her eyes! It was anger that domineered her heart.
She took off the necklace she"s wearing which was a gift from her husband, then hurled it off to his chest, “Get out of my life, Allen.”
She was finally going inside the bathroom, but sh*t, she was pulled by him on the arm again.
“WHY ARE YOU BEING SO AGGRESSIVE?! YOU EVEN HAVE THE NERVES TO LEAVE?! YOU THINK YOU CAN FIGHT ME NOW, HUH, VANESSA?! YOU THINK YOU"RE STRONG?!” He gripped her arm harder.
“allen! Ouch!” She wailed.
“YOU WANT TO LEAVE?!” He yelled on her face. “FINE! THEN GET OUT NOW!” He sternly pulled her, including her luggage bag. He dragged her out of the room, and then downstairs.
She couldn"t hold it back. Tears, which have brimmed her eyes, started falling down her cheeks.
“ALLEN, STOP IT! Y-YOU"RE HURTING ME! YOU DON"T NEED TO DRAG ME!” She shouted in between her sobs.
Her ghostly skin looked grotesque to her husband"s strain of her arm. Several times she lost balance and twisted her feet as he dragged her downstairs. Should she thank the heavens for being lucky not to have her bones broken?
“d.a.m.n IT, LEAVE! THIS IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT EVEN BEFORE RIGHT? THEN FINE! GET OUT! LEAVE ME!”
On the living room, she slumped onto the floor. Her face almost smashed onto the tiles if she had not leaned her arms against it. Her lips might have been bursting blood, too. "Overwhelmed" was an understatement to describe how dumbfounded she was to what her husband did. She shut her eyes hard and wept. She cried silently as her tears fell down on the tiled floor.
He seemed to have not found contentment to the beating he did to his wife yet. He walked near her and pulled her hair so harshly that she could only cry out so loudly.
“YOU DON"T TRUST ME! I KNOW WHAT I"M DOING, VANESSA! IT"S YOU WHO THINKS FOOLISHLY!” He yelled, then released her.
She went light-headed and woozy. Her face exploded into misery as tears aggressively rolled down her cheeks. The whole of her face was drenched in tears that she couldn"t be recognized any longer. Strands of hair were a mess that stuck onto it, too.
"Allen doesn"t really care!" She"s not the one at fault, but he still had the guts to blow the fuse.
Suddenly, she stopped crying when she felt severe muscle cramps on her lower abdomen. She panicked.
She instantly held her core and the sofa near her to help herself stand up, but, G.o.d, she just can"t. She ended up lying on the floor and curling to her side. She screeched to the punis.h.i.+ng pain she was feeling on her lower abdomen. It was like an extreme dysmenorrhea or the first phase of dying. She didn"t know how to position her body to lessen the pain. It"s different – unbearable.
She then felt something coming out from her, rus.h.i.+ng down her legs, so she looked down.
She almost pa.s.sed out after seeing blood and her whole body literally quivered. She wiped her thigh and was stunned when she confirmed it was real blood! She lifted her hand up, trembling in fear. She was left speechless to what loomed before her sight.
Again, she took a hold of her core. Pain stroke even more intensely than earlier, as if she was being beaten up over and over again. She"s not naive; she completely knew what"s going on. Until she could no longer bear it, she screamed to the extreme pain! She can"t think straight. Right then, all she wanted was for the pain to stop.
Gradually, she started feeling weak and all the more scared of what"s happening. Shaking, she extended her reach to Allen who was standing still beside her - stiff and pale - and begged, “Allen, h-help me. Please help me."
The next thing she knew, Allen was already carrying her in his arms. “I"m sorry Van. Sorry. I didn"t want this. I"m really sorry. Please…” He won"t stop saying sorry, but that"s not what she needed at that moment.
Allen got Vanessa inside the car fast. He laid her down the pa.s.senger"s area at the back and hurriedly went to the driver"s seat. “H-hold on, Vanessa. I promise to drive fast. Don"t close your eyes, don"t sleep.
Stay with me.” He haltingly begged as he turned the car engine on.
On the other hand, Vanessa laid on her side on the car seat, trying to exert pressure on her lower abdomen. It was just too much! She has just experienced such pain only then. It seemed like she already dried out of blood.
She cried her heart out even harder. She held onto her femineity, as if preventing the blood from flowing out.
Stay with me?
Why, Allen?
Why does she need to endure all of these? She just loved and she only wanted to be loved by him. Wholeheartedly. Is that so difficult? Does she need to feel all these hards.h.i.+ps just to get what she wanted?
She just needed her husband"s full love and attention. Why can"t he give that to her? What more? What else does her husband want her to endure?
She"s pregnant and she didn"t even know? How come she didn"t?
"If something bad happens to my baby, I can"t ever forgive you, Allen! Never!"
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