"That"s all right. And now, old fellow, you mustn"t make any more blunders on my account; you must let me make my own. I leave England in a few days."
"Well, I suppose you must do as you like. I"ll come and see you off."
"No," said I firmly. "I shall say good-bye to you here, Edgar. I have very particular reasons for it, and you must give way to me in this."
He tried to change my mind; he wanted to know my reasons; but he was unsuccessful in both attempts. I knew how obstinate he was, and that if I once allowed him to go with me to town, he would be sure to subject me to more painful meetings in the endeavour to persuade me to remain in England. Luckily for me, the very next day the Marquis telegraphed to his son to join him immediately in Monmouthshire; and no sooner had Edgar left the house, with the sure knowledge that he should not see me again, than I fulfilled his fears by instant preparation for my own departure. I had discarded all disguises, and contented myself by masking my face as much as possible with a travelling cap and a m.u.f.fler; on arriving in town I went to an hotel in Covent Garden, where I was not known, and by the evening of the following day I had provided myself with the outfit of a Transpontine villain, a low-crowned, wide-brimmed soft hat and a black Spanish cloak.
In this get-up, which, when not made too conspicuous by a stage-walk and melodramatic glances around, is really a very efficient disguise both of form and features, I knew myself to be quite safe from recognition anywhere, and having decided to start from Charing Cross for Cologne by way of Ostend on the following morning, I devoted the evening of my second day in town to a last look round.
CHAPTER IV
It was Sat.u.r.day evening; a week of fog having been succeeded by a week of rain, the pavements were now well coated with black slimy mud, in which one kept one"s footing as best one could, stimulated by plentiful showers of the same substance, in a still more fluid state, flung by the wheels of pa.s.sing vehicles.
Oh, wisely-governed city, where there is work for thousands of starving men, while thousands of men are starving for want of work! If a boy can keep a crossing clean in a crowded thoroughfare, could not an organised gang of men, ten times as numerous and twice as active as our gentle scavengers, save the sacred boots, skirts, and trousers of the respectable cla.s.ses from that brush-resisting abomination, London mud? I respectfully recommend this suggestion to my betters with the a.s.surance that, if it is considered of any value, there are plenty more where that came from.
Starting from Covent Garden, I made my way through King Street, Garrick Street, Cranbourne Street, Leicester Square and Coventry Street, into Regent Street, and was struck by a hundred common London sights and incidents which, in the old days, when my own life was so idle and yet so absorbing, had entirely escaped my notice. Oxford Street, Bond Street, Piccadilly, St. James"s Street, I made the tour of them all; past the clubs, of many of which I was a member, brushing, unrecognised, by a dozen men who had known me well, into Trafalgar Square, where the gas-lamps cast long glittering lines of light on the wet pavement, and the spire of St. Martin"s and the dome of the National Gallery rose like gray shadow-palaces above in the rainy air.
I dined at a restaurant in the Strand, and then, growing confident in the security of my disguise, I thought I would take a farewell glance at an old chum who had run Edgar pretty close in my esteem. He was an actor, and was fulfilling an engagement at a theatre in the Strand.
When I add that he played what are technically called "juvenile"
parts--that is to say, those of the stage lovers--my taste may seem strange, until I explain that Fabian Scott was the very worst of all the fashionable "juveniles," being addicted to literary and artistic pursuits and other intellectual exercises which, while permissible and innocuous to what are called "character" actors, are ruin to "juveniles," whose business requires vigour rather than thought, picturesqueness rather than feeling. So that Fabian, with his thin keen face, his intensity, and some remnant of North-country stiffness, stood only in the second rank of those whom the ladies delighted to worship; and becoming neither a great artist nor a great popinjay, gave his friends a sense of not having done quite the best with himself, but was a very interesting, if somewhat excitable companion.
For my own part I had then, not knowing how vitally important the question of his character would one day become to me, nothing to wish for in him save that he were a little less sour and a little more sincere.
The stage-door was up a narrow and dirty court leading from the Strand. At the opening of the court stood a stout fair man, who looked like a German, and whose coa.r.s.e, swollen face and dull eyes bore witness to a life of low dissipation. He was respectably but not well dressed, and he swung the cheap and showy walking-stick in his hand slowly backwards and forwards, in a stolidly swaggering and aggressive manner. I should not have noticed him so particularly, but for the fact that he filled the narrow entrance to the pa.s.sage so completely that I had to ask him to let me pa.s.s. Instead of immediately complying, he looked at me from my feet to my head with surly, half-tipsy insolence, and gave a short thick laugh.
"Oh, so you"re one of the swells, I suppose, who come hanging round stage-doors to tempt hard-working respectable women away from their lawful husbands! But it won"t do. I tell you it won"t do!"
I pushed him aside with one vigorous thrust and went up the court, followed by the outraged gentleman, who made no attempt to molest me except by a torrent of abusive eloquence, from which I gathered that he was the husband of one of the actresses at the theatre, and that she did not appreciate the virtues of her lord and master as he considered she ought, but that, nevertheless, he persisted in affording her the protection of his manly arm, and would do so in spite of all the d----d "mashers" in London.
At this point the stage-doorkeeper came out of his little box, and informed the angry gentleman that if he went on disgracing the place by his scandalous conduct his wife"s services would be dispensed with; "and if there"s no money for her to earn, there"ll be no beer for you to drink, Mr. Ellmer," continued the little old man, with more point than politeness.
The threat had instant effect. Mr. Ellmer subsided into indignant mumbling, and went down the court again.
I had forgotten myself in interest at the rout of Mr. Ellmer, to whom I had taken a rabid dislike, and was standing in the full, if feeble light of the gas over the stage-door, when an inner door was thrust open, and the next moment Fabian Scott was shaking my hand heartily.
"Hallo, Harry! I am glad to see you again. I was afraid you were going away without a word to your old friends; but you were always better than your reputation. Got over your accident all right--eh?"
"As well as could be expected, I suppose. I start for Germany to-morrow."
"Ah!" By this one exclamation he signified that he understood the case, and knew that my mind was definitely made up. Actors are men of the world, and I felt the relief of talking to him after the stolid and obstinate misapprehension with which dear old Edgar persisted in meeting my reasons for saying good-bye to society. "It was good of you not to go without coming here," he went on, appreciating the fact that my visit must have entailed an effort.
"To tell the truth, I meant to see you without your seeing me; but I got interested in a moral victory just obtained by your doorkeeper over an eloquent visitor, and so you caught me."
Scott glanced at the swaggering Ellmer.
"Drunken brute!" said he, with much disgust. "His wife--a hard-working little woman, who acts under the name of Miss Bailey--has had to bring her child to the theatre with her to-night, for fear he should get home before her and frighten the poor little thing. Look! here they come. One wonders how a wild beast can be the father of an angel."
Scott was an ardent worshipper of beauty; but I, a cooler mortal, could not think his raptures excessive when he stood aside to make way for a slim, pale, pretty woman, to whose hand there clung a child so beautiful that my whole heart revolted at the thought that the tipsy ruffian a few paces off was her father. Both mother and child were shabbily dressed, in clothes which gave one the idea that November had overtaken them before they could afford to replace the garments of July. The little one was about eight years old, a slender creature with a flower-like face, round which, from under a home-made red velvet cap, her light-brown hair fell in a naturally curly tangle.
Something in her blue eyes reminded me of the childlike charm of Helen"s. Scott stopped them to say good-night, effusively addressing the child as his little sweetheart, and telling her that if the boy who gave her an apple last Sunday gave her another the next day, he should find out where he lived and murder that boy.
"Beware, Babiole, of arousing the jealousy of a desperate man," he ended, folding his arms and tossing back his head.
The child took his outburst quite seriously.
"If he offers me another apple I must take it," she answered in a sweet demure little voice. "It would be rude to refuse. But you needn"t be angry, for I can like you too."
"Like me _too_!" thundered Scott, with melodramatic gestures. "Heaven and earth! This is how the girl dares to trifle with the fiercest pa.s.sion that ever surged in a human breast!"
"If you"re fierce I shan"t like you," said the little one, in her measured way. "Papa"s fierce, and he frightens me and mamma."
"Will you like me, little madam?" I ventured; and, knowing that my disfigured face was well concealed, I held out my hand. "I will love you very gently."
I made my voice as soft as I could, but the deep tones or the sombre black figure frightened her. The quaint matronly demeanour suddenly gave way to a child"s fright, and she hid her face in the folds of her mother"s black cloth jacket. Then mamma began to rebuke in a voice and manner oddly like the child"s; and Fabian seized Babiole and lifted her up to kiss her.
"And now will you give me a kiss?" said he to her.
"Yes, Mr. Scott." She gave him a kiss with the same demure simplicity.
"And will you promise to kiss n.o.body but me till you see me again?"
"Really, Mr. Scott," interrupted the mother rather tartly, "you shouldn"t put such ideas into the child"s head. They"ll come quite soon enough of their own accord."
She had one eye upon her husband, who was waiting farther down the court; and the wifely desire to be "at him" seemed to put a little extra vinegar into her tone. With a hasty good-night to Fabian, and a frosty little bow to the unknown black figure, she said, "Come, Babiole," and hurried away with the child.
Scott put his arm through mine, and we followed them slowly back into the Strand, where, amidst the throng of people who had just poured out of the theatres, we soon lost sight of them. We did not go far together, for Fabian had an appointment to supper; but before we parted, he, more ready-witted than Edgar, had talked me into a promise that, when the summer came round and he had a chance of a holiday, I would let him know where I was, that he might invite himself to come and see me.
"You don"t think I shall come back among you again, then?" I said curiously.
"I don"t know. The taste for wandering, like all other tastes, grows with indulgence. Good-bye, Harry, and G.o.d bless you whereever you go."
I wrung his hand, scarcely able to speak. His words were a prophecy, I knew; and at the moment of taking this last outsider"s look at the scenes of my old life, it seemed to me that a dungeon-door had swung to on youth and hope and happiness, shutting me in for ever to a very lonely solitude.
"Good-bye, good-bye, Fabian," said I, and I walked hastily away lest I should keep on wringing his hand all night.
For three hours more I walked about the London streets, unable to tear myself away from them, sneaking again past the clubs, with a feeling of gushing affection towards a score of idiotic young men and prosy old ones who pa.s.sed me on the pavement on their way in or out, devoured by a longing to exchange if only half a dozen words with men whom I had often avoided as bores. Near the steps of the Carlton I did try to address one quiet old gentleman whom, on account of his rapacity for papers, I had cordially hated. A ridiculous shyness made me hoa.r.s.e; and on hearing a husky voice close to his ears in almost apologetic tones, he started violently, cried, "Eh, what? No, no!
Here--hansom!" and I retreated like one of the d.a.m.ned.
I got into Grosvenor Square, pa.s.sed through a throng of carriages, and saw the bright lights in a house where they were giving a birthday dance to which I had been specially invited months before. Helen would be there, I knew; I felt a jealous satisfaction in remembering that old Saxmundham was away, nursing his gout at Torquay. What of that?
There were plenty of other men to step into my shoes. At first I thought I would stay, and walk up and down the square for the chance of one more look at her. How well I knew how she would come down the steps, in a timid hesitating way, half-dazzled by the lights she had just left, poising each little dainty foot a moment above the next step, flit into the carriage like a soft white bird, and drop her pretty head back with a sigh, "Oh, I"m so tired, mamma!" her white throat curved gently above the swansdown of her cloak, the golden fringe of curls falling limply almost to her eyebrows. I must wait--I must see her again! What! On the arm of another man! The blood rushed into my head as these incoherent thoughts rose rapidly in my mind; all the pa.s.sions of my life, of my youth, dammed up as they had suddenly been by my accident and its fatal consequences, seemed to surge up, break through the barriers of resignation and resolve, and make a madman of me. I was not master of myself, I could not count upon what I should do if I saw her; seeing my way no more than if I had been blind or intoxicated, I turned away, and finding myself presently in silent Bond Street, I got into a hansom and went back to my hotel.
I fancied that night that sooner or later I should end by suicide; but in the morning I had to pack, to buy things for my journey, and to set out on my travels. The worst wrench was over; before I had left England a week, I was almost a philosopher.
For five years I lived a wanderer"s life, and found it fairly to my liking. I hunted the boar in Germany, the wolf in France, went salmon-fishing in Norway, shot two tigers in India; got as far as California in search of adventures, of which I had plenty; pa.s.sed a fortnight with Red Indians, whom on the whole I prefer in pictures; and began to acquire a distaste for civilisation, mitigated by enjoyment of meetings once a year with Edgar and Fabian Scott.
I retained the lease of a shooting-box and of a few miles of deer-forest by the Deeside, between Ballater and picturesque little Loch Muick. Larkhall, as the house was called, became, therefore, our yearly rendezvous. On our second meeting, the party was increased by a new member, Mr. William Fussell, a gentleman who was "something in the City." I never could quite make out what that something was, but it must have been some exceedingly pleasant and lucrative profession, since Mr. Fussell, while constantly describing himself as one of the unlucky ones, was always in spirits high, not to say rollicking, and was gifted with powers of enjoyment which could only be the result of long and a.s.siduous practice. I had met him at a German hotel, where I had been struck by the magnificent insolence of his a.s.sertion that he had acquired a thorough command of the German language in three weeks, and by the astonishing measure of success which attended his daring plunges into that tongue. He was serenely jolly, selfish, and sociable, pathetically complaining of his wife"s conduct in letting him come away for his holiday by himself, and enjoying himself very much without her. He was so envious of my good fortune when I said that I was going boar-hunting, that I invited him to accompany me; and as he showed much pluck in a rather nasty encounter we had with an infuriated boar, and much frankness in owning afterwards that he was frightened, I forthwith invited him to Scotland, and he accepted the invitation, as he did all good things which came in his way, with avidity.