Therefore it may astonish you when I confess that, at the time you temporarily lost your head, I was conscious of an undercurrent of feminine vanity at the thought that I was capable of inspiring a young and talented man with so sincere a feeling.
A similar experience with an older man would have suggested an insult, since older men understand human nature, and realize what a flirtation with a married woman means. But your ingenuousness, and your romantic, boyish temperament, were, in a measure, an excuse for your folly, and made me lenient toward you.
My happy life, my principles and ideals, submerged this sentiment of feminine vanity to which I confess, but I knew it was there, and it led me to much meditation, then and ever since, upon the matter of woman"s weakness and folly.
As never before, I was able to understand how a neglected or misused wife might mistake this very sentiment of flattered vanity for the recognition of an affinity.
Had I been suffering from coldness and indifference at home, how acceptable your boyish devotion might have proved to me.
And how easily I would have been persuaded by your blind reasoning that we were intended by an all-wise Providence for life companions.
There is no sin a woman so readily forgives as a man"s unruly love for her, and hundreds of n.o.ble-hearted women have been led to regard a lawless infatuation as a divine emotion, because they were lonely, and neglected, and hungry for affection.
See to it, my dear friend, as the years go by, that your wife needs no romance from the outside world to embellish her life with sentiment.
Do not drop into the humdrum ways of many contented husbands, and forget to pay the compliment, and cease to act the lover.
Notice the gowns and hats your wife wears, and share her pleasures and interests when it is possible.
Not that you should always be together, for separate enjoyments and occupations sometimes lend an added zest to life for husband and wife, but do not drift apart in all your ideas and interests, as have so many married people.
You are the husband of a bright and lovely girl, and if you forget this fact after a time, remember there are other Ray Gilberts who may realize it, and seek to awaken such an interest in her heart as you sought to arouse in mine.
You found the room occupied by its rightful host.
See it that no man finds the room vacant in your wife"s heart.
Study the art of keeping your wife interested and interesting.
A woman thrives on love and appreciation. I know a beautiful bride of eighty years, who has been the daily adoration of her husband for more than half a century.
She has been "infinite in her variety," and he has never failed to appreciate and admire.
Devote a portion of each day to talking to your wife about herself.
Then she will not find it a novelty when other men attempt the same method of entertainment.
Whatever other matters engross your time and attention, let your wife realize that she stands first and foremost in your thoughts and in your heart.
Do not forget the delicacies of life, manner, speech, and deportment in the intimacy of daily companionship.
Never descend to the vulgar or the commonplace.
One characteristic of men has always puzzled me. No matter how wide has been a bachelor"s experience with the wives and daughters of other men, when he marries it never occurs to him that his wife or daughters could meet temptation or know human weakness.
It must be the egotism of the s.e.x.
Each man excuses the susceptibility of the women with whom he has had romantic episodes, on the ground of his especial power or charm. And when he marries, he believes his society renders all the women of his family immune from other attractions.
Do not rely upon the fact that your wife is legally bound to you, and therefore need not be wooed by you hereafter.
There are women who are born anew with each dawn, and who must be won anew with each day, or the lover loses some precious quality than can never be regained.
It will pay you to study your wife as the years pa.s.s.
Do not take for granted that you know her to-day, because you knew her thoroughly last year.
This is a long letter, but when one writes only once in seven years, brevity is not to be expected.
My greeting to you, and may the years be weaver"s hands, which shall interlace and bind two lives into one complete pattern.
To the Sister of a Great Beauty
I am far from laughing, my dear girl, at your a.s.sertion that your position is little short of tragic.
To be the ordinary sister of an extraordinary beauty, is a position which calls for the exercise of all the great virtues in order to be borne with dignity, good taste, and serenity.
I remember seeing you and Pansy when you were ten and she twelve years of age. I foresaw what lay before you then, and have often wondered how you would meet the occasion when you were both "finished," and at home under the same roof, and socially launched. It was wise for your mother to separate you so early in life, and place you under different teachers, and in different schools.
It is difficult for a girl in her late childhood and early teens to use philosophy and religion to support her, when she is made a Cinderella by unthinking a.s.sociates and friends, and forgotten and neglected while a more attractive sister is lionized.
Had you always walked in the shadow of your handsome sister until to-day, I fancy your disposition would have become warped with resentment and envy.
And perhaps your feelings for Pansy would have been less affectionate than now.
I am glad to have you tell me that Pansy is so modest and una.s.suming and so genuinely solicitous for your happiness.
She must have been particularly fortunate in her environment while at school to possess such qualities after knowing as she has known for twenty-two years that her beauty is dazzling to the eye of even the chance beholder.
There is no greater obstacle to the development of the best qualities in a young woman than the possession of such unusual beauty. From her cradle she is made to realize its power, and men and women teach her in a thousand unconscious ways to be selfish and self-centred. She receives attentions, and her acquaintance is sought, with no effort on her part, while more gifted and deserving companions are unnoticed. She is made to realize that she is one to be served, where less attractive girls are taught to "stand and wait."
The love nature of each human being is either developed or stunted by neglect during the early years of life, and, as a rule, the beautiful woman is incapable of a deep, absorbing, and unselfish love, because she has grown up the receiver instead of the giver.
Were you, my dear Sallie, to know the number of great beauties who have failed to find happiness in marriage, you would be amazed. But the explanation is simple; for man is a being who, however he may worship beauty before marriage, worships his own comfort more deeply afterward.
And it is rare indeed when a famous beauty troubles herself to plan for the comfort or happiness of the man she marries. It is the natural result of her education to think man made to adore and serve her.
I hope Pansy may keep her loving and lovable qualities, and that she may marry before the adoration and admiration of many men become necessary to her life. For the beauties" matrimonial barque most often founders on the reef of plural lovers.
As for yourself, I can only suggest that you acquire many accomplishments, and perfect yourself in music and languages, and that you seek for the attainment of all the subtle graces, which are, in the long run, more lasting as sources of happiness for a woman than mere beauty. It is a peculiarly significant fact that the great pa.s.sions of history have not been inspired by very young or startlingly beautiful women, but by those of maturity and mental charms.
Cleopatra, Helen of Troy, Aspasia, Petrarch"s Laura, had all crossed the line between youth and middle life, and there are no authentic proofs that any one of the number was a dazzling beauty. Some of the world"s most alluring women have been absolutely plain.
You are not plain. It is only by comparison that you so regard yourself.