Be strong, oh, Heart of mine, Look towards the light!
--ADELAIDE PROCTOR.
The next morning Judy was down specially early to breakfast.
Her cheeks were slightly more flushed than usual, and her eyes, to anyone who watched them closely, had a determined, almost hard, expression in them. Hilda, however, was too much occupied with her own sad thoughts to take any special notice of the child.
"You look well, Judy," she said, giving a quick glance at her. "Now come to breakfast, dear, I"ve a good deal to do afterward."
"Are you going out, Hilda?" asked Judy.
"No, I"m going to be busy all the morning over my accounts; they"ve got into the most disgraceful muddle, and I want to put them straight. I shall be in the drawing room, for I keep all my household books in the davenport there. I mean to give you a holiday, Judy, but perhaps you won"t mind reading some of your history to yourself, and doing a few sums this morning."
"Of course not," said Judy brightly. "Shall I make you some toast, Hilda? This in the toast-rack is so soft and flabby--do let me, Hilda."
"If you like, dear, you may. It is lucky there is a fire, but I must tell cook to discontinue them, the weather is getting so warm."
Judy was an adept at making toast, and it was an old fashion at the Rectory that Hilda"s toast should be made by her, on those blissful red-letter days when the elder sister had tea with the little ones in the nursery.
Judy wondered as she delicately browned that toast, and scorched her own little cheeks, if Hilda would remember the old days, and the toast which she used to make her; but Mrs. Quentyns seemed to be in a sort of brown study that morning, and thanked the child absently when the crisp hot toast was put on her plate.
"Jasper will be home quite early to-day, won"t he, Hilda?" inquired Judy.
"I don"t know, Judy--yes, I suppose so."
"I"m sure he"ll be home early," repeated Judy with confidence; "perhaps he"ll take you to the play to-night, and perhaps you"ll be awfully happy."
"Oh, don"t talk about it, Judy," said Hilda, in a weary voice; "we must all make up our minds to face the fact that there"s a great deal _more_ than mere happiness in the world. What is happiness? It"s only a small part of life."
"I don"t think it is going to be a small part of your life, Hilda; but now I"m not going to idle you any more, for you want to get to your accounts."
Judy ran out of the room. As she was going slowly upstairs, she paused once to say softly to herself:
"It"s all happening beautifully; I ought to be glad. Of course I am glad. "_He that taketh not up his cross._" I"m glad that text keeps running in my head, it makes me so nice and strong."
Susan was doing out Judy"s room when the little girl ran into it. Judy was fond of Susan, and Susan of her, and the girl stopped her work now to listen to the child"s eager words.
"Susan, do you think Mrs. Quentyns would let you come out with me for a little this morning, for about an hour or an hour and a half?"
"Well, miss," said Susan, "it aint Monday, which is the day to get ready for the laundry, nor yet Wednesday, when I turns out the drawing room, nor Friday, which is silver day--there"s nothing special for Thursday; I should think I could go with you, Miss Judy, and it will be a treat to take you about. Is it Mme. Tussand"s you has a hankerin" for, Miss?"
"No, no, Susan, I"m not going to any exhibition; it"s a secret--I"ll tell you when we"re out."
"The Dore Gallery, perhaps?" suggested Susan.
"No, it"s nothing of that sort; I"ll tell you when we"re out."
"Very well, miss, I"m proud to be at your service whatever it is."
"I"ll run down now and ask my sister if you may come with me, Susan."
Judy threw her arms round Hilda as she was coming up from the kitchen premises.
"Hilda, the day is so fine!"
"No, Judy, you mustn"t tempt me to go out. I really have to get those accounts straight, they quite weigh on my mind."
"So you shall, Hilda darling; but I was wondering if after I"ve read my history and done my sums, and a little bit of writing I want to get through, if you"d let Susan--if you"d let Susan take me out."
"Susan!" repeated Hilda, "but I can go with you myself this afternoon."
"I know, only I do so want a run on this fine morning, and Susan says it"s not laundry day, nor drawing-room day, nor silver day; it"s Thursday, which is nothing special; she can come, may she, Hilda?--do say yes."
"It"s not like you, Judy," said Hilda, "to be in this impatient state. I would rather you did not propose plans to the servants without first consulting me, darling, it rather puts them out of their place; but as you have done it, and as you are the best of dear little girls, I suppose I must say "yes" on this occasion. If Susan hurries with her work, she may take you out: but of course you won"t be very long, will you?"
To this question Judy made no reply. She gave Hilda a tight clasp and a fierce kiss, and rushed away.
"Susan, you"re to hurry with your work, for you may come," she shouted, almost boisterously, to the parlor-maid, and then she ran down to the dining room and shut the door behind her.
"It"s happening beautifully," she murmured again; "how lucky that I never spent G.o.dmother"s sovereign. And now to write my letter to Hilda.
I"m not going to waste my time crying, there"ll be time enough for that by and by--that"s if I want to cry, perhaps I shan"t. When I think of how very happy Hilda will be, perhaps my heart will sing. But now for the letter--Hilda mustn"t find it too soon; I"ll put it under her pin-cushion, then perhaps she won"t see it for some hours after I"ve gone, but now I must write it."
Judy took out her own little blotting-book, placed a sheet of paper before her, and began laboriously, with little fingers which rapidly got ink-stained, to put a few words on the paper.
"DARLING HILDA,
"You"ll be s"prised when you get this. I"m going home. I"m quite well now, and I"m not going to fret, but I"m going to be _really_ happy. Good-by, Hilda; I love you awfully.
"Your "JUDY."
This little note was put into an envelope, and sealed with some precious red wax, and before she left the house Judy found an opportunity to put it under Hilda"s pin-cushion.
"It doesn"t tell her a bit what I think, nor what I feel," murmured the poor child. "But it"s best for her just to suppose that I _want_ to go home. She"ll be happy all the sooner if she thinks that."
Susan was rather elated at escaping housework, and at being allowed to go out so early in the morning. She was especially fond of Judy, and would do anything in the world for her. Now, therefore, princ.i.p.ally on Judy"s account, but also in the hope that the baker might happen to see her as she pa.s.sed his shop, she put on her very smartest hat and her very best jacket, and patiently waited in the front hall for Judy"s appearance.
Hilda came out of the drawing room to see the two as they went off.
"You had better take an omnibus, and get out at Kensington Gardens," she said to the maid. "I shall expect you back in time to get lunch ready, Susan. Judy pet, give me a kiss before you go."
Judy had lost her roses now, her face was pale, and there were dark shadows under her big eyes. Her little voice, however, had a very stout, determined tone about it.
"Good-by, Hilda," she said; "one kiss--two, three kisses, Hilda; it is good of you to let us out,--and we are going to be so jolly. Good-by, darling Hilda."
"Good-by, Judy," said Hilda.
She kissed the child, but in a pre-occupied manner--the cloud which weighed on her heart was oppressing her, and dulling her usually keen perceptions where Judy was concerned.