"From which discussion," said Rupert, "it appears that of all the company at Abbeychurch, the sole possessor of that most estimable quality, the root of all other excellencies, is--your humble servant."
On this unfortunate speech of poor Rupert"s, father, mother, and sister, all set up a shout of laughter, which lasted till Rupert began to feel somewhat enraged.
"Oh! I did not say that I had done with everybody," said Anne; "but, perhaps, whatever I might think, I might not have presumed--"
"O Rupert!" said Lady Merton,
"Could some fay the giftie gie us To see oursels as others see us--"
"Mamma"s beloved Burn"s Justice again," interrupted Rupert.
"No, no, we do not mean to let our mouths be stopped," said Lady Merton; "such a challenge must be answered."
"Shew him no mercy, Anne," said Sir Edward; "he likes pepper."
"Pray, Rupert," said Anne, "what would you have been without self-control, if, possessing such a quant.i.ty of it, you still allowed so much spirit of mischief to domineer over you, that you frightened Dora out of her wits about Winifred, and tormented Helen all the way to Whistlefar, and worst of all, that you could not help writing that wicked poem, and then pretending that it was mine; why, it was an outrage upon us all, it would have been bad enough if the name had belonged to no one, but when you knew that he was a real man--"
"And that Miss Hazleby wrote his name on purpose that something of the kind might be done," said Rupert; "I gratified her beyond measure, and then was so kind and disinterested as to give you the credit of it, if you would have accepted it. You may be sure that she will shew the poem to her hero, and tell him what a charming fellow that young Rupert Merton is."
"Now just listen, Mamma," said Anne; "I begged of Mr. Rupert not to write anything about Fido in the Conglomeration on Sat.u.r.day evening; and because I did so, he would write nothing on his own account, but pretending to read my verses, he brings out a horrible composition about a certain Mr. Francis Hollis, who, Miss Hazelby had been telling us, had been the means of her going to an officers" ball, at Hull, and whom she had danced with--"
"Capital, capital!" cried Rupert; "I never heard all this; I did not know how good my poem was, I knew the truth by intuition."
"But having heard this made it all the worse for me," said Anne; "and Mamma, this dreadful doggerel--"
"Anne, I declare--" cried Rupert.
"And, Mamma, this dreadful doggerel," proceeded Anne, "proposed to send Fido"s heart to this Mr. Hollis, and so put him in raptures with a gift from Miss Hazleby, and fill his mind with visions of a surrogate, and a wedding tour to Harrogate. Now was it not the most impertinent ungentlemanlike thing you ever heard of?"
"How can you talk such nonsense, Anne?" said Rupert; "do you think I should have written it, if I had not known it would please her?"
"I believe you would not have dared to behave in such a manner to Lizzie, or to anyone else who knew what was due to her," said Anne; "if Miss Hazleby is vain and vulgar, she is still a woman, and ought to be respected as such."
Rupert laughed rather provokingly. "It is just as I say," said Anne; "now is it not, Mamma?"
"Oh yes, Anne," said Rupert, "perfectly right, you have caught Helen"s sententious wisdom exactly; I have no doubt that such were the thoughts which pa.s.sed through her mind, while she sat like propriety personified, wondering how you could have so little sense of decorum as to laugh at anything so impudent."
"I know I ought not to have laughed," said Anne; "that was one of the occasions when I did not exert sufficient self-control. But there was really very little to laugh at, it was quite an old joke. Rupert had disposed of Fido"s heart long before, but he is so fond of his own wit, that he never knows when we have had enough of a joke."
"I could tell you of something much worse, Anne," said Lady Merton, "which quite proves the truth of what you say."
Rupert coloured, made an exclamation about something in the road, and seemed so much discomposed by this hint, that Anne forbore to ask any questions.
"Rupert fitted himself to a T, that we must say for him," said Sir Edward.
"What do you mean, Papa?" said Anne.
"There is another word which begins with self-con--" said Lady Merton,"
which suits him remarkably well."
"Ah! ha!" cried Anne.
"At any rate," cried Rupert vigorously, "do not make it appear as if I were the only individual with a tolerable opinion of my own advantages--when Helen looks like the picture of offended dignity if you presume to say a syllable contrary to some of her opinions, or in disparagement of dear d.y.k.elands; and Kate thinks herself the most lovely creature upon earth, and the only useful person in the house; and Harriet believes no one her equal in the art of fascination; and Mrs. Woodbourne thinks no children come within a mile of hers in beauty and excellence; and Lizzie--"
"I am sure few people are more humble-minded than Lizzie," interrupted Anne indignantly.
"What, when she would take no one"s advice but her own, if it were to save her life?" said Rupert.
"But she thinks everyone better than herself, and makes no parade either of her talents or of her usefulness," said Anne.
"Still she has a pretty high opinion of her own judgement," said Rupert.
"Well she may," said Anne.
"When it leads her to go to Mechanics" Inst.i.tutes," said Rupert; "that is the reason Anne respects her so much."
"I advise you to throw no stones at her, Sir," said Sir Edward; "it would be well if some people of my acquaintance were as upright in acknowledging deficiencies in themselves, as she is."
"Besides, I cannot see that Helen is conceited," said Anne; "if she was, she would not be made unhappy by other people"s criticisms."
"Helen wants a just estimate of herself," said Lady Merton; "she cares more for what people say of what she does, than whether it is good in itself."
"But, Anne," said Sir Edward, "why do not you claim to be the only person in the world devoid of conceit?"
"Because I am conceited in all the ways which Rupert has mentioned,"
said Anne; "I believe myself witty, and wise, and amiable, and useful, and agreeable, and I do not like taking advice, and I am very angry when my friends are abused, and I do believe I think I have the most exquisite brother in the world; and besides, if I said I was not conceited it would be the best possible proof of the contrary.--But, Mamma, there is a person whom we have not mentioned, who has no conceit and plenty of self-control."
"Do you mean little Dora?" said Lady Merton.
"No, not Dora, though I am pretty much of Mrs. Woodbourne"s opinion respecting her," said Anne; "I meant one who is always overlooked, Miss Lucy Hazleby."
"She may have every virtue upon earth for aught I know," said Rupert; "I can only testify that she has un grand talent pour le silence."
"I only know her from what my cousins told me," said Anne; "they seem to have a great respect for her, though Helen is the only person she ever seems to talk to. I never could make her speak three words to me."
"She has a fine countenance and very sweet expression, certainly," said Lady Merton.
"Poor girl," said Sir Edward; "she blushes so much, that it was almost painful to look at her."
"You seem to be utterly deficient in proofs of her excellence," said Rupert; "you will leave her a blank page at last."
"Pages are not always blank when you see nothing on them," said Lady Merton; "characters may be brought out by the fire."
"Yes, Mamma, the fire of temptation," said Anne; "and I have heard Lucy tried by her mother"s violence, and she never concealed any part of the truth as far as only regarded herself, even to avoid those terrible unjust reproofs, and put herself forward to bear her sister"s share of blame; and she was firm in turning back from the Mechanics" Inst.i.tute when her sister scolded her."
"Firmness, which, in so timid a person, proved that she had more self-control than any of you," said Sir Edward.
"Then let us wind up the history of our visit in a moral style," said Anne, "and call it a lesson on Self-control and Self-conceit."