"Is he hurt?" Terror ran through her again. Everything seemed so dangerous these days, so lethal. It was as though she was constantly waiting for more bad news, or some disaster to befall someone she loved. "What is it?"
"He"s gone."
"What do you mean? Did you look in his room?" That was ridiculous. How could he be gone? He was probably asleep in his bed with Lizzie, and Brad hadn"t seen him.
"Of course I looked in his room," Brad shouted at her. "He"s gone. He left a note."
"What does it say?" Page glanced nervously at Trygve and held a hand out to him. He took it in his own and held it tightly.
"I don"t know ...it"s hard to read ...something about how he knows it"s all his fault that we"re fighting, and we"re angry at him, and he wants us to be happy." Brad sounded like he was crying. "I just called the police. You"d better come home. They said they"d be here in a few minutes. He must have heard us fighting. Oh G.o.d, Page, where do you think he is?"
"I have no idea," she said, feeling helpless and panicky. "Did you look outside? Maybe he"s hiding in the garden."
"I looked everywhere before I called the police. He"s nowhere around the house."
"Does my mother know?" Not that she would be any help, and Brad sounded irritated when he answered.
"Yes. She said he probably went to a friend"s house. At ten o"clock at night, at his age, that"s not likely."
"That sounds about right. Let me guess. And she and Alexis went to bed, and my mother told you it would probably all be fine in the morning."
He laughed in spite of himself. "At least there are never any surprises."
"Some things never change."
"Could you please come home?"
"I"ll be right there." She hung up and looked at Trygve. "It"s Andy. He ran away ... he left a note about not wanting us to fight anymore, he thinks it"s all his fault." Her eyes filled with tears as she said the words, and he held her. "What if something really awful happens? Kids his age get kidnapped every day." That was all she needed now. She couldn"t have stood one more disaster.
"I"m sure the police will find him. Do you want me to come too?" But she shook her head.
"I don"t think you should. There"s nothing you can do, and it"ll only complicate things." He nodded in agreement and walked her quickly to her car. He kissed her before she left and squeezed her arm gently.
"It"s going to be all right, Page. They"ll find him."
"G.o.d, I hope so."
"Me too." He waved and she drove away. It had been quite an evening.
The police were there when she got home, and they took all the information down, about who his friends were, when he went to school, what he was wearing. They went outside and looked everywhere with flashlights. Page gave them two pictures of him. And not surprisingly, her mother and Alexis never came out of their bedrooms. The secret of their game was never to face, or admit to, anything unpleasant. And they played it well. Despite the commotion in the house, and lights flashing outside, there was no sound whatsoever from their bedrooms.
The police drove around the neighborhood, they left and came back again to see if he"d turned up, and just as they drove away again, the phone rang. It was Trygve.
"He"s here," he said quietly to Page. "Bjorn was hiding him in his bedroom. I explained to him that that wasn"t a good thing to do, and he said that Andy said he never wanted to go home again, he was too sad there." Page"s eyes filled with tears as she listened, and she signaled to Brad.
"He"s at Trygve"s."
"Why there?" He looked surprised. The girls were friends, but there were no children Andy"s age.
"He and Bjorn are friends. He went there because he was too sad here." Andy"s parents exchanged a long sad glance, and Page went back to talking to Trygve. "I"ll come and get him now." She was grateful that they had found him.
Trygve sighed at the end of the phone, he was relieved as well, and slightly embarra.s.sed at what he had to tell her. "He says he doesn"t want to come home."
She looked startled by what he"d said. "Why not?"
"He says his father wishes that he was the one who was gone away and not Allie. He said he heard you two fighting about him tonight and his Dad was really angry."
"He was angry at me, not Andy. He thought I had told him about Brad"s girlfriend, but I hadn"t."
"He doesn"t understand that. And he told Bjorn that he thinks Allie"s dead, and you"re all lying to him. He says he"s sure of it. I"m sorry, Page. I thought you ought to know that."
"I guess I should have let him see her."
"That"s a tough call. I"d have done the same thing you did. I didn"t have any choice with Bjorn, and Chloe was in better shape. Besides, Bjorn is older, and his case is a little different."
"We"ll come and get him."
"Why don"t you let Bjorn and me bring him home? He"s having some hot chocolate. I"ll bring him home when he"s finished."
"Thank you," she said gratefully, and went to tell Brad what had happened.
"I guess we have to say something to him," Brad said unhappily.
"I think we have to face it ourselves. We can"t go on like this for much longer." She sighed deeply then. "And I guess I"m going to have to take him to see Allie." She went to call the police then, to tell them that Andy had turned up at a friend"s, and they told her they were glad to hear it.
And half an hour later, he came home with Bjorn and Trygve. He walked into the house looking very sad and very pale, and Page burst into tears when she saw him. She pulled him into her arms and told him how worried they had been, and how much they loved him.
"Please don"t ever ever do that again. Something terrible could have happened." do that again. Something terrible could have happened."
"I thought you were mad at me," he said, crying, glancing up at Brad too, who was fighting back tears of his own, as Trygve and Bjorn stood with them in the kitchen.
"I wasn"t mad at you," Page explained, "and neither was Daddy. And Allie isn"t dead. She"s very, very sick, just the way I told you."
"Then why can"t I see her?" he asked suspiciously, but this time Page surprised him.
"You will. I"m going to take you tomorrow."
"You will? For real?" He beamed from ear to ear, he still didn"t really understand what he would see there, that she would not talk to him, would not even look like the sister he loved and remembered. But maybe he needed this, maybe he needed reality too, just as she did.
"He thought Allie was dead," Bjorn explained for him.
"I know," Page said, thanking him for taking care of Andy.
"He"s my buddy," Bjorn said proudly.
She took them both into Andy"s room, and Bjorn helped her put him to bed. She kissed Andy then, and Bjorn went back to the kitchen to find his father.
"Is Daddy going away?" Andy asked her worriedly, once she had put the lights out.
"I don"t know." She didn"t know what to say. "When I know anything, I"ll tell you. But whatever happens, it has nothing to do with you. No one"s mad at you. It just has to do with me and Daddy."
"Is it Allie"s fault?" He was looking for someone to blame, but sadly enough, there was no one.
"It"s no one"s fault," Page continued to explain. "It just happened."
"Like the accident?" he asked, and she nodded.
"Yeah. Like that. Sometimes things just happen."
"You kept saying you were tired, that"s why you and Daddy were yelling."
"We are tired, but there"s other stuff too. It has nothing to do with you. Just grown-up stuff. Honest." He nodded, none of it was good news, but it was easier to cope with the truth than his fears. He had been so sure that it was his fault. "I love you very, very much ...and so does Daddy."
He nodded, and put his arms around her neck and kissed her. "I love you too. Will you really let me see Allie?"
"I promise." She kissed him again and started to leave the room and he asked her to send Brad in. And when he went in, she said good night to Bjorn and Trygve. She thanked them again for finding him, and Trygve smiled at her as they left.
"Good night, Page," he said quietly, and she felt as though their bond to each other had deepened. She had no secrets from him, and their families seemed to be becoming slowly intertwined. Brad felt something too. He glanced at her as he came back into the kitchen.
"Something going on between you two?" he asked bluntly, and she shook her head.
"No. But that"s not the issue."
"I know. I just wondered. I like him. I figured maybe you did too. He"s a decent guy."
"We"ve spent a lot of time together at the hospital in in the last few weeks. He"s a good father, and a good friend." the last few weeks. He"s a good father, and a good friend."
Brad looked at her quietly across the kitchen. "I guess I haven"t been there much for you ..." His eyes filled with tears and he looked away. "I can"t stand seeing her like that ... so broken ... so changed ...she doesn"t even look like Allie."
"I know. I try not to think about it, just about what has to be done for her." He nodded, admiring her, he just couldn"t face it.
"What are we going to do about us?" he asked, and then opened the door to the garden. "Why don"t we talk out here so no one hears us."
She followed him and they sat on two chairs.
"It doesn"t work this way, does it? I thought we could get away with it for a while, until I figured out what"s happening. But I"m never here, you"re always mad, and I feel pulled in a thousand directions. And every time I get home, I see Andy looking at me, or the hurt or anger in your eyes, or I realize I can barely make myself go see Allie ..." And Stephanie was pushing him to move in with her, and he wasn"t sure he was ready to do that either. "Maybe I should stay somewhere for a while. In a way, I"d rather be here. But it doesn"t work for anyone." She thought long and hard about what he was saying. At first, she had wanted him to stay at home too, but not the way things were now. It was nightmarish this way, and they both knew it. They had to face it. It was over.
She caught her breath before she said the words, and once they were out, she couldn"t believe she"d said them. If anyone had told her a month before, she wouldn"t have believed them. "I think you should move out," she said in barely more than a whisper.
"You do?" He looked surprised as he stared at her. But in a way, it was a relief to hear her say it.
"I do." She nodded slowly. "It"s time. We"ve been kidding ourselves for the past few weeks. I think it was over long before I knew it. You would never have told me what you were doing, about ...your other life ...unless you were ready to let go of this one. I just didn"t understand that when you told me."
"Maybe you"re right," he said unhappily. "Maybe I should never have said anything." But he couldn"t take it back now, he couldn"t undo what he"d done, and in truth, he didn"t want to. "I wish I knew the answers, Page."
"So do I." She looked at him, wondering how they had come to this. Was it all because of the accident, or was that just the catalyst? Things had to have been ready to fall apart before, or this would never have happened. "I always thought we had such a perfect life," she said, thinking back on it. "Even now, I can"t see where we went wrong ...what we did ... or should have done ..."
"You couldn"t have done anything," he said honestly, "I was f.u.c.king up for a long time. You just didn"t know it."
"I guess not," she said, suddenly grateful that she hadn"t known sooner. They had had sixteen years that she cherished now. She still couldn"t believe they were over. "What"ll we tell Andy?" She looked worried again. It was amazing, sitting here, discussing this, like a party they were going to give, or a trip, or a funeral. She hated every minute of it, but it had to be done, it was better to face it. "We have to say something to him soon."
"I know. We tell him the truth, I guess ...that I"m an a.s.shole."
She smiled at him in the dark. He was an a.s.shole at times, but she still loved him. In some ways, she would have liked to turn the clock back, in others she knew it wasn"t possible. Even after only three weeks of destruction, it had gone too far now. The whole foundation of their marriage had been undermined long since, and the entire structure had finally caved in. In truth, it had been a long time coming. And the fact that she hadn"t known it was happening didn"t lessen the power of the collapse. Everything around them was falling.
"What do you think you"ll do?" she asked quietly. "Move in with her?" It sounded like he already had, part time at least, from what her friend said.
"I don"t know yet. That"s what she"d like. But I need some time to catch my breath." It wasn"t going to be easy for them. Their relationship had been built on lies, and l.u.s.t, and cheating. It was harder to build on something like that, and he was beginning to understand that. "When do you want me to go?"
For an instant, she wished he could still be everything she had always thought he was. But he wasn"t. "Before we destroy Andy and each other," she said, sounding calmer than she felt. "It"s been getting worse pretty quickly."
"You"ve been pretty angry, and you"ve been right," he admitted. This was the most civilized conversation they"d had since the accident. It was sad that they had only come to their senses in time to end it. "I"ll try not to aggravate things while I get organized. I"m going to New York tomorrow. I"ll be back Thursday. Maybe I can figure something out by next weekend. How much longer do you think your mother will be here?" It was a little difficult ending their marriage and moving out with his mother-in-law in the guest room. But he was surprised by Page"s answer.
"I"m going to ask them to leave tomorrow morning. I"m not going to have her here anymore. It"s not good for me ... or for Andy." She was cleaning all of it out, him, her mother, Alexis. In their own ways, they were using her, and hurting her, and she had understood that night, as she sat talking to Trygve, and when Andy had run away after that, that it was time to stop it.
"I respect you a lot, you know," he said softly in the night air. "I always have. I don"t know where things went wrong. Maybe I wasn"t ready for all you had to give." He was twenty-eight when they got married, but he had never really given up the idea that he could do whatever he wanted, and now there was a h.e.l.l of a price to pay for it.
"You"ll feel better when I"m gone," he said sadly. "You can get on with your life then."
"I"ll be lonely too. This isn"t going to be easy for anyone," she told him honestly, and then she looked at him in the dark night. "What are we going to do about Allie?"
"There"s nothing we can do. That"s what gets to me so badly. I don"t know how you sit there night and day. I"d go crazy."
"I"m getting there. But what if she never comes back?" she whispered.
"I don"t know. I try not to think about it. What if she does, and she"s not the same. You know ...like that kid ...Bjorn ... I don"t think I could stand it, knowing what she used to be. I guess we just have to accept whatever comes, don"t we? At first, I thought we had more choices. But now I realize we don"t. ... Or maybe we did then, we could have chosen not to operate, but then we"d have killed her. We did all the right stuff, and nothing"s happening. But I"ll tell you one thing, if she stays in the coma indefinitely, you can"t sit there for years ... or it"ll destroy you. You"re going to have to work that out eventually." But it was still too soon. The accident had happened a little over three weeks before. And there was still a strong possibility she could come out of the coma.
"Don"t let your life turn into that, Page ..." he said, pleading with her "...you deserve so much more than that ...more than I had to give you."
She nodded, and turned away, trying not to think of what it would be like when he left. She looked up at the sky then, and saw stars, as she wondered how their life had gone so wrong ...how they could have come so far ...how this could have happened to them ...and to Al-lie....
CHAPTER 13.
Page waited quietly the next morning for her mother to get up, and when she did, she made breakfast for her and Alexis, and served it to them at the kitchen table. And then she told them quietly that they had to leave, that a week had been long enough, and this was not a good time for her to have them out there. She made no reference to the night before, and no apology, and they must have known she meant business, because neither of them argued with her. Her mother said that David was missing Alexis terribly, and she had to get home herself to see about repainting her apartment.
They were the perfect excuses, and Page didn"t give a d.a.m.n what stories they told each other about leaving. She wanted them out of her house by that night, and she had already booked them on a four P.M. P.M. flight in first cla.s.s, much to her mother"s amazement. She had also arranged for a limousine that would pick them up and take them to the airport. The limousine would be there at two o"clock, in plenty of time for their flight. And they could have lunch before they left the house, and even visit Allyson one last time, if they wanted to do that. flight in first cla.s.s, much to her mother"s amazement. She had also arranged for a limousine that would pick them up and take them to the airport. The limousine would be there at two o"clock, in plenty of time for their flight. And they could have lunch before they left the house, and even visit Allyson one last time, if they wanted to do that.
"Actually ..." her mother stalled "...it takes me so long to pack. And Alexis said she thought she was getting one of her headaches. Of course, if you want us to visit Allyson, maybe we should take a flight tomorrow." There was not a chance of that, as long as Page was alive. She was not letting them stay another moment. She was taking charge of her life again. As painful as it was, she had told Brad he had to move out, and now she was sending them back to New York.
"I don"t think Allyson will mind," Page said facetiously, but they took it seriously and said to be sure she told her that they both sent their love.
She stayed with them until they left, and then changed their beds, did two loads of wash, and vacuumed her whole house. She felt as though she was taking care of things, and doing what she could to get her life back in order. Their departure had been remarkably unemotional, considering the fireworks the night before. Nothing more needed to be said now.