CHAPTER 18.
Trygve and the children left for Lake Tahoe on August first, and Page had promised to join them there with Andy in mid-August. Brad was in Europe with Stephanie by then, and for lack of anything else to do with him, she had put Andy in day camp. Trygve had offered to take Andy to Tahoe with them, and Andy was tempted to go, but he still wanted to stay close to his mother. He was not as secure as he had been before the accident, he didn"t like to spend the night at friends" anymore, and sometimes he still had nightmares about Allie.
The accident had been almost four months earlier. The feared three-month mark had pa.s.sed, without a whimper from Allie. Page had almost come to accept that. She had wanted so desperately for her to wake up, for her to be herself again, even if it took a long time to get her back on her feet or rehabilitate her. She would have done anything to bring her back. But she was slowly beginning to understand that it wasn"t going to happen.
Trygve called her from Tahoe every day. And she was settling into a routine by then. She took Andy to day camp, went to the hospital, visited with Allyson, worked with the therapist to keep Allie"s body moving and from atrophying completely. Then she"d work on the mural, sit with Allyson again. And pick Andy up at day camp, go home, and cook dinner.
She missed Trygve terribly, more than even she expected. Once he said he was so lonely for her that he drove down one night just to spend the night with her and go back up in the morning. He was wonderful to her, and they were very happy together.
She had finished the first mural by then, and had started on the port scene in the waiting room by the end of the first week in August. There were a lot of intricate details she had done in her early sketches, and she was sitting next to Allyson thinking about them, and checking her drawings. It was a peaceful afternoon and the sun was streaming into the room, as Page felt a little movement of Allie"s hand on the bed. She did that sometimes. It didn"t mean anything, she knew now. It was just the body responding to some electricity in the brain. But instinctively she looked up and glanced at her, and went back to her drawings again as she munched absentmindedly on her pencil. There was a detail she wanted to do that wasn"t clear to her, and she sat and stared out the window for a minute trying to figure out how to do it. And then she glanced at Allie again, and saw her hands move. They seemed to be clutching the sheets this time, and reaching out to her. It was something she had never done before, and Page stared at her, wondering if this was just more of the same, or something different.
And then, almost imperceptibly, she saw Allie"s head move. She seemed to be turning it slowly toward her, as though she sensed that Page was there. Page watched her, feeling her breath catch. It was as though she knew that someone was there, as though she herself were back in the room again, and Page could feel it.
"Allie? Are you there? ...can you hear me?" It wasn"t like the time she had almost died, it was much stronger, and much more real, although that had seemed real at the time too, but this was very different. "Allie ..." She put down her pencil and pad and took Allyson"s hand in her own, intent on reaching her if there was any chance at all. "Allie ...open your eyes, sweetheart ...I"m right here ...open your eyes, baby ...it"s okay ...don"t be scared ...it"s Mommy ..." She spoke very softly to her and stroked her hand, and then weakly, Allyson squeezed her hand, and Page started to cry. She had heard her. She knew it. She had heard her. "Allie ... I felt you squeeze my hand ... I know you can hear me, baby ...come on ...open your eyes now ..." And then ever so slowly, as the tears streamed down Page"s cheeks, she could see Allyson"s eyelids flutter, and then they stopped. As though it were all too much for her, and she was exhausted. Page sat looking at her for a long time, wondering if she had slipped deeper into her coma again. There seemed to be no sign of life now, and then suddenly she felt her squeeze her hand again, but this time it was stronger.
Page wanted to jump up and shake her awake, to scream to someone, to tell them that Allie was still there, that deep inside her child was still alive and breathing, but she just sat there, mesmerized, staring at her, willing her to wake up, as the eyelids fluttered weakly again, and Page cried silently as she watched her. What if it was all a cruel joke, if they told her it was just spasms again ... if she never woke up again ..."Baby, please, please open your eyes ... I love you so much ...Allie, please ..." She was sobbing softly and kissing her fingers, as the eyelids fluttered again, and ever so slowly Allyson opened her eyes for the first time in almost four months, and saw her mother.
She looked very groggy at first, as though she wasn"t sure what she was seeing, and then she looked Page straight in the eye and said, "Mama." Page couldn"t stop crying as she looked at her, she bent down and kissed her cheeks, and her hair and the tears ran down her cheeks into Allie"s face, and then Allie said it again, louder this time, as she looked at her. It was a croak, but it was a word, the sweetest sound Page had ever heard ...Mama ...
Page sat there for ages, crying and looking at her, and then Frances came, and couldn"t believe it.
"My G.o.d ...she"s awake ..." She ran to call Dr. Hammerman, and by the time he came, she was dozing. But she had not fallen back into her coma.
Page explained to him what had happened, and he examined Allie quietly. After a while, Allyson opened her eyes and looked at him. She didn"t understand who he was, and she cried as she looked at her mother.
"It"s okay, sweetheart ...Dr. Hammerman is our friend ...he"s going to make you all better ..." She didn"t care what anyone did anymore, Allie was awake, she had opened her eyes and spoken to them. Whatever came after that would be icing.
The doctor asked Allyson to squeeze his hand, and to look at him, which she did. And then he asked her to speak to him, but she wouldn"t. Her eyes darted back to her mother"s then, and she shook her head. And afterward he explained to Page, in the hall, that she had probably lost most of her language. She had lost most of her large motor skills, and how much brain damage there was remained to be seen now.
"She can learn many of those things again, walking, sitting, moving, feeding herself. She can learn to talk again. We just have to see how much is left, and how far we can take her," he said matter-of-factly. But Page was willing to do anything for her, to work as hard as she had to, to bring her back as far as they could. She was ready to do anything she had to, to help her.
She called Trygve when Hammerman left, and told him what had happened.
"Wait a minute ...wait a minute ...slow down ..." He was on a portable phone at the lake, and he could hardly hear her. He knew the doctor had said something to her about Allyson"s motor skills, but he hadn"t heard the rest. "Tell me again." She was crying and laughing and he could hardly understand her.
"She talked to me ...she talkedl" talkedl" She almost screamed and he almost dropped the phone when he heard her. "She"s awake ...she opened her eyes and looked at me, and said "Mama." " It was the most beautiful moment of Page"s life since the day Allie had been born ...and the day they had known they wouldn"t lose Andy. "Oh Trygve ..."All she could do was cry incoherently and he was crying too, as his children watched him. They crowded around him anxiously, wanting to know what had happened. They weren"t sure if it was something terrible, or good, maybe Allie had died. Chloe was terrified of that as she watched him. She almost screamed and he almost dropped the phone when he heard her. "She"s awake ...she opened her eyes and looked at me, and said "Mama." " It was the most beautiful moment of Page"s life since the day Allie had been born ...and the day they had known they wouldn"t lose Andy. "Oh Trygve ..."All she could do was cry incoherently and he was crying too, as his children watched him. They crowded around him anxiously, wanting to know what had happened. They weren"t sure if it was something terrible, or good, maybe Allie had died. Chloe was terrified of that as she watched him.
"We"ll come down tonight," he said hurriedly. "I"ll call you back. I want to tell the kids," he said almost hysterically, and severed the connection when Page did. She hurried back to the ICU to see Allyson, and he told his children that Allie was awake.
"Is she okay?" Chloe asked in amazement.
"It"s too soon to tell, sweetheart," he said, hugging her. It could so easily have been her in a coma and not Allie.
The whole family drove down from Tahoe that night, but Allyson was asleep again by then. Not in a coma this time, but just sleeping, like a normal person. She was being weaned off the respirator, but she was still in the ICU and would stay there for some time so they could watch her.
"What did she say?" Chloe wanted to know everything as they sat around the Th.o.r.ensens" kitchen table.
"She said "Mama." " Page cried again as she told them everything, and Trygve did too as he listened. And then Chloe cried, and Bjorn, because when people cried it upset him. He and Andy held hands as they listened.
It was the happiest day of their lives, and the next morning, Page took Chloe to the hospital with her. Allyson opened her eyes and stared at her for a long time and then she frowned and looked at her mother. "Girl," she said. "Girl." And then she lifted her hand and pointed.
"Chloe," her mother said carefully. "Chloe is your friend, Allie." Ally son looked at her again then and nodded. It was as though in some part of her she knew, but she had lost the words for everything. It was like being on another planet.
"I think she knew me," Chloe said when they left, but she admitted to her father that she was disappointed that Allie hadn"t shown more recognition.
"Give her time. She"s come from a long way. It"s going to take a long time to get her back where she was, or even close to it." If she could even do that.
"How long, Dad?"
"I don"t know. Dr. Hammerman told Page it could take years. Maybe two or three years before she"s as rehabilitated as she can be." She"d be eighteen years old by then, and in the meantime she had to learn how to sit up, how to walk, how to eat with a fork ...how to speak English ... it was awesome.
Page told them more about her progress that night. The therapists were busy with her night and day now. She had a physical therapist, a specialist for large motor skills, a speech therapist, who worked with people with aphasia, or language difficulties common after strokes. She was going to be a busy girl for the next few months. And so was Page.
"What about Tahoe?" Trygve asked her that night. They were all going back up in the morning. And he wanted to take Andy with him, after he visited his sister.
"I don"t know," she said, looking worried. "I hate leaving her now." What if she slipped back into the coma again? What if she stopped moving and talking? But Dr. Hammerman said that wouldn"t happen now, and in fact, it was safe to leave her.
"Why don"t you wait another week, or two. You weren"t going to come until later anyway and then you can commute every few days. I can drive you down if you want, we could stay overnight and go up in the morning. It"s tiring but it"s not nearly so bad as what you"ve been doing for the past four months. What do you think?" He was always willing to do anything to make her life easier and better.
"I"d like that." She smiled as she kissed him.
"Why don"t I take Andy up with me now? I think he"d love it." And they both knew he"d be disappointed if Allie didn"t recognize him at first. It was better for him to be away and distracted.
"I think it would be great for him," she agreed. She wanted all the time she could have to work with Allyson. They had a lot to do now.
"I"ll come down and pick you up next week, and if it"s too soon, I"ll spend a couple of days with you, and you can come up the week after."
"Why are you so good to me?" she whispered as he pulled her closer to him.
"Because I"m trying to seduce you" was the answer.
She had called Brad in Europe the moment Allie had woken up, and he was ecstatic to hear it. He said he couldn"t wait to see her when he got back. But when he did, like Chloe, and Andy when he"d seen her before Tahoe, he was disappointed. He had expected her to scream "Daddy!" the moment he walked into the room, and throw her arms around his neck when she saw him. Instead, she looked at him suspiciously, and then nodded and looked at Page. "Man" was all she said for a long time. "Man." She looked at him as though struggling to remember his face, and then suddenly as he was leaving the room she whispered, "Dada."
"She said it!" Page said, beckoning him back to them. "She said "Dada." " He had held her and cried, but he was relieved when he left the ICU. He couldn"t bear seeing how limited she was. She was sitting up, but she still couldn"t walk, and she struggled with every word and movement.
But when Trygve came back a week later, he was impressed by her progress. "Chloe," she said, when she saw him, "Chloe." She knew who he was, and that he belonged to Chloe.
"Trygve," he explained. "I"m Chloe"s dad."
She nodded at him, and then a moment later, she smiled. It was a new action for her. She could smile, but never at exactly the moment she wanted, there seemed to be a delay. Similarly, when she cried, it always seemed to come late. But Dr. Hammerman said that all of those things would eventually fall into place, with a lot of work, and tremendous effort.
"She looks great," Trygve said to Page, and meant it. It was a h.e.l.l of an improvement from where she had been a month before, or before that.
"I think so too," she beamed, "she understands a lot more than you think. She just doesn"t know how to say it anymore. But I can see it in her face, and she tries so hard. Yesterday, I held her teddy bear out to her, and she called it "Sandwich." His name is Sam. But that was close. And then she laughed, and scared herself and burst into tears over it. It"s kind of a roller coaster ride, but it"s terrific."
"What does Hammerman think?"
"It"s kind of early, but he says that from the tests now, and what he"s seeing of her progress, he thinks ninety-five percent recovery is realistic." It sounded incredible to him. A month before they were resigning themselves to her never coming out of the coma.
"It means she"ll never balance her checkbook perfectly, her reflexes may not be fast enough to drive a car, or they may, she may not be the greatest dancer in the world, and simultaneous translation may be beyond her. But she can have a normal life, go to college, hold a job, have a family, laugh at jokes, enjoy a good book, tell a story. She"ll be like the rest of the world, and like herself, just maybe a hair off what she might have been if all this hadn"t happened." It was a lot to be grateful for considering the fact that she had almost died and spent four months in a coma.
"Sounds terrific to me." It was not unlike Chloe. Her dreams of being a ballerina had gone down the tubes, but she could walk, dance, move, live. She had lost something, but not everything. Not like Phillip, or the other people Laura Hutchinson had killed in La Jolla.
Page explained to Allyson about going to Lake Tahoe the next day. She cried when her mother said she was leaving her, but then she smiled again when she explained that it was only for two days. Page hated to leave her, but she would drive down every two or three days to see her. It was a grueling schedule, but Page wanted to do it, and Trygve understood that. She wanted to spend what little time she could with Andy, Trygve, and his family, but not abandon Allie completely.
Page felt like a new person as they drove through the mountains. She felt freer than she had in years, stronger and more alive. She turned to look at Trygve, and she felt like her heart was about to fly out of her chest, she was so happy.
"What are you grinning about? You look like the cat that swallowed the canary." It made him feel good just to see her. He had missed her during the past two weeks, and he hoped the day would come soon when they could be together.
"I"m just happy," she said, smiling.
"I can"t imagine why," he teased.
"I can. I"ve got everything in the world to be thankful for. Two miracle children ...and a miracle man ...and three more children I"m crazy about."
"Sounds good to me. There"s still room for more though."
"Maybe we shouldn"t push our luck. Maybe five great kids is more than anyone deserves."
"Baloney." He was determined to have more children, but after all they"d been through she didn"t dare ask for anything more in their lives. Allie"s recovery was more miracle than she had ever hoped for.
The time in Tahoe was just what she needed. They finally slept in the same bedroom this time, and in spite of Bjorn and Andy"s giggles the first night, everyone seemed to survive it.
It was a peaceful, relaxing time. They rode and fished and went hiking together. They talked about a lot of things, and got to know each other even better than they had. They had campfires and barbecues, and one night they all slept out under the stars. It was the perfect vacation. And Page"s trips back to Ross every few days were grueling but worth it. And Allie"s progress was amazing.
By the end of the second week, she could stand up and take a few steps with a little a.s.sistance. And when Page walked in, she grinned at her on cue and said, "Hi Mom, how are you?" She remembered Trygve"s name, and she never forgot to ask for Chloe. She said she wanted to see Andy again too. Page had brought him to visit her before he left for Tahoe. She told her that he was at Lake Tahoe going fishing.
"Fish ...gooey ...yuk!" she said, making a horrible face, and they all laughed at her.
"Yeah, pretty bad," Trygve confessed, as excited about her progress as Page was. "They smell bad too."
"Garbage." Allie was struggling for words, and they laughed at her.
"I wouldn"t go that far. Next time you"ll have to come with us, and you can come fishing for garbage too." Allie laughed at his joke, and he hugged her. She was still beautiful, it was amazing how little visible damage there was from the accident. For her, all the real damage had been inside.
Trygve and Page went back to spend Labor Day weekend at the lake. The air had cooled a little bit, and you could already feel the end of summer. They were sad to see it end, but even as chopped up as the time had been, it had restored them. They all had a lot to do when they went home, especially Page, who had her murals and her art program to work on, and a lot of hard work to do with Allie.
And it sobered them again when they picked up a newspaper and saw that Laura Hutchinson was going on trial Tuesday in La Jolla.
"I hope they put her away for a hundred years," Chloe said vehemently, more for Allie than herself. And of course for Phillip. She had been only too happy to let Phillip take the blame and imply that it had been his fault. For the rest of time, he would have borne the blame of the accident, when she had been the one. Someone had come forward recently and said that they thought she"d had a lot to drink when she left the party. Why hadn"t the police noticed that? Why hadn"t they done anything about it? It was too late now. But at least, this time, she was going to have to pay for what she"d done in La Jolla.
"It"s amazing how life changes, isn"t it?" Page said wistfully as they sat at the edge of the lake at sunset. They were going home the next day, and the kids were all up at the house getting ready for dinner. They were going out that night, to a new restaurant in Truckee. "Five months ago my life was in a whole different place ...and now look what we"ve been through, where we"ve gone. You never know in life what"s going to happen." They were richer for it in the end, but at what price. They had paid dearly for everything that had happened.
"I never want to relive that day," Trygve said thoughtfully. "I still remember when they called me ...and then I saw you at the hospital ...I thought they were with you."
"And I thought you"d been killed when they said the driver had been killed on the bridge ...G.o.d, what an awful moment." She looked up at him with wide eyes, filled with respect for the power of destiny, its cruelty and its kindness. "I guess we"ve been pretty lucky." She smiled at him, and took his hand in her own.
"You"ve been so good to me these past months."
"You deserve even better. Just give it time." She laughed then, as though he"d said something funny, and he had, but he didn"t know it. "Have you been doing any thinking about our plans?" He didn"t want to push her, but he brought it up from time to time, just to remind her. He still wanted her to marry him when her divorce became final at Christmas.
"Yes, I have." She said it quietly, looking out across the lake as he watched her, and then she turned to him with an odd expression. "Are you really sure that"s what you want, Trygve? It"s a lot to take on. I"ve got two kids ...and Allie"s recovery won"t be easy."
"Neither will Chloe"s. And Bjorn will always be who he is. What about you? For all my pushing, how do you feel about my burdens?"
"I happen to love them very much. I never knew I could love someone else"s kids as much."She had even grown fond of Nick in the short time she had come to know him better over the summer.
"I"d say it"s a fair match." He smiled, and she nodded, and then he looked serious again. "I used to feel that I really shouldn"t get married again because of Bjorn, that it wasn"t fair to him. I couldn"t imagine anyone loving him as much as I did, and I didn"t want anyone to hurt him. And then you came along," his eyes grew damp as he pulled her closer to him, "and you were so wonderful to him ... he really deserves to be around people who love him. He"s such a good little soul, in spite of his limitations."
"So are you," she said, nestling close to him, and she hadn"t found his limitations yet.
"How does Christmas sound to you?" He smiled, looking mischievous, and this time she laughed.
"Actually, I was going to discuss that with you," she said, and then lay on their towel and looked up at him.
"Are you serious?" He looked thrilled. She had been reluctant to move too soon before, but now everything looked different since Allie had come out of her coma.
"Maybe. I have to discuss something with you first though." Her face grew serious and he lay down on his side next to her and waited. "There"s something I think I should tell you." Something about Allyson perhaps ... or Brad ...maybe she was going to tell him that she still loved him and thought he should know that. He had considered that himself, but she seemed to have adjusted remarkably well, better than he had after Dana. "Remember what you said about wanting to have a baby right away?"
She looked worried and he laughed. He knew she was reluctant about that. She said she wanted more, but she was afraid she was too old, and didn"t want to be distracted from helping Allie.
"I can wait on that if I have to. I just thought it would be nice. But if you need time ...we"re young enough to wait a while." And if she decided she couldn"t handle more, he was willing to accept that, but she was frowning at him now. She was looking worried. "It"s not a deal breaker, Page."
"Let me put it to you this way," she said, propping herself up on one elbow. "How would you feel about getting married at Christmas," his heart soared and he laughed out loud, he was ecstatic, but she wasn"t finished, "if I was nearly six months pregnant?"
"What?" He sat up and looked down at her, and she grinned at him sheepishly and rolled over on her back and chuckled.
"I don"t know how the h.e.l.l it happened. I think you overworked my birth control or something, about six weeks ago. I thought I was imagining it at first, but I wasn"t. I wasn"t sure how you"d feel about this, with the kids and all ...it"s kind of a shock for everyone, and it makes for kind of an interesting wedding." She looked like an embarra.s.sed kid as she explained it to him. She felt foolish, but pleased. She always wanted another baby. And they had certainly started this relationship with a bang in every way. It was like being shot out of a cannon ...and landing in a field of flowers.
"You know, you amaze me." He lay next to her and held her close to him. "I can"t believe it." And then suddenly he laughed again. He was thrilled. This was exactly what he had wanted, even faster than he"d wanted it, which was fine with him. "I guess this"ll be yet another miracle baby for us." He laughed openly as he teased her.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, there"s Bjorn, who"s pretty special in his own way. And Chloe is pretty miraculous now too ...and Andy who was so premature and is fine now ...and Allie"s miraculous recovery ...and let"s see, if we get married in December, and you have the baby in what ...three and a half, four months after that ...think of what a miracle that will be! A three-month baby!" He was laughing and she looked sheepish.
"You"re awful. Think how embarra.s.sed our poor children will be."
"Then we won"t let them. If they can"t understand how lucky we all are, and how blessed, and that grown-ups can make a mistake occasionally too, then to h.e.l.l with them. I"m certainly not going to question a gift like this, or G.o.d forbid turn it away when it"s been offered to us ...I"m going to hold it as close to me as I can, and you along with it, and whisper my thanks every night before I go to sleep ... as miracles go, I"d say we"ve cornered the market," he said proudly, and without saying another word, he reached down and kissed her, and she held him close to her, thinking how far they had come, how far they had traveled on dangerous sh.o.r.es, and how lucky they were to have each other.