"I"m not sure, he doesn"t have a baseball game for once" and I was going to leave him with my neighbor. Brad won"t be around but I haven"t told Andy yet. I don"t want to leave Allie alone all day. I really hadn"t figured it out yet. Why? What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking that it would be nice if the two of you came for lunch. Bjorn loves kids Andy"s age, and they might get along okay. If they do, you could leave him with me when you go to the hospital, and pick him up again after dinner, or even come back and join us." It was quite an invitation, and she was touched that he had asked her.
"That sounds like a lot of trouble for you. Are you sure you want us? What about Chloe?"
"I promised Bjorn we"d come over tomorrow morning and see her, and then go home and play. Two of Chloe"s friends said they would visit and Jamie"s going to visit her too. I thought I"d come back again in the evening."
"Sounds like a full day for you." She was hesitating, but his eyes pleaded with her to come. He enjoyed her company, and he liked the boy, and they both needed a break from the grimness of the situation. It had been a rough week for both of them, and he knew she needed a breather as much as he did.
"Honestly, Page, we"d enjoy it ...and maybe Andy would too." It might also distract him from wanting his father.
"I"d enjoy it too," she said softly. "Okay ...and thank you...."
The two girls who"d been visiting Chloe left the room, which was his signal to go back in, and he told her to come at noon the next day, with Andy.
"And tell him to bring his mitt. Bjorn loves to play baseball."
"PU tell him." She smiled and waved, and then she went home and told Andy about the plans, and that Brad had to go away for the weekend on business.
"On Sat.u.r.day Sat.u.r.day and and Sunday}" Sunday}" he asked suspiciously, but he didn"t question her further. he asked suspiciously, but he didn"t question her further.
She tried to explain Bjorn to him, and he wasn"t frightened but intrigued. He knew Bjorn, but he"d never played with him before. He said there was a boy like him at school, but they had put him in special cla.s.ses.
But she and Andy were both surprised by how smoothly it all went the next day. Bjorn had helped to make lunch, he had made really good hamburgers and french fries, and Trygve had made hot dogs and potato salad, and sliced tomatoes. Nick had gone back to school at USC, but Bjorn said he made the best hot dogs in the whole family, much better than their Dad"s. He said it with great seriousness, and Andy laughed toothlessly, and helped himself to a hot dog.
"What happened to your teeth?" Bjorn asked, intrigued.
"They fell out," Andy explained, looking nonplussed. He understood better about Bjorn now, and didn"t think it remarkable that he had Down syndrome. He was intrigued by the fact that he was eighteen though. He was the oldest child Andy had ever played with.
"Will the dentist give you new ones?" Bjorn asked with continued interest. "I broke one last year, and the dentist fixed it." He showed Andy which one, and Andy nodded solemnly, it looked just like the others.
"No, mine will just grow back in. Yours probably did at my age, too. You just don"t remember."
"Yeah. Maybe I wasn"t paying attention." Page and Trygve were watching them, intrigued. They were getting on splendidly, like two old pals, sitting on deck chairs in the spring sunshine. "You play baseball?" Bjorn asked, looking at him.
"Yup," Andy said with another smile, helping himself to a hamburger this time.
"Me too. I like bowling too. You like bowling?"
"I"ve never been," Andy confessed. "My Mom says I"m not big enough yet. She says the b.a.l.l.s are too heavy."
Bjorn nodded. It made sense to him. "They"re heavy for me too, but my Dad takes me.... Sometimes I go with Nick ... or Chloe. Chloe"s sick. She broke her leg last week. But she"ll be coming home soon."
"Yeah," Andy nodded, looking serious, "my sister"s sick too. She hit her head in a car accident."
"Did she break it?" Bjorn looked sorry for him, it was bad when your sister was hurt. He had cried when he"d gone to see Chloe.
"Yeah, sort of. I haven"t been to see her yet, she still feels too yucky."
"Oh." Bjorn was pleased that they had a common bond. They both liked to play baseball, and had sick sisters. "I"m in the Special Olympics. My Dad does it with me."
"That"s nice. What do you do there?" Bjorn explained to him how much he loved basketball and long jump, as Trygve and Page walked away and sat down across the garden.
"I"d say it"s a hit." Trygve smiled. "Andy is just about the right age. Bjorn is somewhere between ten and twelve, but he has a real soft spot for younger kids. Andy"s a nice boy." Trygve had been touched by the warm, respectful way Andy had talked to Bjorn, and it was obvious that he liked him. "You"re lucky."
"We both are. They"re all good kids. I just wish that two young ladies we know hadn"t told a lie last Sat.u.r.day night and gotten themselves in a h.e.l.l of a lot of trouble," she said, watching their brothers-it was hard to believe that only a week had gone by since fate had torn their lives apart stem to stern, and then thrown them together. All week she had bared her soul to him, and she had paid no attention at all to how he looked. But now she realized that he was actually very good-looking.
"Sometimes, I wish I could turn the clock back," he said quietly, and then looked at her. She had stretched out on a lounge chair, her hair fanned out on her shoulders, and her face turned to the sun. It felt wonderful to be there.
"I"m not sure turning the clock back is the answer ...maybe ahead would be better, but very fast, so you get past all the bad parts." She smiled as she said it.
"The bad parts seem to take forever, don"t they?" They both laughed, thinking how true that was.
"I wouldn"t mind speeding up right now to the part where Allie gets better." She sighed, thinking about it.
"She will," he said encouragingly. She had lived a week past the accident, and as the doctors said, that was hopeful. "But it may be a long haul. Have you thought about that?"
"Nothing but. The doctor said it might be years before she"s "normal," whatever that is."
"It might. I don"t know about those things, but I know what it was like with Bjorn. He wore diapers until he was six, and he still had accidents until he was eleven. I worried about street traffic constantly, he burned himself on the stove trying to cook something when he was twelve. It took a long, long time to get where he is now, and a lot of patience and hard work, on his part as well as mine, and off and on I had some great people to help me. You may need that too, you may have to start from scratch with Allie." He didn"t say it, but they both knew that it was possible Allie would never be normal. She might be even less capable than Bjorn, if she recovered.
"It"s pretty frightening to think about ...but I"d rather have her that way than not at all."
"I know. I understand that." It was very comforting talking to someone who understood, and she hated to leave to go to the hospital that afternoon. But she didn"t want to leave Allie alone, and she had promised to take some things to Chloe. She wanted magazines, cookies, and her makeup. She was definitely feeling better, and she said the food in the hospital was disgusting.
The boys were playing baseball on the front lawn when Page left for the hospital, and Trygve waved as she drove away. She felt happy for the first time in ages. No matter what else was happening, at least he was there for her, he had become a good friend, and her time with him was an island of calm in a sea of terror.
Everything was peaceful at the hospital that day. Allie was still deep in sleep, the respirator breathing for her, and her condition listed as critical but stable. Page sat next to her as she always did, talking quietly and telling her what was going on, and reminding her of how much they loved her. When she took a break from Allie, she went to Chloe"s room, and found Jamie Applegate visiting her. He had brought a stack of CD"s, his own player to lend to her, and another bunch of flowers. And he was extremely polite to Page and asked how soon he could visit Allie.
"Not for a while," she explained. It was too soon for her to have visitors and it would have been too upsetting to him. As a parent she knew that. She promised to let him know as soon as he could, and left the two young people listening to music.
Page went back to pick Andy up late that afternoon, the boys were screaming with laughter playing cards. They were playing slapjack, and they were both cheating, and Trygve was busy making dinner.
"I"m making my famous Norwegian stew, pasta, and Swedish meatb.a.l.l.s."
"The meatb.a.l.l.s are pretty good," Bjorn volunteered as he flew through the kitchen with Andy at his heels. They were on their way upstairs to watch a movie.
"I don"t think Andy"ll leave. You"ll have to stay for dinner." Trygve grinned and she laughed, and offered to help him. She set the table for him, and cooked the pasta and some mushrooms. The stew actually smelled pretty good, and he let her try one of the meatb.a.l.l.s. Bjorn was right. They were delicious. He was a good cook, a good friend, and fun to be with.
"How was Chloe?" he inquired, checking on his stew, and Page smiled.
"Fine. Jamie was there. He"s a nice kid. He seems very nervous, and apologetic. But he brought her a stack of CD"s and they were listening to music when I left." Her face got more serious then, as she thought of it. "It made me lonely for Allie. Just last week, a week ago tonight in fact, she was trying to con me out of my favorite sweater." The pink one had been destroyed, of course, it had been cut off her in shreds at Marin General. Tonight was the first time it had even crossed Page"s mind. She didn"t want her sweater back, just her daughter.
"I wish I could do something to make it easier for you," he said as they sat down at the kitchen table with a gla.s.s of wine, waiting for the stew.
"You already have. I don"t think my life is going to be easy for a long time. At this rate, Brad"ll move out sooner or later, and that"ll be rough ...especially on Andy ...and me too ...and whatever happens with Allie, that won"t be easy either." It could be nightmarish, or at best it it would take a long time, and be heartbreaking at times. But that was just the way life was sometimes, and she was willing to accept that. This week had taught her many things, among them acceptance, and patience. would take a long time, and be heartbreaking at times. But that was just the way life was sometimes, and she was willing to accept that. This week had taught her many things, among them acceptance, and patience.
"How do you think Andy will take it if Brad leaves?"
"I think it"ll be pretty awful. And I don"t think it"s "if but "when." That"s becoming pretty clear now."
"Kids surprise you sometimes. I think often they know things before we tell them."
"Maybe so." The boys ran through the kitchen again then, and both seemed to be having a great time with each other. Trygve called them to the table five minutes later.
"Meatball time, guys!" he called, and made them wash their hands when they got there. They said grace at the table, which surprised Page, but it was also comforting to hear it. It was a far cry from her own family when she"d been growing up. They had never said grace, and only went to church on major occasions. It startled her to discover that Trygve was religious.
"I go to Sunday school," Bjorn explained to his new friend. "They teach me about G.o.d. He"s a nice guy. You"d like him." Page repressed a smile, as she glanced across the table at Trygve and he was smiling too.
The two boys chatted on, and Page and Trygve went outside afterward. It was Bjorn"s job to clean up after dinner, and Andy stayed to help him.
"He"s a great kid," she said as they sat down in chairs on the lawn. It was a beautiful evening, and there was a deep orange sunset on the Marin hills that they both watched for a long time in silence.
"He is," Trygve agreed. "Fortunately, Nick and Chloe think so too. One day they"ll have to keep an eye on him, when I"m gone. I"ve thought about trying to put him in an apartment eventually, but I don"t think he"s ready."
It was something she might have to think about now too. If Allie wasn"t able to take care of herself, one day Andy would have to be responsible for his sister. It was a problem that had never occurred to her before, but special children had special needs. Suddenly, there were whole new worlds for her to consider.
"It was fun having you here today." Trygve smiled. "We really enjoyed it, Page."
"So did we," she said softly. "You actually gave us a place to relax and have a good time, in the middle of this mess our life has turned into."
"It won"t be a mess forever," he said knowingly, wanting to help her through it.
"It feels like it right now. I don"t even know which way to turn. So much is changing so fast I can"t even catch my breath anymore. And the things I thought were so important last week aren"t even part of my life now. It"s hard to know what to make of it," she said slowly, and he took her hand in his and held it. He didn"t want to frighten her, and he knew this was the wrong time, but something about her kept making him want to protect her.
"You"re doing all the right things. You just have to go step by step and move very slowly." But Page laughed at him.
"Believe me, I"m the only thing moving slowly right now. The rest of my life is falling apart so fast I don"t even have time to pick up the pieces." He laughed at what she said, and they sat together and watched the sunset.
"Life seems so simple sometimes, but it"s never as simple as it looks, is it?" he asked as the sun slipped slowly behind the hills. "We think we have everything worked out, and then the whole d.a.m.n thing falls apart. The only good thing is that when we get it all put back together again, it"s usually better."
"I wish I believed that," she said, looking at him, and liking what she saw there, he was genuine and whole and incredibly decent.
"I"m much happier than I used to be," he said honestly to her. "I never thought I would be, but I am. And I don"t even give a d.a.m.n if I get married again. I"d like to, I"d even like to have more kids, but you know what ... if the right woman doesn"t come along, I"m perfectly happy the way things are now. I"m happy with my kids, my work ... I used to be half crazed all the time, trying to make things work with Dana ...and I never quite could. She always managed to make it impossible, and I was always miserable and feeling like I"d failed. I don"t feel that way anymore. I like my life. I feel good about myself and my kids. Pretty soon you"ll feel that way too. You have wonderful children, you"re talented as h.e.l.l, and you"re a great person. You deserve to be happy, Page, and one of these days, with or without a man, you will be."
"Would you sign that in blood, please? It would be rea.s.suring."
"I"d love to. It"ll get better, you"ll see."
"I can hardly wait," she said softly, and he seemed to watch her for a long time. And then, he leaned toward her and suddenly she wondered if he was going to kiss her. But at that exact moment, the two boys exploded onto the lawn and wanted to play baseball.
"Nothing doing, you guys," Trygve said firmly. The moment had pa.s.sed, and Page wondered if she had dreamed it. "Bjorn, it"s too late for baseball. Why don"t you go inside and watch TV. Pretty soon it"ll be bedtime." And then he turned to Page. "Do you want to leave Andy here tonight? Are you going back to the hospital?"
"I thought I"d go home, Brad said he might come over and get him tomorrow. If he does, I"ll spend more time with Allie then. Are you going back tonight to see Chloe?" Their whole life had been taken over by trips to the hospital, and it took a lot of rearranging and juggling to meet everyone else"s needs at the same time. At times it was utterly exhausting.
"I"ll go back in a while," he said softly.
"We should go home," Page said regretfully, and they sat side by side for a while, comfortable in the night air, and at ease with each other. He didn"t make a move toward her again, and on the way home, she decided that she"d imagined it. He was very independent, and he had his own life. And as Allyson had said the week before, and he had confirmed since, he seemed perfectly happy without a woman in his life. Dana had burned him very badly.
But now Brad had burned her too. And it was odd to realize that she was actually attracted to Trygve. She had never even thought of it before, but after a week of being close to him so much, she had to admit that she thought he was not only good-looking, but appealing. She was thinking about him with a smile, in spite of herself, when Andy spoke up from the backseat and took her breath away with his question.
"Who is Stephanie?"
"What do you mean?" Her heart pounded at the question.
"I heard you shouting at Daddy about her the other day. And then I heard him call her."
"I think she"s someone he works with," Page said, with absolutely no expression in her voice. Trygve was right. Kids knew more than one thought. She wondered just how much Andy had overheard the night of his nightmare.
"Is she nice?" he persisted.
"I don"t know her." Page"s voice had no expression.
"Then why did you shout at Daddy about her?" He was pressing her and she was getting angry.
"I wasn"t shouting at Daddy, and I don"t want to talk about this."
"Why not? She sounded nice on the phone."
"When?" Page felt a blow to her solar plexus.
Even though she knew about her now, she didn"t like hearing about her from Andy.
"She called yesterday, when you were at the hospital. She told me to tell Daddy she called."
"And did you?"
"I forgot. I hope he won"t get mad at me."
"I"m sure he won"t," Page said, but her face told its own tale, as she parked in the driveway and they walked into the empty house.
"Are you you mad at me?" Andy asked worriedly as she helped him undress, and she had to take a deep breath and look at him. There was no point being angry at him for what his father was doing. mad at me?" Andy asked worriedly as she helped him undress, and she had to take a deep breath and look at him. There was no point being angry at him for what his father was doing.
"No, sweetheart, I"m not mad at you. I"m just tired."
"You"re always tired, Mommy ...ever since Allie"s accident."
"Well, it"s been hard for all of us. You too. And I know that."
"Are you mad at Daddy?"
"Sometimes. Most of the time we"re just tired and worried about Allie. We"re not mad at you. You have nothing to do with any of this."
"Are you mad at Stephanie?" He was trying to figure it all out, and he was bright for his age, brighter than he knew, as Page sighed at the question.
"I don"t even know her." It was the truth. It was Brad she had to be angry at, Brad who had cheated on her, who had lied, who had broken her heart. It was all Brad"s fault, not the fault of the girl he"d slept with. "I"m not really mad at anyone, sweetheart. Not even Daddy."
"Good." He smiled at her then, relieved, and she knew that soon they"d have to say something to him, particularly if Brad was going to move out in the near future. "I like Bjorn."